zoe229 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. He lives at home with his father (to help with bills and to take care of him because he is sickly).. A couple weeks ago, he mentioned to me that a friend of his was moving back to Florida and didn't have a place to stay.. He told me he might offer he mentioned to me that a friend of his was moving back to New Jersey from Florida and he didn't have a place to stay to let him stay a night or two if he needed because they have a spare bed room. A few days later, he told me that his friend would be moving in for a couple months. Him and his father are trying to make extra income so they decided to rent their spare room to him. I know hearing all of this so far doesn't seem that, and normally I would not have a problem with this.. Especially because it's not my house . Now here comes why this whole situation is making me uncomfortable.. The friend that is moving in, is a recovering heroin/drug addict with major mental issues and a personality disorder .. He is currently is "recovering" for about a month.. (He relapsed a bunch of times in the past already) Over the past year and a half my boyfriend has said nothing but negative things about him as far as him being a liar and how he makes things up and how intense he is to be around. Hearing all of the stuff about him has needless to say caused me to have formed a very negative opinion on him. I'm very against any type of drug use do the thought of someone like that being in his house makes me very uncomfortable and not someone that I would ever want to be around. My boyfriend is a musician, and his friend is also.. I will admit, his friend is very talented and the two of them do plan on making music together, so that may be the only plus of this whole situation.. Other than that I think this is a bombshell waiting to go off and I have a lot of bad vibes and negative feelings about this whole thing. I voiced my concerns to my boyfriend and I said that I don't understand why he would want to bring someone like that I to his house. He is trying to tell me that his friend changed but I told him that you can't change people like him. I'm not crazy about this whole thing and for the time being I might not come over his house as much if his friend is there.. It's not an environment I want to be around.. My boyfriend is upset now with me. Am I completely crazy to feel this way?
PogoStick Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 You're only partially crazy to feel that way. It's ok for you to be concerned. You're wrong, feeling that people like him cannot change. Even if this man fails again, you are still wrong. It usually takes 7 or 8 attempts before sobriety is successful, so it would be unfortunate if people gave up and were hopeless after the first attempt, as you suggest. Anyway, if you truly detest the situation then you can stay away, you can even choose to break up; or maybe your boyfriend will choose to end it with you. I certainly think it's unfair to condemn the situation before the outcome has even occurred.
Dork Vader Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Okay, well I'm an Alcoholic in recovery. I have nearly 2 years sober. That said I think you're making a bigger deal out of this then you need too. There are going to be two out comes, 1. the guy stays sober until he can find an SLE (sober living environment) or 2. the guy relapses and gets kicked out of the house. You might suggest to your boy friend that it would likely be better for his "friend" to find an SLE. But ultimately this is your boy friends house and home, not yours. If your boy friend gets caught up in drugs, he's going to whether or not this guy lives in the home. If your boy friend is already popping pills, I can assure you his next stop is going to be heroin and there is not a thing you can do to stop it. I will add that while few some place in the 2-4% range of narcotic users ever achieve long term sobriety. It does happen, I know numerous people who have. But yes it is rare.
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