pea007 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) First time posting anything on this site, but feel I've bored my friends enough with this at to be honest getting new fresh opinions on everything would be nice. So im 25 now, about to turn 26, I met the most amazing guy when I was 19, just fell head over heals in love with one another, I can not stress enough how easy going this relationship was, no arguments, the exact same interests, never a time where we had nothing to say to one another, it was just honestly perfect. All our friends were envious of the relationship and everyone saw us as 'relationship goals' for themselves. So two weeks ago it ended... Completely out of no where. Boyfriend literally called me up one night and just said he couldn't do this any more he had this thought in his head for a while that he needed to be alone and concentrate on himself and couldn't be in a relationship anymore. And I mean this came completely out of no where, look I can respect the fact that he needs some time to himself and all the rest of it, I can respect that decision, but to never see a break down in the relationship to never see him sort of retracting himself from me and still be very lovey dovey with me, being pushy about the idea of living together (because after 7 years we still don't live together) just felt so strange. When we met up we spoke about that he just said thats the way he is to continue as normal.... I wish he had spoken to me when he was having these thoughts and we could of looked at the situation together, but he never opened up, which led to this decision. He even said to me yeah maybe if I had spoken to you we could of looked at options, but that just isn't me, so here we are. Its been hard to accept he's happy with the decision and two weeks on is carrying on with life as normal and i'm sat here just struggling to get back to normal, I hate this feeling more than anything I want it to go away. But I'm also have stupid thoughts like well we ended on good terms maybe we will get back together at some point... but the reality is being single for him will always trump being in a relationship and it will take someone else to come a long when hes ready for that relationship to change his mind. I truly saw this guy as my soul mate, everything was so good, I'm also in a position where I've just quit my job, I'm about to move from my family home and I'm just left feeling like what the **** am I doing? I grew up with this guy we made each other the people we are today, everything I do reminds me of him and its driving me nuts. I know at some point I will get over it but it just feels like its going to take forever and I hate that! I just want him, hes the love of my life and I know that and it sucks its been thrown away over a feeling hes been having that could of potentially been resolved! He was also very keen on the idea of staying friends which I found crazy, because when we've discussed the idea of breaking up before we have both said we don't want to know anything about whats going on in each others lives. I'm still holding up that end of the bargin and of course he will respect that, but I just found it odd, he was saying to me he will always care about me and see me as almost part of his family and will always ask friends how I'm doing... But im sat here like no if your not my boyfriend then I dont want anything to do with you. Edited July 22, 2016 by pea007
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) "enough how easy going this relationship was, no arguments" -- It's always a flag to me when people in a long-term relationship say there were no arguments. It's a sign that communication between them is weak. There isn't anything wrong with arguing, it's about the way a couple argues that's important. And, some people will avoid arguing or bring up things that may even lead to an argument. I wish he had spoken to me when he was having these thoughts and we could of looked at the situation together, but he never opened up . . . "He even said to me yeah maybe if I had spoken to you we could of looked at options, but that just isn't me" My guess here is that he never opened up ever and kept things buried for a long, long time. This didn't happen suddenly. It's only sudden to you because you never had a heads up. I truly saw this guy as my soul mate, -- you just weren't his soul mate, otherwise, there would have been deeper conversations opened by him. Edited July 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator deleted full quote of immediately preceding post ~6
Author pea007 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 ok yeah we had arguments but nothing crazy to the point it would kill the relationship, I could literally tell him anything and so could he, but for some reason this one got him, he didn't think he could open up, yeah our relationship was fantastic, even he himself can say sit there and say that and has said that to me at the end of the day
Bialy Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry this happened to you. It's hard when a long-term relationship ends abruptly. It sounds as though he wasn't communicating his frustrations and issues with the relationship. If he had hopes of staying together, he would have brought them up. Is it possible that you had grown very comfortable in the relationship? Sometimes in our mid-20's, people grow out of relationships --- they start to realize what it is they want out of life and a partner. Maybe he's been experiencing these stirrings, but never communicated to them to you? Hang in there! There's a lot on your plate to digest. Edited July 22, 2016 by Bialy
Author pea007 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 never really looked at it like that, I guess he has just grown out of it, and I was always sure we would be ok and together, its just so hard, all I wana do is get back together, I think even if he is done for now, its a relationship we could always jump back into if he realised it.... but guess he wont realise it if hes grown out of it...
TheGirl5 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Go No Contact on him for a month. He will definitely miss you and will come back (considering your statement that it was a great relationship).
cookiecrumbles Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 please dont entertain your mind with all the questions of what if! It will drive you crazy. Your in the process of grieving and you need to be aware of this, your trying to figure out the endless possibilities and stuck in thoughts of the past/future that will drag on for months when all you need to do is focus on RIGHT NOW! focus on yourself, nothing else! what is it going to take for you to become a strong again..
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