DramaInPajamas Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 So I am clear on this whole ghosting thing..... Is it either that they are cowards or is it one way of saying that while you're not actually ready to make a commitment, you don't want to say no either and ruin all of your chances. Because once you have said no that is it. But if just go quiet then techincally it is open ended. What are the reasons people have ghosted?
stillafool Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 The main reason they ghost is they thought they were interested in the person but after meeting or getting to know them they are no longer interested. Another reason they ghost is they found someone else. People who ghost don't like confrontations. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 The main reason they ghost is they thought they were interested in the person but after meeting or getting to know them they are no longer interested. Another reason they ghost is they found someone else. People who ghost don't like confrontations. I had people that I was friends with for a while "ghost" on me. A true friend wouldn't do that.
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 What are the reasons people have ghosted? Because I figured they were highly likely to go bats*** crazy if I turned them down. Its normally because they just don't want to say anything because they don't want to upset someone, they feel guilty/ bad about saying no, or they are protecting themselves from people who do go mad. Of course there are a few who are simply too lazy or just can't be bothered. 1
SevenCity Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Anytime I've ghosted it is usually because I didn't have feelings but wanted to keep it open ended for future. I wouldn't ghost a girl I liked. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 To me, if it's really early in the dating scenario and the person wants to move on, it doesn't really matter how it happens, the message is the same and the result is usually the same as if they actually told you something. Even if they tell you, you still feel some hurt, go through all the analyzing and overthinking, eating a gallon of ice cream and curled up with your cats, regardless. Sometimes if you actually hear it, it's worse. If it's really early anyway, I usually wouldn't give enough of a crap to worry about it. I'm not taking it personally and it is what it is. I think a lot of people want to know the why's, why not's because they think it gives them a heads up as to what they are doing wrong when in fact, it's not about that, because whatever it is that turns one guy away/off, etc., may be what another guy likes.
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Anytime I've ghosted it is usually because I didn't have feelings but wanted to keep it open ended for future. I wouldn't ghost a girl I liked. I have never wanted to keep it open ended... If i wanted to stay in touch then I would but if I ghost its because you make me feel awkward and I don't know how to deal with the situation so I am burying my head in the sand.
jen1447 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Ghosting is diff than fading. What most ppl are describing is fading - you slowly check out, communication gradually becomes less and less, they 'get the message' over time etc. Ghosting is where you just abruptly disappear from a dating situation w no explanation at all. i.e. you become a 'ghost.' 2
SevenCity Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Ghosting is diff than fading. What most ppl are describing is fading - you slowly check out, communication gradually becomes less and less, they 'get the message' over time etc. Ghosting is where you just abruptly disappear from a dating situation w no explanation at all. i.e. you become a 'ghost.' Good point. I don't think I have ever ghosted then but I have faded several times.
leogirl876 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I think people ghost because they don't know how to be honest and are afraid of confrontation and hurting someone's feelings. But they don't get or care that going totally cold is really hurtful because it leaves the other people left wondering and left kinda hanging, like did something happen to the person or did I do something to piss them off or do they just need space? I think ghosting is a low blow but whatever, better to find out sooner than later. If more people could just be honest, life would be easier.
SevenCity Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I think people ghost because they don't know how to be honest and are afraid of confrontation and hurting someone's feelings. But they don't get or care that going totally cold is really hurtful because it leaves the other people left wondering and left kinda hanging, like did something happen to the person or did I do something to piss them off or do they just need space? I think ghosting is a low blow but whatever, better to find out sooner than later. If more people could just be honest, life would be easier. I agree. People should be upfront. I've heard women here say they may be afraid for their safety but I think if it doesn't work out on a first date you can just send a "No thank you" text. If it's a longer RL then just be upfront and tell them you want out and don't want to see them now or ever. A lot of women claim it is less hurtful when in actuality is it more hurtful. I'm much happier if I know where I stand with a women. If it's over, I can move on. Personally I think they are afraid of confrontation, not their safety.
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I agree. People should be upfront. I've heard women here say they may be afraid for their safety but I think if it doesn't work out on a first date you can just send a "No thank you" text. If it's a longer RL then just be upfront and tell them you want out and don't want to see them now or ever. A lot of women claim it is less hurtful when in actuality is it more hurtful. I'm much happier if I know where I stand with a women. If it's over, I can move on. Personally I think they are afraid of confrontation, not their safety. Done this on several occasions when I wanted to ghost and ended up with a month or more of abuse via text and phone... Including my stalker who ended up in jail after putting another woman in hospital when he couldn't find me to rape... If I have doubts about how you will behave I am going to ghost. I am not risking my safety over your feelings - sorry about that but just no. By the way the stalker didn't even get a date - not one... those guys you think are not out there? They are. They are highly dangerous and not worth taking the risk. So no I will continue to protect myself. 2
leogirl876 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Done this on several occasions when I wanted to ghost and ended up with a month or more of abuse via text and phone... Including my stalker who ended up in jail after putting another woman in hospital when he couldn't find me to rape... If I have doubts about how you will behave I am going to ghost. I am not risking my safety over your feelings - sorry about that but just no. By the way the stalker didn't even get a date - not one... those guys you think are not out there? They are. They are highly dangerous and not worth taking the risk. So no I will continue to protect myself. I think not telling someone would make them to be more inclined to act crazy because they don't know where they stand and they're left wondering what happened. I was ghosted once by a guy I was seeing for about 3 months, and after about 1-2 weeks I put two & two together. What was so bad was he then about few months later tried to come back into my life. No thanks! 1
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I think not telling someone would make them to be more inclined to act crazy because they don't know where they stand and they're left wondering what happened. I was ghosted once by a guy I was seeing for about 3 months, and after about 1-2 weeks I put two & two together. What was so bad was he then about few months later tried to come back into my life. No thanks! Funnily enough no. When I have had a niggle that they are going to go crazy I used to just tell them. I wasn't nasty or rude. Each time I got abuse. After that if I felt I could cope with the abuse I told them kindly firmly as before. Still got the abuse. Those where I just couldn't face any more of being called various names that are banned from use here I ghosted and not one that I ghosted on gave me abuse...
deadparrot Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 So I am clear on this whole ghosting thing..... Is it either that they are cowards or is it one way of saying that while you're not actually ready to make a commitment, you don't want to say no either and ruin all of your chances. Because once you have said no that is it. But if just go quiet then techincally it is open ended. What are the reasons people have ghosted? I ghosted a bit in my younger years (during the text message/cell phone era, but before "ghosting" was a term). I've never liked confrontation and have always been a people pleaser, so saying "no" was difficult for me. As I got older and more mature, I tried to always part with a "thanks but no thanks" sentiment instead of just ignoring messages, even if it ended up being an awkward interaction. There's no single be-all, end-all reason why people ghost, though. I can only speak for my personal experience. 1
Bantosm Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Ghosting is diff than fading. What most ppl are describing is fading - you slowly check out, communication gradually becomes less and less, they 'get the message' over time etc. Ghosting is where you just abruptly disappear from a dating situation w no explanation at all. i.e. you become a 'ghost.'Why even perpetuate a distinction when the both use and end results are the same?
jen1447 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Why even perpetuate a distinction when the both use and end results are the same? I don't understand the question ....?
leogirl876 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Why even perpetuate a distinction when the both use and end results are the same? Haha true but I think fading is worse because with ghosting, it's like ripping off the bandaid super fast & getting it over with, whereas, fading is removing the bandaid slower and more painful.
CryForNoOne Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I've never ghosted anyone as I would hate it if someone did that to me. Luckily, I've yet to be ghosted. It is interesting though that being honest doesn't seem to work much better. When I've broken things off with a girl in the early dating stages, they almost always unfriend on FB and never reciprocate on any sincere offer on my part to just be friends...
Author DramaInPajamas Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 I've never ghosted anyone as I would hate it if someone did that to me. Luckily, I've yet to be ghosted. It is interesting though that being honest doesn't seem to work much better. When I've broken things off with a girl in the early dating stages, they almost always unfriend on FB and never reciprocate on any sincere offer on my part to just be friends... I did the same. When someone ended things with me early on in dating, I unfriended him on Facebook. Friends are friends. Someone I barely knew and went on a handful of dates with is not my friend and wont likely be. 1
CryForNoOne Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I did the same. When someone ended things with me early on in dating, I unfriended him on Facebook. Friends are friends. Someone I barely knew and went on a handful of dates with is not my friend and wont likely be. Well that's a passive aggressive behavior that leads some people to fading or ghosting...
Revolver Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 As we know ghosting is when someone completely cuts off all contact with a romantic/dating partner with the hopes that they'll just get the message and stop trying to contact them. What's your thoughts on this? Have you ever been ghosted? Have you done it to someone else? For example a lot of women say they've been "ghosted" after sleeping with a guy.
joseb Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I did the same. When someone ended things with me early on in dating, I unfriended him on Facebook. Friends are friends. Someone I barely knew and went on a handful of dates with is not my friend and wont likely be. Maybe, but if you barely knew them, why would you add them as friends in the first place then? 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I referred to it as "poofing"... I hose who have done online dating over the last 10-15 years are likely familiar with that term. Poofing usually happens after the guy screws or conquests then moves on. Actually this happens in reverse too. Women are ashamed of themselves because they felt they were too easy of a score for the guide and actually pull away from them. It also happens ( this happens to both sexes). Is you might be in the early stages of dating multiple people. You got two good ones, you decide to focus on one snd then poof on the other with the hope if it doesn't Ho anywhere with the first one you can come back yo the second one. Other times personal stuff comes up early in the dating period that it's too early to talk about this do its better to just poof and avoid it. This happened to me with one women I dated who poofed on me because she had to do a medical procedure/surgery and didn't want to bring it up. Only after she was better does she reappear.
Recon33 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 I think it's pretty childish but I'd still prefer it to fading.
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