mortensorchid Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I've been doing some OLD lately. Results? Not much to write home about but, they are results. More of the same old same old - start chatting with some then they go *poof*, guys with neck tattoos contacting me, etc. One has stood out thus far. This has probably happened to anyone who has ever done OLD - you get messages from someone who lives in another city far away or another state fairly close by. Just for the heck of it, I decided to talk with him through emails. So far we have kept it just to there. I did point out to him that while I am in one state, he is in another bordering one, otherwise he seems like an okay guy based on the little we have talked. A few years ago, FYI, I did do eHarmony and I connected with a guy in another state. We had a few phone calls. He was alright based on those phone calls, I have no reason to think otherwise about him, but one day I just never heard from him again. This guy has now said to me after a few emails that he wants to meet me and he would be willing to travel to me. Here is my question to the world on this forum : Has anyone ever done this? Have they ever traveled to another state / city far away in their own state to meet someone for OLD? I admit, it seems like a waste of time. I also have been in two LDRs in my lifetime - One I did the wrong way (he was a sniveling coward who NEVER came to see me and when I threw down the gauntlet and said he was to come see me or it was over with, he ended it, via email, I might add). The second I did the right way - we were seeing each other a lot, we both traveled to see each other, we were in an actual relationship, etc. that ended very badly with him turning abusive on me because he was angry with himself. I have also known three bad examples of women in LDRs. Two of them were in LDRs (one met the man online, the other met the man when he was at a wedding in our city) and they both used those men to move to another state and get settled there. Both ended in divorce. I also knew a very pathetic woman who was/is so desperate to be loved/liked that she would OLD and literally fly all across America for long weekends with these guys she would meet online. She only shared a few stories about them with me - one or two of the men she met online would tell her that they were not sure how they felt about things after their weekend was over, then eventually they would drift or tell them it was over. Other times she probably met them, they had their way with her most likely, then they dumped her. In each instance she had no idea how/why it happened the way it did. I don't want to be like any of these things as listed above. I want to be the good woman who is not gold digging or a user, yet not be so pathetic as to be used or taken advantage of. ANy thoughts?
kolleamm Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I've had several LDR, I'd probably say the large distance is what ruined them. Ironically the one thing about them that's unique is that you get to know the person much better than you would if they were close by since you would likely Skype everyday or whatever. If you can't meet any men you like nearby, then I would say why not you have nothing to lose with LDR. You only live once.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 The reason men go "poof" is because we are tired of spending days even weeks talking to women only to find out they are completely different in person. They can be spontaneous, nice, and outgoing online but then you meet them and they are one of the most shy and quiet people on earth. Or their photos can be deceiving and well you know the rest.... OLD sucks when it comes to getting to know someone. Spend 10 minutes with someone over coffee and you will get to know them better than 1-2 weeks over texting back and forth. 3
Author mortensorchid Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 I decided "why not?" with this situation as noted above and offered to the man that perhaps we Skype. Under the circumstances it would be useful. He responded back saying that he didn't have his PC at the moment and didn't remember his Skype ID but when he gets it back we can arrange a time to talk. I said "Good for me." I think that's a good first step in this, especially since he offered to come from another state to meet me. I'm not sure how I feel about this other than to say that I think I am doing the right things based on circumstances. He could also disappear.
biker23 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Personally I would struggle with it. Being in a relationship only a few miles apart offers such opportunity for interaction and growth. Spontaneity. The person would need to be heaven on earth or potential of it before I'd consider it personally. Obviously different for others.
BikerAccnt Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Yes, I live in Ohio, she lived in NY. After about a year of LD, she moved to Ohio to be with me. Her choice. Unfortunately, after about 6 years things ended. So LD can work if it turns into something local. Still, I won't do that again. I still carry around some guilt about her moving here, and things not working out (I ened it for many reasons). And, even though we took turns driving to each other, that year of LD was rough. 800 miles each way...whew.. On the flip side...I got to know NYC better than I ever would have.
CryForNoOne Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Seriously, why would anyone EVER willingly enter an LDR? I won't even meet someone who lives more than about 20 minutes away. You can't possibly have exhausted all your local options unless you like in Maine or Alaska.. 3
Bialy Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 The thought of an LDR never crosses my mind at all. I like to get to know someone in person - and to be able to meet anytime is important. Otherwise, what's the point?
BikerAccnt Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 The thought of an LDR never crosses my mind at all. I like to get to know someone in person - and to be able to meet anytime is important. Otherwise, what's the point? I tend to agree, and that's why I won't do it again. The woman I'm seeing now is about 25 minutes away. That's the outer edge of what I'm willing to do these days. We can still be fairly impromptu at that distance, any further, and spur of the moment get together's become impossible. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted July 29, 2016 Author Posted July 29, 2016 Update on this situation: I went on Skype, found his ID that he gave me, then sent an add friend request. I rarely use Skype unless it's for a job interview purpose to do a video interview. Nothing. I went back to the website and said I had sent him a friend request to add him on Skype for our video call. No response and that was two days ago I sent it. I think it's best to move on. He said he dated a woman for three years LDR who also lives in my state and they did a lot of interaction on Skype. I think he was yanking my chain. This is done.
Author mortensorchid Posted August 3, 2016 Author Posted August 3, 2016 And out of no where he contacts me again after a few days of not talking to me, he added me on Skype. I decided to give him a push and say "Are we going to arrange for a time / date to talk on Skype?" He wrote back and said he felt a little strange about talking to a person for the first time on Skype. He said his sister is coming in for a visit so he'll be gone for a few weeks (weeks?!). He once again offered to drive to my state to meet me somewhere. I do not think this is cool nor safe. I am going to forget about him. 1
CryForNoOne Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 And out of no where he contacts me again after a few days of not talking to me, he added me on Skype. I decided to give him a push and say "Are we going to arrange for a time / date to talk on Skype?" He wrote back and said he felt a little strange about talking to a person for the first time on Skype. He said his sister is coming in for a visit so he'll be gone for a few weeks (weeks?!). He once again offered to drive to my state to meet me somewhere. I do not think this is cool nor safe. I am going to forget about him. If he can't even Skype for 5 minutes after several days then he's catfishing. Move on and don't look back...
joseb Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 And out of no where he contacts me again after a few days of not talking to me, he added me on Skype. I decided to give him a push and say "Are we going to arrange for a time / date to talk on Skype?" He wrote back and said he felt a little strange about talking to a person for the first time on Skype. He said his sister is coming in for a visit so he'll be gone for a few weeks (weeks?!). He once again offered to drive to my state to meet me somewhere. I do not think this is cool nor safe. I am going to forget about him. No. He's a catfish. Or worse.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 The reason men go "poof" is because we are tired of spending days even weeks talking to women only to find out they are completely different in person. They can be spontaneous, nice, and outgoing online but then you meet them and they are one of the most shy and quiet people on earth. Or their photos can be deceiving and well you know the rest.... OLD sucks when it comes to getting to know someone. Spend 10 minutes with someone over coffee and you will get to know them better than 1-2 weeks over texting back and forth. Wow, really, why is being shy and quiet so bad? 1
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 (edited) And out of no where he contacts me again after a few days of not talking to me, he added me on Skype. I decided to give him a push and say "Are we going to arrange for a time / date to talk on Skype?" He wrote back and said he felt a little strange about talking to a person for the first time on Skype. He said his sister is coming in for a visit so he'll be gone for a few weeks (weeks?!). He once again offered to drive to my state to meet me somewhere. Well in his defense, I have nothing to hide and I would feel a bit weird talking for the first time over Skype or video chat too. I would do it though if it (our interaction/relationship) looked like it was "going somewhere" and we did not have an opportunity to meet for awhile (like if he lived in another country or something). But since he is willing to drive to your area, why not just meet him for drinks or a bite to eat? In a public place, what's there to be afraid of? If he isn't your cup of tea, thank him for making the trip and wish his well. I don't understand the big deal. Edited August 3, 2016 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I would view his refusal to get on skype as a huge red flag. Men are usually looking forward to getting you on camera and have a good look at who you are in real. They're the visual ones remember. As for if I have done it before? yes. Years ago I traveled from Canada to Jackson Mississippi to meet an 'online man'. I was younger and stupider and didn't know what I was getting into. Yes we had a great time and I went back a few times too, till he decided he had played enough with me and he got back with his wife. 1
katiegrl Posted August 3, 2016 Posted August 3, 2016 I would view his refusal to get on skype as a huge red flag. Men are usually looking forward to getting you on camera and have a good look at who you are in real. They're the visual ones remember. Very true! I didn't think of that... 1
Author mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2016 Author Posted August 5, 2016 Well in his defense, I have nothing to hide and I would feel a bit weird talking for the first time over Skype or video chat too. I would do it though if it (our interaction/relationship) looked like it was "going somewhere" and we did not have an opportunity to meet for awhile (like if he lived in another country or something). But since he is willing to drive to your area, why not just meet him for drinks or a bite to eat? In a public place, what's there to be afraid of? If he isn't your cup of tea, thank him for making the trip and wish his well. I don't understand the big deal. Perhaps you need a bit of clarification - I am in Northeast Ohio, he is in Michigan. The closest city to the OH/MI boarder where we would meet should we meet is Toledo. That is about a 100 mile drive for me, let alone how many miles he may/may not drive. If it was just a casual get together in one's city, I would do it. But 100 miles just to meet someone (on my part)? That's not so doable. I thought talking on Skype would benefit because why would I want to drive that far just to meet someone for an internet date? We might as well talk on Skype first. And like another poster said, men are the visual ones so why wouldn't he want to see me in animation? He's hiding something about himself and I don't think I need to know what it is/isn't.
BikerAccnt Posted August 5, 2016 Posted August 5, 2016 Yeah, somethings going on with him. Probably best to trust your gut on this and forget about him. Driving that distance - toledo isn't exactly close by - for someone acting so dodgy already, isn't worth the risk.
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