CollegeKid101 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Hey guys I started a thread beginning of January..here's the link to it, but I'll give you guys a quick cliff notes if you don't want to read through those 3 pages or so.. *Met a girl I was interested in last September at a bar who just got out of a relationship *Got her number, texted me the same night, but nothing came from it *Throughout all Fall semester I would walk her home, we would make out and she slept over 3 times. No sex. *Pulled the "ex-bf" card on me a couple times *Went to a Fraternity date event together called "semi-formal" you just dress up in a nice way and it's just a party at the house and you go to dinner at a nice place downtown, nothing happened *Got fed up with her after playing it cool for a few months and not trying to push her in anyway, decided to cut contact *Last two nights of the semester, a week after semi-formal, she came up to me and came back with me when I was going home and slept over both nights, but the first night she said she was on her period and the second night she was far too wasted for me to even try anything. I had to carry her cause she passed out at my place *Wished me happy birthday at about 3 am the night after New Years (two weeks after the semester ended) we talked casually then I asked her on a date and she said she thinks we want different things at the moment, I ended up just not texting back and deciding she clearly just isn't interested enough.. *Saw her at a party a week later and she tried flirting with me, I didn't act too interested left after a little. So that was that! Well second semester came around and her and I did the usual flirting at bars, but I never really tried anything. Took her on a date where we drank, had sex and it ended up with her telling me she doesn't like me like that. FINE! Lol. I was over chasing this girl at this point and just let it go. We didn't talk much after until our formal came around, I know I know another stupid event, anyways her friend has been dating my good buddy from awhile now and told him this girl wanted to go with me to our formal. I was cool about it and thought sure why not, but it's not a cheap event and I wasn't planning on going to be completely honest. So I saw her out one night, we talked and ended up asking her. Looking back I'm upset I did this, but I just could not get this girl off my mind and wanted her because I think I was more interested in her rejecting me than her herself. Weird, I know. So before formal we had spring break, all my friends including her friend group came and the first night we ended up in my hotel room together..BUT I stopped myself and asked her if she sees this ever going past us just hooking up and she asked me "like dating" I said yes, she said "no". BAM!! All I wanted to hear, so i uninvited her to formal, politely and explained I can't keep doing this to myself hoping you'll come around one day. She was shocked and really had no words to say. The next few days on break we were around each other all the time cause of how close our friend groups are. Talked as little as possible to her. However, the last night we were out and her friend like pushed her toward me and she just stayed by me all night, ran to me when this guy tried kissing her and clearly showed she wanted to be around me. I ended up going back and we were all partying on the beach till really late and I just didn't care to try getting her to go back with me. Next day we didn't talk at all and I got on my flight back home. I wasn't surprised, I knew she would probably flake again after alcohol wore off. Then this happened...I get back to school a few days later and were all out again just hanging out. She comes up to me and goes "CollegeKid101, I need to talk to you. I like you and I have liked you, but I've been scared after my last bf because he hurt me and just left me and I don't want that to happen again..and the fact you've put up with this for so long just makes me realize how good you are to me and I wanna try things together" (The kid she dated was a real psycho, but it was her first boyfriend (took her virginity and everything, so I kinda understood cause my 1st girlfriend of 2 years tore my heart apart similarly.) I told her "look I'm not your ex and I couldn't tell you why I've put up with it, but there's something about you I really like" She said she didn't care about formal and that was the least of her concerns. We ended up going anyways and it was really good..she opened up to me like she never had before, we had sex sober and she started initiating contact with me more than I was. We were together and all her friends knew it and mine. Her friend, whose also my good friend, even texted me the next day saying "I was gonna tell you, but wanted you to be surprised. Yesterday on the way to school she told me she was finally going to tell you her feelings for you." This was end of March. Things were great through April and May, we went on sober dates, hung out casually. Watched movies together even at the fraternity house (that's a rarity in my house) and she slept over and we would talk all day. I even met her mom on Mom's weekend. Last day of school came around and we were out together and I ended up leaving the bar because it was late and I was just annoyed with things. She took it the wrong way and we didn't talk till the next night on the phone with her basically telling me she doesn't want to be bf/gf yet and I was pretty pissed because why the hell would you lead me on like that. I was FREE after I told her no formal on SB because I established that I wanted more. I said goodbye and didn't contact her. She texted me the next day saying she was probably selfish, but liked spending time with me and didn't want to "mess anything up and us fight" and that when she told me "let's try things" it was "of course to see if we would eventually date, but I'm not there yet" and also stated she considers me "one of her best friends and would hate to lose me." Best friends? We were never friends or talked very much at all until the last 2 months of school when we finally became something. All first semester it was just drunk make outs and drunk nights with her sleeping over, we never talked outside the party scene. I never responded. I didn't wish her happy birthday or anything. Unfollowed her on social media (she can't see I did because there's a way around these things), but I deleted her off Snapchat so she probably noticed that. Honestly I stopped thinking about her a lot and even started talking to other girls. Anyways..I saw her for the first time beginning of July at the same place the party that happened in the winter was. I was only there for a couple hours and was nice, said hi and she tried making more conversation with me, but I had no interest. She even decided to be right next to me when we were playing a game of flippy cup when there were open spots all around the table. After I left I could tell she was irritated that I didn't hug her goodbye or anything, I didn't really care. So now is why I'm posting on here! This weekend I saw her at school, I was out with a couple buddies early in the day and she was there and literally went up to all my friends giving them hugs to get to me finally. She gives me a hug and I clearly didn't seem very interested and told her I gotta go find my buddy cause I had his drink even though he was literally 10 feet away, whoops. About 20 minutes later she purposely bumped into me and then tried getting my attention, to no avail. So she then has the nerve to come up to me again while I'm getting a drink again and starts asking about my summer and trying to flirt with me and share a drink with me. I said no, but I couldn't not smile because all my friends were laughing and she asked why are you laughing at me in a flirty way, I told her I'm not haha but I'm gonna go to my friends. Everybody, including her friends noticed what she was doing, she was lurking on me hard and I really got uncomfortable by it. One guy even said, that girl really wants you right now. The rest of the night she kept staring at me and I could tell she wanted me to come talk to her, she even used this guy from her high school to buy her drinks and flirted with him right in front of me, but I honestly just did not care. I was happy to be with my friends and I was in a care free mood. Here is what really annoyed me later though. My friend told me her and I's mutual friend, whom were both very good friends with came up to my buddy after she observed her try talking to me and said "Yeah she still loves CollegeKid101, but doesn't know how to show it." I was thinking that's just BS and makes zero sense, but still annoyed me. I left the next day and haven't talked to her or anything, but I was genuinely annoyed by that comment because I can tell she still likes me at least. I'm not going to reach out and actually writing this made me put this all into perspective where I actually feel really good about the situation and have lost feelings a bit too. I really don't like flaky people, it annoys me. I'm not over her, but I'm getting there more and more each day. I believe I was in love with her at some point, but never told anyone that. I've talked to my really good girl friend who lives in another state and knows the entire situation and she thinks this girl loves letting other girls know I want her and enjoyed the attention I gave her, but now realizes I'm done with it and "she blew it". Now I don't think she thinks she blew it because I think she would contact me if she wanted me. I'm a realist haha. However, I do think she made an interesting point as I'm a guy who is pretty well known around campus and I'm extremely social and good looking and I do get girls. I'm actually the social chair and rush chair of my fraternity, I know that all sounds extremely arrogant, but I promise I'm a really genuine guy. I mean well. I'm not sure what advice I'm really looking for. I know she doesn't consider me "boyfriend" material so I'm not really looking to hear people tell me she's not into you let it go. Trust me, I haven't reached out to her in almost three months, didn't wish her happy birthday, and never look at her social media. This is not a cry for help to get her back, that's not really what I even want because I know she'll do the same thing to me again. I just don't know what to make of this girl's thought process. I'm guessing she just loved the attention and used me to fill a void of her ex-boyfriend maybe..idk what do you guys think? Thanks if you read it all. I'll probably see her this weekend at a music festival because of mutual friends again or for sure in 3 weeks when school starts up again. I probably just need another girl who I like to completely forget about this one lol, I'm just too picky sometimes. Thanks guys!
smackie9 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 There is nothing else to think about...move on with your life. 1
Author CollegeKid101 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 There is nothing else to think about...move on with your life. I completely agree. More of me just trying to get clarity possibly on the situation. Either way I feel much better after posting this, wanted to get it off my chest to people without getting judged by mutual friends or anything. Thank you though
deadparrot Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I think the best way to explain it is that she's a young adult, and young adults can be wishy-washy. They're navigating (and screwing up) adult responsibilities and relationships for the first time, trying to have fun and explore their new freedoms, and deal with raging hormones. In her case, it sounds like she still may be a bit stuck over the ex/first love and trying to convince herself she needs to move on, but isn't quite there yet. Then again, as I don't know her, it could be any one of a million reasons. That's not an excuse, necessarily--she's certainly old enough to know that jerking someone around like that isn't okay--but it's an explanation. I'm in my late 20s now, and would do a lot of things differently in the relationship realm if I could wind the clock back 10 years. It's a learning process, and hopefully she learned from this and treats people (including herself) better in the future.
JewelD Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 It's college. Most people are not being serious about relationships.
Versacehottie Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I remember your story. I think you've given her enough chances now. To be honest, this is how a lot of college party/girl-guy stuff goes on for years and sometimes into the years after college depending on what cities you end up in. My advice: date other girls now. College is too short not to have A LOT of fun. One thing is pretty for sure, this girl will be back again and probably again. She may "get it" and give you a real chance at some point. But right now, she has blown all HER chances and you should just have fun/try to get what you hope with dating from others who are more likely to be better girls for you (at least now). If you really want a clean, fresh slate with her, it won't be in the near future IMO. It needs time and space. Move on with your life like she may never get around to "coming around". Good luck and have fun!!!
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