Bialy Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Platonic means something that you can do with a friend of the same gender as a heterosexual and not feel weird about it, though. IMO, dates outside the house can absolutely be romantic, even if you stick to a socially-acceptable level of PDA. How long are you needing to date a person before you feel comfortable inviting them over? I agree that it's generally a good idea for women to be cautious about this. Personally I tend to date for at least a month before that happens, and the guys were totally fine with that. Good point! You're right - I totally forgot about PDA as a stepping stone to getting more romantic and affectionate. I feel like 1-2 months, depending on the situation, is a decent amount of time to establish some initial comfortability. If we are seeing each other 1-2 times a week and are really in a good vibe, that changes my feelings, absolutely.
Miss Peach Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 F, 30s, in a relationship for over a year I have fun dating but also see it as a time drain at times and I take a break. I don't have much that hasn't already been said. The first issue to come to mind for me: SAFETY. Along with that, feeling like I'm comfortable with the guy. Few men are patient about that, I'm sure. Most might think I'm NOT interested even though I am. They'll probably think I'm friendzoning them or not really interested. It's just that I need to feel comfortable with someone before letting him into my apartment. This has been a big issue for me. I've been stalked and threatened before. I've had a lot of guys who think I'm not into them since I don't invited them into my home at the end of a date, want to cook dinner for them right away, etc. Even my current BF thought this. I've also had men not want to meet me because I wouldn't give them personally identifiable information like where I work until I met IRL or I hand out a skype or google number. This is brand new information for me. Why must a man be invited to your apartment? Is this a dating 'norm' I'm unaware of? Many men look at that as a good sign of the date being extended (thus showing interest), the potential for sex, for the woman to make dinner, etc. I'm good with this once we've spent some time together but not on the first few dates unless the guy is vetted (i.e., a friend of a friend). For me the worst bit is the uncertainty. This is hard for me. I want to know the outcome but you just have to give it time to unfold. It seems to be filled with people who have gone through traumatic breakups they haven't dealt with and are trying to dive straight into another relationship (I won't criticize this too much as I did the same at first), perhaps have some sort of clear red flag or emotional issue I can see early on and then also women who seem to be just hell bent on getting married and having babies ASAP because there clock is ticking. Whilst I quite enjoy the dating process it does seem that finding someone who is in a really good place and has a healthy state of mind who I also have a strong connection with is quite difficult. This is why I was single or refused monogamy for so long. I just want a healthy, honest, committed relationship with someone I enjoy spending time with and is compatible. It seems like the land of broken toys out there sometimes with people not really available emotionally to connect. Also a lot of men my age are thinking family and don't want more kids so that limits my dating pool a bit. I think the biggest problem with dating is the just how often we treat people as disposable. We are awfully quick to "next" someone. I think as a society we've drifted away from some basic courtesies. I also dislike how people just can't be honest, treat people well, and not place their self worth on the ability to get a date. I may really like a guy but I just don't see us compatible in a relationship or it's not a good math. It's not anything person. I hate all the games, half interest, not being honest because it's hard to tell if you're wasting your time, if someone is playing games, etc. I get for men it's difficult because they get so many mixed messages they have no idea what is going to work on each individual woman. So I try to be understanding but I'm not going to put up with poor behavior. 2
Gloria25 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm 40, female (from birth), never married, never got preggo. I "think" I'm in a FWB situation and it is on the verge of ending cuz my guy doesn't like that I'm catching feelings for him and besides, he's transitioning into a different stage in his life. So, with all that and the age difference, he's already in moving past me stage. Where do I begin? -Dating isn't fun anymore. It's like a job interview, and even in casual situations, just setting up a meet is like pulling teeth. -I'm tired of the confusion when it comes to roles and how it has ruined dating, relationships, marriages, and respect for the differences in the sexes. Men are lazy, women have no grace, nurturing and feminity. Both sexes spit on tradition and see the chaos they got going on as "modern" and "progressive". -OLD. Hate it with a passion. Liars, fakes, and flakes. And if they want sex, why post on a "dating" site? Go post on Craigslist, Tinder or PoF. -Communication. -Selfishness, narcissism. -Lazy. Guys don't wanna put effort anymore. They are lazy, out of shape, not gentlemen (won't offer seat, open door) and they are so emasculated that picking up a hammer to hit a nail is past their skillset and/or desires. I'll comeback when I can think of more. 2
sorano Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I have to date women from NY. when I say new york, I am not talking about upstate ny. I am talking about long island and NYC. Above westchester thats like farm land for me. 2
S_A Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm currently 33. Never had an issue with dating. I've had several GF's and, since the age of 18, have not been single for too long. I've only ever had one date in my life that did not lead to a second date. Also, I broke up with my GF in September of 2015 after being together for 5 years. It was a tough break up for me but we got back together in January of this year. With the said, I can assure you that had we not gotten back together that I'd still not be single as I am writing this (probably would have had a new GF by this past spring). Hope this helps!
SwordofFlame Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Biggest issues for me: Height: 5'7 Race: Asian male
Shining One Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Issues Race: Indian Compatibility: Difficulty finding a woman who shares my values, specifically around equal partnerships with no gender roles. Background Info Age: 34 Sex: Male Relationship Status: Currently in 2-year committed relationship 1
Omei Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 It's kind of ironic how the opposite can also happen to guys as well. Oh yeah Well as always I blame media for disconnecting everyone and turning it into click to get anything you want status even a new gf or a new bf is just a click away.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 That guys always have to be the ones to approach and initiate, and women flaking, canceling dates, plans
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Biggest issues: 1. Convincing someone that I'm worth meeting. With the scores of men contacting any single attractive women, you often get over-looked or ignored. You know..."I can do better" attitude. 2. How little you know about the person's "baggage." Sounds great on paper (OLD profile), but later find out...yikes! 3. Currently, the area I am in. Too deep South and people down here simply have a very provincial way of thinking of things (unsophisticated in too many ways). Not open to much. The sad thing is that too many of the women continue to go after the same dating profiles that have led them astray in the past. "Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't" I guess. I won't be here much longer, thank goodness. 4. Finding women (40s) who keep themselves healthy and fit. I am very active and fit. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 (edited) Oh yeah Well as always I blame media for disconnecting everyone and turning it into click to get anything you want status even a new gf or a new bf is just a click away. I don't think we should be so naive as to blame media. Media tries to brainwash and manipulate, sure, but it's not the source of information that's the problem. It's ourselves for accepting it without question, or abiding by it blindly. You cannot blame the food you eat for your hurting belly if you chose to eat these foods. You know what I mean? Edited July 23, 2016 by Hopeful30 3
Bantosm Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 My biggest issue is thought that I'm meant to be single. I'm generally a good bf, but when I get into a relationship I usually find myself feeling bored and trapped. There was one woman who I dated she was unlike any other woman. I could spend all day with her and want more. I couldn't find a flaw with her. Unfortunately, it was the one period where I was a lousy bf. I'm stuck with the thought she was the one but looking someone as great is big issue for me.
HillValley Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 I don't think we should be so naive as to blame media. Media tries to brainwash and manipulate, sure, but it's not the source of information that's the problem. It's ourselves for accepting it without question, or abiding by it blindly. You cannot blame the food you eat for your hurting belly if you chose to eat these foods. You know what I mean? -I'm tired of the confusion when it comes to roles and how it has ruined dating, relationships, marriages, and respect for the differences in the sexes. Men are lazy, women have no grace, nurturing and feminity. Both sexes spit on tradition and see the chaos they got going on as "modern" and "progressive". -OLD. Hate it with a passion. Liars, fakes, and flakes. And if they want sex, why post on a "dating" site? Go post on Craigslist, Tinder or PoF. To me, what Gloria25 says is really more of the problem. We had rules/roles and traditions about dating courtship(which honestly were really crappy to women) and we through them out. But we never actually replaced them with anything else. I'm not sure why OLD became so popular other than giving more options cause even though people have more money/options for going out than ever, they really just don't seem all that interested in actually having such options. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 To me, what Gloria25 says is really more of the problem. We had rules/roles and traditions about dating courtship(which honestly were really crappy to women) and we through them out. But we never actually replaced them with anything else. I'm not sure why OLD became so popular other than giving more options cause even though people have more money/options for going out than ever, they really just don't seem all that interested in actually having such options. We have become more cynical/impersonal and the advent of the internet and OLD is a symptom of that. The internet has allowed us to be lazy and refrain in large part from interacting. But, b/c we seem so much busier now days, OLD alleviates any need to frequent bars or other social events that we simply do not have time for. Also, many people met each other at work. Now days, that is not a good idea considering what complications that can present. Options is why people use OLD and why it is popular...it is also what is wrong with it. As for gender roles...I have not met a single woman who adamantly disagreed with traditional roles in a relationship. What I do hear is women expect more of a partnership. Something woefully neglected in "traditional" roles and the past. If that is what is turning men off, well, that is nonsense. As you say, earlier dating norms were not kind to women.....no wonder things have changed. In my experience, most women are not all that progressive in terms of dating, marriage. I believe that most women, including professionals, more liberated women welcome a more traditional relationship, but men today simply drop the ball and balk on ANY idea that weakens their role....too bad.
VeveCakes Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 32/f/dating someone exclusive for 2 months. Whoever said people not knowing what they want - this is so true and frustrating. Men (women might do it too but I only date men), who have in their online profiles they want a relationship but really they just use that as in for sex or to waste your time. Dating apps make it easy for people to forget about the person they just met, since the minute they get home they can start looking through a hundred new profiles. and the thing I hate most is trying to learn to re date after being married, trying to not be insecure and always question whether intentions are true, after dealing with a few legit sociopaths. 3
HillValley Posted July 24, 2016 Posted July 24, 2016 As for gender roles...I have not met a single woman who adamantly disagreed with traditional roles in a relationship. What I do hear is women expect more of a partnership. Something woefully neglected in "traditional" roles and the past. If that is what is turning men off, well, that is nonsense. As you say, earlier dating norms were not kind to women.....no wonder things have changed. In my experience, most women are not all that progressive in terms of dating, marriage. I believe that most women, including professionals, more liberated women welcome a more traditional relationship, but men today simply drop the ball and balk on ANY idea that weakens their role....too bad. The only tradition those guys are lamenting is the fact they can't trap a woman in marriage with a kid just because they have any kind of income and she has bad options. The partnership of being the one to make decisions cause they held the pursue strings so the spouse went along even if she objected. 1
ltjg45 Posted July 25, 2016 Posted July 25, 2016 29, turning 30 in less than 2 months. Never been in a relationship. My biggest issue with dating is finding a woman worth dating. When I do locate one that I would be interested enough to ask her out, she is already taken. If I find a woman that is single, I don't ask her out because I am not attracted to her or she has a boring personality. To me to be in a relationship means that I need to trust my partner, which is another issue. It seems the majority of people is not worthy of being trusted. I have seen all kinds of comments made by people talking behind others. And, in my eyes, if I can't trust you, I certainly won't date you. My last issue is that I am brutally honest. If I made a mistake, I will admit to it immediately once I notice it or someone has told me. I say what is on my mind with no regard to my feelings or to the feelings of others. This can make me quite cold to others and not very receptive. I feel I have more rapport with foreign women than I do with local women. The American way of dating just feels flawed and has a lot of problems. Seeing what foreign women typically wants is more to my style of dating (especially when marriage is frowned up these days and I do want to be happily married one day if possible). So, right now, I am not even thinking about dating because I doubt I will find a single woman worth dating anytime soon. I am more concerned with making sure my finances is kept in order. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 I feel I have more rapport with foreign women than I do with local women. The American way of dating just feels flawed and has a lot of problems. Seeing what foreign women typically wants is more to my style of dating (especially when marriage is frowned up these days and I do want to be happily married one day if possible). I can relate to you. As an Eastern European living in Canada (for about 20 years) I understand that it's difficult to find someone who not only is compatible in standard ways but also shares the same mentality and views when it comes to romantic relationships. Hang in there my friend. You are most definitely not the only one with this particular issue, immigrant or not.
BikerAccnt Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) 55 male, don't really have a problem with dating. Just started seeing someone 4 weeks ago, and we've already agreed to be exclusive. AND that I think is part of the problem. People don't become exclusive quick enough. By exclusive I simply mean agreeing to date only that person to see if you are truly compatible. Giving your undivided attention to one person without playing off their plusses and minuses against someone else. These days it seems, people are so concerned with keeping thier "options" open that they don't truly give any one person a chance. They are always open to meeting someone "better." That's a problem. Back in the day, before OLD, when you met someone, you usually dated only them. There just weren't as many options. You met someone in a bar, or at an event, or at work, and you dated THEM. You usually didn't multi-date. You didn't have the option to meet that many people, because you had to go out of your house to do it. How could you do that, if you were dating someone else? OLD makes it easy to do. All the options OLD presents leads to the age old Pardox of Choice, where to many choices cause indecision and inaction. For me, how I date, makes me feel good. Once I start talking to someone on OLD, and set a date to meet them, I talk only to them. Once I've met someone from OLD, decide I want to go on a second date (if they accept of course) , then I date only them. After a few dates I take down my profile and tell them I have, hoping that they feel the same. So far it's worked out. The dates/relationship may or may not last, but at least I feel I've given that woman, and myself, a real chance. Edited July 26, 2016 by BikerAccnt 3
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 How to avoid the friend zone, flirting, teasing, creating sexual tension is another achillles heel for me
joseb Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 45, Male, Single. For me the biggest issue is the "lets pretend we don't want sex" game that women seem to want to play.
Mysteryman9110 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 The biggest issue for me when dating is has been other men.. Let me explain more. When a girl posts something on facebook for example, she will get attention from dozens of " thirsty " guys who are super eager to shower her in compliments. Guys of course get this to, but I think not at the level that even the most plain Jane looking girl will get. This in turn creates a false sense of dating market place value. Women on match.com, tinder, pof and every other site experience the same thing. Every guy sends dozens of messages and there are also more men than women so it creates inflated egos. Men also lower their standards so much that even women who will not get any attention in the real world will get showered with it online. These desperate men make it exponentially harder to connect with some of these women because these women think they have more options than they do. I have met girls from dating sites who were so out of touch with reality that it really made me sad for them. One girl told me about a guy that messaged her that was not even in the same country. The poor girl was not even attractive and she could not see that this option that she thinks she has is not even real. It's just some guy who is messaging 1000 women and hoping to get lucky. The desperate men on social media have made a lot of women think that they have so many more options but the reality is far from that.
JuanDelToro Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 ^You are seeing it from the wrong perspective. Although white knights "train" girls to become entitled, attention seeking, little princesses, at the end of the day what they accomplish is to make dating a lot harder (if not impossible) for them and a lot easier for men that have their $hit together. It's a fact that women in reality are not attracted to beta orbiters. 95% of the men are confused betas, if you work your way into the 5% that are not, trust me your options will increase dramatically.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 How to actually get one. Yep never knew how to either I just wonder what makes guys learn how to get a girlfriend at such a young age like in their teens and early twenties, makes me wonder if it was instinctual or natural for them or if somebody taught them, I know they took action but they obviously had to take action in the right way while other guys take action but never get any dates or never get a girlfriend
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