2 Dates with this guy and I think he's using me for sex? [update 2016-08-01]

[moonchild94]

Is this normal? I've been texting this guy for a few days. We met on Tinder so I'm not taking it seriously. However, he's been initiating everything. We were supposed to hang out, but I got an anxiety attack from life. I got really depressed and quit my job. I worried about money so I cancelled and said I had an emergency. He said oh no what happened is everything okay? Then he said it's okay and theres a next time. Few hours later he texted again asking how I was doing. We exchange a few more texts. He asks if I've been snow boarding. Invites me to go snowboarding with his friends soon, and to meet his friends in general, but I haven't met him yet? He's very sociable and knows a lot of people. I'm nervous because idk where this is going. I'm at a low point in my life. I tried walking away but he keeps texting me. I want to get to know him because he seems nice. But I've been burned in the past as well twice in a big way. What should I do? Is this healthy to pursue? Idek if he likes me in that way? Idk if he's going this length just for sex. It doesn't seem like it. He has other pictures of him with girls on his social media with them just hanging out, so I'm just assuming he's being friendly? I can't tell the difference between friendly and flirting, and I just dont want to end up like a fool in the end like always. It's always one sided for me.

[4x4storm]

I would just reply to him saying we should keep the first meet casual. No way in hell would I go snow boarding with a person I've never met in real life.

[longjohn]

Whatever happened to meeting for a cup of coffee. No stress, nothing to worry about. Just coffee and a quick talk that's it. I hate it when people make it into a whole production.

[joseb]

He hasn't met you, so he doesn't even know if he likes you "in that way" I'm not even sure what that means anyway?!

 

He likes your profile pics and wants to meet you, so yeah why not meet up.if you ate interested? Coffee/drink, something low key.

 

When you say you don't want to end up like a fool, are you afraid he is just being friendly?

[moonchild94]

I met a guy online on Tinder and he's a local. Actually, I've known him through mutual friends but im not going to tell him. So he is totally safe. Well, we've texted everyday. He initiates texting everyday by saying good morning. He always invites me places -- wants me to meet his friends, etc.Even before we met he was planning how we can go to different places.

 

Well we finally hung out and we went bowling and his bet was if he won he gets to take me on a date. Well, he knew he was going to win because he used to play bowling in his younger years professionally. So we have a date next time. Anyways, I just think he's joking so I don't take it seriously. We go out to eat. He's a gentlemen. He holds my purse, paid for my food, got out the car to properly greet me etc. So I asked to take him out next time and pay because I believe in equal gender roles.I jokingly asked him he still owes me a date he promised.

 

He says it's a date the next time we meet which is in 2 days. He texted me that he got home and said he really enjoyed my company. So I'm going out on my very first date. I've never been on one. Usually I just *hung* out with a guy. I'm nervous because I don't want to put all my eggs in a basket like I usually do. When I talk with a guy I focus on them. That's it. But people these days have so many options and I don't want it to be one sided. Usually that's how all mine turn out to be. I'm trying to stay low with this one but I don't know if he's genuine or not.

 

Do you usually just go in blind with these things? Idk if he's doing all of this just for sex? He's very sociable and hangs with other girls so I'm trying not to get feelings and decide oh yeah he likes me.

 

I got burned a lot in the past with others. Like I said he texts me every morning saying good morning even if I say I'll text him on another day. Idk how to tell if a guy is playing me or not. I need help before I open up to this one and get hurt. Thank you!

Edited July 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[leogirl876]

I met a guy online on Tinder and he's a local. Actually, I've known him through mutual friends but im not going to tell him. So he is totally safe. Well, we've texted everyday. He initiates texting everyday by saying good morning. He always invites me places -- wants me to meet his friends, etc.Even before we met he was planning how we can go to different places. Well we finally hung out and we went bowling and his bet was if he won he gets to take me on a date. Well, he knew he was going to win because he used to play bowling in his younger years professionally. So we have a date next time. Anyways, I just think he's joking so I don't take it seriously. We go out to eat. He's a gentlemen. He holds my purse, paid for my food, got out the car to properly greet me etc. So I asked to take him out next time and pay because I believe in equal gender roles.I jokingly asked him he still owes me a date he promised. He says it's a date the next time we meet which is in 2 days. He texted me that he got home and said he really enjoyed my company. So I'm going out on my very first date. I've never been on one. Usually I just *hung* out with a guy. I'm nervous because I don't want to put all my eggs in a basket like I usually do. When I talk with a guy I focus on them. That's it. But people these days have so many options and I don't want it to be one sided. Usually that's how all mine turn out to be. I'm trying to stay low with this one but I don't know if he's genuine or not. Do you usually just go in blind with these things? Idk if he's doing all of this just for sex? He's very sociable and hangs with other girls so I'm trying not to get feelings and decide oh yeah he likes me. I got burned a lot in the past with others. Like I said he texts me every morning saying good morning even if I say I'll text him on another day. Idk how to tell if a guy is playing me or not. I need help before I open up to this one and get hurt. Thank you!

 

The only way you're gonna know is to wait and see. Do not sleep with him right away, and right away I mean no sooner than the 5th to 7th date. Be mysterious, don't reveal too much about yourself either. Also, I'd recommend not doing the "hanging out" with guys, you're a woman and deserve a date, not a hang out. If the guy doesn't pay, don't go out with him again. I realize we live in different times, but I think a guy should pay at least the first 2 dates. And also see if he pursues you. If he doesn't, then he wasn't that interested to begin with. And if he fades out after 2-3 dates of not getting sex, then you know that's all he was interested in. Don't believe anything a man says, only believe his actions.

[leogirl876]

And it's been my experience, whenever I've questioned if a guy was interested or playing me, looking back, he was playing me. We women have great intuition for a reason and deep down we know when something isn't right.

[moonchild94]

That's what Im afraid of. Well, I'm definitely not going to sleep with him. Idk but from what you read can you tell what his intentions might be? Sometimes I can be naive and too innocent. I think that maybe they actually do want to get to know me but he didn't ask me questions, he talked about himself mainly. He wants to see a movie on our date and go eat. You are right. I don't really have a gut feeling with him yet. I just think of it due to past guys. But now Im analyzing everything. I don't want to get hurt. I will wait and see I guess. Either I'll be disappointed or something might happen.

[Shining One]

If the guy doesn't pay, don't go out with him again. I realize we live in different times, but I think a guy should pay at least the first 2 dates. And also see if he pursues you. If he doesn't, then he wasn't that interested to begin with.

I wouldn't consider this universally useful advice. If a woman doesn't pay on an early date with me, she gets downgraded from relationship potential to FWB potential. If I'm looking to just get a woman in bed quickly, I'll pay for everything until that happens. If I'm looking for a relationship with a woman, I look for mutual investment in that relationship.

[preraph]

There is no way to tell when someone is playing in a short time. I have seen some seemingly nice guys go in real deep emotionally and they were still playing. Remember that guys are often as in love with sex as women are in love with love. So they can seem very sincere around sex and leading up to getting it.

 

The way to tell when a man isn't playing is over time getting to know him, his ethics, and most of all to pay attention not to what he says to you but how he treats you. There are a couple of things that men who are sincere and who really at least may have good intentions will do that are things a good husband would do, like show concern for you, look out for you in some ways such as maybe helping with something around the house or with the car, because they want you safe. A man who has the potential to be a good husband will be protective of you. Do not confuse that with jealousy. A man who displays jealousy in a way that makes you uncomfortable or encroaches on your freedom, that is his insecurity, not his love. But a man with good intentions will be protective and will strive to provide for some of your needs. That doesn't mean buy you jewelry. That means maybe he sees your tire tread is low and lets you know about it or something like that. He won't let his friends disrespect you in your presence.

 

A friend once told me, "If a guy really likes you and is interested in you, you will not have to wonder. You will know." And that is true. Someone who really cares and is serious will think about your happiness and will want to make you feel secure, not leave you guessing, not making you wonder where he was all weekend. A good man will want you to be safe, happy and secure.

[leogirl876]

That's what Im afraid of. Well, I'm definitely not going to sleep with him. Idk but from what you read can you tell what his intentions might be? Sometimes I can be naive and too innocent. I think that maybe they actually do want to get to know me but he didn't ask me questions, he talked about himself mainly. He wants to see a movie on our date and go eat. You are right. I don't really have a gut feeling with him yet. I just think of it due to past guys. But now Im analyzing everything. I don't want to get hurt. I will wait and see I guess. Either I'll be disappointed or something might happen.

 

If he's not asking you questions and only talking about himself, it's been my experience, they're not a good match. I can understand if a guy is nervous and maybe talks too much, but guy's that only talk about themselves, I've left the dates feeling empty and unrecognized. I can't tell you what I think his intentions are, only time will tell. That's why I think it's important to not have sex with him right away. If he loses interest after a couple of dates, then you know it was good to not have sex with him and that he most likely was just looking for sex. I don't think it ever hurts anyone to take things slower, but it can really hurt people if you move too fast. And also, it's been my experience that if a guy starts talking about sex really early on, asking you things like what positions you like, if you're naughty, etc. then he's only looking for sex. If he asks questions about you as a person and what you're passionate about, then chances are, he's interested in more than just sex.

[miranda11]

The only way you're gonna know is to wait and see. Do not sleep with him right away, and right away I mean no sooner than the 5th to 7th date. Be mysterious, don't reveal too much about yourself either. Also, I'd recommend not doing the "hanging out" with guys, you're a woman and deserve a date, not a hang out. If the guy doesn't pay, don't go out with him again. I realize we live in different times, but I think a guy should pay at least the first 2 dates. And also see if he pursues you. If he doesn't, then he wasn't that interested to begin with. And if he fades out after 2-3 dates of not getting sex, then you know that's all he was interested in. Don't believe anything a man says, only believe his actions.

 

I disagree with this advice, because it's such an advice by the book.. It's manipulations and a cliche not being spontaneous and killing unpredictability.

 

First of all why do people think having sex soon is an inditactor that somebody will use you and they will loose interest and just leave because of that?

 

Who is not interested, he is just not interested and having sex or waiting for it will not change a thing, you might manipulate people by having or postponing sex in a short term, but that won't make you win over a guy or make him stay. It might get you couple of more dates or even ending up in a relationship, then having sex... But whats the point of that while you are like 30+? What if a guy has a small dick or is bad in bed or vice versa?

I'd be so f...ed up if I was wasting my time on someone for a month(s) then realised he can't please me and never will, but hey! I can't break it up now because I've got involved too much.

 

Have sex with someone when you want to- 1st date or 8th date (when you want to and you are ready to do it, because with some people you have instant chemistry and you click so you can do it right away which is for me rare but it did happen, and with some I couldn't do it for more then 3 weeks of just haning out)!

 

But from my experience they loose interest more when I waited because the reason I've waited was because I wasn't attracted enough to have sex with them at first, then I got turned on and by the time we were hanging out for a couple of weeks non sexual, I've mostly got friendzoned or they have already found someone else or were getting sex before while dating me non sexual. So when we finally did it I was dissapointed because mostly sex was really bad for me, not them. And then I woked up realising "F...uck this guy is like 30 and seems like he has no ecperience with women, sex is so bad..What will I do now?" Why wait for more then 2-3 weeks? Or by number of dates? Nowdays if I want to have sex with someone and I feel comfortable to do it early, I just do it so that I can see while I am not being too much attached and bonded with them if it's worth to continue or not, I don't want to commit so someone who can't please me.

 

And the thing about be misteryous, don't reveal too much, make him pay??? Blah, blah, blah.

 

Being misteryous too much on purpose, not being spontaneously misteryous is killing the vibes, waiting for a guy to initiate all the things in early stages like texting and everything, oh and paying because I was embaressed to say to a guy we are splitting the bill or let me do it on the 2nd one. It makes you look like being non interested and dishonest to them and they leave too eventually and find someone who gives them more attention.

 

At first I've acted all like this while I was growing up and started to date. I was misteryous because I was shy, I waited to have sex because I was thinking men will use me early and just leave. I was scared to initiate texting or even asking them out first or texting just for fun, then they've spammed me and I was the one starting loosing interest because they did try, but that didn't mean they were all of that . Some of them were and I've broke their hearts, but mostly they had a back up plan, so when I played games I end up being played.

 

MY POINT IS THIS, sorry for the long post.

 

Be yourself, have sex when you want to, ask someone out, pay the bill (don't act like a golddigger who needs to get payed to give them attention), text a guy when you want to, be different, be youself and be unpredictable, just enjoy getting to know a person. Who will play you will play you in 1 month, after having sex and waiting for a couple of monhts, or is already playing you.

You don't know! We live in a sick world where people are multidating. Just read this forum. People are dating couple of men or women at the same time and it's completely normal nowdays. So you will never know if someone is texting good morining to Susan from 3 days ago, to Jennifer he met a day before or is texting daily all the time with his ex or ir sexthing his **** buddy who he calls when he is off being in a realtionship.

 

 

I had a bf who I've dumped. He did all the work, he payed, I was misteryous...blah blah blah, he even called me for months after I've dumped him and I've put him on ignore because I've realised I was loosing interest and couldn't be with him, that that thing will never work out. I've felt bad about it.

 

So let me tell you what was going on 5 years later which is nowdays. I bump into him and we start to talk, he adds me on facebook and asks me out. We have a date. We end up making up for 40 minutes on a bench and talking about his and my problems, family and stuff... so it was our 1st date sine 5 years. He wanted to have sex because he was really turned on but I had my period and told him not to. When I went home I was like, okay this thing is over he is only here for sex and random hooks up probably.

 

I've got his text when I've got home how he had a great time with me and how I am awesome and even texted me a lot of kissing smiley faces.

 

After a day or two he text me again and asks me out on a date but we started to like texting for a long time. So we meet again, we didn't have sex again because my periods are long... But we've spent 5 hours just talking and chilling. Next day he texts me...

 

I've started to feel and think that maybe I've made a mistake by dumping him because he is a nice guy and we have a good connection, I've though this thing will end up by us getting back together and I've thought I was ready to commit (that lasted for a month )

 

Eventually we did have sex for the first time and we never did it before! What happened?

 

I acted like a women that gave you this advice.

 

Later... after having sex couple of times (which was good for both of us) he pulled back. He didn't text me and stoped initiating. Just when I wanted to talk to him about our thing and wanted to tell him we should maybe get back together.

My fault if that I never stalk people on facebook. because I wouldn't spend 2 to 3 months on this guy, because I would see he always with some chick and his friends.

 

That chick was his girlfriend. I've felt sad and bad when he finally told me like he is in a relationship since 10 days ago and that we should stop "dating"

I did nothing wrong. I've blamed myself...

 

He was lying thats what I've figured out later and he told me once while I've met him out of nowhere, not directly, but he mentioned his birthday.

He was dating her and me at the same time. Because he met her when we didn't even have sex

 

My point is you can get played from good guys and blame yourself thinking oh they were there just here for sex. I should of wait more then 3,4 weeks and keep him nervous more. I was thinking maybe I should talk to him about getting back together not for a month, but sooner, maybe I've shouldn't be so non initiative and playing hard to get, making him do all the work which he did.

 

YOU SIMPLY DON'T KNOW and you never will know, it's life...People can play you, use you.... You can have boyfriend who will cheat on you and you will never know, blah blah. There is not much of a signs. The only sign is not bloody texting and intiating dates. The only sign is when a guy tells you about his future and his future plans and involves you, when he introduces you to his friend, when he ask you about your future and is interested in your life. Period! (in my case with my ex, not really but, he was an ex, so its an exception.)

 

And ask someone directly what does he wants in life? So you will mostly know your answe.

Ask a guy does he wants a gf in general in his stage of life right now on a first or a 2nd date. Tell him what you want in general.

If you are ready to settle down, tell that to the guys right away and observe their reactions about relationships and their life goals. You will know then.

 

Lately mostly when a guy tells me he is like into not ready to settle down or is chasing just carrer or just got dumped...I move on to the next one and it saves me a lot of emotional breakdowns. So I tell them NO thank you I am not interested in random hook ups, you are, nice too meet you or see you and goodbye.

[leogirl876]

I disagree and think people have sex too soon. If a guy is only looking for sex and the girl waits a while, she protects her heart and feelings. Thank God I didn't sleep with all the guys that I've been one just a couple of dates with! Not only are you asking to get your heart hurt, you're also asking for STDs.

[Redhead14]

I met a guy online on Tinder and he's a local. Actually, I've known him through mutual friends but im not going to tell him. So he is totally safe. Well, we've texted everyday. He initiates texting everyday by saying good morning. He always invites me places -- wants me to meet his friends, etc.Even before we met he was planning how we can go to different places.

 

Well we finally hung out and we went bowling and his bet was if he won he gets to take me on a date. Well, he knew he was going to win because he used to play bowling in his younger years professionally. So we have a date next time. Anyways, I just think he's joking so I don't take it seriously. We go out to eat. He's a gentlemen. He holds my purse, paid for my food, got out the car to properly greet me etc. So I asked to take him out next time and pay because I believe in equal gender roles.I jokingly asked him he still owes me a date he promised.

 

He says it's a date the next time we meet which is in 2 days. He texted me that he got home and said he really enjoyed my company. So I'm going out on my very first date. I've never been on one. Usually I just *hung* out with a guy. I'm nervous because I don't want to put all my eggs in a basket like I usually do. When I talk with a guy I focus on them. That's it. But people these days have so many options and I don't want it to be one sided. Usually that's how all mine turn out to be. I'm trying to stay low with this one but I don't know if he's genuine or not.

 

Do you usually just go in blind with these things? Idk if he's doing all of this just for sex? He's very sociable and hangs with other girls so I'm trying not to get feelings and decide oh yeah he likes me.

 

I got burned a lot in the past with others. Like I said he texts me every morning saying good morning even if I say I'll text him on another day. Idk how to tell if a guy is playing me or not. I need help before I open up to this one and get hurt. Thank you!

 

It's too soon to be even questioning his "motives". Sit back, observe how he dates you. If he's consistent with communication and setting up dates, great. At some point, you open a casual conversation about dating goals. In other words, you tell him what you're looking for for yourself overall, not with you two yet, just what you hope to have for yourself. If you two are on the same page with that, then you still continue to observe how he dates you.

Don't be intimate too soon. If he suggests that and you tell him you want to wait a bit and he respects that, continues to see you, then it's a good sign. If he suggests, you turn it down and he disappears, then you know he was just in it for the sex.

 

And, when you do talk about goals, and if he says he's looking for long-term relationship, you still need to observe because sometimes guys will say they want that knowing that that's what most women want.

 

Of course, if you decide to be intimate soon, that's fine, but you should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until he shows you otherwise.

 

Do you usually just go in blind with these things? -- Until you do have a couple of dates and get to know a guy a little bit, you are always flying blind. If you're projecting, assuming, guessing, etc., then you aren't giving him/it the attention it deserves and your objectivity is compromised.

 

before I open up to this one and get hurt -- This statement says you're already doing what I just mentioned in the last paragraph

 

Manage your emotions and expectations, be objective and observe how you are feeling.

 

I'm nervous because I don't want to put all my eggs in a basket like I usually do. -- You don't have to put all your eggs in one basket until you become exclusive or enter a relationship with a guy. Until that happens, you can date others. Just because you go on a date or two with a guy, it doesn't mean you make him your main focus. He hasn't earned that privilege yet.

 

This one is starting off pretty well, so go with the flow. And, talk, talk, talk to each other.

[phineas]

I disagree and think people have sex too soon. If a guy is only looking for sex and the girl waits a while, she protects her heart and feelings. Thank God I didn't sleep with all the guys that I've been one just a couple of dates with! Not only are you asking to get your heart hurt, you're also asking for STDs.

 

FYI, If a guy bails on you, it isn't because you made him wait for sex like you believe, it's because he got to know you well enough to realize you have issues.

[katiegrl]

JMO, but in the very early stages.... you will just have to hang out and NOT know for awhile.

 

It is called uncertainty and it is a GIVEN again in these early stages.

 

I mean a guy can be everything you want, say all the right things, act like your knight in shinng armor, and STILL be playing you.

 

A guy can offer exclusivity and then meet some else tomorrow and break it...

 

If you cannot handle a little uncertainty in the beginning, or even at times later on, you have no business dating.

 

I have said this before but there are never any guarantees in dating and relationships.

 

Hell even in marriage there are no guarantees ... have you checked the infidelity section? Not to mention the high divorce statistics.

 

And what is this "I don't want to get hurt"? No one wants to get hurt!

 

But honey, if you don't want to get hurt, then you may as well spend your life living under a rock....

 

Life is full of disappoints and hurt, there is no way you can avoid that.

 

And so what if you DO get hurt? Will you die?

 

No.. you pick yourself up, shake that shyt off and carry on...

 

Becoming stronger for having experienced it.

 

As German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, said .... "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

 

So true......

[leogirl876]

FYI, If a guy bails on you, it isn't because you made him wait for sex like you believe, it's because he got to know you well enough to realize you have issues.

 

Maybe, or it could be that he has the issues. And what are you saying, that a woman is supposed to sleep with a guy on a first or second date to see if they're compatible or that he's into her? No way, that opens up the door for her to get hurt.

 

I'll never forget this one guy I went out with a few times, who I didn't sleep with, was trying to get to know him. He wound up stealing from me! Now who has the issues???

[phineas]

JMO, but in the very early stages.... you will just have to hang out and NOT know for awhile.

 

It is called uncertainty and it is a GIVEN again in these early stages.

 

I mean a guy can be everything you want, say all the right things, act like your knight in shinng armor, and STILL be playing you.

 

A guy can offer exclusivity and then meet some else tomorrow and break it...

 

If you cannot handle a little uncertainty in the beginning, or even at times later on, you have no business dating.

 

I have said this before but there are never any guarantees in dating and relationships.

 

Hell even in marriage there are no guarantees ... have you checked the infidelity section? Not to mention the high divorce statistics.

 

And what is this "I don't want to get hurt"? No one wants to get hurt!

 

But honey, if you don't want to get hurt, then you may as well spend your life living under a rock....

 

Life is full of disappoints and hurt, there is no way you can avoid that.

 

And so what if you DO get hurt? Will you die?

 

No.. you pick yourself up, shake that shyt off and carry on...

 

Becoming stronger for having experienced it.

 

As German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, said .... "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

 

So true......

 

Yep.

I've lost count of how many women met someone "better" within a month after I started to really like them and just dropped me like a hot potato.

 

Hell, i've had women I was supposedly exclusive with just ghost on me anywhere between 2 to 6 months because they met someone they liked better.

 

Like you said, no guarantee's.

 

Of course OP will take anything posted that says she shouldn't make men wait to mean "oh so I should bang on the first date then? huh?" as an argument to say her way is the best way even though men keep bailing on her.

[katiegrl]

To add to my previous post (couldn't edit)...intentionally waiting to have sex guarantees nothing!

 

A woman can wait weeks or even months, and a guy can *still* disappear afterwards!

 

Just read this board!

 

No guarantees, ever.

 

Just be genuine and authentic.

 

Be true to yourself!

 

Do not compromise values and maintain your own personal boundaries .

 

Not as a manipulation... but because you are a woman with high self esteem, who values herself and has integrity.

 

Like attracts like...

 

Good luck!

[leogirl876]

Yep.

I've lost count of how many women met someone "better" within a month after I started to really like them and just dropped me like a hot potato.

 

Hell, i've had women I was supposedly exclusive with just ghost on me anywhere between 2 to 6 months because they met someone they liked better.

 

Like you said, no guarantee's.

 

Of course OP will take anything posted that says she shouldn't make men wait to mean "oh so I should bang on the first date then? huh?" as an argument to say her way is the best way even though men keep bailing on her.

 

Ghosting, wow, women do that too? I really thought that was just men! Sad, people just don't have respect or common decency for people's feelings anymore.

[phineas]

Maybe, or it could be that he has the issues. And what are you saying, that a woman is supposed to sleep with a guy on a first or second date to see if they're compatible or that he's into her? No way, that opens up the door for her to get hurt.

 

I'll never forget this one guy I went out with a few times, who I didn't sleep with, was trying to get to know him. He wound up stealing from me! Now who has the issues???

 

LOL.

FYI I predicted your strawman argument of "first date sex" in my response to Katie.

We posted at the same time.

 

All i'm going to say is:

 

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

[katiegrl]

Yep.

I've lost count of how many women met someone "better" within a month after I started to really like them and just dropped me like a hot potato.

 

Hell, i've had women I was supposedly exclusive with just ghost on me anywhere between 2 to 6 months because they met someone they liked better.

 

Like you said, no guarantee's.

 

Of course OP will take anything posted that says she shouldn't make men wait to mean "oh so I should bang on the first date then? huh?" as an argument to say her way is the best way even though men keep bailing on her.

 

Yup, true for men too.

 

OP needs to do whatever feels right to her.... and for her.

 

NOT as a way to "get" a man to stick around..

 

If she doesn't know what is right for her, then she needs to do the work to figure it out!

[smackie9]

Just my opinion.....Your perspective, you keep getting hurt by all these guys. A guy dates you for a few weeks and ends it, makes him a player or a d bag? That's your excuse for this happening all lot?

 

Sounds to me some of the problem doesn't lie within these guys. A person can't possibly have that much bad luck landing the same type of guy over and over again.

 

So lets take a look here: Obviously guys find you attractive or they wouldn't ask you out on dates. Guys ask girls out on dates because they ARE interested in you. And yes of course they want sex, but not all men are knuckle draggers trying to get a release from anyone willing to give it to them.

 

It's possible you have a misconception of as to why things don't work out. Your answer is that these guys are probably players and used you, when it can be as simple as something about you has turned them off and they were not players at all. I'm not saying this is for every case but you have to wonder why this happens and why you don't see it coming.

 

And I don't buy that it is because of "this day and age" . People are people and human nature remains the same. There have always been players, cheaters and jerks since the beginning of time. It's social media that has made us more aware of it's existence. On the flip side tho it's making it harder for people to get away with such behavior.

 

Maybe it's time to take a look at your problem with dating from a different angle here.....it may not be the guys themselves..........

[leogirl876]

To add to my previous post (couldn't edit)...intentionally waiting to have sex guarantees nothing!

 

A woman can wait weeks or even months, and a guy can *still* disappear afterwards!

 

Just read this board!

 

No guarantees, ever.

 

Just be genuine and authentic.

 

Be true to yourself!

 

Do not compromise values and maintain your own personal boundaries .

 

Not as a manipulation... but because you are a woman with high self esteem, who values herself and has integrity.

 

Like attracts like...

 

Good luck!

 

Great post! This was what I was trying to say in my other posts but you explained it better.

[phineas]

Just my opinion.....Your perspective, you keep getting hurt by all these guys. A guy dates you for a few weeks and ends it, makes him a player or a d bag? That's your excuse for this happening all lot?

 

Sounds to me some of the problem doesn't lie within these guys. A person can't possibly have that much bad luck landing the same type of guy over and over again.

 

So lets take a look here: Obviously guys find you attractive or they wouldn't ask you out on dates. Guys ask girls out on dates because they ARE interested in you. And yes of course they want sex, but not all men are knuckle draggers trying to get a release from anyone willing to give it to them.

 

It's possible you have a misconception of as to why things don't work out. Your answer is that these guys are probably players and used you, when it can be as simple as something about you has turned them off and they were not players at all. I'm not saying this is for every case but you have to wonder why this happens and why you don't see it coming.

 

And I don't buy that it is because of "this day and age" . People are people and human nature remains the same. There have always been players, cheaters and jerks since the beginning of time. It's social media that has made us more aware of it's existence. On the flip side tho it's making it harder for people to get away with such behavior.

 

Maybe it's time to take a look at your problem with dating from a different angle here.....it may not be the guys themselves..........

 

To be fair, if every guy she meets is from Tinder or other online dating sites then i'd say it's mostly the guys.

 

I've learned to rely less on online because all those women want is to hook up.