if your lover has a crush on another... normal? nothing bad or not a good sign?

[ratzxvital]

My boyfriend and I love eachother completely. He is very good to me and we enrich eachother's lives.

 

He went on a small trip to counsel at a camp for a couple of weeks. I missed him and he said he missed me.

 

He is really honest with me and told me that he is concerned because he thinks he had a small crush on a girl there. He said it was a cuteness, and not a sexual attraction. I know he would never cheat, and he didn't. He says that she cannot compare to me.

 

It hurts my feelings but I don't know if it should. I don't see our relationship missing anything for him too seek others, and he wasn't seeking really. Is it normal for this to happen? Just a humanistic adoration?

 

Because his best friend and I are pretty good friends. I like him very much and we spend a lot of time together. I admire him and think he is cute, but it really doesn't affect our relationship and my boyfriend is still the only one I want and see. If it is a situation as this then I don't think I should worry. But how can you tell?

I'm always around great guys, but my boyfriend doesn't really spend much time with females. Maybe if he did he could admire some of them more like I do with the guys. Maybe?

 

Or should I be concerned? I don't know how to take this.

[Merin]

IMO It's human nature to find others attractive even if you're in a relationship.. it doesn't mean your blind or dead.

 

Your BF also told you about it.. which would indicate to me, nothing happened with it but perhaps it had just suprised him to have found himself in a flirty situation.

 

Finding other people attractive is again IMO normal.. it's what people choose to do or not do when they have an attraction to someone other then their SO that matters...

 

My 2 cent's

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by Merin

IMO It's human nature to find others attractive even if you're in a relationship.. it doesn't mean your blind or dead.

 

We would always admit if someone was attractive... but isn't a crush more than that?

[whichwayisup]

Maybe she's just a really really nice person, and that's all. I know I have afew male friends that are really wonderful people and I enjoy their company. One I've known for SUCH a long time, but at the beginning I had a crush on him, it wasn't sexual, but I really cared alot about him as a friend. He and my husband know eachother very well too, and now all of us are good friends, but I talk to him alot more than my H. He has no problem with that either as I'm not looking for 'anything' from my guy friend, just friendship. He's funny, outgoing, and I just enjoy his company. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe look at it like that, just as you're friends with his bestfriend. Nothing sexual, just a nice friendship that doesn't cross the line nor has any intent of doing so.

 

Try not to be jealous...Just make sure this girl KNOWS about you, maybe sometime you can meet her to ease your mind.

[Cwazydude]

Well, Finding someone attractive and a crush are two different things.

 

Now, If he looked at her once and such, thats fine.

 

But, If he's still thinking about her, and he can't get her out of his head, thats not fine.

 

But he does love you, So I don't think you have to worry about this chick, just watch out in the future.

[ratzxvital]

I asked him a few things.

 

He told me the feelings were small, but he felt bad for those small feelings because he didn't think he would feel that way. Like more than a friend but a lot less than a lover. And strangely enough that she reminded him of me. He said it freaked him out because he never liked anyone that wasn't me.

 

Liking someone else when you are in love with another person?

[LucreziaBorgia]

if your lover has a crush on another... normal? nothing bad or not a good sign?

 

Crushes are normal. If he is telling you about it, and wanting to discuss his honest feelings with you, that is a very good sign. Its when the crushes happen, and your partner hides his honest feelings from you that it becomes a bad sign.

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Crushes are normal. If he is telling you about it, and wanting to discuss his honest feelings with you, that is a very good sign. Its when the crushes happen, and your partner hides his honest feelings from you that it becomes a bad sign.

 

I don't know if I cannot be jealous. What would I have to tell myself?

[whichwayisup]

If it's okay for you to have afew good male buddies, then it's okay for him to have some female buddies. Trust is the key. IF he isn't giving you any reason to distrust him, don't go looking for trouble.

 

NOW, he if is spending ALOT of time with her, meaning, weekend evenings and it's taking time away from you and the relationship on a regular basis, then that is a problem and not cool.

 

Try going out together, include yourself abit more. Maybe that will help so you can see their dynamtic. Some people are just meant to be 'friends'.

[ratzxvital]

They spent time together at work, now that it is over they are probably not going to see eachother. In fact, she lives in a different city. I think they have eachother's numbers/emails, but I don't know if they are going to keep in contact much.

[JenDoe]

I'm torn on this one. Part of me wants to say it's normal to have crushes, but the other part of me wants to say there's a huge, HUGE difference between having a crush and just simply finding someone attractive and enjoying their company. A crush implies a sense of longing, daydreaming, fantasizing, wanting to be with that person. I'm inclined to think that such feelings are dangerous to a relationship. But he was very honest with you, which speaks volumes. I'd just be careful, watch out, see if his behavior towards you changes...because actions speak louder than words, as we all know.

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by JenDoe

A crush implies a sense of longing, daydreaming, fantasizing, wanting to be with that person.

 

*tear

[JenDoe]

Originally posted by ratzxvital

 

 

*tear

 

 

Ah no!! Don't cry lovey! You know what it feels like to have a crush, right? Sometimes they are hardcore, sometimes they are mild and last like a week. I just had one on my new apartment complex manager. I was crushing on him big time. It lasted all of 4 days. Your BF obviously cares a great deal about you, otherwise he would have hid his feelings. His feelings for you are likely to trump the crush. Don't worry!!

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by JenDoe

Ah no!! Don't cry lovey! You know what it feels like to have a crush, right? Sometimes they are hardcore, sometimes they are mild and last like a week. I just had one on my new apartment complex manager. I was crushing on him big time. It lasted all of 4 days. Your BF obviously cares a great deal about you, otherwise he would have hid his feelings. His feelings for you are likely to trump the crush. Don't worry!!

 

What she said.

 

Don't worry about it. I still have a couple crushes on guys from college, and if I was single and they moved nearby, I might be tempted to try to start something up. But if I was dating someone, I wouldn't think twice about them in any other way than friends. I'd still have a crush on them, but a crush is just a crush. But since they don't live in the same area (like the girl your guy has a crush on), I hardly even think about them.

 

I think if this crush was something that would turn into something bigger or he was going to cheat on you, your guy wouldn't have told you about it.

[ratzxvital]

He said that I have nothing to worry about, that if he was in my situation he would be freaking out too and that I'm handling it well, but he knows that I have no reason to worry.

 

I just never want to lose him, and I know that a big fear of his is losing me.

 

I guess I have to learn to deal with this and things similar if I wan't to be with him for very long? I guess anyone though right?

[Zaira]

At least he has told you, and hopefully you can keep his mind off of this girl. It's up to you, but if it were me I would mention to him that I would feel more comfortable if he didn't keep in contact with her (unless he could guarantee it would remain strictly platonic - but there are no guarantees in life )

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by ~Zaira~

At least he has told you, and hopefully you can keep his mind off of this girl.

 

It seems he thought of her more in relation to us, then her as a person.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by ratzxvital

I'm always around great guys, but my boyfriend doesn't really spend much time with females. Maybe if he did he could admire some of them more like I do with the guys. Maybe?

 

Why? So he could develop more crushes?

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by westernxer

Why? So he could develop more crushes?

 

No so we can both be okay with eachother spending time with attractive people and not worrying about it. I'm usually only the one that does, but now he's starting to.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by ratzxvital

No so we can both be okay with eachother spending time with attractive people and not worrying about it. I'm usually only the one that does, but now he's starting to.

 

Do you realize you're playing with fire?

[ratzxvital]

Originally posted by westernxer

Do you realize you're playing with fire?

 

True... but what will confinement do. I mean no matter how attractive or amazing another guy is, my feelings for him is always limited because I am so in love with my guy. The same goes for him.

If for some reason one of us leaves the other for somebody else, I guess that is just life running it's course. But if through the years, even after being exposed to many others, we still only want eachother, that's saying something.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by ratzxvital

True... but what will confinement do. I mean no matter how attractive or amazing another guy is, my feelings for him is always limited because I am so in love with my guy. The same goes for him.

 

If for some reason one of us leaves the other for somebody else, I guess that is just life running it's course. But if through the years, even after being exposed to many others, we still only want eachother, that's saying something.

 

I respect your not wanting to confine him... but as far as befriending the opposite sex goes, nobody's an exception to the rules of attraction.

 

And how do you know that the guys you befriend don't want anything more than friendship? That usually isn't the case, even if they never make a move on you. Trust me, it isn't platonic.

[scared shy]

westernxer

 

Don't you have any girls that are just friends? If a move is never made, then it wouldn't be considered anything other than friends? IMO... but I am not a very good judge of what people's honest intentions are and my non existent love life is in shambles, oh dammit I didn't want to self analyze, how very depressing.

[Cwazydude]

Well, I personally Have two kinds of friends that are girls.

 

Ones that are attracted to me but I ignore and pretend like I don't know.

 

And ones that are friends with my current girlfriend.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by scared*shy

Don't you have any girls that are just friends?

 

Hell no! I befriend them when I'm interested, and that's it. Most of the time it leads to something else, but if it doesn't I split.

 

If I want to hang out, I'll kick it with the guys.

 

*****

 

I made the mistake of befriending a girl once, and it was torture... she was too emotional, and I felt like I was walking on egg shells the entire time. The gender differences were just too much to overcome... only way I'd put up with it is if I were attracted to her. Later I found out she wanted to date me. *sigh*