Steveirwin Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) So about all of 30 minutes ago I was texting my girlfriend of 3 months. She was with a friend and posted a picture on her snapchat story. I thought she looked amazing so I texted her saying something like "wow I just saw your story, you look amazing, you're beautiful blah blah blah" and she responded to something I asked earlier first and then she said thank you. She normally doesn't like compliments because she thinks their fake from most people but with me she knows I'm honest and I always like to reassure her, SO I sent her one more text saying "but seriously I had to watch your story a second time because I was like (then I put a few emojis showing that I was breathless)"// this is where things got confusing to me. She responded with "omg stoppppp haha" and then went on to ask me about last night, so I thought all was good. But then about 5 minutes later I'm scrolling through my snapchat stories and I notice that she deleted hers?? I was so confused at first but now I feel like I may of creeped her out. I mean I don't think I did anything wrong, I was just telling my girlfriend she was beautiful, but why else would she delete her story right after I said that? Do y'all think what I said was creepy? Btw I haven't heard from her since. Edited July 19, 2016 by Steveirwin
SoThatHappened Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Yeah, you're screwed. Dollar to a donut she's going to drop you because she knows she OWNS you. Don't do that stuff. You look weak. Women don't like that. At most, tell her that a picture turned you on and you want to take it out on her later. DO NOT DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. 3
VeveCakes Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Yeah, you're screwed. Dollar to a donut she's going to drop you because she knows she OWNS you. Don't do that stuff. You look weak. Women don't like that. At most, tell her that a picture turned you on and you want to take it out on her later. DO NOT DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. Worst advice ever. I think you are an awesome bf. She might be hiding something, there is no other reason for her to delete that... 7
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Yeah, you're screwed. Dollar to a donut she's going to drop you because she knows she OWNS you. Don't do that stuff. You look weak. Women don't like that. At most, tell her that a picture turned you on and you want to take it out on her later. DO NOT DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. I am a woman, and this is simply not true. Most normal and rational woman would love a message like that from their crush/boyfriend/husband. OP, ignore the above commentary, unless the poster meant it in jest. Your comments weren't creepy at all; they were very nice and most girls would be flattered. That isn't the reason she deleted them. However, VeveCakes might be on to something - perhaps she doesn't want someone else seeing them. 6
Alamo657 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 So about all of 30 minutes ago I was texting my girlfriend of 3 months. She was with a friend and posted a picture on her snapchat story. I thought she looked amazing so I texted her saying something like "wow I just saw your story, you look amazing, you're beautiful blah blah blah" and she responded to something I asked earlier first and then she said thank you. She normally doesn't like compliments because she thinks their fake from most people but with me she knows I'm honest and I always like to reassure her, SO I sent her one more text saying "but seriously I had to watch your story a second time because I was like (then I put a few emojis showing that I was breathless)"// this is where things got confusing to me. She responded with "omg stoppppp haha" and then went on to ask me about last night, so I thought all was good. But then about 5 minutes later I'm scrolling through my snapchat stories and I notice that she deleted hers?? I was so confused at first but now I feel like I may of creeped her out. I mean I don't think I did anything wrong, I was just telling my girlfriend she was beautiful, but why else would she delete her story right after I said that? Do y'all think what I said was creepy? Btw I haven't heard from her since. Never tell a woman she is beautiful, instead make her feel beautiful. If you have to say what hundreds of other men say to get her attention, you're no different nor better than any other men. You love her ? big deal, does she love you ? that's what's important. 3
Vado Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) I am a woman, and this is simply not true. Most normal and rational woman would love a message like that from their crush/boyfriend/husband. OP, ignore the above commentary, unless the poster meant it in jest. Your comments weren't creepy at all; they were very nice and most girls would be flattered. That isn't the reason she deleted them. However, VeveCakes might be on to something - perhaps she doesn't want someone else seeing them. Most woman aren't rational and certainly not if it comes to date/crush/relationship. And nice guys finish last. OP, don't threat your gf as a celebrity, because than you become her butler. A compliment by surprise now and than, especially in person, is ok. Girls (and guys for that mather) like to sit on a pedestral, but they don't like (as in crushlove) the guys or girl who put them on the pedestral. Edited July 19, 2016 by Vado 2
Bialy Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Never tell a woman she is beautiful, instead make her feel beautiful. If you have to say what hundreds of other men say to get her attention, you're no different nor better than any other men. 10000000% correct.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Most woman aren't rational and certainly not if it comes to date/crush/relationship. And nice guys finish last. OP, don't threat your gf as a celebrity, because than you become her butler. A compliment by surprise now and than, especially in person, is ok. Girls (and guys for that mather) like to sit on a pedestral, but they don't like (as in crushlove) the guys or girl who put them on the pedestral. I think the word you are looking for is pedestal. If you are of the opinion that most women aren't ration, perhaps your woman-picker isn't very sharp. OP, I stand by my assertion that your comments were not creepy and that most women welcome compliments from their boyfriends. There is another reason she's deleted it and is being unresponsive.
Vado Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I think the word you are looking for is pedestal. If you are of the opinion that most women aren't ration, perhaps your woman-picker isn't very sharp. OP, I stand by my assertion that your comments were not creepy and that most women welcome compliments from their boyfriends. There is another reason she's deleted it and is being unresponsive. I don't think it's a big statement to say that most aren't rational, especially if it comes to crush, love, relations. OP, be careful if it comes to compliments, she might think she is a princess.
katiegrl Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 She normally doesn't like compliments because she thinks their fake from most people This is me. I dislike over the top compliments as well.... I find them contrived. I would much rather he show me how beautiful he thinks I am... by the way he treats me. I am an anomaly though, most women love them, but not all. In fact too many will turn me off.... Re what you did OP... sending the second text with all the emojis.... that would have personally turned me off. But again I am kind of a weirdo, so.... take from that what you will. 2
leogirl876 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 The OP reminds me of an ex-boyfriend, who was semi-stalker. I know you're just being nice and trying to build her up, but you definitely went overboard. If I were you, I'd back off her for a few days and give her space, and what ever you do, don't mention what happened or that you know she deleted it. Act indifferent to it, that will bring back the attraction to you. Don't act needy or stalkerish, that's feminine energy, she wants masculine energy. 1
Author Steveirwin Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 The OP reminds me of an ex-boyfriend, who was semi-stalker. I know you're just being nice and trying to build her up, but you definitely went overboard. If I were you, I'd back off her for a few days and give her space, and what ever you do, don't mention what happened or that you know she deleted it. Act indifferent to it, that will bring back the attraction to you. Don't act needy or stalkerish, that's feminine energy, she wants masculine energy. I appreciate that post cause I was contemplating saying something about it but now I'm glad I didn't. I'm definitely don't like stalk her though haha, we give each other plenty of space and I don't really do what I did too often but she's been out of town for a week and then she's got Someone staying with her rn so we haven't gotten to be together too much lately and I was just letting her know since I haven't been able to do it in person
preraph Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I believe sometimes compliments come across as trying to hard and a little bit desperate. I don't mean a casual "You look nice" or "I like that dress" when you pick them up for a date. But going overboard gushing (especially doing it twice) sort of makes you look desperate and it's an easy way to lose your dignity. I put it in the same category as asking about status too soon, being too available, too easy, too desperate. It can also make someone think, Jeez, has he never had a pretty girlfriend before? It's too eager. I also think you came back twice with that because you were hoping to milk some verbal reciprocation out of her, and that is awkward. Like, I gushed over you, now tell me how wonderful I am. Less is more in the early stages of dating. 3
SoThatHappened Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Worst advice ever. Most times actions like this backfire, especially when the guy is the one crushing, not her. And, that seems to be the case to me. Most normal and rational woman would love a message like that from their crush/boyfriend/husband. Maybe most normal rational women would love a message like that. In my experience, verbal "crushing" similar to the OP's backfires. OP, ignore the above commentary, unless the poster meant it in jest. I am completely serious, and I think OP would do well to heed the advice in the future, and as Alamo said, "show it instead of say it."
SoThatHappened Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 However, VeveCakes might be on to something - perhaps she doesn't want someone else seeing them. Do you say that becuase you honestly think a woman doesn't want someone seeing someone else crushing on her? Or are you alluding to the possibility of it making another guy in her life jealous? Honest questions.
Namasteppl Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Yeah, you're screwed. Dollar to a donut she's going to drop you because she knows she OWNS you. Don't do that stuff. You look weak. Women don't like that. At most, tell her that a picture turned you on and you want to take it out on her later. DO NOT DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. I 100% agree with this. Maintain your frame and don't go gaga anytime you see a beautiful woman. Don't act like it's your first time seeing a beautiful woman. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Sorry but this doesn't make any sense to me at all. Anyone posting their life on social media for the whole world to see is SEEKING ATTENTION!! Plain and simple. She doesn't like compliments my a**. The fact that she removed her own boyfriend's comments on her snapchat is a red flag to me and should be for you too. The issue isn't you being creepy but rather why she feels the need to erase any sign of you online. Think about it. 3
SevenCity Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) Sorry but this doesn't make any sense to me at all. Anyone posting their life on social media for the whole world to see is SEEKING ATTENTION!! Plain and simple. She doesn't like compliments my a**. The fact that she removed her own boyfriend's comments on her snapchat is a red flag to me and should be for you too. The issue isn't you being creepy but rather why she feels the need to erase any sign of you online. Think about it. That's the thing about attention seekers. They seek compliments to validate themselves. If they get them, mission accomplished and they seek them from another. If you're smart and don't give it to them, they will bend over backwards for you to get them. It's like withholding drugs from an addict. This one hot girl I dated actually said to me "Aren't you going to comment on my outfit?" When we went out to lunch the first time because I kept my mouth shut. I did great with her until I finally relented and thought I could open up (HUGE mistake). OP - Listen to the guys on this thread. The women have a singular perspective (theirs). Moreover, women seldom know what they want. They may think they do but why do girls always fall for bad boys with no future? It's not because they treat them so great. The guys on the other hand have experience from dozens if not hundreds of women. We know what works and what doesn't. Oh and watch your back with this chick. She sounds like bad news. Edited July 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
JewelD Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 If you were just 'talking', might be a little odd, but you're already dating. There's already mutual attraction established and you're exclusive. There's nothing about what you said that should have made her want to delete that photo. Idk how snapchat works entirely, but can't you make certain stories disappear after awhile? I know people on instagram who post and delete photos of themselves because they don't want a ton of pictures on their account. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with complimenting your girlfriend. You should just ask her why she deleted it. Although, you'd then have to explain that you looked at the picture multiple times and then noticed it was gone. That might freak her out because in the grand scheme of things, social media seems petty. But you've been dating for 3 months, if she didn't like compliments, I'm assuming she would have made it clear before now. Might be something else going on. Might be absolutely nothing.
AMJ Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Yeah, you're screwed. Dollar to a donut she's going to drop you because she knows she OWNS you. Don't do that stuff. You look weak. Women don't like that. At most, tell her that a picture turned you on and you want to take it out on her later. DO NOT DO WHAT YOU JUST DID. This made me laugh. I may be the only woman here to sort of agree with this advice. But I'm not 100% sure, I think we need more context. Because it really all depends on where you are in this "relationship". You've only known her for a few months? Are you actually exclusive or do you just think you are? Does she obsess about your photos also? If the lusting is all one-sided then you definitely need to cut it out. It's not that women don't like compliments, it's what another poster said about feeling obligated to return the compliment. And her having too much power too soon. It's overwhelming. For instance, I've been in relationships where what you did wouldn't bother me at all. If I know the guy really, really well, know where we stand, it's okay that he's thinking that much about me when I'm not with him. But if we've only just been casually dating for a few months, this would be a turn-off. 1
Author Steveirwin Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 This made me laugh. I may be the only woman here to sort of agree with this advice. But I'm not 100% sure, I think we need more context. Because it really all depends on where you are in this "relationship". You've only known her for a few months? Are you actually exclusive or do you just think you are? Does she obsess about your photos also? If the lusting is all one-sided then you definitely need to cut it out. It's not that women don't like compliments, it's what another poster said about feeling obligated to return the compliment. And her having too much power too soon. It's overwhelming. For instance, I've been in relationships where what you did wouldn't bother me at all. If I know the guy really, really well, know where we stand, it's okay that he's thinking that much about me when I'm not with him. But if we've only just been casually dating for a few months, this would be a turn-off. I see what you're say but 3 months is how long we've been officially dating with a label, we had been talking pretty much exclusively for a couple months before that, so we stand on a really good note, honestly a better note then we should for 3 months, but that's why this is so confusing to me. She doesn't like compliments from most people because she says they're fake, but she says the reasons he doesn't like when I do it is because she knows that it's genuine and she says it makes her feel "Weird", but I still do it because I know it makes her feel special. She's never had an issue with me doing things like this. I just don't know if I should say something about it or just leave it alone if it's kinda petty. I know if I say nothing then things will be ok and we'll be perfectly fine, but then again if something was bothering her then I want to know so I don't do it again.
AMJ Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Don't bring it up, that will just make the whole awkward situation much worse. It's only the first time this has happened so let it go. If something like this happens again, then you should bring it up. You seem to already know that you overstepped one of her boundaries, you just can't figure out why it bothered her. Maybe she's embarrassed because other people can read those comments. For example, her family members might follow her on snapchat.
Teknoe Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I see what you're say but 3 months is how long we've been officially dating with a label, we had been talking pretty much exclusively for a couple months before that, so we stand on a really good note, honestly a better note then we should for 3 months, but that's why this is so confusing to me. She doesn't like compliments from most people because she says they're fake, but she says the reasons he doesn't like when I do it is because she knows that it's genuine and she says it makes her feel "Weird", but I still do it because I know it makes her feel special. She's never had an issue with me doing things like this. I just don't know if I should say something about it or just leave it alone if it's kinda petty. I know if I say nothing then things will be ok and we'll be perfectly fine, but then again if something was bothering her then I want to know so I don't do it again. Do not do not DO NOT DO NOT (I repeat, do not) talk to her about this. It happened, it was awkward as hell, and you just need to let it go. LET IT GO. And learn from this. One more time, DO NOT bring this up to her.
Vado Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) Compliments are like christmaspresents, you want them, you like them, but do you want the Christmasman? Nah, you want Ryan Gosling or Beyonce, right? Lots of women don't understand themselves I experienced, that if she wants the compliments, the gifts, it doesn't mean she also wants the guy who gives it to her.So what do a lot of girls do when a guy asks: Should I give compliments, is that ok? They think: 'Yeah I would like compliments in that situation, so do it'' In a way they're right, they like compliments, but, again, mostly not the guy who gives it to her or at least not for that reason. So that's bad advice. Edited July 20, 2016 by Vado
joseb Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 OP, I couldn't read your post without cringing. I agree with your gf, I think these kind of compliments are at best OTT and at worst fake. And if she is someone who doesn't really like compliments, I can see why it would make her cringe too. Don't bring it up. It's done. Its not a huge deal. Just take her down from the pedestal. From now on, keep the gushyness down. No harm giving the odd genuine compliment, especially if she earns it, and it's not just about her appearance.
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