Mind games

[NatalieR]

Hello everyone. I'm coming here because I feel lost and very distraught. I am asking that you guys aren't too harsh on me. I don't want to be judged.

 

I am currently sleeping with a guy whom I've been sleeping with for about 2 years. We met in February 2014. We also formed a really strong bond as friends. I will admit it took months but we did get closer and he now tells me just about everything. He confides in me a lot about his life. We hang out with the same friends often and we used to go out together in a group.

 

When we were first setup by a mutual friend, I was told he was single. I found out about 6 months into our "relationship" that he actually wasn't single. It was too late. I was already madly in love with him. You would never know because he never post pictures of anything about a woman.

 

I let a few years pass and I just found myself in over my head. I cut him off around April 2015. He started to beg me back for months. He did so many things to win me back. Unfortunately I fell for it. We agreed to have an affair. We had our own private numbers to talk to eachother on. The same girl that I found out he was with began to stalk me online. She sent me a follow request on Instagram but I denied it. She'd make jabs at me under her pics a lot. I never responded tho. We had a fight and I broke it off. I changed my number and blocked him on everything. In the past whenever I've left him alone he's known to play mind games with me. Do things out of spite or say things just to hurt me.

 

I went out of town with my friends a few weeks ago. When I came back he was acting so different. He was blatantly ignoring me whenever we'd be out with friends. Finally one of our friends told me that he told them that she was 2 months pregnant. He told a lot of people that we both know that she was big already. I was devastated by this news. So I approached him and asked him he said that she indeed was pregnant. He said his mother was excited. The next time I spoke with him, he told me that she wasn't pregnant anymore. He said she had a miscarriage.

 

I don't believe she was ever pregnant and I feel awful for even saying that. But my reasons are that his stories aren't adding up. At first I thought maybe she didn't really have a miscarriage and that he was just telling ME that. He told numerous ppl that she was no longer with child so it wasn't just me. He also told some people that when they got an ultrasound there was no baby there. Which is also confusing since he said she was big already. I keep asking him over and over about the miscarriage to see if his story will change. And it just seems more stupid to be honest. Last night I asked him about telling people his business. I told him he shouldn't tell so many people. He said he only told a girl friend of he and I (when she asked about his baby on the way) that he doesn't think he has one on the way and that he thinks she's having a miscarriage. Another woman told me he said the baby just never developed.... Idk none of it makes sense. All of our friends believe that he made the entire pregnancy up to play head games with me. Other friends believe he made it up to distract from a bad public situation that he's now in(which I can't talk much about). A lot of our friends just feel he made the entire thing up or that she did. Either way it makes me feel weird around him.

 

I can admit the situation was bothering me deeply. I went to her Instagram page to see if there was any indication of pregnancy or baby loss. There was nothing. Only a quote it said "hurt me with the truth, never comfort me with a lie"..... And she only posted a video of he and her from months ago. Again strangely, she deleted the video. So I don't go to her page anymore at all. I was with him last night and we talked a lot about his life.

 

I do love and care for him a lot. Whenever we both need something we always run to eachother. I feel like we do have an unbreakable bond. His behavior is so weird sometimes. Last night I seen him but we didn't speak because I felt stressed out. He constantly stared at me to the point where a few others noticed. When we walked to our car to go home he purposely walked by mine.

[BuddyX]

Personally, everything you just described is pretty immature. He plays mind games? Really?

You allow it, period.

 

"He who cares the least, has the most power"

 

At best, you're his plan B.

Time to walk away.

[loveisanaction]

Natalie, what is exactly is that you’re expecting to happen with this guy? He has a girlfriend, whether he made up the story about her being pregnant or not the fact still remains - he has a girlfriend. So, what is it really that you’re expecting to happen with him in the long run?

[NatalieR]

Personally, everything you just described is pretty immature. He plays mind games? Really?

You allow it, period.

 

"He who cares the least, has the most power"

 

At best, you're his plan B.

Time to walk away.

 

Yes I know it's immature. Thanks for being honest

[NatalieR]

Natalie, what is exactly is that you’re expecting to happen with this guy? He has a girlfriend, whether he made up the story about her being pregnant or not the fact still remains - he has a girlfriend. So, what is it really that you’re expecting to happen with him in the long run?

 

Hey I don't really know. In my mind I know he's not good for any woman period. I for some reason just don't understand why lie about something like that. I guess I shouldn't expect a thing at all. You're right

[Michelle ma Belle]

So...are you back 'together' with him after your last break up and this pregnancy situation? You said you were 'with him last night'...in what capacity?

[NatalieR]

So...are you back 'together' with him after your last break up and this pregnancy situation? You said you were 'with him last night'...in what capacity?

 

As in like AROUND him. Not with with. Promise. Group setting and a conversation took place.

[Lobe]

I feel like we do have an unbreakable bond.

 

Oh, I assure you it CAN break. Your head is playing its own mind games with you. Ask a recovering addict - they'll tell you that you just need to be stronger than your addiction (bond) one day at a time.

 

I cannot understand why you are interested of making sense of this situation. Do you really want a guy who knocks up his girlfriend and lies about it? A guy who cheats on his pregnant girlfriend? A guy still sleeping with his girlfriend despite professing his love for you? A guy who stays with a woman who makes up a fake pregnancy? None of the versions of the "truth" you're proposing is sounding better than the others, are they? Whether he is playing games or his girlfriend made up a fake pregnancy, or she did have a miscarriage... none of it matters because he is not yours.

 

What "friend" set you up with a guy who wasn't single? I hope that person isn't in the "group" you were hanging out... that's despicable. That's not a "friend." And why oh why are you accepting invitations to hang out places when you know it involves being around this guy?

 

I don't want to shun you, just knock some sense into you. Walk away from all the drama. That's what you need to do.

[NatalieR]

Oh, I assure you it CAN break. Your head is playing its own mind games with you. Ask a recovering addict - they'll tell you that you just need to be stronger than your addiction (bond) one day at a time.

 

I cannot understand why you are interested of making sense of this situation. Do you really want a guy who knocks up his girlfriend and lies about it? A guy who cheats on his pregnant girlfriend? A guy still sleeping with his girlfriend despite professing his love for you? A guy who stays with a woman who makes up a fake pregnancy? None of the versions of the "truth" you're proposing is sounding better than the others, are they? Whether he is playing games or his girlfriend made up a fake pregnancy, or she did have a miscarriage... none of it matters because he is not yours.

 

What "friend" set you up with a guy who wasn't single? I hope that person isn't in the "group" you were hanging out... that's despicable. That's not a "friend." And why oh why are you accepting invitations to hang out places when you know it involves being around this guy?

 

I don't want to shun you, just knock some sense into you. Walk away from all the drama. That's what you need to do.

 

The guy who set us up isn't my friend anymore. He actually started to hate me when me and this guy lasted too long. He said we made it into a big issue. But he only hated me not the guy

[Lobe]

The guy who set us up isn't my friend anymore. He actually started to hate me when me and this guy lasted too long. He said we made it into a big issue. But he only hated me not the guy

 

Gross. Good riddance.

 

Are you wanting to get back with this guy or just figure out if he's playing with you? If you're already NC, why not leave it that way?

[Gloria_Smellons]

It should never be surprising when a liar chooses to lie.

 

You already know that he's capable of deceipt, so trying to figure out the ins and outs and truths and untruths of his tales at this point are a pointless exercise.

 

I made it a personal policy to take everything my exmm said with a sea load of salt. That helped me tremendously because at least I managed not to spend (too much) time asking myself 'Why would he say x and y if it wasn't true?'

 

Why does anyone lie? I suppose it's because they get something out of it. I don't think this requires any further thought than that. Your energy would be far better spent focusing on yourself.

[13Hearts]

He's twisting reality, telling lies, and lying by omission in order to achieve what HE wants. He is not capable of a normal, healthy relationship. He screws people around, he screws his GF around, you around, and even people in the group of friends. It also sounds like some of your "friends" are in on his game.

 

If you want the truth, you won't find it with him.