Jaker1993 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) Hi guys never posted anything like this before but I really am stuck for help and down in the dumps. I was with a girl for a year. It started off well, but then we argued and the arguments got way out of hand. I used to think it was all me, but I know it wasn't. She does blame me for most of it though. We saw each other pretty much everyday, I did so much for her. Anyways after trying to make it work, the last argument went too far and she said we can no longer be together. Although we argued, we also had very good times and made some amazing memories. We broke up before and after 2 days she realized she was wrong and asked for me back. After the second break up I really knew deep down that maybe I could of helped things a bit more and so could she. She was extremely heartless and twisted everything I said to her during this breakup. I helped her so much with her diabetes and she just said I put her down all the time which is a lie. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I did the whole begging thing because I was so lost and she just didn't want to know at all and blocked all contact with me. So I tried to move on but she was messaging a family member saying how she missed the family. About 3 months later, they asked if she would speak to me, she said she wasn't ready and now wasn't a great time. I pretty much thought about her everyday and I wouldn't say I moved on because deep down I was waiting for her to come back. I told the family member I want to see her and somehow she found out and rang me, the phone call was horrible she kept saying there's no chance we can ever get back together and why are you doing this now. Though I've wanted to speak to her, I couldn't as she blocked all contact. I said she was the love of my life. My life is going pretty amazing but it's missing you and the time away has made me realize what needs to change for us to be happy. She said she has moved on and proceeded to tell me some stuff that really broke me down, saying she has met a new guy and it's amazing he treats her so perfect and her life is so good. The guy had apparently left a 10 year marriage for her and loads of things had to be sorted for it to work. She was rubbing it in my face so badly this absolutely tore me apart because I really wanted her back. I feel as if I'm now back to square one. She knows I'm doing really well with my life but I did get upset on the phone. I'm 23 and she is 20, I just can't bare the thought of her being with someone else and she uses everything against me. I do I miss her so much but I can't keep putting myself through all this hurt whilst she continues to be so "happy" without me. She drinks a lot of alcohol and smokes with type 1 diabetes she doesn't really care about her life, but she seems to love hurting me when she can. I don't know what to do anymore, I've been on other dates but nothing feels the same. Every one says to let her go but it kills me inside because I know what needs to be changed to make it work me and my family done so much for her. Please help me guys I've been dreading writing a post I thought I'd be strong enough to just let go but I can't. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Edited July 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for paragraphs and clarity. ~ V 1
BenDamage Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Well first of all, when an ex tries to rub something in your face and make you jealous and tell you that they are 'happy', they are anything but. She is probably as miserable as you, but she's trying to act like she's not to get under your skin. Now does that sound like someone you would want to be with in the long haul? Someone who plays childish games with you in AND out of a relationship? What you need to do is take some time to yourself. This time around YOU block all contact from HER. This will drive her nuts. Right now she has you under her thumb because she knows she can get in touch with you at any time and keep you on a leash so to speak. Take time for yourself, work on you. Make a pros and cons list about her and y'alls relationship and see which outweighs the other. You have to think about whether it would be truly beneficial for YOU to get back with her. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Take your power back. Personally I'd say she needs to do some major changing on her part before I would ever consider taking her back IF she came back, and by then you might not even want her back, you might have met someone stellar by then. You never know. Best of luck buddy, I know how it feels to want someone so badly but they could care less. 5
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 Thanks mate yeah I know she is just playing childish little games, I am seeing someone else now anyway but I've just found it very hard to forget about her, the whole time I tried to move on I had in the back of my mind that she will come back but that is no good for me. I just wanted her to realise what she lost but now we've spoken again she has shut me right down and I feel like I've gone back to square one again. Thanks for your advice I think its best to just leave it and block all contact with her forever. I've got my life where I want training to be a paramedic shes doing nothing with her life, I just want to remove the thought of her ever coming back that's the only way I shall ever move on but I do know deep down that I want her back which makes it really hard for me shes made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me but I reckon it's like you say childish games saying her new fella is so much better yet he leaves a wife of 10 years for her I mean come on that sounds ridiculous haha. 1
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 (edited) ........... Edited July 21, 2016 by Jaker1993 1
templaardc Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I feel you bro. It's been almost 2 years and I still think about her daily.. it hurts so much 1
steve761 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 You need to understand the fact that you are her ex and if she wants space, you should definitely give it to her because at the end of the by clinging onto her you are causing harm to yourself. If shes bound to be in your life she would come back and at that moment its upto you to decide whether you want her. Respect yourself to walk from things that dont make you happy. you are just 23 go out and meet people you would find someone better. Good takes time you need to be patient. Good luck. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Jaker. I don't think about my exes when I am happy. I only think about them when I feel lonely. Your ex is toxic and she knows how to play your emotions. As soon as you realise this, accept it and take action against it you will start to heal. Until you go completely no contact you will continue to be drip fed this crap and all it will do is hold you back. I know this sounds harsh but think of it like this. If you break your leg and the bones are sticking out at all angles, you have to reset that leg for it to heal properly or it will cause pain for ever more. You need to reset your heart so it can heal. 3
fromheart Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Of course she's going to hurt you. She's hurting herself. We can only treat others the way we treat ourselves. Someone like her is really not ready for a relationship. The fact that she needs to rub it in your face, indicates she's very insecure. Was chatting with a paramedic recently, very interesting job which demands your full focus. Go for it. 2
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 Thanks for your responses guys it's really made a difference, I guess she is toxic, I wish I didn't break the no contact but I feel I needed to as I wanted her back, I don't need the negativity in my life shes ruined my happiness and doesn't care one bit about me she knows how I feel about her so I guess the best thing to do is move forward and don't look back I done so much for her and she's twisted everything to say I was everything I wasnt, I'm seeing someone new and shes very understanding but I do feel bad because im still feeling like this, must be pretty toxic to ruin a 10 year relationship or marriage lol that's either a big lie or it just won't last, I do wish she'd realise she has lost someone who deeply cared about her but dosent look she ever will. Want her to hurt like she hurt me 1
Redhead14 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I feel you bro. It's been almost 2 years and I still think about her daily.. it hurts so much You don't miss her, you miss the woman you wish/imagine she could be. The relationship was frought with drama and obviously there are some poor conflict resolution skills between you. This does not make for a healthy relationship. Find other things to occupy your mind -- find a new hobby, do things you've wanted to do but haven't yet, spend more time with friends and family. Observe your relationships with those people and realize just how much better things should have been between you and her. 3
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 But if I realise how they should of been then that will only make me want to try again ? 1
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 bendamage should i basically just never contact her again? even if she dosent contact me? 1
Satu Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 NC is your best option. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 3
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 Just feel abit worthless as she has moved on and found someone who is apparently so much better than me etc
Toodaloo Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 Just feel abit worthless as she has moved on and found someone who is apparently so much better than me etc If you were in no contact you would not know this so it would not bother you. Quit comparing yourself to others. Those that shine do so because they do not compare instead they go and set the standard for others to work towards. Be the man you want to be and like the man who looks at you in the mirror that is all you need to worry about.
Author Jaker1993 Posted July 27, 2016 Author Posted July 27, 2016 Thank you I am in no contact now and starting to be happier but I wish she would end up realising and regretting that shes lost someone that really did care, I'm working on myself and trying to not worry about the situation anymore
Densel Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 I was in a similar situation. My ex in her 30s also suddenly tell me she like a new guy, saying he is very sweet blah blah blah. The most absurb thing the new guy even came to her home. Showing off/rubbing it into face. I never lost my composure. You should keep up with nc. We should respect ourselves by leaving the drama.
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