Break up ( Painfull )

[JonB]

Hey there, i'm new here and going through a painfull experience cause of my breakup.

I'll Start by saying that i dont have a normal job, normal life, since i'm a musician in my country (kind of a well known singer).

I was in a 3 year relationship and living with that girl, everything great, we had that kind of relationship that everybody dreams, great friends, great lovers, helped eachother, everything great basically.

Well , the problem about my work is we have phases, we can get great money, and we can get a lot of time without it, and that definitly had some impact in our relationship, i started seeing that she became ressenfull over that, cause sometimes she was the "provider" in the house even though it was her parents that payed for everything, a great help.

Well we had our arguments, our discussions, not much that made me believe we were going to breakup, even though we became more in a relationship that most of the part we were more friends than lovers, but she wasn't affectionate, i was more..

Well one day, a month ago we had an stupid argument, a longer one , about a day arguing and i was like "OK maybe i should leave.." (just to tester her) and she said "yes maybe you should", (just a reminder on that day when we woke up she told me she loves me..)

OK. So i left, went to my parents home and when i got there, i realised the mistake and i told her " maybe this was a mistake" and she told me "it wasn't " that she didnt love me anymore and the feeling was desgastated.

 

Then something happened too during the relationship.

1 Month before we broke up i started talking via FB to a girl that was the coofee girl next to our house, nothing much, just friendship, cause she in the last months was not that much of a friend and i needed someone to talk so i went and drink a coofee at the coffee she worked and nothing much, and i didnt told my ex girlfriend, after the brokeup that stupid ass bitc* told my ex that she went on a date with me, that i was interested in her (that was a lie) and she confronted me "you were a dissapointment" and stuff, but after that seemed like she believed me.

 

Well short story , since then not even ONE fu**in day she contacted me.. I broke the NC rule three times, one of them to tell her good luck for the surgery she was going to have (that didnt happen) and two times i was weak and invited her to get lunch, she responded pretty cold "i have plans, i have to go, cant talk to u sorry"

 

I don' t understand how could she not even contact me not even to know How i AM, cause on the day after the breakup i had to go to a psychiatry cause i had a nervous breakdown over the relationship and about my work, family. Etc, it was a lot to take and she knew that, but she doesnt care about it, i see her instagram posts she always posts stuff about Being happy and that this was the best decision she made and that she wanted to do this for a long time.

Now i know she has her girlfriends (all single and kind of Girls that are independent and dont need a man) teeling her not to be with me and probably in her eyes she would never comeback cause it would seem weak on her friends (its stupid i know)

 

Can somebody help me out? I have so many questions and i dont understand how can she never contact me , im now on my 4 day of NC rule.

 

Thanks everybody and sorry for the long text.

Edited July 19, 2016 by JonB

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Let me recommend you watch Chris Rock standup comedy about women and paying for stuff. Like he said "those panties are coming up mighty fast" and "nothing dries up a v***** faster than a woman reaching for her wallet".

 

If she was the provider normally women don't like that. You are the man of the house you have to provide either equally or more. This is something she may have had it up to here with. Keep in mind I am not saying that it's your fault - hey do what you love man! Don't let anybody tell you different!

 

She already told you that she doesn't love you. She may have said that out of spite you know to make you feel bad but regardless of that fact I think that train is long gone. Don't break NC anymore and leave it! Too many obstacles in the way of having the same or better relationship with that person anymore - you going on a date (again this is not your fault as it wasn't what she thought it to be), the girl from the cofee house that told her (even though there was nothing happening) and the fact she is tired of her parents or herself providing for your future together.

 

Check the bigger picture perhaps her parents sat down with her and starting mumbling some stuff in her head that you are not reliable person to provide a steady income. Have a couple of those conversations and it will boil down to her being tired of that.

 

Let it go man, if the psychiatry helped you out keep visitting him or come here to vent the anger and sadness but I recommend to keep yourself away from that person.

[JonB]

Yeah man i get that, and yes her parents we're always mumbling about that even thought i told her just to be patient and give me a lil bit of time till i get my shi* together and find a job (max 3 months) we even talked about that , and i told her , maybe i should go to my parents house, no prob, she begged me not to go, this was one month before the breakup.

One more thing, she knew from the Start how my life was and she was the one who told me to go live with her, and when i tell she was the provider it was like grocerys and stuff, i always helped with that but my problem is that my job is not, " getting payed at the 30th of may"

 

But yeah i dont get how she at least contact me just to see how i AM, its pretty Harsh.

About my psychiatry, i'm fine, i just love her, miss her and i dont think i deserve this ****.

 

PS: I have seen those Chris Rock Dvd's, Hilarious

Edited July 20, 2016 by JonB

[MzLady]

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like either she was already moving on from the relationship before it ended (I'm not saying she was seeing someone else, just that maybe her feelings were changing) or she is trying to get some kind of point across. Either way.. it sucks when a relationship ends and your partner acts like they got over you in less than 60 seconds. Especially when you were together for so long. But as a woman.. let me share this with you.. pursuing her now will only make it worse. You are emotional and will say/do anything to get her back.. and it comes across in a bad way. Your best bet is to continue with no contact and try to focus on other things. If she is over the relationship..at least you will be able to walk away with your dignity. If she is trying to prove a point about something.. then it will backfire on her. Either way, you are better off. I wish you all the best.

[JonB]

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like either she was already moving on from the relationship before it ended (I'm not saying she was seeing someone else, just that maybe her feelings were changing) or she is trying to get some kind of point across. Either way.. it sucks when a relationship ends and your partner acts like they got over you in less than 60 seconds. Especially when you were together for so long. But as a woman.. let me share this with you.. pursuing her now will only make it worse. You are emotional and will say/do anything to get her back.. and it comes across in a bad way. Your best bet is to continue with no contact and try to focus on other things. If she is over the relationship..at least you will be able to walk away with your dignity. If she is trying to prove a point about something.. then it will backfire on her. Either way, you are better off. I wish you all the best.

 

 

Thank u so much, great to hear that and be so nice about it..

I think of all the circumstances i'm acting great, i didnt Chase her, in the way that i'm not the Guy that this ended and i was always calling her por sending her text messages trying to get her back, i had my moments of weakness two times where i asked her to go out and i told her a simple "i miss u", we broke up a month and a week ago, first i stop talking to her for a week and a half, then one week and now i'm on my 5 days of NC.

 

One thing that happened too it was when we broke up i delleted her from all my social média, but on Snapchat i saw that she saw my posts there (cause you can see who sees your things) and she uses to see, then one day i went to eat lunch with one friend (girl) and i posted it, she saw, after that day and that post, she never saw anymore of my posts, i depreend that she erased me from there too cause she didnt like what she saw, and they're friends erased me from there too.

 

Its pretty confusing to me..it hurts a lot to see they're indiference..

[MzLady]

I know it hurts. Breaking up is never easy. I am going through one myself.. but I did the breaking up. He wasn't a good guy and showed some very bad red flags. Anyway... YOU will be ok.. it just takes time. Her deleting you from her social media is a GOOD thing. It will help prevent you from keeping tabs on her, which would only prevent you from moving on. Stay strong. Keep up the no contact.. and if you haven't already - deleted her number from your phone. Remove all temptation.

[JonB]

I know it hurts. Breaking up is never easy. I am going through one myself.. but I did the breaking up. He wasn't a good guy and showed some very bad red flags. Anyway... YOU will be ok.. it just takes time. Her deleting you from her social media is a GOOD thing. It will help prevent you from keeping tabs on her, which would only prevent you from moving on. Stay strong. Keep up the no contact.. and if you haven't already - deleted her number from your phone. Remove all temptation.

 

 

Thank u for the help.

Yeah i did that in the 1st day of Breakup, even changed my number , but then the day i told her "good luck" for her surgery she got the number, it was a mistake but well..

 

The thing that hurts the most its not getting how can she not send a fuc** text message or call or something, its 3 years, its not normal what shes doing, at first she was like "i dont want to lose u in my life, just wanna be friends".. I told her that i was not interested in that..but then when i got weak and asked her to go out she was line "its not the time for that yet" and she was very cold, even rushed the conversation and said "i have plans, i have to go, bye" who does that to someone who was 3 years with?" i see the other topics here in the fórum about breakups and i cant relate to any of it cause i dont see the ex's beeing so cold, they always reach out or at least they are cool about it..

 

Well i really cant understand..

Edited July 21, 2016 by JonB

[JonB]

To be honest and not being cocky, i don't want to forget her, i wanna get back with her, girls i can have whatever i want, its her the woman of my life, the girl i wanna have kids with, i don't want to move on from this, still find this a mistake that still could be fix..

 

But today i lost a day searching here in the fórum but i didnt find any case like mine. That the girl who break it off simply erases any contact and doesnt reach for nothing after 3 years living together, i can seem to find any reasonable explination.