I've become obsessed over her

[NIGHT1985]

I don't think this is love I have for her, it's total obsession. She never escapes my mind, she doesn't have Facebook but she has Pinterest and I constantly keep updating it to see what she's updated. She's blocked my number but I still email her, this is not normal, I'm terrified of how obsessed I'm becoming. What do I need to do? I've already deleted her contact info, but of course it's saved in my head... I've never thought I'd become this type of person, none of my break ups have caused me to act like this... I need to face the reality, but I don't see any reality without her. I don't know what suggestions you guys can give me, but I need some type of change

[todreaminblue]

Get out and meet new people stay away from the computer...maybe even take a weekend away fishing with soem friends or camping hiking...rally car drivng..do something active and fun you really enjoy doing....renew contact with people you might have been slack with.....organize time with them....spend tiem with your family.....

 

buy a really thick rubber band put it around your wrist when you feel your attention going back to her and what she is doing snap it......hard.....then do something else.....volunteer somewhere...a soup kitchen maybe and take up photography.......see things through a lens for a while and get some arty shots......

 

i dont know how long it will take you to move on....but you have to live to keep moving on...so do things you have always wanted to do...be with peopel who make you laugh....and soon....you will have new things to memorize......deb

[stillafool]

What is so great about her?

[FTM042014]

What is so great about her?

 

This. This is majorly important. What is so great about her? I don't know the details of your situation but what happens many times is it's the way she made you feel about yourself that you can't let go of. This isn't to say that your feelings for her aren't legit. We also tend to elevate our former partners to God like status after a breakup. And finally your body physiologically reacts to a breakup as it would going cold turkey from drugs or alcohol. Right now for you there is a mix of emotions and urges that are a nightmare. I went through it to. I was dumped in May and couldn't bring myself to stop contacting her until February.

 

Busy yourself with things that made you happy before her. Start to do things that you've always wanted to but did not. Stay around friends or make new ones. When you feel that obsessive need to check social media or email her STOP, STAND UP AND GO FOR A WALK if possible. I told my friend I was having trouble with this so that I could contact her instead and have her help bring me off the ledge.

 

I was an obsessive mess and I fixated and ruminated and felt like near death. I am ok now. So I can tell you it does go away, that need. But you have to help yourself too.

[keiji]

I was there too, man. I guess most of us have been there at some point. It just goes away, but if you can, try to stay away from computers and cell phones for a couple of days. Perhaps a weekend away with friends? It might help to break the obsessive cycle.

 

Don't be hard on yourself. It's completely normal. That doesn't mean it's healthy, though. Every time you check her social media, you're reopening the wound. Keep repeating that to yourself.

[BelleSkye]

The fact that you can acknowledge that what you are doing is un-natural or unhealthy is a good step in the right direction.

 

Feel good about yourself every time you ignore her in your thoughts, on social media, in person etc.

 

The fact that you are taking control of your life and have the discipline, ways and means to do it shows that you are a great guy and not some psycho loser, pathetic creep, scary stalker type etc.

 

Hang in there.

[carnelian]

If she is so important to you, why can't you call her? Relieve your mind of what's bothering you--unless she wants no contact with you!

 

You could write her a letter unless of course she is married or something

and has forbidden you.

 

 

You could write letters and never send them. Just for yourself--throw them away.

You could think of her as a gift that you have given back. The time you spent with her was a gift and now you must return it.

[NIGHT1985]

I can't call her because she's asked me not to and to move on. I've taken her moving on very hard and lashed at her when I promised I could be friends(stupid foolish mistake). So all that did was reaffirm her that she's making the right decision to move on. I did talk to her one last time the other day. She said I have a problem of picking at the scab before it heals and that I need to let it completely heal before we could consider a friendship. She said she may wanna be friends down the road, but she would be the one to initiate it. It may be several months, it may be 2 years, or never. She said me following her on Pinterest led to a fight with her current guy, but I went ahead and deleted app. She was pinning wedding ideas and couple vacations, which is very hard for me to look at, since they've been only dating for a few months.

 

 

Why is she so special and hard to let go? She came into my life at a difficult time, I wasn't even really looking for someone to date as I had a pained past, but she was the most beautiful woman I've met, and intelligent to(she scored a 34 on her act). She would always teach me new things and we would read up on culture, music, and history together. She loved reading to me and involving me in her interest as well as being exciting and supportive of mine.

 

I was very immature in the relationship, she was the most genuine person I've met and I didn't feel good enough for her and I always feared she would leave me for someone else. I constantly started drifting away from her emotionally and shutting down during fights. This led to her breaking up with me. If I was a stronger/more mature person, I'd still be with her. This has caused me so much guilt and regret.

 

I've been dating and meeting other people, but I don't know that I'll ever meet such a good, genuine, total package person. I really don't, and I know this is cliche to say. But she was way out of my league in every category and I blew my chance.

 

I should be happy for her, as she seems to found someone that sees her worth and is making her really happy. It's just hard...

[SevenCity]

Sorry you are going through this. You have put her on a pedestal to which no one else can compare. You've also taken 100% of the blame for the downfall of the RL which is not true. It's important to learn from your mistakes, but it takes two to ruin a RL.

 

You have to realize she was not as perfect as you made her out to be. A good first step I find is to write a list of the things you didn't like about her and your RL. You will be surprised to find that there were a bunch of things you did not like about her.

 

When you are down, look at this list and add to it.

 

I'm not sure the circumstances of your breakup but the first thing on the list is she left and didn't try to work things out. That's not a great quality of someone.

[NIGHT1985]

Sorry you are going through this. You have put her on a pedestal to which no one else can compare. You've also taken 100% of the blame for the downfall of the RL which is not true. It's important to learn from your mistakes, but it takes two to ruin a RL.

 

You have to realize she was not as perfect as you made her out to be. A good first step I find is to write a list of the things you didn't like about her and your RL. You will be surprised to find that there were a bunch of things you did not like about her.

 

When you are down, look at this list and add to it.

 

I'm not sure the circumstances of your breakup but the first thing on the list is she left and didn't try to work things out. That's not a great quality of someone.

 

 

I didn't write down our whole past, because it would take a while. But she did everything she could. It wan an on and off relationship. And the first time we broke up she told me to get therapy and stick to it. And I didn't. I just want to make it clear that she stuck by me and suggested ways to help, but like I said, I was so damn immature and stubborn. She gave me more chances to better myself than any woman would, and I didn't wake up.

 

You're right about the high pedestal thing, as she is not perfect and she did have her flaws, but yea, my mistakes are the reason we aren't together

[jakejackson88]

Glad I found this post as it lets me know I'm not alone. My ex broke up with me the end of May and now 2 months later I still can't stop thinking about her. She will reply if I text her but never initiates any conversations. The only thing she initiates is poking me on FB (she never deleted me) it hurts because I don't know why she does it and I refuse to break NC again as last time I did we texted until I asked about getting back together to which she asked "hows work" than ignored me until another week went by and I got another stupid poke. I have not been able to get her off my mind the past 2 months and it is killing me. I really hope this gets better. I am constantly checking her FB to see if she is adding any other guys but all she keeps adding are friends from work. I still can't help but think she is talking to other guys which hurts like hell

Edited July 29, 2016 by jakejackson88

[bummer]

Stating the obvious, but continuing to probe, look, and check on exs on social media is disastrous. Unfollow, block, or stop logging in to see.

 

I think it's good to know what you've contributed to the downfall. Turn the guilt into action. Make positive steps to be more selfless and mature in other relationships. I sometimes have tension with my parents and other friends and can be distant, rude, or act out of stubbornness which drives a icy wedge between myself and those who care about me.

 

By showing them more compassion, I am building healthier habits for when the next girl comes my way to try again.

 

So, breaking the pedestal will take time, but you can make yourself better while that conflict resolves itself within you. Be warm, be generous, be kind, and practice humility with everyone you meet.

[NIGHT1985]

I've done it again... I broke up with the girl I've been seeing the past few weeks, because frankly I'm not in a state to date someone new and We just didn't have chemistry on my part.

 

I've started texting my app from a texting app since my # is blocked. She got pissed and threatened to get a restraining order on me. I lashed out at her some more and she called me and let know that I'm the lowest person on earth and never wants anything to do with me.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. This depression has taken full control over me, I know my actions are wrong but I lose all control to get some response from her, even if it's just a negative one.

 

I can't do it anymore. I'm constantly consumed with regret, guilt, and jealously. I'm not healing because I'm not winning this battle with my mind on self control. I don't see any future ahead without her. I wish I could be like I was in my teenage and early 20's where I was fine being an anti social hermit. I feel so pathetic now. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore

[TheLoveBelow92]

I've done it again... I broke up with the girl I've been seeing the past few weeks, because frankly I'm not in a state to date someone new and We just didn't have chemistry on my part.

 

I've started texting my app from a texting app since my # is blocked. She got pissed and threatened to get a restraining order on me. I lashed out at her some more and she called me and let know that I'm the lowest person on earth and never wants anything to do with me.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. This depression has taken full control over me, I know my actions are wrong but I lose all control to get some response from her, even if it's just a negative one.

 

I can't do it anymore. I'm constantly consumed with regret, guilt, and jealously. I'm not healing because I'm not winning this battle with my mind on self control. I don't see any future ahead without her. I wish I could be like I was in my teenage and early 20's where I was fine being an anti social hermit. I feel so pathetic now. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore

 

Its Easier to preach than to practice and although its been a long long time since my breakup I know where you are because I was there for a very very long time. I went to therapy and and doctors took the tablets. Went on a Drink and Drug binges that lasted days for many many months to simply occupy my mind with the present as opposed to the past...

 

Thats how I dealt with it until I realized only I can take care of myself and everyone else is watching you obliterating yourself... took longer than I cared to admit to figure that one out...

 

Being honest with you all you can do is ride this out, Its a long road keep writing here to get your comfort and move on bit by bit... you will just get used to the separation as much as you dont want to hear it, neither did I. You will get to a point you will look back get scared with how much time has past things will hurt less and less and you will get used to it.

 

Life is unfair and never knew how much heartbreak hurt. Ive seen and been through a lot for this point in my life but getting my heart broke is up there with the worst pain ive experienced and stings that extra bit when you are blindsided and never been through it before...

 

You need to distance yourself from her and start thinking about things you dont like "I want to be fitter" start working out.. I want to be healthier "start eating better" I want a better car "start saving more" there distractions with positive outcomes that distract you from the past and and when the time comes the time you wanted to have passed will have passed and and you will be in better shape, looking better and with a newer car all from turning a negative into a positive. With positive thinking better things will come to you..

 

This is an example but if you believe it it will happen

[tinkerbell16]

I've done it again... I broke up with the girl I've been seeing the past few weeks, because frankly I'm not in a state to date someone new and We just didn't have chemistry on my part.

 

I've started texting my app from a texting app since my # is blocked. She got pissed and threatened to get a restraining order on me. I lashed out at her some more and she called me and let know that I'm the lowest person on earth and never wants anything to do with me.

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. This depression has taken full control over me, I know my actions are wrong but I lose all control to get some response from her, even if it's just a negative one.

 

I can't do it anymore. I'm constantly consumed with regret, guilt, and jealously. I'm not healing because I'm not winning this battle with my mind on self control. I don't see any future ahead without her. I wish I could be like I was in my teenage and early 20's where I was fine being an anti social hermit. I feel so pathetic now. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore

 

Night,

Get some professional help for thsee feelings. They are obsessive and she has asked you to leave her alone.

You sound like my ex boyfriend and it has been a year since our breakup.

I don't understand the logic of realizing what you had only after you lose it.

It has happened to me and they are all still contacting me.

If immaturity was your issue spend this time focusing on your personal growth and mental health. Learn healthy coping skills (not lashing out for response).

Let her go. It is not that you weren't good enough for her it sounds like you are just on two different maturity levels.

Grow (up) so the next girl can say you are too good for them

Best of luck, Tink

[FTM042014]

Hey man I know your pain. 12 or so years ago I did the same thing in two consecutive situations. Now the difference is the women I was involved with dumped me. But the breakups both resulted in me obsessively calling, texting and e-mailing. I had a restraining order brought against me. It was hell. I hated myself for what I was doing. I meant absolutely no harm but that behavior is terrifying to a woman because they do not know if you will hurt them. It is unfair to do someone else that you claim to care about. It is flat out harassment.

 

I know that deep, seemingly uncontrollable need to reach out. It's like a dormant beast inside that you try so hard to control. It's really the small child version of you terrified of losing a sense of belonging. Of being needed and cared for. If you cannot stop yourself you need therapy. Maybe medication. I needed anxiety meds to help me think logically.

 

The purpose of doing this is to get her to change her mind but the behavior pushes her away further and just gives her more proof that she made the right decision in walking away for good.