Henvin Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Hi, I'm a 24 (m) dating a 24 (f). We've been dating a month and things were going great but she started acted strange and uneasy to the point that she revealed to me she still likes her ex. She also says she also likes me and she says us dating isn't right yet. She says she's confused. I really liked this girl but I decided to walk away from her but I also told her she can return to me if she knows what she truly wants. She got really emotional and she said she doesn't want to say goodbye to me. She says she'll always be there for me. So I guess my question is, I'm applying no contact with her but what is the likelihood she'll ever get back to me?
MLP11 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Hi, I'm a 24 (m) dating a 24 (f). We've been dating a month and things were going great but she started acted strange and uneasy to the point that she revealed to me she still likes her ex. She also says she also likes me and she says us dating isn't right yet. She says she's confused. I really liked this girl but I decided to walk away from her but I also told her she can return to me if she knows what she truly wants. She got really emotional and she said she doesn't want to say goodbye to me. She says she'll always be there for me. So I guess my question is, I'm applying no contact with her but what is the likelihood she'll ever get back to me? How long ago did things end with her ex and how did they end? Did she break up with him or vice versa? Sounds like she is using you as an emotional crutch to move past her ex but couldn't tell you without more details
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Her offer to be there for you is almost entirely emotional and in the moment. If things work out with her ex or someone else, believe me, that offer will become hollow. The certainty is that she still has feelings for her ex. You did the right thing. Please move on. Please. It is rarely a good idea to get back with someone who has had feelings for an ex while dating you. Find someone who doesn't have such issues. Just my thoughts.
bummer Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Any warning signs that you are more into her than she was into you? Who initiates dates, texts, etc? She's clearly in rebound mode with lots of comparing and confusion going on in her head. I think after only a month, it's very unlikely she will come back to you. She likely may rebound some more to get her footing. Good luck out there!
bachdude Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 It's refreshing, honestly, to see someone post here who had a healthy response to a situation. She isn't emotionally available for a relationship at this point and you recognized it and let her go. I think the next healthy thing is to do is move on. Depending on how long she was with her ex, it may take quite a while for her to be truly ready for another relationship. Waiting for her could be a huge waste of your time and you may be passing up other great women who are emotionally available. And not only that, you need to become emotionally available at this point as well.
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 She isn't emotionally available for a relationship at this point and you recognized it and let her go. I think the next healthy thing is to do is move on. Depending on how long she was with her ex, it may take quite a while for her to be truly ready for another relationship. Waiting for her could be a huge waste of your time and you may be passing up other great women who are emotionally available. And not only that, you need to become emotionally available at this point as well. Some people never recover from either a really bad breakup or what they see as the perfect relationship where the other person left them (for whatever reason) In general you don't ever want to be the "rebound", but depending how long they were together or the level of emotional commitment they had, she may never be ready. Some people, in my experiences more often women, given the opportunity, will leave a good thing, a great thing, to try to get back to what they thought was the greatest thing ever. Even if the other person is just playing with them You don't want to be in the middle of that.
kendahke Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Hi, I'm a 24 (m) dating a 24 (f). We've been dating a month and things were going great but she started acted strange and uneasy to the point that she revealed to me she still likes her ex. She also says she also likes me and she says us dating isn't right yet. She says she's confused. I really liked this girl but I decided to walk away from her but I also told her she can return to me if she knows what she truly wants. She got really emotional and she said she doesn't want to say goodbye to me. She says she'll always be there for me. So I guess my question is, I'm applying no contact with her but what is the likelihood she'll ever get back to me? Don't consider it like that. ANYTIME anyone says to you "I'm confused", it means there is someone else to whom they're giving equal intimate/emotional consideration and they don't know who to choose. They're trying to hedge their bets by trying to keep you close with that lame, worn out, tired line of "I don't want to say goodbye--I want you as my emotional tampon friend. In a box, high up on the shelf where you'll stay until she feels like climbing up and getting you down. Consider it that she isn't over her ex; she probably told him she's dating you and he's effing with her head--and her giving him even 10 seconds thought means she's not done with him. So don't waste your precious time keeping a door open to someone who can't make up her her mind to go forward. She likes the drama of what he brought and that's why she gives him a wide berth. There are other girls you can like who aren't emotionally mired with the drama her ex brings. Find them and leave this one where she is. It really doesn't matter who or what she doesn't want to say goodbye to--that's her problem, not yours. You are in no way obliged to accommodate that or her indecisiveness. Keep to the NC and make sure she can't get through to you. What she needs to be saying when you see her face to face is that she's 1. done with her ex for good and has been done with him for some time and 2. she's not confused about anything regarding you and 3. she's ready to move forward. 2
kendahke Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 She says she'll always be there for me. She's lying. She's not going to be there for you. Not as long as she's got a boyfriend who is going to say something to her about a new guy in her life. Given the choice between both of you if you both want her time at the same time, she's going to choose her boyfriend, not you.
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Hi, I'm a 24 (m) dating a 24 (f). We've been dating a month and things were going great but she started acted strange and uneasy to the point that she revealed to me she still likes her ex. She also says she also likes me and she says us dating isn't right yet. She says she's confused. I really liked this girl but I decided to walk away from her but I also told her she can return to me if she knows what she truly wants. She got really emotional and she said she doesn't want to say goodbye to me. She says she'll always be there for me. So I guess my question is, I'm applying no contact with her but what is the likelihood she'll ever get back to me? Well, no contact means you should be deleting her number from your phone and blocking hers, so if you do that, she can't get back you and that's the way it should be. Do you really want to be someone's second thought?
phineas Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 "confused" for her equals focused for me. Focused on deleting that person from my life.
leogirl876 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) "Confused" means I'd like to keep seeing my ex and try to work it out and keep you along just in case it doesn't work out with my ex after all. Anytime I've ever said that, it was because I really didn't want to be with that person, but I didn't want to be alone either or was caught between 2 people. I'd walk away from her and not look back. What's the point? You've been seeing her for 1 month, it's not like you have years invested. Edited July 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Namasteppl Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Translation: I don't value you. I wish I was having my ex balls deep in me instead of you. However, he's a higher value man than you and probably doesn't want me back so I'll keep you around as an emotional tampon. I will throw you a bone every now and then to give you hope until I find a much more manly man who will put me in my place.
indeed7 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 It sounds like you did the right thing. She clearly has strong feelings for her ex...
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