Hopeful30 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Is it the dating 'rules'? Is it gender role expectations? Appearances? Pressures? Demands? Chemistry? Sexual compatibility? Height? Weight? Anything goes. If you feel comfortable, please state your age, sex and current relationship status. This is part of an informal study. Thank you!
mizunomead Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 35yr old male. divorced. currently exclusively dating a woman. i really havent had much in the way of issues with dating. i suppose the biggest things were women wanting to chat or text for a long time before meeting, then being upset when i quit. im interested in dating. not texting. and people taking it too personally when i didnt want a second or third date. im sorry but i was just not feeling it. i had a couple women tell me they werent interested in a second date with me. and i just told them thanks, i enjoyed the meet and good luck. so maybe taking everything too personally, too high expectations too early. cant people just go out a few times and relax and see how tbings go. too invested in finding someone, not invested enough in themselves. but in all honesty it has been all positive. i met alot of nice people and really havent had a nightmare meeting or date. 1
Bialy Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 34, single, female, not dating anyone at the moment. The first issue to come to mind for me: SAFETY. Along with that, feeling like I'm comfortable with the guy. I live in a big city, which makes for a great environment for having lots of fun, inexpensive dates. My problem is it takes me some time to feel safe enough with a guy to invite him to my home for lunch, dinner, or a movie. Few men are patient about that, I'm sure. Most might think I'm NOT interested even though I am. They'll probably think I'm friendzoning them or not really interested. It's just that I need to feel comfortable with someone before letting him into my apartment. I feel like the right guy will understand where I'm coming from, hopefully. 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 It's just that I need to feel comfortable with someone before letting him into my apartment. This is brand new information for me. Why must a man be invited to your apartment? Is this a dating 'norm' I'm unaware of?
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Is it the dating 'rules'? Is it gender role expectations? Appearances? Pressures? Demands? Chemistry? Sexual compatibility? Height? Weight? Anything goes. If you feel comfortable, please state your age, sex and current relationship status. This is part of an informal study. Thank you! Married for 30 years, divorced. With an SO for 2 years, engaged for 1 year and he passed away. I am currently with an SO for 2 years and I am 57. My biggest problem with dating was finding so many people who didn't know themselves, didn't know what they wanted for themselves, couldn't tune into their needs and whether or not a dating partner was meeting them and people who were carrying around so much baggage that they'd lost their objectivity. 1
Bialy Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 This is brand new information for me. Why must a man be invited to your apartment? Is this a dating 'norm' I'm unaware of? If you're dating someone, at some point, people do start having dinner-movie dates at their places, no? Otherwise, the dates are just platonic if you're just meeting someone in neutral places. At some point, things WILL get more romantic. You mention sexual compatibility in your post.
Toodaloo Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Older than I want to be, Female, Dating a male exclusively for approximately 3 months so still short term. For me the worst bit is the uncertainty. Each time you go out with no expectations but it can still be really weird at times. You hope that you meet kind and thoughtful people but most of the time what you get is disillusionment and disappointment. That and people who pass many judgement that are unfounded...! I have that happen a lot! Both negative and positive but equally unfounded... You get the name calling, slut shamed, you meet some gorgeous people as well who it would just never work out with. Then when you do finally meet someone you get on with, you spend time getting to know them and you grow fond of them only to discover some major issue that will stop you from progressing. It feels like a waste of time sometimes. Time that could be better spent doing other things or meeting other people. If you could just go and find a chap/ lady that matches straight away and then live happily enough ever after then great. Its very rare that it works out that way. The time for that has long passed for me. These days I am much more guarded. I sometimes think that is a shame that I have had to become that way. 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) Then when you do finally meet someone you get on with, you spend time getting to know them and you grow fond of them only to discover some major issue that will stop you from progressing. It feels like a waste of time sometimes. Time that could be better spent doing other things or meeting other people. The above describes every single man I've ever dated (and plenty of women my buddies have dated). I really wonder why this is. I mean, we all have issues of course, but for some reason the majority of people allow them to spill into a relationship. It's a karmic cycle people impose on themselves while those who have dedicated the time and energy to working on self-improvement and self-love are left wondering why more people can't be truer to themselves so the world can improve (including dating). Edited July 22, 2016 by Hopeful30 2
Weezy1973 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Male. 43. Single. I actually really enjoy dating. I've met a lot of very nice women and although chemistry is really rare, I've thoroughly enjoyed almost every first date I've ever been on. The hardest part is finding someone with chemistry and compatability. I think I have really high expectations for a relationship, which makes things harder. 3
Recon33 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Getting one. Lol. But I'm not really trying right now and have more important things to worry about for the time being.
Els Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 If you're dating someone, at some point, people do start having dinner-movie dates at their places, no? Otherwise, the dates are just platonic if you're just meeting someone in neutral places. Platonic means something that you can do with a friend of the same gender as a heterosexual and not feel weird about it, though. IMO, dates outside the house can absolutely be romantic, even if you stick to a socially-acceptable level of PDA. How long are you needing to date a person before you feel comfortable inviting them over? I agree that it's generally a good idea for women to be cautious about this. Personally I tend to date for at least a month before that happens, and the guys were totally fine with that. 2
Toodaloo Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 The above describes every single man I've ever dated (and plenty of women my buddies have dated). I really wonder why this is. I mean, we all have issues of course, but for some reason the majority of people allow them to spill into a relationship. It's a karmic cycle people impose on themselves while those who have dedicated the time and energy to working on self-improvement and self-love are left wondering why more people can't be truer to themselves so the world can improve (including dating). I don't know but its the reason why my relationship status will soon be changing to single again. Uncertainty is still the worst. But we keep marching on and when you find it - it is worth it. 1
Omei Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 My biggest issue is men aren't willing to wait to get to know you if you're not wanting to be physical nearly immediately they lose interest or feel friend zoned. Everyone is in a huge rush no one wants to truly form something honest and real anymore over time. Also a lot of men think courtship involves sexual flirtation it's a real turn off and makes a girl think they're only after 1 thing. 6
todreaminblue Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 im 47 female and single, last relationship was over a year ago lasted about six months..... i guess what gets to me about dating...is the societal emasculation of men..... men are confused as probably women are to their rules in regards to dating......the onus seems to be put on women to be more like men and men more like women....hence...confusion.....rules... what rules and who has them? i think dating used to be really simple..straight forward and not as ambiguous.that is...chill o rhang out time instead of a date.....and for some ungodly reason it has become too difficult to just state how you feel and be treated with respect.....now theres the dreaded friend zone...should i or shouldnt i..... how do i ask someone out....should i kiss her..these invisible and ever changing rules..instead of just letting a natural progression occur.....it seems everyone is unsure of what to do.....which relates to a growing society of singles......unaware of the precise etiquette of saying i want to spend time with you.....in less that two words.....you need wifi and a password to do that...and texting skills.... so yes....i find dating today too complicated......i would prefer really...for men to be men....and courtship to be re embraced.i miss the talking thing....th espending time thing...not online or over a phone.....crosses fingers...toes and every other appendage..heres hopin for courtship to become the new black......deb 6
Justanaverageguy Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 (edited) 31 - Divorced. Just came out of a 10 month relationship which ended because I didn't feel we connected had the chemistry for it to become something more serious so recently back on the singles market. I don't have any major issues with dating process. I find the experience fun and interesting. I love to meet new people so I don't see a date that doesn't go any where as a waste of time. Just a chance to meet someone new and if we don't connect - no biggy. Also dating these days its so easy to meet people which some people see as a bad thing ..... but for me personally I don't. Probably the only things I would say is - over the past couple of years I feel like I have really grown and developed as a person and understand deeply what makes me tick. I came through some tough emotional stuff and I worked on that and a lot of my own issues and now feel like I've come out the other side a better person and feel really good about myself. No one is perfect and there is always more work you can do on yourself but I feel good and comfortable in my own skin. Basically life is good. I don't feel like I have a need for a partner or to jump into a relationship - just interested if I happen to find the right person. Basically I find its quite difficult to find someone in the same position who I connect with. Especially at my age bracket. It seems to be filled with people who have gone through traumatic breakups they haven't dealt with and are trying to dive straight into another relationship (I won't criticize this too much as I did the same at first), perhaps have some sort of clear red flag or emotional issue I can see early on and then also women who seem to be just hell bent on getting married and having babies ASAP because there clock is ticking. Whilst I quite enjoy the dating process it does seem that finding someone who is in a really good place and has a healthy state of mind who I also have a strong connection with is quite difficult. Edited July 22, 2016 by Justanaverageguy 2
The_Onceler Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I am 46, male, and currently breaking up. My biggest issues with dating? (1) That I will need to do so. (2) That my ex couldn't wait until she was out of my house to start.
Larryville Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 52... not attached at the moment... maybe... My biggest problem with dating was finding so many people who didn't know themselves, didn't know what they wanted for themselves, couldn't tune into their needs and whether or not a dating partner was meeting them and people who were carrying around so much baggage that they'd lost their objectivity. You hope that you meet kind and thoughtful people but most of the time what you get is disillusionment and disappointment. i find dating today too complicated......i would prefer really...for men to be men....and courtship to be re embraced.i miss the talking thing. Yes painting with a broad brush here but most of this comes down to the fact that people don’t value other people as much. Society has become more bitter, polarizing, judgmental, sexists, racist, family fragmentation and many other factors in society in general and of course that spills over into dating and relationships. so many people who didn't know themselves – Important point… Come with humanities collective low EQ. People discount or ignore but this is an important factor in understanding human relationships and whether or not your relationships (family, friends or significant others) succeed or fail. 12 Signs That Your Partner Lacks Emotional Intelligence https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201507/12-signs-your-partner-lacks-emotional-intelligence 2
Revolver Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Man/25/ Single Always having to be the proactive/agressive one and The pressure to be funny/entertaining/exciting. 2
jen1447 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm 37/F, in multiple relationships. I don't really have any issues w dating.
Lady2163 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Around 50, F, single for 2+ years. Ended things amicably with a MM, long term, long distance. I think the biggest problem with dating is the just how often we treat people as disposable. We are awfully quick to "next" someone. I think as a society we've drifted away from some basic courtesies. Yet, I also agree with the person who said, a lot of time is wasted when people hide something they other person considers a hard limit. I think the person with the...baggage hopes to win over the other person and they will overlook ,assive, debt, alcoholism, white collar criminal, etc. 5
Art_Critic Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 being married When I was single and dating.. a long time ago.. besides the typical, drugs and alcohol the biggest issue I had was finding someone who was truthful on thier direction in life. I met more women who would chameleon themselves into something they thought I was looking for instead of just being real about who they are.. When all the honeymoon stage is gone you would be left looking at the person with the stunned looked of damn.. I wish I had known that about you before I invested 6 months in this. I even met a woman who said she was in her late 30's and wanted kids but in reality was in her late 40's and had a 16 year old so she didn't want any more kids.. I guess she thought if she looked like what I wanted on paper she could fake the rest.. hahaha 2
Shanex Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Around 50, F, single for 2+ years. Ended things amicably with a MM, long term, long distance. I think the biggest problem with dating is the just how often we treat people as disposable. We are awfully quick to "next" someone. I think as a society we've drifted away from some basic courtesies. This. This and this. I've stated this before so at the risk of being repetitive, thanks for pointing it out especially seeing as you're a woman. I could have had dozens of date over the last ten years. I tried patience, avoided neediness, clinginess, tried to be pushy. And only had a handful dates and very few leading to dating much less a relationship. Distance is always an issue as well, in these situations you find a pen pal for a few weeks and then get tired because ultimately I'm looking for a date and a RS, not a ''stranger'' to talk with virtually. I have friends already. I'm in my early 30s, never married and single at the moment. Almost given up on dating and open-minded hence if I can wangle a FWB I will certainly to do. 1
Shanex Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Figuring out the unwritten rules This post within second of mine prevented me from editing. So over the last year I mean above. Thanks autocorrect. I've had dozen dates in ten years, only a few the last year.
Recon33 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 My biggest issue is men aren't willing to wait to get to know you if you're not wanting to be physical nearly immediately they lose interest or feel friend zoned. It's kind of ironic how the opposite can also happen to guys as well. 3
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