WhirlwindGuy Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 After a whirlwind couple of weeks of first dates, i think i have finally found someone that really checks off my boxes. She is attractive, physically fit, active, extremely easy to talk to, fun to be around, we have some major chemistry and best of all, she actually acts like she is in to me too (unlike previous girls i seem to fall for). We connected through Tinder, but it so happens that she is best friends with one of my friends' wife. We went out last tuesday for the first time just for dinner and cocktails and immediately hit it off. We had a great time. Thursday was an event at the art museum and i asked her to go with me, she said she would love to and we did that. Food trucks, outdoor music, beer, and art. We had a great afternoon walking around, eating and chatting. From there we hit up a live music event at a local brewery, and then she asked if i wanted to meet a couple of her friends at a local dance club / beer garden. We ended up having a ton of fun with the group and shared our first kiss while we danced to one of my favorite country songs. She got kind of drunk and ended up staying with me at my place that night as she was too drunk to drive home. We did not have sex, I didn't even try, it was too early for that. She woke up kinda hung over in the morning so we laid in bed and chat for a bit before I had to go to work. She is a teacher and is off this summer. Last night we hung out again. I had taken today off, so i was up for going out. We went out for a casual dinner, then came back here and had a bottle of wine and watched a movie. She stayed the night again and we basically just cuddled and kissed all night. No sex, I didn't even try...once again, trying to do this right and not jump the gun too much. I have to admit, the chemistry between us is really high...she told me that she really likes me a lot, and the feeling is mutual. She woke up this morning and was really reluctant to leave as we were just so comfortable cuddled up and chatting. She eventually had to go around 10...and I have to say, i kinda miss her. So I am really optimistic about this one. Were as there have been red flags with other girls that i had chosen to over look, this one really has none that i can see yet. There seems like there is real potential to be something more here. Help me do this right. When i like someone and feel that connection / chemistry, I tend to have a tendency to push and over do it. I don't want to do that here. I want this to build the right way and have a potential to last. I would love to finally shut down all the dating sights and make something last. She left this morning and I already feel like i want to see her again. We don't really have any plans, but we have talked a lot about stuff we want to do before she go's back to school again in August. Any feedback or advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 She's into you, don't do the "stay over and not have sex" thing again, or she will probably think you are gay. Actually, she may already. 2
mizunomead Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Take a deep breath, relax a bit. Text or call her later today or tomorrow and schedule a date for later this week. You need to learn how to not take dating so seriously from the get go. 2 dates doesn't mean much of anything. She seems nice and everything so keep asking her out, but let go of the whole she could be the one junk. Worry about that if you two are in a relationship months from now. Live life day by day, take each date for what it is in the moment, let go of the future right now. Its miles to early to worry about it. Don't get so emotionally tied up in a knot. All this stuff just shoots yourself in the foot. Just live life and let it play out naturally. 2
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 If you want a woman to respect you as a man, don't act like you're 14 and have sexless sleep overs. Being someone's cuddly little toy is the kiss of death. If you feel it's too early, drop her off at her door and call it a night. 6
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 If you want a woman to respect you as a man, don't act like you're 14 and have sexless sleep overs. Being someone's cuddly little toy is the kiss of death. If you feel it's too early, drop her off at her door and call it a night. Wait, so guys get beat up all the time about making it all about sex...so I chose to not do that, and I get beat up for that too? So we aren't allowed to just fool around? It's either sex or I'm gay or 14? Jeez... We had a great time just talking and getting to know each other. I saw now harm in that. I don't think she was ready to have sex yet so I didn't push it. 2
Zippy2000 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Wait, so guys get beat up all the time about making it all about sex...so I chose to not do that, and I get beat up for that too? So we aren't allowed to just fool around? It's either sex or I'm gay or 14? Jeez... We had a great time just talking and getting to know each other. I saw now harm in that. I don't think she was ready to have sex yet so I didn't push it. Well done you for not pushing it. My longest relationships last after sex was postponed. Most people will respect that from you and show it wasnt just for the sex. Act like a gentleman and treat a woman right. Thats all you need to hear.
Dis Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Hun...you know I'm only looking out for you...but your rushing things...again She slept over on the second date???? Again on the third???? It sounds like your just repeating the pattern over and over again hun Trust me, I know its hard to break patterns...but I'm just afraid if you dont...you'll end up in the same situation...the relationships you have start off intense and burn hot...then before you have time to blink...the fire goes out Dating is about getting to know someone...and the truth is...you dont know her yet but your having sleep overs like you've been together for months Take your time hun...theres no rush...relationships usually have a better chance at lasting if we just take our time...let things unfold naturally...slowly...without rushing This is just my opinion but maybe you to take time for yourself for awhile...so you can evaluate why you always jump into things so fast...because lets face it...your doing it again. I know this is hard to for to here hun....many posters on here told me the same thing...it was hard to hear but it was the truth I know its hard to pull yourself away from dating...trust me I know...I'm actually taking a break now for quite awhile....but it took me many failed relationships...some posters telling me to take time to myself.... and lots of time to realize I'm not in the right place to date I hope I'm wrong WWG. But from what I see from your post..this is just a repeating pattern hun
JoeSmith357-1 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Wait, so guys get beat up all the time about making it all about sex...so I chose to not do that, and I get beat up for that too? So we aren't allowed to just fool around? It's either sex or I'm gay or 14? Jeez... We had a great time just talking and getting to know each other. I saw now harm in that. I don't think she was ready to have sex yet so I didn't push it. It's pretty odd to be asking a girl over on the 2nd date, if you arent prepared to bang her. My thoughts are this... if you are trying to get to know someone, the venue for that is not your house, or her house on the 2nd date. It's a restaurant, bar, coffee shop, park, anywhere other than your house. It's cool if you want to bang, IE: not relationship types But the fact that you invited her over, she accepted, and you didnt bang her bodes poorly for you. Unless she's a serious clinger or something then, maybe you will be perfect for each other
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Hun...you know I'm only looking out for you...but your rushing things...again She slept over on the second date???? Again on the third???? It sounds like your just repeating the pattern over and over again hun Trust me, I know its hard to break patterns...but I'm just afraid if you dont...you'll end up in the same situation...the relationships you have start off intense and burn hot...then before you have time to blink...the fire goes out Dating is about getting to know someone...and the truth is...you dont know her yet but your having sleep overs like you've been together for months Take your time hun...theres no rush...relationships usually have a better chance at lasting if we just take our time...let things unfold naturally...slowly...without rushing This is just my opinion but maybe you to take time for yourself for awhile...so you can evaluate why you always jump into things so fast...because lets face it...your doing it again. I know this is hard to for to here hun....many posters on here told me the same thing...it was hard to hear but it was the truth I know its hard to pull yourself away from dating...trust me I know...I'm actually taking a break now for quite awhile....but it took me many failed relationships...some posters telling me to take time to myself.... and lots of time to realize I'm not in the right place to date I hope I'm wrong WWG. But from what I see from your post..this is just a repeating pattern hun Second date she was just way too drunk to drive. We started the date by meeting at my place, and then when we got back here that night it was 230am and she couldn't drive. I got her some water, some Tylenol, fixed up the bed for her and she passed out. I slept next to her but barely touched her all night. I may have put my hand on her leg once. Last night was more romantic, but we just sat up in bed and watched a movie till late, then laid together and talked for another hour or so before we fell asleep. Perhaps date 3 is too early for that type of intimacy, but it felt very natural. I agree it could be construed as rushing; but it feels a lot different than past things. It feels a lot more "right" if that makes sense? I'm determined to do this right this time, so I appreciate the feedback.
Dis Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Second date she was just way too drunk to drive. We started the date by meeting at my place, and then when we got back here that night it was 230am and she couldn't drive. I got her some water, some Tylenol, fixed up the bed for her and she passed out. I slept next to her but barely touched her all night. I may have put my hand on her leg once. Last night was more romantic, but we just sat up in bed and watched a movie till late, then laid together and talked for another hour or so before we fell asleep. Perhaps date 3 is too early for that type of intimacy, but it felt very natural. I agree it could be construed as rushing; but it feels a lot different than past things. It feels a lot more "right" if that makes sense? I'm determined to do this right this time, so I appreciate the feedback. Hun I really feel for you and understand 100% where your coming from I was determined too But the truth is...determination has nothing to do with whether a relationship will work out or not...esp in the early stages I honestly hear alot of myself in what you just wrote. I spent the last year determined to find the right person...determined to try to control the direction of my dating life...determined to end up in a LTR And yup...all my relationships felt "right" in the beginning too I just think your putting alot of pressure on yourself to make something stick...to find the one...your hopping from girl to girl..relationship to relationship Where are YOU in all of this??? Does any part of what I'm saying hit home for you??? Dont get me wrong hun...I do hope this works out...I want the best for you of course...but if this doesnt work out...pls do consider taking some time to yourself....you cant have a healthy relationship if your not whole on your own
AMJ Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I disagree with others, I think you're still fine with this one. Yes, you don't want to be a cuddly toy but it's fine to sleep together without having sex for now. I doubt that you'll be able to "take it slow" if the sleepovers continue though. On some level she's probably ready to have sex also since she is sleeping in your bed. I gotta say that it seems to soon to know whether or not she's "the one" for you. I think it takes a few months to start really getting to know a person. But it sounds like you're off to a great start!
Dis Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I disagree with others, I think you're still fine with this one. Yes, you don't want to be a cuddly toy but it's fine to sleep together without having sex for now. I doubt that you'll be able to "take it slow" if the sleepovers continue though. On some level she's probably ready to have sex also since she is sleeping in your bed. I gotta say that it seems to soon to know whether or not she's "the one" for you. I think it takes a few months to start really getting to know a person. But it sounds like you're off to a great start! Hi AMJ! I love all your posts. You seem like a really sweet and wise person. Have you checked out Whirlwindguy's previous threads? They all talk about similiar situtations as this one....relationships that get off to a quick and intense start and then they end up burning out just as quickly. I'm just concerned he's repeating that pattern here
AMJ Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Hi Dis! Thanks so much for the compliment! You might be the only one here who'd call me sweet, so you must not have read ALL my posts I didn't read his other threads. But if you see a pattern, I believe you. And I agree, a pattern of moving too quickly is a problem. One of my friends is a serial monogamist, always jumping from one bad relationship to another. She spends all her time trying to change the guy and then finally gives up. I honestly can't relate because I've never sought out relationships. I always valued my own freedom over trying to make something work with someone who wasn't completely perfect for me...however the few times I HAVE met someone amazing, I always always move way too fast. And the relationship tanks. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) It's pretty odd to be asking a girl over on the 2nd date, if you arent prepared to bang her. My thoughts are this... if you are trying to get to know someone, the venue for that is not your house, or her house on the 2nd date. It's a restaurant, bar, coffee shop, park, anywhere other than your house. It's cool if you want to bang, IE: not relationship types But the fact that you invited her over, she accepted, and you didnt bang her bodes poorly for you. Unless she's a serious clinger or something then, maybe you will be perfect for each other Right, keep it public for the first few dates anyway. You can "up" things after a couple of public dates by kissing her/making out before you drop her off so that she doesn't wonder why you haven't made a "move" on her if she's one who would do that. And, if she's one who doesn't want to rush things, you're kinda in the middle so to speak. Frankly, anyone who allows themselves to become so intoxicated on a first, second or third date as to pass out, isn't respecting the dating process of getting to know someone and putting their best selves up, and is only looking to get laid or simply doesn't care one way or the other. In other words, they aren't dating with the goal of having a real relationship. I had a guy who was getting so drunk that I thought he might pass out on a fourth date at my home. I asked him to call a friend or a cab to come get him . . . he called another girl. Edited July 19, 2016 by Redhead14
Tribble Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 It's great that you feel right and you're enjoying it. It's also good that you recognise a need to take it slower. Just make sure you do that! I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to have dates at your house, but make sure you have public dates that don't end at either of your houses too. This is a getting to know you process. Don't fall into the comfortable, known you for ages activities like a movie and wine and cuddling in bed. They're great, but they can come later. I also disagree with the people that have criticised you for not having sex. Everyone is different. For me, I have to feel very comfortable with someone before I have sex. That has meant I've shared my bed with guys I've been seeing without having sex. There's something very intimate about that and taking away that pressure has let me feel comfortable with them. Once I'm ready, it happens naturally. Sure, you may have blown it with some girls, but certainly not every one. There is more to a relationship than sex and I think you're doing well not putting the emphasis on it so early in the relationship. But take a breath. Date this girl, don't jump into comfy relationship mode. In your head, think like she is one of a couple of options. Show her interest but don't let everything revolve around her. And don't forget to do your life, don't always be available and don't change plans to suit her just yet. Good luck!
joseb Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Hi Dis! Thanks so much for the compliment! You might be the only one here who'd call me sweet, so you must not have read ALL my posts AMJ you are sweet, you just try to act tough 1
joseb Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 After a whirlwind couple of weeks of first dates, i think i have finally found someone that really checks off my boxes. She is attractive, physically fit, active, extremely easy to talk to, fun to be around, we have some major chemistry and best of all, she actually acts like she is in to me too (unlike previous girls i seem to fall for). We connected through Tinder, but it so happens that she is best friends with one of my friends' wife. We went out last tuesday for the first time just for dinner and cocktails and immediately hit it off. We had a great time. Thursday was an event at the art museum and i asked her to go with me, she said she would love to and we did that. Food trucks, outdoor music, beer, and art. We had a great afternoon walking around, eating and chatting. From there we hit up a live music event at a local brewery, and then she asked if i wanted to meet a couple of her friends at a local dance club / beer garden. We ended up having a ton of fun with the group and shared our first kiss while we danced to one of my favorite country songs. She got kind of drunk and ended up staying with me at my place that night as she was too drunk to drive home. We did not have sex, I didn't even try, it was too early for that. She woke up kinda hung over in the morning so we laid in bed and chat for a bit before I had to go to work. She is a teacher and is off this summer. Last night we hung out again. I had taken today off, so i was up for going out. We went out for a casual dinner, then came back here and had a bottle of wine and watched a movie. She stayed the night again and we basically just cuddled and kissed all night. No sex, I didn't even try...once again, trying to do this right and not jump the gun too much. I have to admit, the chemistry between us is really high...she told me that she really likes me a lot, and the feeling is mutual. She woke up this morning and was really reluctant to leave as we were just so comfortable cuddled up and chatting. She eventually had to go around 10...and I have to say, i kinda miss her. So I am really optimistic about this one. Were as there have been red flags with other girls that i had chosen to over look, this one really has none that i can see yet. There seems like there is real potential to be something more here. Help me do this right. When i like someone and feel that connection / chemistry, I tend to have a tendency to push and over do it. I don't want to do that here. I want this to build the right way and have a potential to last. I would love to finally shut down all the dating sights and make something last. She left this morning and I already feel like i want to see her again. We don't really have any plans, but we have talked a lot about stuff we want to do before she go's back to school again in August. Any feedback or advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks! OK, so if you are trying to take things slow, stop having dates that end up in bed. And if you do end up in bed, stop Not having sex. It's like the worst of all worlds. She was out with friends - if she was drunk and didn't want to stay she could have gone with them. She wanted to stay over. And I'd bet 100/1 she wanted to have sex. I'm not sure what to advise you tbh. You have already jumped into a relationship type mode with her. If you pull back now to dating, it will seem a bit weird. If you keep doing what you are doing, but holding off on sex, it will get very weird. Maybe try to organise something cool for later in the week, that definitely wont revolve around you ending up in bed. Something fun and less 'coupely' might be good. Right now, you are already entering into a 'false intimacy' scenario and already imagining she is the one....its way way too early for that. 1
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Wait, so guys get beat up all the time about making it all about sex...so I chose to not do that, and I get beat up for that too? So we aren't allowed to just fool around? It's either sex or I'm gay or 14? Jeez... We had a great time just talking and getting to know each other. I saw now harm in that. I don't think she was ready to have sex yet so I didn't push it. I never said it was wrong to wait and get to know someone, I never said you had to try and jump her bones asap. When you spend that much time cuddling in bed and not have sex lessens your chances of the relationship ever getting off the ground. I give women crap for doing it too. 2
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 I disagree with others, I think you're still fine with this one. Yes, you don't want to be a cuddly toy but it's fine to sleep together without having sex for now. I doubt that you'll be able to "take it slow" if the sleepovers continue though. On some level she's probably ready to have sex also since she is sleeping in your bed. I gotta say that it seems to soon to know whether or not she's "the one" for you. I think it takes a few months to start really getting to know a person. But it sounds like you're off to a great start! I guess I should say, I don't know AT ALL that she is "the one". I will say that it is definitely refreshing to meet someone that has, what appears to be, everything in place, after going through a dozen or more complete strike outs. I have no idea if she is the one, I hope she is, that would be fantastic...but time will tell. Sorry if I came off otherwise. I was getting a little downtrodden after meeting woman after woman who either lied about themselves, misrepresented their pictures, or some other extreme oddity. Meeting someone real that seem to be a good fit is refreshing.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 We have plans to go out tonight to a really fun live music venue outside of town a bit. Im not sure if anyone is familiar with Texas, but Gruene is an old historic town with a really fun river side restaurant and a music hall next door that is one of the oldest in the state. I am going to pick her up this evening and head out there. It should be a fun time with less "cuddle" time... I truly appreciate everyone's advice...even if I don't act like it sometimes. 1
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Frankly, anyone who allows themselves to become so intoxicated on a first, second or third date as to pass out, isn't respecting the dating process of getting to know someone and putting their best selves up, and is only looking to get laid or simply doesn't care one way or the other. In other words, they aren't dating with the goal of having a real relationship. I had a guy who was getting so drunk that I thought he might pass out on a fourth date at my home. I asked him to call a friend or a cab to come get him . . . he called another girl. I would normally agree, and I think she honestly feels really bad and embarrassed about it. I partly blame myself as I suggested going to meet her friends at another bar rather than go home. I also bought the group a couple of rounds of shots because we were just having fun. There was no harm really, but it did get a little more out of hand than I think she intended.
smackie9 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I would normally agree, and I think she honestly feels really bad and embarrassed about it. I partly blame myself as I suggested going to meet her friends at another bar rather than go home. I also bought the group a couple of rounds of shots because we were just having fun. There was no harm really, but it did get a little more out of hand than I think she intended. This is another topic...drinking too much on dates. It doesn't take much to have things go sideways. They say to keep it to one or two drinks.
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