Trinity7 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 How are you guy. Hope you are okey so far? It's really up and down Good moments and bad moments.. This sucks so much. Thanks for asking x How are you holding up? Elliejayde-- I know what you mean about reminders, I'm so sorry you're getting battered with them . Seems like everyone drives the type of car he does, seeing them everywhere. Also heard one of our songs in a grocery store and got ill. Went to hang out with my mom and she had made the exact same meal as the one he and I last shared God I hate this, I feel like I'm never going to get over him. It's so hard to accept that they are different people now.. It'd be so much easier if they had just been jerks all along, but they weren't, they just changed at the end . Hope you have an ok day. I'm thinking about you x
Toodaloo Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I'm wanting to actually start caring about me again, when I'll feel up to having my hair done, having my nails done again. Top and bottom of it is I want to be me again, the me from 8 years ago that had never heard of him. So that is what you do. You go and get your hair and nails done. You soak in the bath and shave your legs. You go and sign up to that dance class you wanted to go to but didn't because he wrinkled his nose at the idea. You go and get that subscription of Farmers Weekly or National Geographic or Tinkerbell and you look forward to it arriving so you can read it. The sooner you start doing all the things you want to do and that mean you are taking care of yourself the sooner you will get out of the doldrums and start to feel better again. You will have up and down days... Just keep marching forward. 3
Author Elliejayde Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 So that is what you do. You go and get your hair and nails done. You soak in the bath and shave your legs. You go and sign up to that dance class you wanted to go to but didn't because he wrinkled his nose at the idea. You go and get that subscription of Farmers Weekly or National Geographic or Tinkerbell and you look forward to it arriving so you can read it. The sooner you start doing all the things you want to do and that mean you are taking care of yourself the sooner you will get out of the doldrums and start to feel better again. You will have up and down days... Just keep marching forward. I have! Nails tomorrow, going bright orange and hair on Friday. Have plans to go to a party on Friday night, visiting the ocean on Sunday and my God daughters Birthday on Monday. 1
Author Elliejayde Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 (edited) Oh my goodness, today hurts. I woke up feeling like day 1 again. My whole body feels broken again, the urge to sob is completely overwhelming. The hole in me is so huge again. I miss him more than ever, the only thing stopping me texting him is knowing how little he thinks of me to not even bothered to get in touch. Not even a breadcrumb. Today I can only think of the good things, today not even the negative things are making me feel better. Not even knowing the man he's turned into has put me off. Today I'm so desperate just to have his name pop up on my phone. One month ago, even though we were split we went away for the night, stayed in a hotel. Spent the day alternating between Starbucks and the cinema. That night drank and laughed, drank and laughed. I have plans to go to a party tonight, but I honestly don't think I can. I just want to curl back into a ball and sob my heart out. I have plans to go out on Sunday, I'm hoping I'll feel good enough to do that. I've had my hair and nails done, hoping this day is just a one off. Edited June 24, 2016 by Elliejayde
Trinity7 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Hey, how are you today? Hope you made it through the weekend ok. Even though it really feels like we don't want to go out, distractions are good. I'm always glad I went out once I do it. I flew out of state to a family reunion this weekend-- did not feel up to going at all. But I'm so glad I did, I feel better now. Hoping it lasts. NC day 16 here, so I think you're on 15.. Keep it up! x 1
Author Elliejayde Posted June 27, 2016 Author Posted June 27, 2016 I did go out on Friday evening, it was ok! Not overly sure I enjoyed it, but felt better for going out. Had lots of people asking where he was, understandable after that amount of time though. Yesterday I had a great day. Went for a 2 hour drive to the ocean, made myself see the good in everything. Made sure I went to a place id never been with my ex. Took a lot of doing, but I'm glad I did. Spoke to people I wouldn't of normally spoke too. Today, I hurt. A lot. Work is really slow, so they've cut down on my shifts. That's not helping, plus I have a date to move out the apartment. I've been asked out on 3 separate dates, cannot imagine doing it though, so decided against all of them. Decided an early night is on the cards tonight. I'm really glad you're feeling ok though Trinity, thinking of you x 1
Trinity_84 Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Top and bottom of it is I want to be me again, the me from 8 years ago that had never heard of him. I kind of understand what you mean, you're hurt and wish you could go back and erase him so you stop hurting, but it's healthy to realize that which you want can never be! And it's for the best! The you from 8 years ago would probably keep hooking up with your ex, would call him up and beg him to see you. But you, NOW, you aren't going to put up with breadcrumbs, because you know better and love yourself more. You are 8 years older now. Way more experienced. Way smarter, too. This is what life is about, experiencing stuff and learning from it all, so we can go to our graves having fulfilled our dreams and experienced as much of life as it has to offer. You are still you, an even better version of yourself and the RIGHT you that you need to be. Things might seem bleak right now but trust me on that.
Toodaloo Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 Its OK to hurt for a while. Just make sure that when you do you acknowledge it but do not allow it to fester into anything more. So after you have felt glum for a bit go out and do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Go for a long walk or run, have a long hot bath... last night I drank half a glass of wine in the rain... yep. I did it because I wanted to and I wanted to feel at peace and at one with the world around me... Worked really well until the dog came out and vomited on my feet!!! I am a roughty toughty kinda gal so must have looked really weird me sat in the pouring rain in my t shirt quietly drinking a glass of vino...! Who cares though. I felt better for that 10 minutes. But these silly things. Like having a shower in the dark or just sitting reading a book. They all help you to remember who you are as a person and help you get back to being who you are. 1
Author Elliejayde Posted June 30, 2016 Author Posted June 30, 2016 I've been trying to distract myself when I have the urge to cry. We were together a very long time, I miss my best friend. BUT I will get through this, there are times I think I won't, but I will. I've made weekend plans, with myself granted, but still it's nice to have plans. I've also signed up last minute to do a charity walk at midnight on Saturday. I've so far raised $147! Today I had a text from a man I briefly dated before my ex. A very flirty text. I have no desire to reply. It's nice to know someone still finds me attractive, (especially after what my ex said to a woman he'd been chatting to on Tinder, who purposely found me out to tell me!) but I'm keeping myself to myself for now - and the future. I need to work on finding out who I am by myself first. 1
Author Elliejayde Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 My ex travels a lot with his job. He's been in my town for the last 3 days and is here for the next 3. I'm constantly feeling anxious, constantly feeling sick, and I hate it. I hate he contacted me and asked to meet up, I hate that I said no. I hate I broke NC to say no. I hate that I'm feeling this shocking. I hate I want to cry. But most of all I hate I've not heard from him since I said no. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Agh quit over thinking it and go grab your girlfriends and go out. Seriously all this thinking about it all and playing mind games with yourself is just a waste of time. Lesson learnt. Do not pick up the phone again. Do not say no and mean yes. Do as you see fit to help you heal.
Author Elliejayde Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I'm struggling with the girlfriends bit as I have none. I was with my ex for almost 8 years! I HAD to say no for my own piece of mind, I can't meet him as 'friends'. He's very touchy feely and I can't deal with that.
Toodaloo Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Sounds like it would be hell. Go join a yoga class or tennis club or something like that. Make a few good friends and keep them close. The rest all falls into place after that. 1
Author Elliejayde Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 Yes, it would be. He'd want me to sit next to him and be stroking my leg etc. I can't deal with that while I still have this amount of feelings for him. I work shifts, so can never join a club as I work different times/days every week. This is what makes it harder. Plus I move out of our apartment next week & that's not helping how I feel at the moment either!
bummer Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 No excuse to not join activities. Even if you miss meetings due to shifts you'd be a welcome addition. Out with the old and onto a better place! Stop visualizing what won't happen. Visualize what will happen. Go for a walk, eat something healthy. Anything. Good luck!
amaysngrace Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 This reminds me of 10 Things I Hate About You.... ..except with no Heath Ledger 1
Author Elliejayde Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 8 years ago today, we agreed to be exclusive. 6 years ago we moved into our home, today I've moved out. It hurts, especially after the conversation we had last night when he accused me of messaging him as someone else, completely losing his sh*t with me. I don't even think he's realised the date. I tried to call him earlier, he ignored the call, text 10 mins later saying he was eating. So, I've just sent The apartment has officially gone, our names are off the lease. The last few bits of your stuff are with your parents. Safe drive back x That's the last text I'm ever going to send him. What hurts more is he's not even replied! I'm now sitting in my new home surrounded in MY stuff in boxes.. New start, new day. NC starts here, I'm aiming for 12k steps every day, and finding 1 thing to be positive about every day. Here's to the rest of my life ......
Author Elliejayde Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 I was sitting here surrounded in tissues, sobbing my heart out after a song on the TV hit me hard and I broke down. Then I realised, 1 week ago he used nicknames, he text me again if I didn't reply, it was perfect again. On Wednesday he spoke to me like I was a piece of sh*t, the 'xxx' was dropped off the end of the texts. Why do I want to be with someone like that? Why am I crying over someone who told other people that my body wasn't attractive? That he never found me 'hot'? Do you know what, I don't care what he thinks. I finally like me again. I like the none insecure me. This time it ended on my terms, this time I got to tell him what I needed too. This time I was the one to end the conversation and leave him waiting on a reply. To my ex - You were right when you told me yesterday that all will work out for me, because you know what it will. I'm going to work hard to be someone better, so I know at the end of the day I've worked hard for me. When I'm living in the big house we talked about owning together, with the big car on the driveway and swimming pool, I'm going to know I did that. All me. I loved you, you didn't love me. I deserve someone who DOES, someone that makes me feel special all the time, not when it's good for them. Done. You had me, all of me, for the first time in my life, I gave someone every part of me. I loved you deeply. I'm glad I got too, I glad I experienced real love & I thank you for that. But now I'm going to be strong, for me.
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Logged in briefly while my boss is not looking just for this Well done! I say this to you well done! You did the most mature thing and I was actually so glad you did end it like that! You should NEVER take something like this! EVER! You know I am not like a crazed fan of Selena Gomez but her last song reminded me to tell you this - kill them with kindness. I don't know you but I am so proud that you ended it confessing your love but saying you are moving on even how he treated you. Don't feel bad! It will pass as someone who treated you like that doesn't deserve you. You will find someone better who will earn your love! NC starting now and don't reply! Great job! Don't turn your back continue forward!
smudge21 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Now you're on that road to a better life, do not turn round no matter what things you hear behind you. The hardest part after a breakup is accepting that the person we once loved is long gone. It can take time, even when we feel we have healed, but fighting through it does make us stronger and eventually we come out the other side feeling so much better... looking back and wondering why we wasted so much time on just one individual.
2GraceFull Posted July 12, 2016 Posted July 12, 2016 You did the right thing! Now detach yourself. Don’t give this man any more of your life than you already have. You sound like a smart person that has dreams. Make those dreams your goals not for him but for yourself. You are worth it and you deserve a man that loves you and desires to make you happy. A man of substance that looks at your heart and not just your body. Mark this up to bad experience, learn from it and move on. Don’t settle…….. 1
Author Elliejayde Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 So I'm at work. I work in a store. A young family comes in and asks me about this specific product. I'm telling them about it, and the younger child starts asking me something (she's about 3). Like most couples, me & my ex had nicknames. He called me a certain Disney character, this little girl has it on her top and starts telling me about it. She then says something, which stops me in my tracks, because it sounded like she'd said my ex's nickname (a name he was given at school, from his surname. It's not common. Her mom asked her what she'd said, and she repeats it loudly and clearly this time. Her mom asks her where she's heard it as 'it sounds like a name'. The little girl says 'just made it up for ....' (points to me). I nearly vomited everywhere. Finished helping them and moved back to what I was doing. I see this family a few more times, but don't speak again. Until on the way out and the dad drops his wallet without realising, I chase after him to give it him back. And on the wallet is the character I called my ex. F**k. My supervisor overhears/sees this, and tells me to take an 'early break'. So I come off the shop floor to the staff area to get my heart rate down. I walk into the staff area and music on is 'our' song. I walk out and into the restroom, picking my phone up to play candy crush and of course, he's picked today to send me lives on there. This hurts. Why a random child would come out with his school nickname, with this certain t shirt on, then the wallet has what I called him, then he chooses this time to play candy crush and send me a f**king life!!!
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Those circumstances happen regularly after a break up trust me. I had a keychain from my ex from Edinburgh that she gave me around the middle of the whole relationship. I went to Edinburgh a couple of months ago to visit him and guess what.. I end up in the same store that she bought it from and saw it there standing. So many circumstances like that I had coming in my life for weeks. Friends tell me stuff that me and my ex shared, character names, jokes we laughed on, gifts we exchanged all kinds of things. I think this is just a way your mind revolves around during post breakup. If you were already over it you wouldn't even notice it. These moments will stop at some point it's ok. I know you think they are some kind of signs you are DESTINED for something to happen but no. Just let it be and keep your chin up princess. The crown might fall from your head!
Author Elliejayde Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Ha! Trust me, being 35, already divorced, and the end of the only serious relationship I've had since that I honestly don't think it means we're destined to be together. It literally was just coincidence after coincidence. But I felt rotten about it.
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Either way you must get a hold of yourself. We all feel the hardships of relationships yet we all move on at one point. The road there may be painful but heck while everything falls apart still the pieces may be falling in their place. Positive thinking, the all new mantra you need to try! BUY NOW for $99.99
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