Author avoforastig Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 You have to have more of your own life. The reason you don't hear many success stories is because most people realize that these conditions in a partner are beyond their skill set to deal with effectively and usually move on. Unless you become so proactive as to seek counseling for yourself and at some point have couples counseling, you are going to continue to struggle yourself. Your are trying to gain control over all this and the fact is you don't have control. So take the pressure off yourself. Be supportive, be encouraging, not demanding, be patient and find ways to redirect your energy and your own anxiety over the situation. You will have more success in that. . . Could you please explain this more? I am confused. I'm not sure what you mean by "beyond their skill set." Do you think it's "wrong" to break up with someone for this?
Redhead14 Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Could you please explain this more? I am confused. I'm not sure what you mean by "beyond their skill set." Do you think it's "wrong" to break up with someone for this? You are attempting to be the "therapist" for her, figure out how to get her to be what you need her to be, etc. You are not qualified to do that. All you can do is be supportive and patience and encouraging. When you find yourself frustrated, feeling socially inhibited, etc., deal with that for yourself. I don't think it's wrong to break up with someone for this unless you are married to that person and even then, there may be a point where the partner needs to move on for their own sake. You have been dating this woman for 2 years and, you say this has been an issue for the last year and you've been dealing with it as best you can, however, you are starting to or have been feeling the effects of it on you and it's causing you some problems now too. Dating is a process of evaluating a relationship and determining whether they want to be with and commit to that person for the long-term. A year of deal with, observing progress or lack thereof, in your sensibilities is/should be sufficient enough time to make a determination like that. You could be "dealing" with this for a number of years. Are you up to that task? I doesn't sound like it. Like I said, you would need to attend counseling/support groups, etc. in order to get enough insight and the tools for you to do that. A counselor or support group will tell you that you need to take care of yourself first when you are trying to be "there" for a struggling partner because if you don't you cannot be what your partner needs you to be. If a mother doesn't take care of herself, she can't take care of her children. It's kinda like on an airplane -- they tell you that if the cabin pressure falls, a parent should put the oxygen mask on themselves first and then the baby. Because if the parent passes out, they certainly can't do anything for the baby.
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