MatthewJC Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) Hi, So my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me because her feelings changed and she didn’t want to be in a relationship. This was about a month ago and I’m still devastated. The thing is I didn’t stick to no contact and spent a month pestering her to the point where she wants nothing to do with me. I fear I might have f*cked up all chances i had. I also watched her share a drunk kiss with some low life at a party which obviously crushed me. She has been as cold as ice with me since. It feels horrible. Should I bother holding out hope? I really, really want her back so what should I do now? Thanks Edited July 19, 2016 by MatthewJC
SevenCity Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 No you should not have hope because there is none. NC isn't to get her back. It's so you can heal. 1
mrada34 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Yeah. It's best to let it go. I definitely know what it's like to be in your position. I did almost the exact same thing to my ex recently. She was nice to me at first, but then she blocked all paths of communication I had to her. Even after I apologized and said that I was going to respect her decision and hoped she could still accept me as a casual friend. She wouldn't. It's been hard to forgive myself, but that's what we have to do to move on. What happened, happened. It's best to show her strength while you still can and keep the no contact. She probably won't get back with you, but at least you can know that she can have a respectful opinion of you because you were able to keep no contact. My advice, take this time to work on yourself and stop thinking about her. If she couldn't see what was so good about you, then she's the one missing out. Chances are there's a better match out there who will appreciate you more anyways! So, don't let this get you down. Hope this helps. I'm still going through the grief of my breakup and coming to terms with what I did to my ex too. This is the advice I have received about it. So, I hope to now pass it on to you. 1
Author MatthewJC Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Thanks man! It really is the worst sort of pain
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Hi, So my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me because her feelings changed and she didn’t want to be in a relationship. This was about a month ago and I’m still devastated. The thing is I didn’t stick to no contact and spent a month pestering her to the point where she wants nothing to do with me. I fear I might have f*cked up all chances i had. I also watched her share a drunk kiss with some low life at a party which obviously crushed me. She has been as cold as ice with me since. It feels horrible. Should I bother holding out hope? I really, really want her back so what should I do now? Thanks I fear I might have f*cked up all chances i had -- Yes, you likely did. However, it's also pretty unlikely that you had a chance anyway. Go back to NO CONTACT and stay that way. Delete her number and block her so that she cannot contact you at any point for an ego boost or if her other pursuits dry up. 1
Author MatthewJC Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 I liked this girl all the 5 years i was in high school, even when i was in another relationship, this girl was always on my mind. About a year ago I was being tormented by my psychopathic ex and her dumb friends. they spread false rumours saying I beat by ex (I still have no idea why, she wanted attention maybe?) Anyway, on day i lost it when these girls continued to harass me, I ended up screaming at them in public (felt pretty good to be honest) Becasue i made a scene, my dream girl messaged me asking if i was okay. I still remember the amazing feeling i had when it happened. This lead on to us talking until 4:00am pretty much every day/night for a week. Things esculated and eventually she came round my house regularly. we kissed and after a few weeks she became my girlfriend. This was the most amazing feeling i had ever experienced and i can say with 100% honesty that she made me the happiest i had ever been. She was funny, pretty, always happy and just a genuinely lovely girl. She was perfect and i have always said that she turned the worst week of my life into the best week of my life, it was like a fairytale. Me and her never had any problems just a few minor arguments but never anything major. Everything was perfect and we were both happy and madly in love. Then one day, out of the blue she tells me that she no longer wants to be in a relationship and she just wants to be single, It was like my whole world came crashing down on top of me. Our relationship lasted about 8 months and she broke up with me about a month ago. She no longer wants anyhthing to do with me and when i try to reason with her she is cold and hurtful. What makes it worse is that i watched her kiss some scumbag at a party and watched her swapping phone numbers with multiple low life guys (drug users or dealers, most likely both) which made me want to die right then and there. I feel like my family and friends dont really know how much she meant to me, she was my dream girl and she lived up to that and then some. She meant so much more than just another girlfriend and i did and still do really, really love her Thanks
Giggles666 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 No contact, stay that way. I dated a friend of almost 20 years, we broke up I did not know why. I went no contact and had not heard from her in 5 months. She chased me down one day and actually showed up at a party I was at. I'm smoking a cigarette and the host tells me I have a friend who showed up...and in walks my friend/ex. I finally found out what the reason was...and it just started the whole healing process over again when less than a week later she went cold on me again. Time is the only friend you have. False hope is bad, let it go. You do not have a time machine, what's done is done. Live, learn, grow, and prepare for the next relationship. No contact, and no timelines for when you think you should reach out again! You have to approach it as if you are done. Sorry to hear, you'll be fine with some time and some taking care of yourself. 1
Author MatthewJC Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Thank you, the support really helps
Alamo657 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Hi, So my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me because her feelings changed and she didn’t want to be in a relationship. This was about a month ago and I’m still devastated. The thing is I didn’t stick to no contact and spent a month pestering her to the point where she wants nothing to do with me. I fear I might have f*cked up all chances i had. I also watched her share a drunk kiss with some low life at a party which obviously crushed me. She has been as cold as ice with me since. It feels horrible. Should I bother holding out hope? I really, really want her back so what should I do now? Thanks You never had a a chance to begin with, she didn't love you and dumped you for that reason. All the harassment after the break up only made you appear like a wimp who didn't want to join her SMS-fan club, and she'd rather drunk kiss whoever at parties than go back to date boring you. Move on !
Giggles666 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I just read your other post. We have very similar stories, I liked this woman for almost 20 years even when I was in other relationships she was the one who got away. We were very close friends. She got divorced came to me for her first dating experience in 3 years, seemed totally happy. Everything seemed fine. Then she just disappeared for 5 months. I had no idea what happened. I reached out about twice in 5 months, nothing. It ended with us talking at this party, her going weird on me a week later again and one last phone call...I had to tell her how I felt and why I could not go back to a friendship with her. Time will tell. Time will tell with you also, whether the ex will be a friend one day or whether you will just look back one day and not even believe this situation bothered you. The reasons she left me, "her friends don't like me". Mind you this is a bunch 50 year+ old women I have never met. Some folks never grow up. The purpose of life is to live, and learn as you learn you should grow. You're "growing" right now if you so choose. It's a hard lesson but one you can definitely grow from. Hang in there, stay strong. One day at a time, heartbreak is not easy... 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Don't beat yourself up about it. There is no handbook on what to do after breakups. We live, we learn. That is the only handbook you should follow. She was prob ready to move on anyway without looking back, while you pestering her may have annoyed her who knows if at that point in time you could have salvaged things anyway, even if you did the strict "playing it cool act". Relationships, hurt, the loss is unbearable. This expectation that we are supposed to just "oh ok you want to end things? meh...ok...onward and upward" is a crock of sht. We are not robots we have feelings and we feel loss deeply. So don't beat yourself up now. Having said that, it's time now to go strict no contact now. It's not too late. And you saw the other way didn't work. So let her wonder why you stopped reaching out, what you are up to. If she is meant to come back to you she will make the first move but you have to "POOF" disappear, like a magic act. It hurts, it really hurts, I know the pain is unbearable. Start by forgiving yourself and being kinder to yourself. You don't need the extra pressure of your own judgment right now. 3
AnnaTjacks Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I am sorry to hear about your breakup. Breaking up with someone you really care about is always hard. I am surprised that she didn't say why. It just seems like the mature thing to do was to explain why she no longer was interested in you. I will pray that you be strong in this. I really believe that if she is meant to be with you, she will. Keep your head up and be open to date other women.
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