Rexxy Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Hey everyone, I went on a date last night with a girl that I met a week ago, we did an array of different activities from watching fireworks, to playing an arcade. The whole night she was grabbing my arm, bumping into me while walking, standing really close to me when we stopped to talk, staring into my eyes for longer than 3 seconds (where it starts to feel like a long time), and was laughing at everything I said. At the end of the night she dropped me off home by car and we sat and talked for another 20 mins, she was grabbing and brushing her hair like crazy while looking into my eyes so I decided to go in for the kiss. It came off really awkward and she gave me the cheek only. I hopped out of the care and said "Drive home safely" About 15 mins later she texted me saying Her: Thank you for such a fun evening! Hope you had a good time, goodnight Me: I'm glad you had fun. Thanks for showing me around. Goodnight Her: & I'm sorry for that awkward cheek thing... I thought you were going in for a hug and totally misjudged that situation/ panicked I didn't mean for that to happen Me: You don't need to be sorry, my fault for rushing things. Don't worry about it ------------------------------- The next day I texted her apologizing for making it awkward and she replied with: Her: It's okay! I just wanna at least start things off as friends while we get to know each other y'know? Ofcourse we will! We're gonna go hiking forsure And now shes inviting me out again tonight with her friends and organising hiking with me What do you think about this situation?? Edited July 21, 2016 by Rexxy
preraph Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 First dates and first kisses/hugs are often very awkward. As long as she is inviting you to stuff, continue to try to kiss her at the end of the night. She opened the door when she said she didn't mean for that to happen anyway. Now, she may change her mind and decide, naw, she just wants to be friends, but don't let that happen. Just kiss her and go on the assumption it's a real date. If she pulls the plug on kissing again, move on. 1
JewelD Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I think she explained it fairly well. It was an awkward thing that happened. and she wants to start off as friends. I wouldn't try to kiss her again on the next date. If you get a third date, go for it, but watch for signs. You could even just ask her. If she's not into it and you bulldoze your way in there, that might freak her out. 1
IslandDude Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I think you're all good man. Keep going out with her and it will happen. You're ahead of the game because at least she knows you want to kiss her already. It's better to be in this situation now than to be on date 3 and not have tried to kiss her yet with her wondering if you're even interested.
VeveCakes Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Nah she friend zoned you. She even said "start of as friends". Don't waste your time. 2
kolleamm Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 See where it goes, you got nothing to lose. Trust your instinct however on anything you think seems off. If I've learned anything from dating it's that no matter how well you think it's going it hardly ever reveals the truth. 1
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 It's all good. First dates and first kisses are always awkward. She sounds interested. Hopefully, she will be expecting the kiss next time;)
morrowrd Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 You're putting alot of emphasis on a first date, and an awkward kiss. It was awkward for her too don't forget. Go with the flow, don't do anything that doesn't feel right. Instead of looking for a kiss, maybe look for an opportunity to hold hands. Maybe start with that, if she holds hands I'm sure eventually you'll get your kiss.....and beyond. 1
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 And wanted to add, some girls don't like to rush into the physical. In that case, she may think of you as a "friend" for the first few dates. Don't sweat it. Just have fun and let things happen as naturally as possible. 1
todreaminblue Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 i feel its better to start off as friends while first dating.....if you know its a date to begin with and not just a hang out....there is a difference...if you take out the pressure of that first kiss and keep it to getting to know one another...when the kiss eventually comes up...it doesnt feel as contrived and more a natural progression in building a connection...there afre quite a few girls who dont kiss on the first date or prefer not to...a cheek kiss and a hug is appropriate i feel at the end of a first date and a second...possibly a third........preferable to me anyway...i like to knwo the guy i kiss.....kissing to me is really intimate...it means a lot.... just make sure that when you go out alone together...that its certainly a date and not a chill session.....good luck..deb 1
LostOnes05 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 It's okay! I just wanna at least start things off as friends while we get to know each other y'know? Ofcourse we will! We're gonna go hiking forsure She just friended you. Someone saying that is never a good sign. Think of it this way, when you go to ask her out again say 6 months after being "friends" then you will be just like a brother to her, or she won't want to mess up the friendship. Someone who likes you, wants to date you and build a friendship while doing so. And now shes inviting me out again tonight with her friends and organising hiking with me Another bad sign...an outing with friends. You're toast my friend.
joseb Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I was thinking 'its fine' until I saw the 'start as friends' part. If I heard that UI'd probably just move on tbh, unless you are interested in adding her to your friends (without benefits)
TXGuy Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm going to go against the grain again and give a counterpoint. I think you are screwing things up, but not for the reasons you think. You had an awkward moment, not that big of a deal. She followed up by apologizing for the awkward moment and taking responsibility for it. At that point you were in great shape. Then you kinda blew it by reciprocating the apology about coming on too strong. That was an unfortunate move on your part (perhaps understandable, it was spur of the moment). - 'my fault for rushing things' (mistake, but not a big deal) - The next day I texted her apologizing for making it awkward... (now that mistake was a big deal. You apologized twice when you shouldn't have in the first place) Big mistake. You have totally and probably permanently swung the dynamic to her. You are now the appeaser. As soon as you supplicated the second time, she replied that the two of you should 'start out as friends.' If you don't have much experience dating, then take what she is now willing to give you and build some experience. If you have other options, keep moving. You blew this one. 4
leogirl876 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Nah she friend zoned you. She even said "start of as friends". Don't waste your time. Agreed!!!! Totally friend zoned you! Know why? Because you kept on talking, and talking, and talking and then apologized to her. I don't mean to sound mean, but please, don't talk so much. Men talk me out of liking them and talk their way out of sexual attraction. Women want strong, confident men that let women do more talking. 4
Teknoe Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm going to go against the grain again and give a counterpoint. I think you are screwing things up, but not for the reasons you think. You had an awkward moment, not that big of a deal. She followed up by apologizing for the awkward moment and taking responsibility for it. At that point you were in great shape. Then you kinda blew it by reciprocating the apology about coming on too strong. That was an unfortunate move on your part (perhaps understandable, it was spur of the moment). - 'my fault for rushing things' (mistake, but not a big deal) - The next day I texted her apologizing for making it awkward... (now that mistake was a big deal. You apologized twice when you shouldn't have in the first place) Big mistake. You have totally and probably permanently swung the dynamic to her. You are now the appeaser. As soon as you supplicated the second time, she replied that the two of you should 'start out as friends.' If you don't have much experience dating, then take what she is now willing to give you and build some experience. If you have other options, keep moving. You blew this one. I like this advice, and agree with it. Let's break it down: Her: & I'm sorry for that awkward cheek thing... I thought you were going in for a hug and totally misjudged that situation/ panicked I didn't mean for that to happen Me: You don't need to be sorry, my fault for rushing things. I wouldn't have apologized for rushing things. It sounded like she was into you and open for a kiss, so why did you apologize? Especially after she apologized... there was no need to say sorry back! HOWEVER, it's not the end of the world. It just would have been better had you not say "my fault for rushing things." The next day I texted her apologizing for making it awkward and she replied with: Her: It's okay! I just wanna at least start things off as friends while we get to know each other y'know? Of course we will! We're gonna go hiking for sure Once there is an awkward bump in any relationship, and you've acknowledged it once, MOVE ON. Why keep heaping back to it and making the girl double guess herself about her feelings toward you? It just repels girls. What you should have done was text her something like "Hey, there's this [fun event] going on next ____. Let's check it out! Pick you up at ___?" That is assertive, and shows you're a confident man who knows what you want. If she can't make it, BUT is still interested, she'll counter with a rain check. MUCH better than what you actually did: apologizing once again for the awkward kiss cheek thing. It makes her think "oh, it's almost like he's treating me as a sister now. OK. Fine. Friend zone." I know it sucks man, but live and learn. Generally speaking, if a girl is digging you, the little things won't matter. But there are little nuances you need to avoid (i.e. double apologizing) that can sabotage a budding relationship.
PogoStick Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 She apologized first, imagine if instead your response was more like "I'll let you make it up to me". or "I can't be friends with someone who might be a bad kisser" (in a teasing tone) - fun and flirty, instead you're testing her, challenging her to validate her worth to you. If a girl said she wants to start as friends, a more satisfying response would be "I'm not looking for another friend. Give me a call when you're looking for something more". Then you can walk away with your dignity, and not waste any time with a poor prospect. Again it puts the burden on her to move things forward. Either she does (great). Or she doesn't, and you don't waste any time because you're already moving on to the next prospect (also great). You should in fact, try to kiss her again on the hike. Sometime 1/2 way when you reach the top or when you stop for some amazing view. You'll get your answer that way and can either move forward with her, or move on.
Omei Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) Nah she friend zoned you. She even said "start of as friends". Don't waste your time. That doesn't mean he may be wasting his time it depends on her. I myself need my next partner to start off as a friend because of how slow I need to take it she could be in the same boat. A hurt person may want to see a partner actually value them before getting physical I don't blame her for waiting if a guy needs intimacy or he's just gonna walk away instead of building something then I say fine walk away. Edited July 22, 2016 by Omei
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 You had an awkward moment, not that big of a deal. She followed up by apologizing for the awkward moment and taking responsibility for it. At that point you were in great shape. Then you kinda blew it by reciprocating the apology about coming on too strong. That was an unfortunate move on your part (perhaps understandable, it was spur of the moment). - 'my fault for rushing things' (mistake, but not a big deal) - The next day I texted her apologizing for making it awkward... (now that mistake was a big deal. You apologized twice when you shouldn't have in the first place) Big mistake. You have totally and probably permanently swung the dynamic to her. I agree, she highlighted the awkward moment, and said she didn't mean to give you the wrong impression, FINE. End of conversation. At that point there was no need for you to apologise, what for? You didn't grab her boob or act inappropriately, did you? NO, you just tried to kiss her and it didn't come off as you hoped. NO BIG DEAL. THEN you to do more apologising the next day... And now she is going, who is this guy? Go on the hike, but do not mention the awkwardness and definitely do NOT do even more apologising... even as a "joke". Take your time and kiss her when she is focussed on you, so there are no more awkward moments. 1
Author Rexxy Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 I've read through all the responses and know first hand that apologizing for the second time was weak but not the end of the world. The only reason I apologized the second time is because I need a friend that is my age around here because I just moved from Australia to Canada and don't know anyone around here. I thought that If I keep her as a friend I could meet other girls my age through her and possibly date others. I would still be open to dating this girl but I also want to keep her around so I meet other people my age. I don't know if that sounds selfish but I'm all alone in this new country and don't have much choice.
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I was thinking 'its fine' until I saw the 'start as friends' part. Yeah same here, she said she wanted to be friends and organised your next meeting as a group outing. Totally friend-zoned. Not because of the apologising. People don't make decisions for such small reasons. Likely she was feeling friend-y, that's why she gave you the cheek in the first place. Apology or not, it wouldn't have gone any other way. You could still go on the hiking thing as friends, maybe she has some nice friends you could date. 1
salparadise Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 That doesn't mean he may be wasting his time it depends on her. I myself need my next partner to start off as a friend because of how slow I need to take it she could be in the same boat. A hurt person may want to see a partner actually value them before getting physical I don't blame her for waiting if a guy needs intimacy or he's just gonna walk away instead of building something then I say fine walk away. That's right, it all depends on her. Meaning she expects to be pursued, wined and dined and all that entails without reciprocation. The guy invests in a potential relationship for weeks or months, then at some point one of three things happen... a) she finally accepts him as a romantic partner (least likely outcome), b) she finds a new guy who makes her wet and starts phukking him immediately, c) the guy finally gets tired of the one-way deal, decides to cut his losses and move on. It's a losing proposition any way you look at it. Best not to play that game. In rare instances it might work out, but more likely a waste of time, resources and most importantly a guys emotions and dignity. Sometimes women may use the "friend" word as a way of feigning demure, in which case it can still progress, but if she seriously FZs you then the best thing is to say no thanks and disappear. I say give it another try and go for the kiss the next time you see her. If she gives you the cheek again, back away. She might come to you (however unlikely) after she realizes that you aren't going to subjugate yourself to her whim. 1
PogoStick Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I thought that If I keep her as a friend I could meet other girls my age through her and possibly date others. I would still be open to dating this girl but I also want to keep her around so I meet other people my age. I don't know if that sounds selfish but I'm all alone in this new country and don't have much choice. That's not selfish. It's smart. It's the one thing guys fail to see when being "rejected" by a girl. If she's attractive, her friends probably are too. Plus, in a bar or social setting an attractive friend can be an amazing wing woman! It would be fine to keep her as a friend. The only caveat is that you shouldn't put too much emphasis on this one girl even as a friend. There are 100 others who will happily play tour guide and wing woman with you.
Author Rexxy Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 So I have some things to add to this story I'm going away for 2 weeks and I let her know. She said she's really going to miss me while I'm gone. Then after that she's planning things with me during the winter (which is like 6 months away) Saying things like "I'm going to have to keep you warm during winter because you never wear sweaters :D" and planning trips to other places? Always asking me how my day was, etc.. Does this girl just want to take things slow or should I just treat her like a friend? I've dated a lot of girls but I've never experienced this before
joseb Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 So I have some things to add to this story I'm going away for 2 weeks and I let her know. She said she's really going to miss me while I'm gone. Then after that she's planning things with me during the winter (which is like 6 months away) Saying things like "I'm going to have to keep you warm during winter because you never wear sweaters :D" and planning trips to other places? Always asking me how my day was, etc.. Does this girl just want to take things slow or should I just treat her like a friend? I've dated a lot of girls but I've never experienced this before Short answer - you don't know, and maybe she doesn't even know. If you find her attractive (I'm not sure you do now based on what you say about keeping her as a friend) then make a move. Perhaps she is on the fence because of the lack of intimacy and she could be swayed.
salparadise Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Does this girl just want to take things slow or should I just treat her like a friend? I've dated a lot of girls but I've never experienced this before I don't think she's thinking of it as platonic at all. She's just being extremely constrained with respect to any kind of physical intimacy, even a kiss. Now that you've had the conversation, I think you need to push it forward. If she continues to resist ask for an explanation. It may be that she's just too constrained to engage in a satisfactory romantic relationship. The only way to figure it out is by trying to move it forward. If she continues to be that constrained I think you should pass. You won't be happy.
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