californiablonde Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 So I will keep this very short. About five months ago I started casually seeing someone. We were dating for about a month and a half. On our last date everything was good and it all seemed normal. We left it with some goodbye kisses and I will text you later about setting up the next date.Then I never heard from him again. Although, just to elaborate I also never texted/called him because I was under the belief that he was going to contact me. It didn't bother me at the time because I was starting to get serious with someone else. I was more confused as to the complete radio silence out of nowhere. Now five months later out of the blue I received a text from him a week ago acknowledging that he ghosted on me and that he is sorry that he has some serious issue-he didn't elaborate, but I did learn a few small details when were dating. I told him thanks for the apology and that I harbor no ill will. We shared some friendly text convo and I was about to end it when he asked me out. I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago. I am kind of entertaining seeing him but I want to know if he is being genuine and trying to fix things or just seeing if can pick up where we left off.
joseb Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 From what you describe you both ghosted each other. So you need to "fix things" as much as he does if you want to give it a go. 1
TXGuy Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 That was more of a mutual fade than it was a ghost. Ghosting is when someone doesn't reply to repeated contacts. Fading is when the parties simply stop initiating contact. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 So I will keep this very short. About five months ago I started casually seeing someone. We were dating for about a month and a half. On our last date everything was good and it all seemed normal. We left it with some goodbye kisses and I will text you later about setting up the next date.Then I never heard from him again. Although, just to elaborate I also never texted/called him because I was under the belief that he was going to contact me. It didn't bother me at the time because I was starting to get serious with someone else. I was more confused as to the complete radio silence out of nowhere. Now five months later out of the blue I received a text from him a week ago acknowledging that he ghosted on me and that he is sorry that he has some serious issue-he didn't elaborate, but I did learn a few small details when were dating. I told him thanks for the apology and that I harbor no ill will. We shared some friendly text convo and I was about to end it when he asked me out. I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago. I am kind of entertaining seeing him but I want to know if he is being genuine and trying to fix things or just seeing if can pick up where we left off. Never, ever attempt to date soon after a break up and never, ever accept contact from someone who ghosted you. In your case, you will be dealing with two ghosts who should remain in your past . . . 2
Author californiablonde Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 The breakup was mutual. It ended do to some logistic/compatibilty issues. Which is fine because I never developed feelings of love for him. Just for the record this isn't a teenage sort of situation. I'm not even going to jump to the idea that this guy and I are going to be a thing. Especially right away. I already told him if I agreed to see him that he has some work to do before we can be where we were before. He agreed. I'm 29 and he is 35. My question is I can't tell if he is sincere or just on a dry spell/ going through his roster?
Dis Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 The breakup was mutual. It ended do to some logistic/compatibilty issues. Which is fine because I never developed feelings of love for him. Just for the record this isn't a teenage sort of situation. I'm not even going to jump to the idea that this guy and I are going to be a thing. Especially right away. I already told him if I agreed to see him that he has some work to do before we can be where we were before. He agreed. I'm 29 and he is 35. My question is I can't tell if he is sincere or just on a dry spell/ going through his roster? I dont know hun, I have to agree with Redhead. Its a bad idea to jump from one relationship to another...trust me I've done it many times...once you've done it enough you'll know better...it took me awhile to figure it out myself Even if your not hurt over your break up...you still need time to regroup and clear your head
leogirl876 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I wouldn't go out with him again. To me it sounds like his other options ran out and now he's contacting you as a back up. Even though you both quit contacting each other, I wouldn't go out with a guy that popped up out of nowhere again like that. Sounds like the attraction wasn't that strong anyway and so it didn't work out, so it probably won't work out now. 3
longjohn Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 It didn't bother me at the time because I was starting to get serious with someone else. This is whats wrong with the world today! You were dating someone else while seeing him and your upset he didn't call or text? He obviously was with someone else too. At that point in time he found that someone else more interesting than you. You did the same to him and your wondering if he's a "jerk". You both get what you put into life and in this instance you both wanted someone else at the time. Best you both move along randomly dating 2 or 3 or more people at a time always wondering if the grass is greener and never finding anything. 2
joseb Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 This is whats wrong with the world today! You were dating someone else while seeing him and your upset he didn't call or text? He obviously was with someone else too. At that point in time he found that someone else more interesting than you. And probably more interested too - I'm guessing the OP was lukewarm at best if she was getting serious with another guy - I'm sure that would come across in her attitude towards this guy. Given your lack of interest before, I'm not sure why you would want to go back OP... 1
hippychick3 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Move on. You're grieving your recently ended relationship and your judgement is cloudy. Yes, he did ghost on you regardless of whether or not you reached out to him at the time. There was not enough interest there the first time. It's unlikely his interest would surpass that level this time. You'd be teaching him that you're perfectly fine settling for someone who didn't have enough respect to end things properly last time.
Author californiablonde Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Just to clarify the situation. I initially started dating him and only him. He said he wanted something casual because thats all he could give at the time. I said ok cool. Just shortly afterwards a long time friend and I reconnected and decided to give it a go. I don't think he is a jerk per say. Again he said he would call so I left it at that. Im a big believer in doing what you say you will. I can see how the situation kind of falls on us both. However, if he is coming back now saying he had some family issues as the time. Then a courtesy text was definitely on him to let me know he could not even casually see me anymore. Im just trying to decided if he is genuine or trying to see what he can get away with.
leogirl876 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Just to clarify the situation. I initially started dating him and only him. He said he wanted something casual because thats all he could give at the time. I said ok cool. Just shortly afterwards a long time friend and I reconnected and decided to give it a go. I don't think he is a jerk per say. Again he said he would call so I left it at that. Im a big believer in doing what you say you will. I can see how the situation kind of falls on us both. However, if he is coming back now saying he had some family issues as the time. Then a courtesy text was definitely on him to let me know he could not even casually see me anymore. Im just trying to decided if he is genuine or trying to see what he can get away with. You can rationalize all you want. You're the one will have to suffer the consequences to later find out he's really that interested in you and you could end up getting hurt. That has been my experience in the past. When a guy ghosts or pulls a fade out, I let him go, and if he comes back, I'll be polite but tell him I appreciate him contacting me, but it's not going to work. I don't ghost or fade out on people because I think it's really disrespectful, I just tell them it's not going to work. Please don't believe a guy when he says it didn't work out because he has family issues. If he was into, he'd at least keep in touch with you instead of disappearing. He's only contacting you now because what he had back then didn't work out. Do yourself a favor and tell him, thanks but no thanks!
Author californiablonde Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 I don't disagree with this at all. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt but I am having a hard time doing so. My thoughts are more along the lines of if he did it once he can do it again. I think 99 times out of a 100 people who pull a houdini and then mysteriously reappear don't have earnest intentions. I do believe he has family issues but not enough to the point where he couldn't have reached out at all. Ultimately, I know if I have to question it this much than the probability is the "juice isn't worth the squeeze".lol
Recommended Posts