The power of walking away.

[fromheart]

So I thought I'd give my recent story, in case it helps others out there.

 

Last year I was with a wonderful woman, but it went wrong as it sometimes does. She talked about ending it, we were both part of the same company working abroad at the time, sharing an apartment and pretty much together 24/7.

 

I'd been in this situation before, my partner talking about ending it. I used to beg for another chance, get friend zoned in case she changed her mind, or just go quiet until 'everything got better.'

 

This time, I got my stuff and left instantly. We met a couple of days later, me with hopes for a second chance probably written all over my face. She said its better if we're friends. I told her, 'I can't be your friend, because of the way I feel about you.' She looked pretty shocked, probably because I'd been a bit of a 'nice guy,' insecure type on occasion. She also knew how much I liked her, and how painful it was for me.

 

n short there was me asking her out on two occasions and getting rejected, her seeing me with another woman and getting upset, me pointing out that I've had to move on and look after myself. We became friends of a sort though, we were in each others face every day and it was hard not to be.

 

After the work contract was completed, we went our separate ways. I was distraught and hurt all the way through and for a few months afterwards.

I never contacted her, unless she contacted me. We would speak as friends on occasion, but I would never suggest anything other than that.

 

And then with me purely having moved on, working on myself as I went, she sends romantic messages to me.

 

That's never happened after a break up before, and that's because I'd always be waiting for them to come back. They'd know that, and their last impression of me would be some needy idiot waiting by his phone. Which was entirely accurate because I was some needy idiot waiting by his phone, totally giving his power away to another human being to feel good or bad!

If you think about it, that's insane.

 

When you've been dumped, its because you've become severely unattractive in their eyes. That's the hard, cold painful truth. But if you chase, contact them, you're further reinforcing that view in their eyes.

 

The ONLY way to regain the power in your life, is to walk away and say to yourself, 'I KNOW I've got alot more to offer than this, I know I deserve more than this. So F this, I'm out of here. And I'd rather take my pain in private, than look like a sniveling wreck in their eyes.'

 

At the very least, they will respect you for this. At the very least, you will be on the quickest road to regaining self respect in your own eyes, and attracting another partner in the process.

I say at the very least, but you might well get to the point where you'd rather have a fresh start with a new person who you're more compatible with, than go back to an ex.

 

Thanks for reading. I hope this is of help to someone who's experiencing a breakup right now.

Edited July 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Tacit advertising

[Bialy]

In many ways, this helps me understand my ex's POV. Thanks for sharing this.

[juniorrocha]

When you've been dumped, its because you've become severely unattractive in their eyes. That's the hard, cold painful truth. But if you chase, contact them, you're further reinforcing that view in their eyes.

 

I don't think that's the only situation. Sometimes you just have to let someone go.

 

However, you said something that's really true: chasing someone who dumped you brings you no good, especially when they made it clear they don't want you anymore.

 

The best is to understand that things change, try to end things as amicable as possible, and then go on with your life. Eventually you move on and meet somebody new.