Kaylub1997 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 She said she was a virgin and that I was her first, we had sex before we even started dating. Once we started dating I find out she had sex with her ex more times than she can count and then had sex with my friend who is her ex's cousin as well. I feel really betrayed and hurt... I honestly didn't care if I was her first time, because I wasn't a virgin when we had sex. I just feel super hurt that she lied about being a virgin and had sex with 2 other guys! Now my question is should I break up with her or should we try to work it out? I'm just super sad and feel super hurt she lied about it. And I don't know if I can really ever trust her anymore. We've been dating for 6months.
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 She said she was a virgin and that I was her first, we had sex before we even started dating. Once we started dating I find out she had sex with her ex more times than she can count and then had sex with my friend who is her ex's cousin as well. I feel really betrayed and hurt... I honestly didn't care if I was her first time, because I wasn't a virgin when we had sex. I just feel super hurt that she lied about being a virgin and had sex with 2 other guys! Now my question is should I break up with her or should we try to work it out? I'm just super sad and feel super hurt she lied about it. And I don't know if I can really ever trust her anymore. We've been dating for 6months. Well, dating is about getting to know someone. Now you know her. Move on. 2
basil67 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) Does she know how you feel? Has she explained why she lied? Given that your profile has 1997 in it, I'm going to assume you're about 19 and she's a similar age or a little younger. Now, this can vary from place to place - but if you live somewhere conservative, fear of 'shaming' is often the basis of why women will lie. Or if she's been taught that boys don't want 'used goods'. I'm not condoning her lying, but just thinking about how tricky it can be as a young person. Edited July 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Kaylub1997 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Well I asked her many times about being a virgin and having sex and she continued to lie, it wasn't even about slut shaming because she knew I didn't care. The thing is I found out about her having sex with her exbf months ago, yet she continues to lie about how many times she had sex and how far they went. I just recently found out that she had sex with my friend as well, which is okay with me except she ****ing lied about so much now. I feel the relationship is sour, and she's trying to pretend like everything is perfectly fine 1
juniorrocha Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I'm sorry you're going through this. Think well before making a decision. My ex lied to me about something important too, and eventually I found out more of her lies. The trust in our relationship was gone, but I still decided to try. Just when I was starting to trust her again: more lies. Then we broke up. So if you're willing to go through this, first of all make it very clear to her that you're not accepting any more of that, and mean it. Ask her why she lied and tell her to confess anything else she may have lied about too. Second, should you decide to stay with her, you'll have to believe her again. A relationship without trust is awful. Had I known we would break up a year later due the same issue anyway, I would have done that back then. If you can't trust anymore and you know that, then break up. Personally, if I were with my ex, I would probably let it pass. But after being through hell (aka relationship with no trust), I'm never accepting that from anyone ever again.
basil67 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Why did you ask her "many times" about being a virgin? I know her lie was strange, but so is your repetitive questioning. 4
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Why did you ask her "many times" about being a virgin? I know her lie was strange, but so is your repetitive questioning.' His gut was telling him something . . . people need to trust their gut . . . 6 months and he didn't even know she had an EX???? 1
Author Kaylub1997 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Why did you ask her "many times" about being a virgin? I know her lie was strange, but so is your repetitive questioning. I asked her many times, because we started dating senior year, and she's dated a guy every single year of high school. So her bf last year when she was a junior was a senior. So I came to the conclusion that having a boyfriends for basically 4years straights she had to have lost it some time. So I told her I understood if she wasn't a virgin because it makes sense to lose it to one of them. But she insisted on being a virgin.
ironpony Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Did she lie because she was shy and insecure about her sexual past, or was it another reason? I think this can help determine how to feel about it.
joseb Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Why did you ask her "many times" about being a virgin? I know her lie was strange, but so is your repetitive questioning. Yeah she probably thought because you kept asking that it was a big deal to you, and didn't want to admit she wasn't. 6
Lois_Griffin Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Well I asked her many times about being a virgin and having sex and she continued to lie, it wasn't even about slut shaming because she knew I didn't care. You're young, so I'm going to give you a bit of a life lesson. When you continually ASK someone about their sexual past, you're badgering them and almost forcing them to tell you what you want to hear. And that nonsense statement you made, "she knew I didn't care..." shows exactly how clueless you really are. It's pretty transparent how much it IS an issue for you so she was telling you what you want to hear. She obviously DOESN'T feel she can be honest and upfront with you about her past because it's pretty obvious you're like a dog with a bone about it. We see guys like you all the time here on LS, obsessing about their girlfriend's sexual pasts and acting like the world is coming to an end because she had a past before she met you. Oh horrors! It's called retroactive jealousy. Look it up. 3
Toodaloo Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Well I asked her many times about being a virgin and having sex and she continued to lie, it wasn't even about slut shaming because she knew I didn't care. The thing is I found out about her having sex with her exbf months ago, yet she continues to lie about how many times she had sex and how far they went. I just recently found out that she had sex with my friend as well, which is okay with me except she ****ing lied about so much now. I feel the relationship is sour, and she's trying to pretend like everything is perfectly fine You are 19 ish... How do you know those guys are not bitter about the fact that she didn't have sex with them? Rumors about women are usually spread by other women who are jealous or men who can't have them and want to shame them because they feel hurt by the rejection... Again you are young so perhaps its time to throw in the towel. Just be wary of what young men who want kudos actually say to bolster their egos. When I was your age I had slept with around 50 guys apparently... God alone knows who they were supposed to be because I still to this day don't!
Toodaloo Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I asked her many times, because we started dating senior year, and she's dated a guy every single year of high school. So her bf last year when she was a junior was a senior. So I came to the conclusion that having a boyfriends for basically 4years straights she had to have lost it some time. So I told her I understood if she wasn't a virgin because it makes sense to lose it to one of them. But she insisted on being a virgin. Dating someone and having sex with someone are two different things... You seem to be adding 2+2 and getting 34672.... Redo your math and calm down. Seems to me your knickers are in a real twist about it all...
longjohn Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 She said she was a virgin and that I was her first, we had sex before we even started dating. Once we started dating I find out she had sex with her ex more times than she can count and then had sex with my friend who is her ex's cousin as well. I feel really betrayed and hurt... I honestly didn't care if I was her first time, because I wasn't a virgin when we had sex. I just feel super hurt that she lied about being a virgin and had sex with 2 other guys! Now my question is should I break up with her or should we try to work it out? I'm just super sad and feel super hurt she lied about it. And I don't know if I can really ever trust her anymore. We've been dating for 6months. Welcome to the next stage of life where you discover females can lie just as much as men can. People are people. First you have to ask yourself a question, does it really matter if she had sex with two other guys before you? What if it wasn't two and it was 3 or 4? Sounds like your at the early stages of dating in your life and my advice is to either accept it and stick around or leave if it really bothers you she lied. You also have to ask why did she lie? Regardless 10 years from now this entire episode will be a very distant memory.
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Just the way I read this, not siding with her lying but more with the situation. It seems she lied because you weren't going to be able to handle the real answer, she saw this from your continued badgering and asking the same question multiple times, I'd bet she also felt you were about to make her feel that her past is something she should be ashamed of. She lied, but it was about sex that happened during a time you weren't with her, let her have her privacy on her past sex life and from now on learn that asking questions about numbers and past partners never ends well. She could probably learn that she should have just told you it was none of your business rather than lie... 5
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) I guess she sussed out that her being a virgin was important you, so told you exactly what you wanted to hear. Shaming is a real phenomenon and many young women are not comfortable sharing their sexual history for fear of being judged harshly for it by others. Live with it or move on. As you appear to think it is a huge deal, and there is no magic wand you can wave to restore her virginity, then I suggest you move on. Edited July 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
Cherryz Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I think maybe you was happy to know you got a virgin gf. But now disappointed to know that she is not. Either-way fact is she lied. I wonder why did she lie? Why would you lie about such thing once you gonna sleep with someone especially? Is she this kind of delusional liar girl? Confront her about why did she lie. and let her know how you feel about this. And if her not being virgin is not what worry you, its sure not cool if she had slept with your friend. She sound like she is sleeping with everyone that are friends or family. Ex, ex cousin, and cousin friend. Doesn't sound cool. 1
Els Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Not going to excuse her lying, but you were pretty much asking for it by 'asking her many times' about her virginity. Honestly, why did it matter so much to you that you had to ask so repetitively about it?
VeveCakes Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Yeah she probably thought because you kept asking that it was a big deal to you, and didn't want to admit she wasn't. Lol no 19 girl is this innocent... she knew she was lying and she was doing it to trick you. It's not ok. 1
VeveCakes Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Not going to excuse her lying, but you were pretty much asking for it by 'asking her many times' about her virginity. Honestly, why did it matter so much to you that you had to ask so repetitively about it? No one is asking to be lied to. He already said he asked her many times because the story didn't add up. We are always telling women here to trust their instincts and that's what OP did. Men have that instinct too. Good for him for not buying her story. 1
Popsicle Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 We all have ideals, in terms of who we want to be with. You just have to determine if your ideal is a) realistic and achievable and b) important enough to you to not settle on. If you think you can do better and it's important to you, then do better and don't apologize for it.
stillafool Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I think maybe you was happy to know you got a virgin gf. But now disappointed to know that she is not. Either-way fact is she lied. I wonder why did she lie? Why would you lie about such thing once you gonna sleep with someone especially? Is she this kind of delusional liar girl? Confront her about why did she lie. and let her know how you feel about this. And if her not being virgin is not what worry you, its sure not cool if she had slept with your friend. She sound like she is sleeping with everyone that are friends or family. Ex, ex cousin, and cousin friend. Doesn't sound cool. This is what I was thinking. OP she's probably had sex with others as well. If it doesn't matter that she is not a virgin put this behind you. If you don't want a liar as a gf move on.
Author Kaylub1997 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Okay so I guess I didn't tell the full story and I'm sorry about that! I know I'm dumb for this and I shouldn't have stayed but, after we started dating I realized we didn't have any chemisty, we just had sexual chemistry. So I told her we should just be friends, but then she made me feel guilty by claiming I took her virginity and said "I'm glad u got what u wanted and ur just gonna leave now, it's great the guy who took my virginity wants nothing to do with me now!" I just feel dumb after dating her for this many months to find out that she lied about that stuff!
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I don't get why the youth today are so hung up on virgin vs non virgin. I don't recall anyone ever asking me if I was or not, nor did I ever ask. No one really cared back in the 70's we were all too high to give a crap I guess lol. I do remember everyone really wanting to throw their V card asap. 1
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