leogirl876 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Why do some guys come on really strong and then fade out or disappear? This one guy I went out with twice came on pretty strong, called several times, texted several times. On our first date he was really flirty and then the next date was a totally different person like standoffish. Then he faded and was gone. I also showed interest by texting or calling him too and did say would like to see you again. I just don't understand this. Not that I care, but I'd like to understand what's behind that or at least avoid it in the future.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 It seems pretty obvious that men who do this are basically onto the next new toy. He's found someone else that piques his interest so instead of doing the mature thing and bowing out gracefully, he fades. Women do it as well. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Why do some guys come on really strong and then fade out or disappear? This one guy I went out with twice came on pretty strong, called several times, texted several times. On our first date he was really flirty and then the next date was a totally different person like standoffish. Then he faded and was gone. I also showed interest by texting or calling him too and did say would like to see you again. I just don't understand this. Not that I care, but I'd like to understand what's behind that or at least avoid it in the future. Why do some guys come on really strong and then fade out or disappear? -- Because they are at least excited about finding a new woman to date and may or may not want sex right away at least, and when they've seen enough for them to see whether or not the woman is a fit for him, he simply stops pursing her. Yeah, it would be nice if they just said, "hey, it's not going to work" or something, but in the end, the message is delivered. To me if it needs to end, the manner in which it happens, especially so early on, isn't too important. I'm not that invested in a guy after a few dates anyway as to really give a crap. Even if I "think" I'm crazy about him, we haven't spent enough time together to really know. If it's a longer time of dating, I'd be pissed if they simply disappeared, but then again, if that's the level of their maturity, I dodged a bullet anyway 1
Shanex Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I'm having this issue with many women recently, to the point of giving up.. not that I spend a lot of time on the sites, but this happens all the time to men too, as Michelle pointed out. The reason ? don't scratch your head, there can be multiple reasons. Usually they found a bigger fish and focus on her.
Author leogirl876 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 I'm having this issue with many women recently, to the point of giving up.. not that I spend a lot of time on the sites, but this happens all the time to men too, as Michelle pointed out. The reason ? don't scratch your head, there can be multiple reasons. Usually they found a bigger fish and focus on her. This used to not happen to me like it does more now. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if it's because of internet dating. I'm probably pretty shy around a new guy I meet so that could be it. I'm not shy around friends and coworkers but dating has gotten me pretty shy.
smackie9 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 They didn't get sex like they were hoping for. Like other have said on here, most who use OLD are only in it for the hookups. Always be wary of the ones that come on too strong and or say things that are just too good to be true. 1
Shanex Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 This used to not happen to me like it does more now. I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if it's because of internet dating. I'm probably pretty shy around a new guy I meet so that could be it. I'm not shy around friends and coworkers but dating has gotten me pretty shy. Same here. I was doing OLD as far as a decade ago and it seems typical now to move on just as quickly, I struggle for even a date now whereas before it wasn't that hard. 1
Kamille Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 There's ways to come on strong that puts someone at ease, in a way that helps you get to know them. Plus, as a woman, I try to play it seductive on the first date so that I can see if we have that kind of chemistry (provided I find my date attractive). I've met men who did the same thing. It's fun. It's a way to get to know you, no more, no less. Early dates are meant to be fun and coming on strong can be fun.
Author leogirl876 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 There's ways to come on strong that puts someone at ease, in a way that helps you get to know them. Plus, as a woman, I try to play it seductive on the first date so that I can see if we have that kind of chemistry (provided I find my date attractive). I've met men who did the same thing. It's fun. It's a way to get to know you, no more, no less. Early dates are meant to be fun and coming on strong can be fun. What types of things do you do to be seductive?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I'm going to make an honest admission...I'm at an age where I am absolute about what I need in a relationship. I've met way too many women who simply do not have their CRAP together. It shocks me. So many who are living paycheck to paycheck, being taken advantage of by exes, etc. It is so difficult to date someone w/o finding out soon after that there is a red flag embedded in the midst of it all. I will admit that I have on a couple of occasions started like fireworks only to fizzle out. I never feel good about it b/c I truly liked the women I dated...ugh. My standards are high, but not unreasonable. I just think I'm in the wrong part of the country... I don't know. 1
Author leogirl876 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 I'm going to make an honest admission...I'm at an age where I am absolute about what I need in a relationship. I've met way too many women who simply do not have their CRAP together. It shocks me. So many who are living paycheck to paycheck, being taken advantage of by exes, etc. It is so difficult to date someone w/o finding out soon after that there is a red flag embedded in the midst of it all. I will admit that I have on a couple of occasions started like fireworks only to fizzle out. I never feel good about it b/c I truly liked the women I dated...ugh. My standards are high, but not unreasonable. I just think I'm in the wrong part of the country... I don't know. Well what is baffling me, is I don't have red flags. I don't play games, getting a master's degree, have a great job so I just don't get why a guy would lose interest or not pursue. I never had this problem when I was younger. Maybe the older we get, the worse we all get at dating and that includes both men and women.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Well what is baffling me, is I don't have red flags. I don't play games, getting a master's degree, have a great job so I just don't get why a guy would lose interest or not pursue. I never had this problem when I was younger. Maybe the older we get, the worse we all get at dating and that includes both men and women. If this baffles you in your particular case then the other remarks should fit the bill. 1
katiegrl Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) Well what is baffling me, is I don't have red flags. I don't play games, getting a master's degree, have a great job so I just don't get why a guy would lose interest or not pursue. I never had this problem when I was younger. Maybe the older we get, the worse we all get at dating and that includes both men and women. I am sure you are lovely leogirl, and you certainly look great on paper .... but there is a thing called chemistry, and if one or both isn't feeling it....NOTHING ain't gonna happen. For me, I can tell on the first date if it's happening, and no matter how great a guy appears to be, if I'm not feeling it.... it's next. Sometimes, as crazy as this sounds... I can even feel that energy through phone convos and even via texting! Edited July 20, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Kamille Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 What types of things do you do to be seductive? Simple stuff. Obviously try to look my best. And then I take an interest in him, asks questions, lean in, smile. If he makes a joke I find funny, I laugh. If I want him to kiss me later, I make sure to touch him on the arm. I also expect some of the same in return. I've had to learn not to let a guy talk about himself so much that I get bored (that's when I friend zone a guy so it's for everyone's best). So I crack jokes and force myself to tell stories. Basically, I do what I can to foster chemistry between us. 1
katiegrl Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Simple stuff. Obviously try to look my best. And then I take an interest in him, asks questions, lean in, smile. If he makes a joke I find funny, I laugh. If I want him to kiss me later, I make sure to touch him on the arm. I also expect some of the same in return. I've had to learn not to let a guy talk about himself so much that I get bored (that's when I friend zone a guy so it's for everyone's best). So I crack jokes and force myself to tell stories. Basically, I do what I can to foster chemistry between us. JMO but I don't believe chemistry can be fostered. It's an energy and it's either there or not.... and when it is there, everything you described above comes naturally.... there is no effort involved, at least there has never been for me and the men with whom that energy was there. It's easy, natural, free-flowing.... Whatever works for you though.
Kamille Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 JMO but I don't believe chemistry can be fostered. It's an energy and it's either there or not.... and when it is there, everything you described above comes naturally.... there is no effort involved, at least there has never been for me and the men with whom that energy was there. It's easy, natural, free-flowing.... Whatever works for you though. To each their own.
katiegrl Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 To each their own. Yeah that's what I said... whatever works for you.
Zippy2000 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 It seems pretty obvious that men who do this are basically onto the next new toy. He's found someone else that piques his interest so instead of doing the mature thing and bowing out gracefully, he fades. Women do it as well. Thats not always true about there being another toy. Youre hearing it from a man`s point of view and I ve done this before where I ve met a girl and have been super attracted to in the beginning. However Ive dated a few girls where on the second date there are things she has said or done and I have changed my views/perception of them. People are allowed to change thier minds but fading isnt acceptable. Its got nothing to do with you but its how people chnage their minds about you and then show lack of interest, 3
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