Recon33 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 (edited) I was able to find a response on this topic from another forum that I read a while back that I agree with. I know it's still a rejection, but some people feel it's much kinder this way, than face to face, or via text. You might not have minded a text breakup, but there are many people who would claim that's a harsh way to break up with someone. It's hard to know in advance which one is preferred. I feel for you. Trust me, I do. But being that I've done the fade myself I can't come down hard on him. Rejecting someone can be really hard. It's not. This is a lie ghosters tell themselves. Ghosting isn't easier on the dumpee; it's easier on the dumper, because it lets them avoid the situation. Rejection isn't fun for either person. It's painful to be rejected, and it's painful to be the one causing that pain. But there's a difference between causing pain and causing hurt. Ghosting just plain hurts, and needlessly so. Edited July 23, 2016 by Recon33
ses Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I ghosted and blocked a guy because he kept harassing me for sex after I told him I contracted a UTI (from our sexual encounter). Dude couldn't understand why I didn't want to be intimate even after I told him I was on antibiotics and in pain. He then offered a BJ. It was so tone deaf it was unbelievable. I usually try not to intentionally ghost and will explain to the person why I'm breaking it off but this guy couldn't understand at all so I ghosted. 1
Whoknew30 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Is it still considered ghosting if the person disappears & reappears, after years? I have a cousin going through this & since it's never happened to me, I don't really know what to call it or why the guy continues to do it her. I know she allows herself to be available but he falls off the face of the earth & then chases her around...is it the same thing? Lol, I don't have a lot of experience with dating & it's all interesting to me.
Bantosm Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I don't understand the question ....? Why make a distinction between the words? Both are used to end communication. You're treating those words like they have some great importance.
Bantosm Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Haha true but I think fading is worse because with ghosting, it's like ripping off the bandaid super fast & getting it over with, whereas, fading is removing the bandaid slower and more painful. Both are a lame way of dealing with people.
Bantosm Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Maybe, but if you barely knew them, why would you add them as friends in the first place then? The same reason I would approach a stranger in person. I might find them attractive or interesting.
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Why make a distinction between the words? Both are used to end communication. You're treating those words like they have some great importance. Because they're entirely different things, even if the outcome's somewhat similar. 1
ufo8mycat Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 I don't add strangers on Facebook as I don't have that issue. My personal view is that after two dates I owe no explanation. When I first started dating again I tried the "hey, nice to meet you but I don't see this going anywhere" texts. They either bombarded me with text messages to give it another go, get to know me etc etc. Or abuse. I now don't bother. Because I don't need either of the above. And I am not accountable to some guy who have I been on one date with. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Adding random people onto facebook is like inviting them into your knicker drawer to look at your vibrator collection in my opinion. Facebook is for friends and family so you can share goofy memories and holiday snaps etc. Its not for people you do not know, your boss, your ex boyfriends, some dude you chatted to on OK Cupid last week for 10 minutes etc... Its not for random people you hardly know. Adding randoms just adds to hassle and is really inappropriate in my humble opinion. Only attention seekers want attention from everyone. Me? I only want it from the people I care about thanks.
edgygirl Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 Last time I did a thanks but no thanks and tried to be nice and explain (that I didn't fall for him, I'm sorry etc) the guy went bat**** crazy, harassed me, wrote me outrageous emails, accused me of going out with one of his friends (whom I hardly knew) as the culprit for me not falling for him... and whatnot. I had to delete him from all networks and block him and still felt weary that he would do some nutty thing as he was behaving irrationally. I saw he is married now, and I am happy for him. I knew he was a good person and didn't deserve to be with someone who didn't love him enough. My point? Yes, sometimes it's almost better to ghost than to explain yourself, even if I have if guys whom I see potential on, do that to me.
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 28, 2016 Author Posted July 28, 2016 Adding random people onto facebook is like inviting them into your knicker drawer to look at your vibrator collection in my opinion. Facebook is for friends and family so you can share goofy memories and holiday snaps etc. Its not for people you do not know, your boss, your ex boyfriends, some dude you chatted to on OK Cupid last week for 10 minutes etc... Its not for random people you hardly know. Adding randoms just adds to hassle and is really inappropriate in my humble opinion. Only attention seekers want attention from everyone. Me? I only want it from the people I care about thanks. That wasnt the question. Who asked you about who to add on facebook? I only ever added one guy I dated and and been dating for a little while. But when we stopped dating after a few months, I wasnt bothered about unfriending.
Shining One Posted July 28, 2016 Posted July 28, 2016 I ended things with a woman the morning after sleeping with her. She slapped me. This could have been avoided if I had ghosted her. Would the ladies who are "pro ghosting" advise men to ghost women after sleeping with them?I ghosted and blocked a guy because he kept harassing me for sex after I told him I contracted a UTI (from our sexual encounter). Dude couldn't understand why I didn't want to be intimate even after I told him I was on antibiotics and in pain. He then offered a BJ. It was so tone deaf it was unbelievable.I don't think this is ghosting. You were communicating with him and he wasn't getting the message. Ghosting involves no communication. 1
Kiraboo Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Both of my last two boyfriends ghosted me. To be honest I would have preferred they just were straight forward and say to my face that they were no longer interested, especially since both of them continued to act like they were totally into me until they suddenly disappeared out of the blue one day. At least if they had just told me they weren't feeling it I wouldn't have spent so much time wondering what I did to make them lose interest and if there's some fatal flaw with me that will continue to impact all my future relationships. I know it sucks to reject someone and I never like hurting anyone's feelings but I would never ghost anyone because I know how it feels to have it done to you and it is a lot more painful than a blunt break up.
alphamale Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 What are the reasons people have ghosted? chicks pissed me off or got mad at me
alphamale Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Ghosting is diff than fading. What most ppl are describing is fading - you slowly check out, communication gradually becomes less and less, they 'get the message' over time etc. Ghosting is where you just abruptly disappear from a dating situation w no explanation at all. i.e. you become a 'ghost.' thats pretty much true, at least for me
Toodaloo Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 That wasnt the question. Who asked you about who to add on facebook? I only ever added one guy I dated and and been dating for a little while. But when we stopped dating after a few months, I wasnt bothered about unfriending. Well if you are happy with random strangers knowing all about you then what can you say when they come back, fade, come back, fade.... Way too much drama and personally I am too old for that ****. My life is my own - I do not want random exes turning up in it. I doubt any future beau would either. Its a matter of respect. For your self and others.
cupcake888 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think that ghosting is crappy, immature behavior in general and I get why people say it's so horrible and are quick to jump to conclusions about the ghoster because it feels so bad... but there are always exceptions to the rule. For instance, I recently ghosted for the first time in my life. It was a relationship that started off perfect but around 2-3 months in red flags galore. When I tried to talk to him about this stuff in a calm, adult way he would fly into a rage and insult me. It was total bullying and emotionally abusive behavior. I still gave him 3-4 chances to man up and have an adult conversation but when it became evident he was incapable of that and I'd had enough bullying, I simply disappeared. Why? Because I couldn't handle feeling emotionally beat up again and I knew that he was incapable of communicating in any other way. I knew trying to talk it out would do no good, and the best option was to protect myself by blocking him from my life.
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