My Girl is killing my Sanity! *LIFE decision, need !*

[timc795]

Hi Love Shack Folks,

First off, thanks for reading this. I will keep this as short as possible but simply put, I have a massive decision to make that will change my life one way or another. I am 36 years old, self employed and pull decent money working online from home (about 1g a week, no big bills or car payments etc.) After both of my parents passed, I went nuts slightly and cut off my family and started a fresh life living in the Caribbean on a well known Island. Loner style. First time poster on an internet forum for ANY help, I truly appreciate any responses. Thank you beforehand.

 

The Situation:

I came down South from the Northeast with little money saved, have been here 8 years and went through a crazy 5 year relationship with a lovely, yet self admitted nut of a girl (very common where I live). I pulled through that relation, we never really lived together, shared little and separated amicably.

 

Here is what happened next in my life..

 

I kept on keeping on. Increased my online business, met some new friends and quickly at a dance club here met a nice girl of 32 yrs. Just coming out a relationship I decided to take it easy. We did however have amazing amazing sex, like a pure click. She is 5'1" and petite, Latina and adorable. Two kids, ****ty job, public housing etc.. No thanks been there, done that. (thing are different that in the states here, good people live in public housing etc, please don't make this a response topic). Anyway, a great girl, but having been through this type of relationship just prior wth the exact same situation, my warning sensors kicked in and I decided to keep looking. However, this girl was very much into me, moving in, great sex, always asking to see me etc.. Whatever money she had, she would pay for us.. She was really trying. She wanted a good man having come from a bad family and bad men.

 

I am lucky enough to be good looking and as a surfer with the "cool" look and personality, I fit in here no worries. So nice looking women are common for me lucky enough. I shortly met another girl after deciding to go slow with the dancer. Well, this never happened in my life, she is a model from a very very well of family, totally likes me and kind of pushed her way into my life fast. I went with the flow while talking with the dancer still. The model would come over to my apartment, was super nice, very relaxed and all smiles. After about a year and still stringing the other girl along, I felt I had to make a choice. Being as I didn't want to play daddy day care to new children and risk the craziness of the somewhat poor girls here and the insanity that follows. I decided my best bet would be to see the model exclusive.

 

This is the first wife material type of woman I have dated. A real winner, any mother would be proud of her son for brining her home. Her Great Uncle's best friend was Albery Einstein I **** you not, tons of photos to prove it because I asked. Her DNA is amazing lol ! She is 32 yrs old, divorced from an abusive ex husband in with whom she moved to the states for 3 years to be with after married. She says never wants to get married again although I think that is just another one of her many many insecurities.

A brilliant lady she is, with an IQ higher than most anyone, we decided to live together. 2nd year, she is great, I get bored at times as sex has slowed( never really picked up to begin with) and she is a bit moody after work. Well, she decided on about our 2.5 yr together mark to buy a nice house on the beach, cash, deal was done in two weeks. She said I could either go with her or stay in my apartment on the beach. I said, yea, I'll go.. The house is amazing, pool, on beach, 4 stories..Insane!

 

She was cool and rather mellow, smart and didn't bust my balls.

 

Well, That changed! After about 6 months in our house I feel F$#king trapped! What have I done! I gave up everything! I sold my car! I lost my apartment! I lost that beautiful petite dancer that went out of her ways multiple times to be with me! Yes, she walked 8 miles down a forestry road with dinner in her hand.. Ahh, she was a workout babe anyway! I lost my friends and blah blah blah..

 

Why did that change and the problem I post: She is an absolute bitch. Zero. like -0 personality now, zero humour and those are my fav features of a Woman! I have NO sex with her, she stopped doing her nails, hair, makeup.. Just like her mom, she is a plain jane now. Her mom is pretty, never wears make up or looks like a stunner. I LIKE stunners, the girl I met! She got lazy! NOW, it is NOT the looks, I REPEAT not the looks that is the problem. We have spoken and she is now again getting dolled up. Problem Solved. Well 1 problem.

 

The BIG problem, she is a BITCH BITCH BITCH I just can't convey that message across correctly. She is pissed at life in the morning, after work bitches at me or some **** ( No hello babe kiss, nothing!) I make dinner every night, go grocery shop for it and drink as much beer as I can now. I am borderline daily drinker, she is driving me to go crazy. Really, she argues about everything, is dominant over me, is a bitch, and zero personality to even justify her looks. I resent her, I hate her now, I want OUT!

 

IU ****ed myself! My money in the bank isn't great, I pay for everything which is the least I could have done since she bought the house. I sold my car when it broke since she was letting me drive her sports car..I DONT care about her looks or the money or the fact she loves me at ALL!

 

Or do I? My life will go back to **** If I leave, she won't let that happen. I am taken care of for life if I stay with her. I am talking millions and millions of dollars. DO I want her for the money? It DOES help yes, don't kid yourself people. BUt, will I feel like I feel right now for the money. never! Than it would be just about the money when it should only be a small part of whats great about a person.

 

Guys die to be around her. I feel dead around her, each day worse and worse. I also feel I gave up the dancer girl who we connected so well. If I go back to the dancer, I feel I am back to the ghetto again. THIS IS MY TICKET out of the everyday persons ghetto and into the high life. First class to Italy next month, want to go? I said no. The money doesn't matter. I am not being treated right.

 

 

My Question:

I have to leave right? I am not happy.. I am low on cash, I can stay she said and save for a few months to get into somewhere nice again like I had. Check. That's cool. She admits she is a bitch, why wouldn't she change?! She can't, she tries she says and it is only getting worse and worse. I am obviously a free spirit from my lifestyle and she is so far from that. An introvert that reads a book everynight and falls asleep before me while I listen to music and build a website for 5 hrs. Crawl into the bed and feel zero connection..

 

I have to leave, should I go back to the dancer girl who I still fantasize about? She could be nuts to in a few months time! Jeese, should I stick with this chick I am with and suck it up, keep my mouth shut we she as an absolute C#nt on a daily basis? F me, I should stay, nothing like being rich..I would hurt her with her Own money, I can't! I would go find new women in her car, I would never..

 

I am leaving, or should I? Go to the dancer or do me? BTW, I am scared of "doing me". I get myself in trouble..From my 1% friends in a bike club, to heavy drinking and craziness. I find trouble when I am alone.. I am grounded with this girl. Is that a tradeoff? My sanity to feel safe and secure in life? I will NEVER know how those pretty young girls can go with old men just for the money. Your sanity and dignity are of importance..How can money replace that!

 

Help Please..I tried to keep it short, but there is alot more to me and this situation just not key points for the post.

Edited July 21, 2016 by timc795

[CarrieT]

Why would you stay in a miserable situation just for money?

 

Do you honestly think having the money is going to make you happy?

 

Nope....

[timc795]

Thanks for your response.

 

Yea bro, I know that. I stated multiple times I can't and would never stay in a relationship for the money in my OP.

 

However I might be kidding myself. Put yourself in my shoes. You ARE set for life.. Have you ever driven around in a 2015 Lamborghini? Does your town kiss your ass because they know your wife is rich and she is basically the Governor's daughter? No. I doubt it and I am shocked I am with a powerful woman of this nature. Maybe to good to be true? Either deal with the bitch and be set monetarily or go back to basically a **** dirty punkers life. Ya know? Close your eyes, what would you do? If I said you could stop working tomorrow but had to deal with a bitch everyday.. Would you?

I am super stuck, but the bad isn't bad enough to leave, she is as close as one can get to making a guy run. She is so smart, she knows when to back off to keep me here.

[CarrieT]

Yea bro, I know that.

I'm not a bro, but thanks for play'n...

 

Put yourself in my shoes.

I have been there. And the ending of *that* relationship is what brought me to this site in 2008. He and I were making $80k a month running an ISP that hosted Japanese porn and SPAM.

 

Have you ever driven around in a 2015 Lamborghini?

No, but in my case it was a cherry vintage 1963 E-Type Jag (I prefer British cars).

 

Does your town kiss your ass because they know your wife is rich and she is basically the Governor's daughter? No.

The town kissed my ass and then-some. My then-BF was son and grandson of casino owners. He was worth $10m and his family is worth in excess of $100m.

 

Either deal with the bitch and be set monetarily or go back to basically a **** dirty punkers life. Ya know?

Yours is a bitch and mine was an alcoholic who frequented prostitutes so - yes - I do know...

 

Close your eyes, what would you do?

I walked away from the money and the insanity. It wasn't worth it. I was then single for four more years and documented most of that life here on this site before I met and married a pretty fantastic guy.

 

If I said you could stop working tomorrow but had to deal with a bitch everyday.. Would you?

Believe me. My $80k a month did not involve work after the servers were set up.

 

I am super stuck, but the bad isn't bad enough to leave, she is as close as one can get to making a guy run. She is so smart, she knows when to back off to keep me here.

So it is basically down to your own self respect or your desire for material things.

 

Again, I *HAVE* been there. And my new husband frequently apologizes that he can't give me that life I had but I am 1,000 times happier without the headaches involved in that toxic relationship.

[todreaminblue]

i think you need to do you for a while......be with yourself in clarity .serenity..sanity.....sounds like a song of an idea huh......i dont think or even feel you can be happy with anyone..something aint ringing true to me....because you are not as laid back as you make out bro.........you hunt for flaws before they are even there...find imperfections and horror stories in seemingly beautiful and giving women.....(dancer chick)...go zen for a while....find your peace in the surf...and then think about a relationship...be like water...

 

i am not judging you......because i used to often look for flaws myself....i have learned over the years...long ones...to look for good in people and trust in that goodness.helps handle any perceived flaws if you concetrate on what is right not what is wrong....even better...if you can find the wrong in your own persona....and not be so pragmatic about others wrongs...trust the rights...deal with the wrong if and when it happens..but first and foremost...work on your own wrongs and your own mindset..be the best you can be ...to get the best that you really deserve ...including relationships....it really does help in relationships to change your own outlook..think shallow hal gets a gal......ok...bad reference.......good luck......deb

Edited July 21, 2016 by todreaminblue

[Sunkissedpatio]

Sounds like you pick women with your head and not your emotions. From what you told us here the fact you were comparing these two women for a year and made your decision on what each looked like on paper and what their potential is, then you are making romantic decisions that are too calculated and not really based on facts.

 

You said the dancer went out of her way to pay for things though your concern was she had no money. But when she was with you she showed you no reason to think she would gold dig you and ironically the woman who has all the money and model good looks ended up doing that. That alone should tell you that romance is risky and picking someone that looks good on paper isn't necessarily the best way to pick.

 

You are so caught up on the bells and whistles of the relationship and self-claim you are miserable at home alone with her you can't see the forest for the trees.

 

You've only been living together for 6 months and feel trapped. What do you think that will look like 10 years down the line?

 

Not being able to handle yourself alone is a alarming. Learn to make better choices while a lone. You don't need a woman to keep you straight if you do then you have bigger issues than what woman to pick.

 

Personally I don't see what the point of driving around in a Lambo, living in a 4 storey house on the beach and having the town kiss your butt is if when you are home with her you feel trapped and like she makes your life miserable? The Lambo and the townsmen ass-kissing you will get tired fast. That wouldn't be enough to keep m around someone that makes me feel "trapped"

 

You should suss out where your priorities lie.

Edited July 21, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[JuanDelToro]

To get stuck with a sheila just because it'll set you up financially for life? F that!

Work and buy your own lambo mate. It ain't that hard!