if your lover has a crush on another... normal? nothing bad or not a good sign?

[Cwazydude]

Originally posted by westernxer

Hell no! I befriend them when I'm interested, and that's it. Most of the time it leads to something else, but if it doesn't I split.

 

If I want to hang out, I'll kick it with the guys.

 

Hahahahahahahahahaha

[scared shy]

Cwazydude Well, I personally Have two kinds of friends that are girls.

 

Ones that are attracted to me but I ignore and pretend like I don't know.

 

And ones that are friends with my current girlfriend.

 

So the first category you choose to ignore and have never crossed that line, so I guess they would be your pseudo friends, but they could honestly care and be there for you...but if you ever wanted to hit the hay they would be ok with that. I imagine a lot of girls/guys on here are dealing with that. I have to believe that there really are legitimate male/female friendships out there somewhere purely for my sanity!!

the latter sound more like acquaintances...

[Cwazydude]

Well both of those types are useful.

 

The ones that are close friends with my girlfriend allow me to keep an eye on her, and help me to clear my thoughts about what is going on.

 

The others, Are basicly my "Back-ups". If My girlfriend ever broke up with me I have another place to look.

 

I know that sounds bad, but its a lot more common the girls tend to believe.

[scared shy]

The others, Are basicly my "Back-ups". If My girlfriend ever broke up with me I have another place to look.

 

I know that sounds bad, but its a lot more common the girls tend to believe.

 

That my friend is depressing... so all my guy friends are either using me as a back-up or waiting till I am at a vulnerable stage as to be there and "comfort" me???

I guess I will have to stop "holding my S*** hostage" huh?

 

So for the original poster, do you think it's unsafe to allow her BF to hang out with more girls, or is that really playing with fire?

[westernxer]

Originally posted by scared*shy

... so all my guy friends are either using me as a back-up or waiting till I am at a vulnerable stage as to be there and "comfort" me???

 

Most likely.

 

I've seen it happen (even heard them talking about it). Some don't have the guts, though, so you're perfectly safe being their friend.

 

So for the original poster, do you think it's unsafe to allow her BF to hang out with more girls, or is that really playing with fire?

 

Fire, all the way. If you remember, he already said he likes one of them.

 

It only takes a spark...

 

Nobody is an exception, no matter how they approach it. The fact that these two are trying to be intelligent about it makes little difference, because the heart doesn't conform to logic. Desire burns right through it.

[scared shy]

westernxer

Most likely.

 

I've seen it happen (even heard them talking about it). Some don't have the guts, though, so you're perfectly safe being their friend.

 

 

 

OH thank God, I thought I was the only one that heard them...

 

Seriously though, he said he has a crush... in my world a crush is what I have on Jake Gyllenhaal (isn't he sooo dreamy?) I will never meet him, I will never get to act my fantasies out with him because of Kirsten Dunst (that bi***)

if he would have said he liked her, then that in my world that would connote that he has hung around her enough to know that he wants to get to know her better and thinks she is attractive, likes her personality, etc. Keep in mind we are talking about my world, and I am just giving my perspective... which seems to be way off base from guys perspectives...

[lvgrl]

Speaking from someone who is going through the same thing, I am jelous of this other girl that my guy seems to hold a crush to.

 

This woman that he has a crush on he has had on for a while, way before me. BUT it doesnt cover up the fact that this crush is still here, and here is ME.

 

She uses the fact that he has crush on her to get what she wants, and then he doesnt hear from her until the next time she needs something, but the other day him and I were sitting in bed talking and the phone rang, we were still talking as he went to answer the phone he cut me of and talked to her like they were best friends...

 

He says she was an old crush and now just a friend. Him and I live together which is more than she could say, but its just the fact that some other woman has his attention.

 

No, the jelous feelings arent good, but its normal..Dont try to hide the jelous feelings that you have or it just gets bottled up and later on down the road it might come up again, only this time in negative way.

 

IMO I would tell him that you feel this way and explain to him how it makes you feel that some other girl is getting his attention in a more than friendship way.

 

But also know that if he loves you like he says he does, you should have nothing to worry about. Just because you are jelous doesnt mean you dont trust him, it means you are a woman and its natural.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by scared*shy

Seriously though, he said he has a crush... in my world a crush is what I have on Jake Gyllenhaal (isn't he sooo dreamy?) I will never meet him, I will never get to act my fantasies out with him because of Kirsten Dunst (that bi***)

if he would have said he liked her, then that in my world that would connote that he has hung around her enough to know that he wants to get to know her better and thinks she is attractive, likes her personality, etc. Keep in mind we are talking about my world, and I am just giving my perspective... which seems to be way off base from guys perspectives...

 

I bet you'd act out if Jake Gyllenhaal came up and started talking to you on a regular basis. First you'd leave the boyfriend at home by giving some sort of excuse. Then you'd start coming home late. Then you'd give your boyfriend the boot...

 

Guys don't have crushes just to have crushes, and they don't act like teenage girls when they have them. What they will do is approach you and start making sh*t up, just to get your mind engaged. If your curiosity is piqued, then anything is possible...

[westernxer]

Originally posted by lvgrl

But also know that if he loves you like he says he does, you should have nothing to worry about. Just because you are jelous doesnt mean you dont trust him, it means you are a woman and its natural.

 

True, jealousy is part of the equation, but careful. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean he won't leave you or see someone behind your back. It happens all the time. Your guy worries me, lvgrl.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by westernxer

Your guy worries me, lvgrl.

 

Me too. Sounds like you're trying to have a relationship, but another girl's leading him around by the balls...

[scared shy]

I bet you'd act out if Jake Gyllenhaal came up and started talking to you on a regular basis. First you'd leave the boyfriend at home by giving some sort of excuse. Then you'd start coming home late. Then you'd give your boyfriend the boot...

 

no in fact I always try to warn potential suitors that I would leave them for Jake, I believe in honesty...

[lvgrl]

you know, thats what I thought too at first, and then I realized that he wants nothing to do with her, I asked him yesterday if he liked her and he told me no. He said how can he like anyone who treats him like that..And I agree, so things in that department are taken care of. I have a wonderful relationship, We just have things that we dont see eye to eye on, which is normal..

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by scared*shy

no in fact I always try to warn potential suitors that I would leave them for Jake, I believe in honesty...

 

Well Jake is hot... hot...

but my boyfriend is so much better.