what could make a dumper ex act like this

July 18, 2016

Just wondering what some opinions of having a dumper ex who gets emotional (hugs you and tells you they miss you and love you) when they see you in public, and are always warm in their replies if you reach out and text them (saying they miss you and using little kissing emojis). However are not ready to meet up with you on their own, or don't actually initiate contact. We have been broken up for almost 2 months, and were together over 4 years. Breakup was due to me not showing her enough love/affection and her feeling I wasn't satisfied with her. In truth I love her more than anything and just want her back to show her I will treat her right. Could these be signs she still has feelings for me?

Edited July 18, 2016 by jakejackson88

July 18, 2016

It sounds like she doesn't want any malice or angry feelings between the two of you. So she's taking the sweet route to just make this breakup go smoothly. The key here is that she doesn't initiate any contact, as you say. She is not getting back together.

She just doesn't want any hard feelings. Maybe she does miss you and care for you now, BUT only as a friend. Hence why she doesn't contact you at all.

I've taken this route with my ex - I don't hate him, it didn't work out, but if I saw him randomly somewhere, I would be friendly.

This is a far better approach than an ugly breakup, I think. Better she acts like this than a bitter, angry ex, right?

Edited July 18, 2016 by Bialy

July 18, 2016

I agree, but would any of these actions suggest weather she would or wouldn't want to give this a second chance in the future, or would the only way to know that be just having her initiate the conversation when she would be ready.

July 18, 2016

The only way to find out is to ask her. You may not receive the answer you want, but at least you'll know for sure.

If she doesn't respond directly and say, "Yes, I want to get back together someday and try" --- she doesn't want to get back together.

You can include a line, "it's OK, if you don't want to get back together, but I thought I'd just ask."

Again, if she is wishy-washy and avoids answering - that is a NO. If a woman wants to get back together, she'll be very clear about it.

If you contact her, post up how it went.

July 18, 2016

Another thing --- even if she does say, "yes, maybe someday we can try again!"

That is no guarantee that she actually wants to get back together. It's just a soft way of letting you down, but still giving you some sliver of hope.

I say avoid contact and give it a few months before you ask this. Things are still very fresh.

July 18, 2016

Exactly a week ago I contacted her asking in the conversation if she saw a chance of us getting back together to which she replied "you have not met any girls you like" (maybe because she thought I was never satisfied with her) I responded "I met girls but none of them made me feel like I feel about you" She replied "Awww really ! [kissing face] yeah I miss you too" 3 hours after that short exchange of texts she poked me on FB (something we used to do all the time when we were together and it stopped as soon as she broke up with me. What in your opinion would have caused her to go out of her way to poke me if she was just trying to be nice with her texts.. like why take it to that next level than?

July 18, 2016

She's being evasive --- keeping you at arm's length. Just being sweet. Maybe she misses the fun times (which might explain why she poked you on FB) --- NOT the issues and mixed feelings she had while she was in the relationship.

If you want to get at the heart of it, contact her. Tell her you appreciate the sweetness and would like to get back together. Be up front about it.

If she's wishy-washy or directly rejects this politely, you've got your answer.

If I was you, I would let it be. Don't contact her because it's clear you really want to get together and it seems like she's just giving you some false hope with these sweet gestures.

Only way to find out is to ask directly.

July 19, 2016

You say she broke up with you because she felt you didn't show her enough so the reason she is doing this is because she wants you to show her.

She won't initiate contact because she broke up with you, for reasons you already stated. Not because she didn't love you or because she wanted to ultimately, she did it because she felt you weren't that into it or her.

If you are having regrets and feel she was correct in her observations and you are certain she is the one for you you will need to make an effort and patiently win her back. It sounds like she still wants you but she needs to see real effort on your part.

Don't give up, keep showing her you want to be different than before she left you.

Good luck!

July 20, 2016

We had a few text exchanges this morning, just posting it to see what you can gather, I will post more as I get more texts from her.

Me: are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us

Her: Yeah I really wish in them 4 years that you can change but yeah

Me: I did believe I had gotten much better the last 2 years, but I really needed you to leave me this time to really see what I was doing.

Her: Yeah even the last 2 years you where still rocky too I just , hope that you can see what happened but yeah how's work

Me: I know exactly what happened, I'm a man. I can admit I f###ed up. I never wanted to loose you and this will be the biggest regret of my life

Her: Oh ! How's work

I will post more later, she is at work now

Edited July 20, 2016 by jakejackson88

July 20, 2016

So later in the day after talking about work I text her:

Me: Can I just ask you.. honestly. do you ever think you could give me another chance to be the man you deserve to have ?

Her (2 hours later): How's work going

Me: do you need more time, do you want me to leave you alone? I dont want to be bothering you, just hoped we could talk

She read the last message and has not replied or called yet.

July 20, 2016

I'm not seeing any concrete evidence from those texts that she is interested in getting back together.

Cut your losses. I wouldn't bother her anymore. If you keep pestering her on this, she'll start to regret communicating with her. Give things some time.

Take six months away from this situation. No Contact. You may not feel the same way months or a year from now.

July 20, 2016

Just wondering what some opinions of having a dumper ex who gets emotional (hugs you and tells you they miss you and love you) when they see you in public, and are always warm in their replies if you reach out and text them (saying they miss you and using little kissing emojis). However are not ready to meet up with you on their own, or don't actually initiate contact. We have been broken up for almost 2 months, and were together over 4 years. Breakup was due to me not showing her enough love/affection and her feeling I wasn't satisfied with her. In truth I love her more than anything and just want her back to show her I will treat her right. Could these be signs she still has feelings for me?

She definitely has feelings for you. But in order to save this you're going to have to walk away from the situation. By all means, tell her that you'd like to make it work. But you're not interested in a friendship, and if she ever wants to connect romantically to give you a shout.

Then never call her again, continue completely as a single man. Thats the most painful but quickest way to success.

July 20, 2016

So later in the day after talking about work I text her:

Me: Can I just ask you.. honestly. do you ever think you could give me another chance to be the man you deserve to have ?

Her (2 hours later): How's work going

Me: do you need more time, do you want me to leave you alone? I dont want to be bothering you, just hoped we could talk

She read the last message and has not replied or called yet.

If you look at the pattern of her texts, she was initially giving some of the warmth you had when you were still together.

As soon as you talk about getting back, she ignores you.

Never accept scraps from the table my friend. They will take this as weakness, and become cruel. You're really giving your power away here, the only way to regain it is to walk away.

You've clearly stated what you want, and you're not getting a response. Move on....

July 20, 2016

What would someones reason be for ignoring the question about getting back together? Why couldn't she just say yes, we'll see/maybe or no. She never was the type to ignore me and hated when people did that sort of thing. Could it be she is still too hurt to even answer the question (as she admitted she was hurt/sad when I asked her "are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us").

July 20, 2016

What would someones reason be for ignoring the question about getting back together? Why couldn't she just say yes, we'll see/maybe or no. She never was the type to ignore me and hated when people did that sort of thing. Could it be she is still too hurt to even answer the question (as she admitted she was hurt/sad when I asked her "are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us").

Could be that she's not ready..could be that she likes the ego strokes she's getting from you missing her but she doesn't actually want you back..could be any number of reasons. Nobody knows except her.

What you do need to do is leave her alone. She dumped you. You asked her if she'd give you another chance, she avoided the question. If she wants you back, she'll let you know. Until then, stop all communication. She's your ex.

July 20, 2016

I know I shouldn't have brought up the relationship this morning in our conversation. I had originally called her last night but she didn't pick up because she sleeps early. She text me first thing this morning saying "good morning, is everything ok? I see you called". My reason for calling was to tell her my mother who she always liked had been diagnosed with cancer and was giving a poor outlook. She replied in text "if you would like we can talk later on the phone :love:". I should have left it at that but, my emotions got the best of me and I wanted to see how she was feeling about us since it has almost been 2 months since the breakup. I am a fool for pushing the question on her and now she probably won't even call to find out about my mother.

Edited July 20, 2016 by jakejackson88

July 20, 2016

Yes, you need to step away. Leave her be --- for your sanity's sake.

Don't contact her anymore. Things are still raw and you're just looking for any sliver of reconciliation. She's been polite to respond to you, but to get over this situation, you need to pull the plug. It's hard, I know! Things WILL get better.

July 20, 2016

Sorry to hear about your mother. Put her first right now. Keep your mind as clear as you can for her.

July 21, 2016

I'm afraid there is nothing I can do at this point but move on. I'm sure she still has some feelings for me somewhere deep inside however that does not matter at this point. Thank you fromheart and you are right. I need to be here for my mother at this point and put her first. If my ex ever comes back than I will cross that bridge when I get to it (she came back once before). Thank you all for your comments, you have no idea how much something as little as a reply to a thread on this site can help someone going through a very sad depressing time.

July 21, 2016

I'm so sorry about your mom, you are about to go through a very tough time with that.

What would someones reason be for ignoring the question about getting back together? Why couldn't she just say yes, we'll see/maybe or no. She never was the type to ignore me and hated when people did that sort of thing. Could it be she is still too hurt to even answer the question (as she admitted she was hurt/sad when I asked her "are you still hurt/sad about everything that happened between us").

Her avoidance of the topic and not saying a flat out no or yes leads to the assumption that she can't commit to either answer right now because she's either too afraid to give it another shot or confused about it.

She did break up with you because she felt you didn't give enough, and you agree with that. So it's understandable that she might feel hesitation.

I wouldn't be so cut and dry to move on yet if you really love her and feel that you can offer a bit more to satisfy her needs. You have nothing to lose at this point than a little more time. Why not give yourself a timeframe like say a month (or whatever you choose) and say to yourself I will keep trying to show her I am serious about winning her back and keeping her and if it doesn't pan out by the end of _____then it's time to move on?

Just a thought.

My ex had a bad habit of breaking up with me if we got into an argument and so one time too many I took him up on it and he begged me to take him back. I couldn't just take him back because he said he was regretful. We broke up for a month and half and he persisted and won my trust back we eventually got back together. And for the most part it cured him from threatening to break up with me if we fought. I took him back on the condition that next time it is for good, no turning back. And it worked.

July 21, 2016

I'm afraid there is nothing I can do at this point but move on. I'm sure she still has some feelings for me somewhere deep inside however that does not matter at this point. Thank you fromheart and you are right. I need to be here for my mother at this point and put her first. If my ex ever comes back than I will cross that bridge when I get to it (she came back once before). Thank you all for your comments, you have no idea how much something as little as a reply to a thread on this site can help someone going through a very sad depressing time.

Hang in there, dude. Break-ups aren't easy. At least you tried numerous times to reach out - you did your best.

If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but you need to not see her, not communicate with her. A year from now, who knows, you may be in a completely different frame of mind.

Now's the time to focus on family, friends, and enjoying the rest of the summer.

Edited July 21, 2016 by Bialy

July 21, 2016

So sorry about your mom.

July 29, 2016

Thanks everyone for the responses, so this Wednesday exactly a week after she stopped responding to my texts (when I asked her about getting back together) she poked me on FB again for the second time since our breakup. I can't imagine she is doing this to play games as she was never one to play like that (she hated mind games). Does anyone have any ideas as to what these pokes may mean? I know no one but my ex can tell me for sure, however I'm not going to break our NC to ask about a stupid poke. Again we used to poke each other all the time when we were together so it may have some meaning behind it.. don't know.

July 29, 2016

Thanks everyone for the responses, so this Wednesday exactly a week after she stopped responding to my texts (when I asked her about getting back together) she poked me on FB again for the second time since our breakup. I can't imagine she is doing this to play games as she was never one to play like that (she hated mind games). Does anyone have any ideas as to what these pokes may mean? I know no one but my ex can tell me for sure, however I'm not going to break our NC to ask about a stupid poke. Again we used to poke each other all the time when we were together so it may have some meaning behind it.. don't know.

In her mind she might not be playing games at all. She may have no idea of the hurt / confusion it is causing you.

She does not want to get back - if she did she would have said something already. She may just miss you (again, not that she wants to get back) or checking up on you to see if you're still thinking about her (her ego).

Block her, move on.

July 29, 2016

Just wondering what some opinions of having a dumper ex who gets emotional (hugs you and tells you they miss you and love you) when they see you in public, and are always warm in their replies if you reach out and text them (saying they miss you and using little kissing emojis). However are not ready to meet up with you on their own, or don't actually initiate contact. We have been broken up for almost 2 months, and were together over 4 years. Breakup was due to me not showing her enough love/affection and her feeling I wasn't satisfied with her. In truth I love her more than anything and just want her back to show her I will treat her right. Could these be signs she still has feelings for me?

Yes, she probably still does have feelings for you, hasn't gotten over this yet. If you couldn't show her how much you loved her in those four years, things aren't going to change. You may pump it up for a while and it may look good for a while and then you will fall back into your usual ways. I'd say after 4 years, you just perhaps are not on the same page naturally as far as displaying affection goes. And, that's a compatibility issue.

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what could make a dumper ex act like this

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