Mjm1014 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) I've been dating my gf for a few weeks and she told me after the first week of dating that she deleted her dating sites. I never asked her to do it, she came out and told me she did. Anyways I agreed to go on and delete mine after she told me that but noticed her account was still active..I never brought it up. Fast forward two weeks, when I was with her she pulled out her phone and noticed she had match.com up, then a few minutes ago I searched pof and okc (my account is deleted but I typed her username into google) and noticed her accounts on both sites are still up and that she's even online on pof. We are official now, and while I honestly don't care that she is on there, what bugs me the most is that she would lie to me about deleting it the sites-we are official now and not sure how to handle this-I feel like an option until something better comes along because clearly she's logged on for a reason. Should I bring it up with her? Also it doesn't sound like she's told her family about me and won't even post pictures of us together-it's like she's hiding me from everyone yet she calls me her bf. Don't think her family even knows she's dating me Edited July 19, 2016 by Mjm1014
Bialy Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 When did you two decide to be exclusive? How soon after meeting? You can ask her directly something along the lines of, "Is there a reason your accounts are still open?" Either she's keeping her options open OR she's spying on someone on it.
Bialy Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I just read the updated version of your post -- she's not taking you seriously. Re-open your accounts. Maybe she's not sure yet if she wants to be serious with you. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) ...and so the lingering specter of OLD persists...ugh. 1. I would never put up pics of the person I'm dating until I know for certain we are a committed couple. You sound young. It's just crazy...all this social media and irrational need to put up everything one does day to day including someone you are dating. Unless there is committed, fully disclosed relationship why would one put up transient pics of bfs and gfs for everyone to see and question??? 2. There was no mistake here. She lied to you and IS looking for better. This is the primary problem with OLD. Even when one finds someone of interest, the carousel of options persist and lures you back to looking for the next BETTER thing. It naturally creates distrust. When I've dated OLD, I simply do not insist that the person remove their profiles. I do not either. I simply do what I can, have control over and work on convincing that person that I would like to be exclusive. Once that decision has been made, I stay off the sites, but do not delete. By keeping the profiles up, it helps to be a deterrent. What I don't understand is how she thought you wouldn't find out? 3. You approach her about this NOW. Edited July 19, 2016 by simpleNfit 3
Larryville Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Absolutely SNF Even when one finds someone of interest, the carousel of options persist and lures you back to looking for the next BETTER thing. It naturally creates mistrust. I know that everyone does not have time to read every thread but this topic is something I can’t get my head around, the fact that people fundamentally don’t KNOW if someone is really into them, if someone is actually committed to them. There are just things that people do and say the body language, the eye contact, the actions. Folks the next time you are near a “loved one” and I use that term loosely… just take a moment and absorb the initial moments when you come together. How your SO looks at you, talks to you, touches you (not talking about sexual either) body language, are they on their freaking phone with you in the room, taking calls with you around or hiding their phone or clicking on computer when you enter the room. If you are with someone and you really don’t know if that person is really into you, you have the slightest doubts for whatever reason you need to do some self-evaluation because until you fix that doubt mechanism you have a much greater problems than whether or not someone has deleted a freaking dating profile.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Like I said, I'm not hung up on the fact that she's on there, I'm hung up on the fact she flat out lied to me when I didn't even ask her to do it in the first place.
Larryville Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I'm hung up on the fact she flat out lied Someone on another thread asked is a dude was using her for sex via Tinder? I’m thinking duh? Sad to say but society is increasingly screwed up, people are seriously deceptive and will lie about stuff that is not even necessary to lie about because I just think that deception is becoming more and more embedded in folks DNA. Politicians lie and their fans don’t care. Folks cheat on loved one and deceive family members and their own kids for what? I don’t know MJ, just keep your guard up and skeptical until proven otherwise. Hate to say that but browse a news site, people are jacked up. Peace
longjohn Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 You might be official but for her it's still open season and she's hunting. You might be a place holder to buy her dinner and spend time with while she looks for someone else? Regardless if she told you she deleted her profiles yet didn't it might have been meant to take you off the market while she makes sure there isn't something else out there for her. Either way she lied, is being untrustworthy and is without a doubt not gf material at this stage in her life. I'd suggest a fast and efficient dump (pump is optional before dump) then make new profiles all over again. I always deactivate my profiles it's too much effort to make new ones each time.
MzLady Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I hate to say this.. but you're the only one in this relationship. 1. She lied about her profiles 2. She's ACTIVELY chatting with other guys and 3. She's on MULTIPLE dating sites... All bad things. This isn't a trustworthy person OP. I don't like to tell people to dump their gf/bf.. but I will say this.. you should really take time to consider if this is the type of person you want to have a relationship with. I wish you the best of luck 1
bubbaganoosh Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Open you accounts back up again and make sure she sees it. If she asks why you restarted your accounts then ask her why is she still on hers if your exclusive. If she doesn't say anything after she sees it then you know that she doesn't consider you as exclusive. Either that or just come out and ask her if she's still dating or interested in seeing other guys.
phineas Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Absolutely SNF I know that everyone does not have time to read every thread but this topic is something I can’t get my head around, the fact that people fundamentally don’t KNOW if someone is really into them, if someone is actually committed to them. There are just things that people do and say the body language, the eye contact, the actions. Folks the next time you are near a “loved one” and I use that term loosely… just take a moment and absorb the initial moments when you come together. How your SO looks at you, talks to you, touches you (not talking about sexual either) body language, are they on their freaking phone with you in the room, taking calls with you around or hiding their phone or clicking on computer when you enter the room. If you are with someone and you really don’t know if that person is really into you, you have the slightest doubts for whatever reason you need to do some self-evaluation because until you fix that doubt mechanism you have a much greater problems than whether or not someone has deleted a freaking dating profile. yep. If you feel like you are chasing a woman who you are supposed to be dating then she isn't into you. OP have you even had sex? If not then get in there ASAP. If you have and you decided you are officially official then send her a message on one of the sites. Tell her she looks just like the girl your dating, but you know it isn't her because she said she deleted her profile or something to that affect then block this shady chick from your life. 2
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 21, 2016 Author Posted July 21, 2016 Yeah we have had sex. I was fuming the other day and brought it up with her. She was all apologetic and told me she thought she deleted it..few minutes later she calls and tells me she talked to customer service and they said she missed a step. Anyways a few days went by, I thought she was genuine, but I went on out of curiosity and she's still on there. I'm mad as hell because we've been spending all this time together-literally spend the night at eachothers places every night and hang out when we are both off but clearly she's a liar. we are suppose to go on a date in a bit but since I just found out she's still lying, I'm not sure how to handle it. Half of her stuff is at my place. Sucks... Again, we are in the early stages of a relationship, and wouldn't have minded if she was on there still-but flat out lying to me is pure disrespectful especially when I turned around and deleted mine when she said that she did 1
phineas Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 So recreate your profile with your main pic you giving the double bird and send her a message telling her you boxed up all her crap and left it on the front porch. Screen capture her response or any texts and link it in tinyurl for us. 3
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 TBH her actions just prove she has no respect for you or your relationship....she crosses boundaries....someone who does that isn't relationship material. 1
joseb Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 Yeah we have had sex. I was fuming the other day and brought it up with her. She was all apologetic and told me she thought she deleted it..few minutes later she calls and tells me she talked to customer service and they said she missed a step. Anyways a few days went by, I thought she was genuine, but I went on out of curiosity and she's still on there. I'm mad as hell because we've been spending all this time together-literally spend the night at eachothers places every night and hang out when we are both off but clearly she's a liar. we are suppose to go on a date in a bit but since I just found out she's still lying, I'm not sure how to handle it. Half of her stuff is at my place. Sucks... Again, we are in the early stages of a relationship, and wouldn't have minded if she was on there still-but flat out lying to me is pure disrespectful especially when I turned around and deleted mine when she said that she did I'd be fuming too. It's one thing if she didn't get around to deleting her profile. But that level of callous lying crosses a line for me in a big way. She is not worthy of anything now. What a beeach. If you are concerned about your stuff, say nothing till you get it. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'm sorry but liar liar pants on fire aside...how are you okay with the fact that she still has her profileS (plural!!) up when you're supposed to be in an exclusive relationship???? I still can't get my head around that one...
phineas Posted July 22, 2016 Posted July 22, 2016 I'd be fuming too. It's one thing if she didn't get around to deleting her profile. But that level of callous lying crosses a line for me in a big way. She is not worthy of anything now. What a beeach. If you are concerned about your stuff, say nothing till you get it. Oh, good point, get you stuff before you do this. Try to be non-nonchalant about cleaning out your one drawer and just leave the toothbrush. They are like what? a couple bucks?
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