lostlove12 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Hi all, first: thank you in advance for any advice. I met my boyfriend 1 year ago. During that time, he broke up with me twice, once in November, another time this February and finally, last week. Always because I don’t make enough efforts, and am inconsiderate of his feelings. Last year, after he broke up, he slept with another girl (that he dated for a few months before me) about 5 days after. We got back together after 1 week and a half and he told me what he did two weeks later. He told me he did not do anything wrong because we were broken up, so he could do whatever he wanted. I was very hurt but blinded by love, he was sort of right because we were broken up so we continued. Fast forward to this February, he broke up with me again because he thought I was being inconsiderate of him and his feelings once again. Then we met one week later again on Valentine’s Day and he told me he slept with a girl he used to see before me. I was devastated, but once again, his usual excuse was that we were broken up so he did noting wrong. I did do anything with anyone. We got back together, and everything was perfect since then. He changed or I thought he finally realized that I was not going anywhere that I truly cared for him, and our relationship. Whenever we had an argument, we would take some time apart, then we would meet up to discuss and resolve any issue. Until last Thursday; we had some issues for the past few weeks. I did not have a job and was actively looking, him as well, and it was very difficult. Last week, after a few days being in an argument, he texted me that I am giving him anxiety and stress, and that I have to go get my stuff from his apartment (we are not living together), and ciao. I did exactly that and did not even exchange a word with him. One day later, he texts me telling me why I am always like this (doing nothing to resolve things) and am not caring and being inconsiderate. He told me that he does not recognize me, asking me where is the girl that would fight for this relationship. I texted him that he broke up with her (again), and wished him good luck with the future. We texted again during the week-end. For him, he said he broke up with me because I was being neglectful where he was not, that he was there for me all the time but I was not. I just said that he could have asked for a break instead of taking such an extreme measure and break up with me. I was hurt because I thought he has stopped doing that for good, but for him he did nothing wrong, he broke up because I was not listening otherwise. We met yesterday for me to give him back his keys, and he told me that I keep making this about ME, but it’s about him. I did things wrong and am not doing anything to arrange it. To which I replied that he did not have to break up with me! Then he said that he has a date in a few days and I was so hurt once again. He kept telling me that what he decided to do while we are NOT together is none of my business and he can go do whatever he wants because we are broken up. I begged him to meet and talk. He texted me yesterday night that he will “give me another chance and allow me to talk to him another time”. That I better stop taking my time and make mistakes towards us if I don’t want him to make “mistakes” as well. To stop give him that sad story about what he does after X amount of days after our break up, after X amount of years together because he does not care and it is his last warning concerning that. If I don’t like it : to remain single, but if I want to discuss, we will find a moment soon. I did not reply, and he sent me another message saying that he is taking for granted that I accept what he presents. I did not reply since yesterday. He texted me already telling me that I am doing my child again and not replying on purpose. But I feel like I don’t know what to reply. Any thoughts?? I feel he knows my weakness (that I get hurt every time he sleeps with someone else when we break up) and uses it against me. I just don’t know what to do. Should I just never reply and block him and cry my eyes out until I get over him and accept the fact that he’ll go sleep around to hurt me, or send a text (such as good luck) or I don’t know what exactly to send. Now that I have not replied all day, he keeps calling me! I feel so hurt right now. But he keeps telling me I am the one who hurt him repeatedly for the past weeks and that I do not understand how he feels, making it all about me. I need strength!
clia Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I honestly think you should never respond, block him entirely, and move on with your life. This is insanity! (And be prepared for him to come back to you and to move heaven and earth to reach you, because something tells me he will.) 7
JewelD Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Don't say anything. and don't believe anything he says. He's a bum, cry your eyes out and move on. He has the nerve to disrespect you like that and then try to make you feel bad about it. First time it happens, you're learning his behavior. After that, you're allowing him to treat you like crap. He will not change because you have already made it abundantly clear that you'll put up with his bs. Stop putting up with it. Ghost his ass. Oh, and he def did do something wrong. I'd bet anything he was talking to that girl waaaayyy before yall broke up. 2
Zahara Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 He is an absolute jerk. He's controlling and manipulative. I think he finds fault with you to use it as an excuse to cheat. When he's done cheating, he pulls you back in. Under the guise of "we were broken up." And I have a strong feeling he has cheated behind your back -- when you were both in a relationship. And you don't want to be with someone that threatens to end it with you when you don't behave or treat him the way he believes he deserves. And it's called gaslighting. It is a form of mental abuse whereby you are manipulated into doubting your truth, feelings, etc. He is blaming it all on you and taking the focus off his bad behavior -- see how you are doubting yourself because he says so? Block him. This is detrimental to your self-esteem. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Stop letting him come back to you. He is an emotionally abusive jerk, and breaks up with you so that he can have sex with other women without guilt. Believe me when I say he's probably done and is currently doing a hell of a lot more you don't know about too. Here's what's very likely going on: he talks to other girls behind your back, and when he realizes he has a shot with them, he picks an argument with you, then breaks up with so he can sleep with anyone he wants. These girls aren't appearing out of nowhere within days of each break-up, OP. They've been on his radar and might not even know you exist. Why do you think he wanted all of your things out of his place immediately? So the girl he had invited over wouldn't wonder why he has women's items around. I speak from experience, having dated a guy like this. Stay away from him. Get yourself tested for STIs. Work on your self-esteem so you have the strength to keep users like this out of your life. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 OMG, I'm exhausted just reading this. How can you not be??? Seriously OP, this is taking toxic relationship to a whole other level. Run. 4
kendahke Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Girl... block him and keep going with your life without him. Seriously. You do not need a manipulating arse like him in your life. He wants you to not have a problem with him bringing you sloppy seconds just because he broke up with you before helping himself to OPP... and when you do, it's your fault that you are insulted by him dragging it back to you. I mean, should you be overjoyed when someone throws up on your shoe? He's manipulating you and gaslighting you. You can do way better than this--and you already know that because you've been demonstrating that, in theory, you get this. In practicum, you're struggling because perhaps you want him as your boyfriend so badly that you're second guessing your head, which is telling you to not respond to his stupidity. Leave him be. Block him in every way and let him go debase himself with whoever he wants. It doesn't mean that you are obligated to be OK with it.
Author lostlove12 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 Yes he does not have to tell me but he does because he knows it's sensitive to me. Since today, he called me at least 15 times, tried to call my mom as well at least 6-7 times (She knows everything and does not want to ever talk to him again and blocked him on her Facebook account) and texted me that he's honestly and sincerely sorry, that he is so worried, begging me to tell him I'm at least ok. This is so hard. I feel like he's not truly apologizing, he is just freaking out because I am not giving any news whatsoever (like any person would) but I would so want to answer but I don't see it changing. Right now he's in my position. I remember when I used to call him non stop and he would not answer on purpose or even worse block me everywhere completely. Its just so hard because I am not like that. I don't like making someone suffer even though I always get hurt..
Zahara Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) He's frantic because his puppet isn't there anymore. You've changed the pattern and he can't take it, not because he loves you but because he's lost control over you. Of course he's apologizing. He's going to pull out a ton of magic tricks to get you to fall for all the fakery. Trust he didn't care about you when he was cheating and laying on top of someone else but now he's so worried and just needs to know you're okay? Yes, it's his way of making you break. You're not hurting him in an emotional way i.e. heartbreak. His ego is bruised and he's lost control -- that's about it. Edited July 22, 2016 by Zahara 3
LostOnes05 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 If someone spits in your face, wipes it off and then says sorry, would you ever talk to them again? Even after you forgive the first offense, they spit in your face again. As usual they wipe it off and say sorry. Do you keep them around, keep them close? NO. Essentially, that's what he is doing to you...spitting in your face over and over and over again. It's time to wipe it off yourself this time and put a void stamp on this "relationship". "Give me another chance and allow me to talk to him another time”...Really? I don't know about everyone else, but this irked my nerves quite a bit (I'm a guy). He will "allow" you to talk to him another time? He sounds incredibly manipulative. He wants to do what he wants under the guise of being single for weeks at a time, and then come back to you like he cares. However, I bet if you slept with someone while single he would give birth to an elephant and call you every name he could think of. Don't cry over guys like this...they are a dime a dozen...maybe even a penny. At this point, you're only wasting your time entertaining his antics. Good luck! Delete.Block.Sleep.Repeat. 1
kendahke Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Yes he does not have to tell me but he does because he knows it's sensitive to me. Since today, he called me at least 15 times, tried to call my mom as well at least 6-7 times (She knows everything and does not want to ever talk to him again and blocked him on her Facebook account) and texted me that he's honestly and sincerely sorry, that he is so worried, begging me to tell him I'm at least ok. This is so hard. I feel like he's not truly apologizing, he is just freaking out because I am not giving any news whatsoever (like any person would) but I would so want to answer but I don't see it changing. Right now he's in my position. I remember when I used to call him non stop and he would not answer on purpose or even worse block me everywhere completely. Its just so hard because I am not like that. I don't like making someone suffer even though I always get hurt.. Suffer? You're not making him do a bloody thing, sweetie. That is how he manipulates you. He is doing exactly what he wants to do. Didn't he say that to you earlier: he could do whatever he wanted Yeah. That. He is launching the charm offensive. (The word "charm" is dark.) He's off balance because he's not used to push back. Your mom was correct to block him on social media. You should, too.
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Have you ever heard the term -- Door mat? Stop being one! 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Hi lostlove12, Please refer to the two threads I have made in the past. This guy sound almost exactly like my ex. I've been through hell with him but i finally kicked that trash like a bad habit. My advice? Cut contact with him. Block his number/email/social media. The sooner you rid him from your life, the better. Needless to say, he is an emotionally abusive jerk. Good luck.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 OP, he is not suffering because he loves or cares about you. He's upset because he's not in control at the moment. That is why he's trying to pressure you into contacting him. Don't make the mistake of assuming this is a measure of his love for you. It's not. What kind of tool freaks out and contacts your mom repeatedly? What a freak. Find your self-respect and keep him away from you. He's playing you like a fiddle and sounds....unstable. 4
juniorrocha Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 He's upset because he's not in control at the moment. That is why he's trying to pressure you into contacting him. Don't make the mistake of assuming this is a measure of his love for you. It's not. This, this, this! That guy will do you no good. He's already proven that. Don't be a fool and move on. You deserve someone better.
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Do not ever go near this guy ever again. If you do he will only do the same again. Stay strong, stay away.
zi11 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 OMG ditch that guy immediately and move on with your life. I'm sure you are beautiful and smart girl and that there is a special guy waiting for you. Don't waste your time anymore with this stupid immature guy. Let me give you an excellent advice. If you have a bicycle, ride it... ride it nature, ride it across town. It will give you a positive energy and positive vibes. It will make you instantly forget about stupid things and focus your thought on something more beautiful: LIFE! Everything else will follow, believe me! Wish you all the luck!
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