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How am I suppose to deal with this triangle of love?

Littlebird95

By Littlebird95
in General Relationship Discussion

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Littlebird95 Member

Littlebird95

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Here's the thing, a really weird triangle. I'm in a relationship with this girl and its absolutely perfect when its just the both of us. Things get rough when we're around this guy, who's my bestfriend but that is also her bestfriend. (We were before I started dating her). They are really close, and im fine with it! But i feel like they need to set limits between friendship and love.

 

Like she calls me by sweet nicknames, but does the same with him. During long car rides, she can sleep on my shoulder or his, he hug her from behind like I always do to her, and way more. I've always thought i was crazy for thinking all lf this was wrong, until another friend of us told me by himself that it was unacceptable.

 

I mean, im the one in love and being loved by her, but i dont feel any special. Im always wondering if she's doing things to me because she loves me, or just out of habits and it doesnt have real meaning to her. I need to feel special, exclusive, not like just another friend. I know she loves me, but I need to see that im something more for her than just a friend.

 

I feel like its always a competition on who's getting more attention from her.

And to add more, all of our friends thinks this guy is either in love with me or with her.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

You guys sound like you are teenagers, right?

 

If so, then how you deal with the triangle is by not getting emotionally invested in the girl whatsoever. You will both be moving on very shortly towards adult love that is entirely different.

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Littlebird95 Member

Littlebird95

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No, i am actually 21 and i never seen that kind of thing, so thats why i dont know how I should handle this. I mean, I never thought this was even a thing, and im not sure how to react.

 

But still, the girl and I are really in love, but this dude keeps being always around and most of our friends thinks he's a problem.

Edited by Littlebird95
bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted

Your mutual best friend also wants a piece of the pie and isn't ashamed to eat it in front of you. Your GF intuits your relationship as many young people do without realizing it, a not-so-serious learning experience.

 

Learn to temper your jealousy first of all. Be confident, or don't date your friends. Second, if your best friend is really that good of a friend, ask him to show you some respect with personal space around her.

 

Your gf will need to learn these boundaries organically IMO. You will create tension mentioning you don't like that she showers your bestie with love too.

 

Thinking long term, when it ends (sorry, but this is likely do to age more than anything) and she dates him, how will you feel? Still all friends?

 

Best advice ever is "don't ***** where you eat" and remember friendships aren't eternal just as 20-something dating is a fleeting exercise in self-discovery. Best to date outside your friendship circle for peace of mind...

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NTV Established Member

NTV

Posted
Posted

Yeah, my vote is that you make up some pretense to break it off with her. Or maybe even don't make up the pretense. "Hey, that crap you're doing with my BFF... no prob when we were just friends. Not that we're together, it ain't cool. It makes it look like I'm sharing you and that we go away together for threeways. That bothers me. I thought once we were dating the competition crap was over. If that ain't true for you then we shouldn't be dating. No, I'm not talking jealousy... I'm talking disrespect. You probably don't understand."

 

 

Or something like that. Either way, at your age all three of you should know what's acceptable when you're dating and what's not. Like another poster said, that's some junior high school stuff. I would exit stage left, and let these two have each other. Find someone with some darn common sense. She wants to feel special having 2 dudes chasing after her like some twilight saga story and your friend is inch by inch defriending himself. Best bet is to walk away man!

 

 

Good luck. You're next chick will probably be 100x better. Keep that in mind.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Posted

He's not just her friend. He's after her or he wouldn't be touching her and stuff, and she likes him too, but not sure in what context, but she's allowing touching. You need to talk to both of them together about it. Set some boundaries. Tell them both it's obvious to you that he is interested in her romantically and that they are touching each other right in front of you and then tell her to make up her mind who she wants and let you know, but that you are no longer comfortable knowing what you know her being around him alone and tell him he is not invited on your dates with her.

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Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

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Posted

Tell him to keep his hands off her, and tell her to stop disrespecting you by allowing it. You are making yourself look weak by tolerating it.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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But still, the girl and I are really in love, but this dude keeps being always around and most of our friends thinks he's a problem.

 

How is it this guy is your "bestfriend" but you can't talk to him about this :confused: ??? I'd be having a conversation with him that started with "Back off..." Time to man up...

 

Mr. Lucky

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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this situation is pretty toxic......boundaries need to be in place......there should be no physical intimacy....other than maybe a high five and a handshake between her bestie and herself.....does he hug you too?

 

 

maybe thats a solution....give him a back hug...and when he goes to have a fit about you hugging him, say this is what friends do isnt it.....you do it with my gf so.....why not me too....we are friends arent we.....and hug him again....let him feel the scenario

 

this is actually a pretty passive agressive way of dealing with it.....im actually with mrlucky.....tell him how it is....back off man.....you make me feel uncomfortable with all the touching .......men should be able to say how they feel.......so tell him..he is a mate of yours...so he says....

 

in my opinion any guy that touches a guys lady up...isnt a mate...not to you anyway...he is disrespecting you...and she shouldnt let him.....not alone....and not when you guys are together and in front of you either...let her also know how you feel and be really honest...stand your ground....or you are going to be continually walked over..if she doesnt like it......then she can go...its that simple...deb

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bachdude Established Member

bachdude

Posted
Posted

Seriously, I can't imagine being all over my best friend's girl the way you describe. He has no respect for you or your relationship with your girlfriend. The choice is yours. You can let this guy walk all over you or you can set some boundaries.

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Littlebird95 Member

Littlebird95

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I've already told him the way I feel about it, and he reacted great! He told me he had no clue I didnt like it, that they have always acted this way together, so thats why its still going, but that he totally understands me and that he would feel the same way I do if roles were inverted! He agrees to set limits and to let me have that special place next to her! So, we're planning on talking to my GF about it soon. Im just not sure whats the best way to start this kind of subject with her.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
I've already told him the way I feel about it, and he reacted great! He told me he had no clue I didnt like it, that they have always acted this way together, so thats why its still going, but that he totally understands me and that he would feel the same way I do if roles were inverted! He agrees to set limits and to let me have that special place next to her! So, we're planning on talking to my GF about it soon. Im just not sure whats the best way to start this kind of subject with her.

 

 

up front and honest .straight and to the point...dont mess around....be calm...but be absolutely honest..its gone on long enough dont you think?..you feel uncomfortable about it so let her know that......i hope things improve for you...and i wish you well....deb

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