simplybrill Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 ok, tell me if I'm crazy. My bf got just got a new phone and I was scrolling through to find a number for him the other day...and I saw that his EX'S number is in his NEW phone. It's not like all of his numbers just transferred...with his new phone you have you manually go through the menus and punch it in, and press ok to keep the number in there. He had her number, her house number, her freakin grandparents' number...so Im like what the f__ do you have her number in your new phone for?! Yes, he's kind of friends with her brother (yuck) but couldnt he have put her brother's name there instead? I was seeing her name over and over...gave me the creeps. So maybe I seem like the jealous psycho gf..but I told him to delete it. I havent checked his phone since. I dont want him to think I dont trust him, or something He said he would delete it, since it bothered me, and he was sorry he upset me. But I just dont think it should have been in there to begin with. Girls, am I crazy? I made sure I DIDNT put my EX'S number in my phone, on purpose, because Im through with him, you know? Maybe I just need to translate it into guy language that: keeping your ex's number handy might scare your gf into thinking that you're not over your ex, or that there are still feelings there!! It just hurt a lot seeing it in there, I really love my man, but little things like that just get under my skin, you know? Ive fallen really hard for him, and I really dont know if I could handle him still having feelings for his ex or him wanting to get back with her. She ran off with some idiot she barely knew, they have totally different moral values, she hated his mom, and she broke up with HIM...What about that, makes ya want to keep her number dude?? What about that,,,makes you want to even see her name again?
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 This is the guy you said you wanted to marry? My take on this. I think he has her # there, holding on to some chance that she might come back. Being that she broke up with him, I'm sure he still has feeling for her, he's not the one who lost feelings and ran away with someone. I don't think he wants to forget her, or her # for the matter. Just in case theres chance for reconciliation.
soccorsilly Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 You are awfully fast to judge as well. Wehn I got anew phone a year ago, I swapped my SIM card and all the numbers that were in the old phone transferred to the new one, so ..... But, I also agree with the above poster, he may be holding onto something in the past. Maybe it is my age or position in life right now, but that whole jealousy thing needs to go. People need to learn to be secure with their relationships--insecurity will not prevent a cheater--it might accelerate it. It may be hard, but you need to ask yourself, what the hell can you do if he wants to hold onto his paast or to look for the next best thing to you. Not a whole lot. But, if my GF came to me and demanded that I delete a number from my phone, more likely than not it would be hers.
smile95 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 are you sure he had to add? W/ my phone and most these days, they can transfer all info to the new one.
yellowrose Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Yeah, these days all the phone book entries are stored in a SIM card. All he had to do was transfer the card into his new phone and all his numbers would have been passed along. That is the standard across the board now. All phones work with these cards. I wouldn't read too much into that. -Honestly. And if you're concerned, just talk to him about it. Don't let jealousy start cracking the shield of a good thing if you can help it.
genuine_goals Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I have had similar issues in the past with girlfriends. I lived with a girlfriend for 8 months and apparently she went through a lot of my stuff when she lived here. Some things really made her jealous that she found. She also found a number in my wallet that was a woman's number from work. She was very jealous/pissed at that until I told her that it was a 40 something year old woman and I have her number so that I could fix her 14 year old daughter's computer! I have pictures, etc. of ex-girlfriends as well as various relics from past relationships. When she came across them, it made her obviously jealous. My point here is that my life doesn't start when I meet someone new. I am not going to throw away memories from my past because of someone' insecurities. I will always have a place in my heart for a few women who have complimented my life in the past. For myself, I can be perfectly happy with someone new but I will never stop loving those I have loved before. For me, once I get to the point that I deeply care about someone - they are there forever. I know you said that it was a phone number, which is a bit different than pictures, etc. However, I question your true motive for looking through his phone book, etc. How would you like it if he emptied your purse on occasion? It's kind of the same concept in my opinion. If you go digging, you will find all kinds of stuff from his past that you don't want or need to see. It's from this point forward that you should be focusing on.... For me - I would never disrespect my girl by going through her ****. It's an unwarranted invasion of privacy. You need to lift your boy up, be respectful and trusting of him. As a relationship, try to complement one another, not distract and take away. I am not saying to turn a blind eye, as always, be VIGILANT but not disrespecting. I believe that showing jealousy here is only going to push him away. At least it would push me away. Try to have an honest conversation with him and see what's going on. I believe it's wrong of you to demand of him to delete anyone's number. Treat each other with respect and trust and just maybe his ex will STAY in his past.
Treasa Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Yeah, ok, so me giving up LS lasted all of two days. My boyfriend has both of his ex's numbers in his phone. He also emails with them occasionally. However, they both dumped him, and one's now happily married, and the other is happily living with her boyfriend. He never calls them, he'll read emails from them in front of me, and it's always just bitching about work or mass-mailing a joke or something, and I don't sweat it. My ex is with me, and I trust that he loves only me. He's never given me reason to think otherwise. There COULD be something going on, but unless there are other indicators, don't jump to conclusions. Insecurity and jealousy are really ugly traits in anyone.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 Eh- when my fiance' got his new phone he just put his old SIM card in the new phone so it transferred all his numbers over. So, his ex's number is still in his new phone. I happened to see it when I scrolled through to call his mom when he asked me to in the truck one day. She owes him money and lots of it so I figure he's keeping it in case he decides to sue her. I'm not concerned about it because he loves me and is marrying me. I think you're making too much of this. If he starts calling her then I'd be upset but he's not that you know of. In a relationship it's okay to be aware but you can't come off as controlling jealous. I would never ask him to delete the number.
Lonestar Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 I would be pissed. In my experience, most people do not remain friends with an ex unless they are hoping for something else to happen again down the road. Yes, some exes are friends and friends only, but 90% of the time that I've known someone, including myself, who kept in contact with an ex, it was because there were still feelings there and they hadn't completely let go.
shygurl Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Well to all who suggest he may have used a SIM card to transfer the numbers from his old phone.....keep in mind, she didn't mention in her post that HE explained this is what happened. I would think that if that WERE the case, he'd have explained it to her that way.....and if he didn't, it would seem to me that he manually stored her numbers in there himself. I'd be curious to know just how long ago his ex dumped him? If it's been relatively recently, well I think it's only natural he'd not yet be over her. So how long ?
nicki Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I had this happen to me! It feels like crap, huh? My ex-boyfriend got a new phone after we had been dating a year. A few weeks before that, I saw an old text message in his old phone that he had sent several months prior to an ex. He texted her "I miss you." I freaked out. His excuse was that he was "drunk..blah blah..that he loved me...it was six months ago"...i gave him another chance... A few weeks later I found out that had manually put in his ex's phone number in his new phone...boy was i pissed. He had told me earlier that he HADN'T put it in there...so he lied, which left me wondering WHY? Long story short, i never did trust him again...but there were a lot of other little lies, too... No easy answers here for you. Ask your boyfriend if is he is over her. Make your tone of voice soft, concerned. You deserve to know how he really feels, whatever it is. If she dumped him, then he may still need closure. He may feel like he wants to get her to want him again...even if he doesn't really want be with her again...my ex told me that he put his ex's number in his phone so he could see if SHE ever called HIM... Talk to your boyfriend about how you interpret his behavior. What does it say to you? Then let him know that you only want to be with someone who wants to be with you, and YOU ALONE. Tell him that if he thinks he wants to be with the ex, he's free to pursue her...and you'll be gone. BUT, if he says he wants to be with you, then he better act like it...and that means getting rid of her phone number.... good luck...and double check later to see if he actually deleted the number...
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