Really don't get! Short term relationship

[WhoKnowsReally]

Hi all.My ex and I met in Jan this year online. I wasn't very keen in the beginning but we won me over. By March we were official. He is such a great person. Kind, generous, the works. We had shared very personal things early on as I didn't think it would lead to anything and thought we would just be online friends. It made us close though. He was so sweet in the beginning.very thoughtful and romantic.

 

Quite quickly that changed and those cute little things pretty much stopped. We got comfortable quite quickly and I usually spent 1 week night at his and then the weekend as well. I supported him in his sport. Watched his games etc. We were very comfortable. We even went on a weeks holiday together last month. We had a great time.

 

I noticed along that way that he poked fun at me a lot. Never about my appearance or anything but more about things I liked to do. He questioned a lot of my choices and often seemed to question what I said. It started making me doubt myself. He was extremely shy and unconfident when we met and I noticed how he improved as I built him up. I really treated him well. But every few weeks or so I would get upset and feel like he didn't treat me as he did in the earlier stages. I would speak to him about it and he would get really defensive.

 

I also noticed he'd say negative things about relationships in general towards the end. A few weeks ago we had a bad argument about him not making an effort. He told me he was nervous about us because we were having issues so early on. Realistically these issues were minor in my opinion and we had a great time 95% of the time we were together. Right until the end we were great. Having a good time and enjoying ourselves.

On Saturday it was my birthday. He seemed to really be critical on that day. Questioned things and teased me a lot.

 

I told him before that I didn't enjoy being the topic of his jokes all the time. We went to dinner with my parents and he made me feel bad in front of them. On the way back to his he had another go and I lost it. We got to his and I told him I was done and gave him a mouthful for some time. The whole timeless was defensive and acknowledged nothing. I told him he needs to lighten up and have fun with me instead of being so serious all the time. I went to bed and that was that.

 

Next morning we lay in silence. I felt I had no choice but to get up and pack my stuff and leave. Eventually I burst into tears and we had a chat about how he was thinking about it the night before and he felt that we didn't have enough to say to each other in general. I told him that we never stop talking and he admitted he was probably thinking of stupid things. It was very emotional from both sides and a bit of a blur but he told me he would call me that night to chat. He said I don't need to take all my things but I said it was best.

I asked him that night if he was going to call.

 

He said he needed more time and that he had a horrible day and had a lot to think about.

On Monday morning I asked how he was doing. He said he wasn't good at all and still emotional. He told me nothing was my fault and I must never forget that. At that point I needed the heartache to end and told him it sounds like decisions have been made. He said he was really sorry and that I would meet someone that enjoys doing the things I like to do etc.

 

I replied to say he'll meet the right one for him too. He never replied.

It's 3 days later.

 

I would love the chance to talk to him and talk about this properly but I'm not going to get in touch with him. We were both so upset initially on Sunday and I still feel like it's a bad dream. We really love each other a lot. As much as I hated when he put me down - I knew that if he was more aware of it then he wouldn't do it as much and we could sort that out. Other than that we were so great.

 

I'm starting to feel like there was stuff I was doing that was bothering him that he didn't tell me about. There has to be more to it.

 

His last 2 gfs ended it with him because of his inability to express himself.

He is seeing someone for it. I accepted everything he didn't like about himself and boosted him up whenever I could. I just don't understand it all.

Edited July 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Redhead14]

Hi all.My ex and I met in Jan this year online. I wasn't very keen in the beginning but we won me over. By March we were official. He is such a great person. <Snip>

I'm starting to feel like there was stuff I was doing that was bothering him that he didn't tell me about. There has to be more to it.

His last 2 gfs ended it with him because of his inability to express himself.

He is seeing someone for it. I accepted everything he didn't like about himself and boosted him up whenever I could. I just don't understand it all.

 

His last 2 gfs ended it with him because of his inability to express himself.

He is seeing someone for it.

 

I accepted everything he didn't like about himself and boosted him up whenever I could

 

This man has very low self-esteem. And, the more someone tries to build him "up" the less respect he has for the person he is with. Basically, he doesn't like himself very much and, therefore, there is something wrong with anyone who does like him. He doesn't want to be a member of any club that would have him as a member.

 

Sometimes people who don't like themselves, look for people they feel are flawed or look for flaws in others and will pick on/criticize them as a way to deflect and not focus on their own self view and or boost themselves up in a way.

 

He's a broken man. You would eventually have been broken down yourself by his criticizing and find yourself exhausted by trying to hold him up. YOu would be taking on a project to make him the man you want him to be. He's not put together. Frankenstein did that with his "creation" -- and, he got it to walk around, but it wasn't pretty.

Edited July 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[WhoKnowsReally]

That makes a lot of sense. Think he was bullied as a child. He wasn't ready to talk to me about it. He said he gave to much of himself to make others like him.

[Movingonup]

His last 2 gfs ended it with him because of his inability to express himself.

He is seeing someone for it.

 

I accepted everything he didn't like about himself and boosted him up whenever I could

 

This man has very low self-esteem. And, the more someone tries to build him "up" the less respect he has for the person he is with. Basically, he doesn't like himself very much and, therefore, there is something wrong with anyone who does like him. He doesn't want to be a member of any club that would have him as a member.

 

Sometimes people who don't like themselves, look for people they feel are flawed or look for flaws in others and will pick on/criticize them as a way to deflect and not focus on their own self view and or boost themselves up in a way.

 

He's a broken man. You would eventually have been broken down yourself by his criticizing and find yourself exhausted by trying to hold him up. YOu would be taking on a project to make him the man you want him to be. He's not put together. Frankenstein did that with his "creation" -- and, he got it to walk around, but it wasn't pretty.

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. What Redhead said seems to make a lot of sense though. Unless he is free of all his issues, I don't think you should consider being in touch with him, because the cycle will begin again.

[WhoKnowsReally]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. What Redhead said seems to make a lot of sense though. Unless he is free of all his issues, I don't think you should consider being in touch with him, because the cycle will begin again.

 

Thanks. I don't think he realizes he has such a problem though.

I also figured I would have heard on him by now just to see how I am since it was such an emotional goodbye.

 

The only way I would get back together with him is if I could speak to his therapist with him.