kumar123 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I'm a little confused as I've been casually seeing someone for the past 2 months. We typically see each other about once a week and go on really fun/romantic dates, text each other every few days and overall have been having a good time. We both want a LTR at some point but believe in taking it slow and getting to know someone first before making that jump. The drawback is that we both are being unusually guarded with each other. He admitted this to me several weeks ago, as he wants to take it slow and is worried about getting burned. My issue is that I am very shy around this guy. I'm outgoing, confident with guys normally but for some reason I turn into a nervous mess around this guy. I'm very open and usually have deep conversations quickly with people, but this has not been happening with this guy. As a result, we've been giving each other some weird mixed signals. I worry he doesn't like me and he worries the same, even though we both are interested. Our last date was fun but my nervousness got the best of me, and it was clear he got irritated and he ended the date clearly in a bad mood. He told me that we aren't on the same page and I took that as he wasn't interested in dating anymore. He explained that it seemed like I didn't want to touch or be around him and that I needed my personal space during the date. I took one more shot and told him that I'm really shy around him and I need more time to open up and that I'm very attracted to him and want to get to know him better. This is the first and only time I've told him I feel this shy around him. He then responds later saying that he's sorry for what he said and that he overreacted. We then did some playful texting but we haven't talked in 3 days (which is consistent for the time we've been dating). However, he has not approached me about a date for the weekend which is a little disappointing. He may reach out soon but usually we organize dates earlier in the week. For the record, I have asked him out and planned the last TWO dates. I initiated the contact, planned the date, came up with fun ideas etc. Since he ended it, I feel uncomfortable reaching out, even though he apologized and said he overreacted. I'm still feeling uncertain and feel like its best for him to make the next move. Is that the right thing to do in this case?
Lansing Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Until the last sentence I was going to say "ask him out!!" but you were the one that initiated the last two dates... I was into a situation before where the girl wasn't very physical (I.e. even things like holding hands/hugging/kissing) and I felt like she wasn't really into me so I talked to her about it and she said she wanted to take things "slow". However, after she said she was busy when I asked her out on another date I just didn't ask her out anymore and I never heard from her again. I felt like this was a sign she actually wasn't into me as I explained my position and she didn't make the effort. He might be expecting you to ask him out though since you have done it twice already. I would give him the benefit of the doubt but then on your next day maybe mention it would be nice if he planned a date, etc. I wonder how many relationships just fade because of initial issues with communication but could become something really special if people made more effort at the initial stages. 1
five2nine Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 No one wants to do all the work in a relationship. Let him come to you and plan the next date. 1
Larryville Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 For the record, I have asked him out and planned the last TWO dates. I initiated the contact, planned the date, came up with fun ideas etc. Just wondering are you that desperate and or out of dating options that you feel the “need” to do this? No one wants to (OR SHOULD EVER) do all the work in a relationship
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I'm a little confused as I've been casually seeing someone for the past 2 months. We typically see each other about once a week and go on really fun/romantic dates, text each other every few days and overall have been having a good time. We both want a LTR at some point but believe in taking it slow and getting to know someone first before making that jump. The drawback is that we both are being unusually guarded with each other. He admitted this to me several weeks ago, as he wants to take it slow and is worried about getting burned. My issue is that I am very shy around this guy. I'm outgoing, confident with guys normally but for some reason I turn into a nervous mess around this guy. I'm very open and usually have deep conversations quickly with people, but this has not been happening with this guy. As a result, we've been giving each other some weird mixed signals. I worry he doesn't like me and he worries the same, even though we both are interested. Our last date was fun but my nervousness got the best of me, and it was clear he got irritated and he ended the date clearly in a bad mood. He told me that we aren't on the same page and I took that as he wasn't interested in dating anymore. He explained that it seemed like I didn't want to touch or be around him and that I needed my personal space during the date. I took one more shot and told him that I'm really shy around him and I need more time to open up and that I'm very attracted to him and want to get to know him better. This is the first and only time I've told him I feel this shy around him. He then responds later saying that he's sorry for what he said and that he overreacted. We then did some playful texting but we haven't talked in 3 days (which is consistent for the time we've been dating). However, he has not approached me about a date for the weekend which is a little disappointing. He may reach out soon but usually we organize dates earlier in the week. For the record, I have asked him out and planned the last TWO dates. I initiated the contact, planned the date, came up with fun ideas etc. Since he ended it, I feel uncomfortable reaching out, even though he apologized and said he overreacted. I'm still feeling uncertain and feel like its best for him to make the next move. Is that the right thing to do in this case? Yes, sit back now and let him initiate. Initiating should be balanced, if you're doing all the work, so to speak, it's hard to gauge their continued interest. In other words, you ask, sure they'll go, they like you, etc. But if you aren't giving them the opportunity to initiate, it makes you wonder and it also takes away from his "chase". He apologized and has stayed in communication with you according to what's been usual between you two, so ride it out. You accepted his apology, so it's not like he's holding back because he thinks your hurt or upset. Keep busy so you're not dwelling and when he does ask, it won't seem like such a long time that you've been "waiting" And, if he doesn't initiate another date, so be it. It is what it is. Make plans for yourself if the opportunity arises and if he calls and wants a date, you may not be available, in which case, he'll be reminded that he needs to get in on your schedule if he really wants to see you Of course, if you are available, go on the date. And, taking it slow is not about being guarded, it's about letting things develop naturally, at a pace that allows you both to open up to each other, yet isn't smothering. Be open, be yourself, be free spirited. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 My two pennies is that you are both probably great people who just are not gelling as a couple. Don't worry. It happens. Its not anyones fault. You are awkward around each other because neither of you are relaxed and unless you start to relax its not going to happen. So my advice is either a. fart and laugh in front of him - it will break that tension or b. give up and start searching again. Personally the fact he is awkward as well... I would just let it go and be done with it. When two people get on well and enjoy being together it isn't such hard work. Trust me on that. 1
Author kumar123 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Just wondering are you that desperate and or out of dating options that you feel the “need” to do this? I have several dating options and I am not desperate at all. I see nothing wrong with asking a guy out, especially if a fun opportunity comes up.
Author kumar123 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Thank you for the replies! Okay glad to hear that letting him initiate may be the best move. I could give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him out again, but that feels slightly pathetic after him saying we are on different pages. Something about asking him out now, even though he apologized, feels a bit unnatural. And yeah even when I asked him out last time, part of me was a bit worried he was agreeing cause he liked me but isn't necessarily interested. I feel this is a good way to tell if he's interested since at the very least he'll contact me. I've definitely initiated contact and dates recently so it'd be odd if he felt like I was the one disinterested. I'm hoping I'll hear from him today or before the weekend, otherwise I'll just assume he's not invested or interested. We have been seeing each other for 2 months so I'm hoping he's just reaching the comfort level of planning last minute dates or inviting me out sporadically which is fine at this point. 1
Recommended Posts