SoulSearcherAt50 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 ...however we had met 7 years ago and I said to my husband I can follow this man unleashed anywhere he would want me to go. We had laughed and started to go to OM (G) for business every other week. We have grown up children, been n=both married for over 20 years and for 5 years we were business partners. Until 2 year ago he asked me to take a day off so we can talk. I said it will lead to no good. He said eventually. We had laughed. We were always laughing and having lighthearted relationships. Though I had liked him a lot I thought he was happily married and I had never even thought of anything but business and pleasure of conversation. Well...we had gotten into a sack somehow and he felt something wrong with it and wanted to take a break. I was upset but I understood. After a while he had called me and we had talked and he was calling me daily after work so I was laughing that I am phone wife. Feelings grew. I can't explain how not pushy and kind and nice he is. I know his heart was in all places at once. I was the person who had actually listened to him and he said to me recently why do I like talking to you so much? Also he finally confessed his love to me. But we had agreed on not hurting anybody of our own. However no one knew it will get this far. We are talking all the time when it is possible. No meetings. Just soul searching. He said he is dreaming of being with me. But he is never insisting on sex. I am the one who teasing him and he says 'let me park, I cant drive like that'. And we are laughing hysterically because we can simply just be silent on the phone. We don't even HAVE to talk. Just breathe. Few days ago I had asked him about home life and suggested to maybe talk to his wife and see what went wrong so long ago that they are stopped being close. He was shocked and I am waiting for the call. So far what do you think? I will continue.
Lobe Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 You will continue what? Telling yourself that it's all hysterically funny that you are egging a married man on to have sex with you behind your husband's back? I'm not sure I understand what you're asking. If you're asking for people to say "good one! HAHA! so funny" I'm not sure that's the reaction you're going to get. You seem extraordinarily blasé about the affair, like it's no big deal. Your AP seems to have more of a conscience about the A than you. He obviously wanted to turn things down but you won't let him. What are you getting out of this relationship? Someone is going to get hurt - definitely you, probably him, and possibly your spouses when/if you get caught, as well as all your adult children. More often than not, the pain is unbearable and leads to divorce. Are you prepared to divorce your husband for this man if he decides to leave his wife for you? Have you actually considered what is at stake between all the giggling and laughing you're doing? If your husband was with a mistress, would you think it was hilarious, too? You're not in love, you're having an affair. There's a saying that whenever you feel like you're not getting enough at home it's because you're not giving enough - tell him to go back to his wife, you go back to your husband, and pour all the energy that you're giving each other on your betrayed spouses and see what changes. If you're not ready to commit to your marriage anymore, then you should LEAVE your husband and demand your AP leave his wife. I kind of feel like you desperately need a reality check. 4
ChickiePops Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I'm having trouble understanding the humor that you seem to find in this situation. Perhaps you can explain why it's funny to hurt both of your spouses? Do you think they will find it funny when they find out? 3
loveisanaction Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 ...however we had met 7 years ago and I said to my husband I can follow this man unleashed anywhere he would want me to go. We had laughed and started to go to OM (G) for business every other week. We have grown up children, been n=both married for over 20 years and for 5 years we were business partners. Until 2 year ago he asked me to take a day off so we can talk. I said it will lead to no good. He said eventually. We had laughed. We were always laughing and having lighthearted relationships. Though I had liked him a lot I thought he was happily married and I had never even thought of anything but business and pleasure of conversation. Well...we had gotten into a sack somehow and he felt something wrong with it and wanted to take a break. I was upset but I understood. After a while he had called me and we had talked and he was calling me daily after work so I was laughing that I am phone wife. Feelings grew. I can't explain how not pushy and kind and nice he is. I know his heart was in all places at once. I was the person who had actually listened to him and he said to me recently why do I like talking to you so much? Also he finally confessed his love to me. But we had agreed on not hurting anybody of our own. However no one knew it will get this far. We are talking all the time when it is possible. No meetings. Just soul searching. He said he is dreaming of being with me. But he is never insisting on sex. I am the one who teasing him and he says 'let me park, I cant drive like that'. And we are laughing hysterically because we can simply just be silent on the phone. We don't even HAVE to talk. Just breathe. Few days ago I had asked him about home life and suggested to maybe talk to his wife and see what went wrong so long ago that they are stopped being close. He was shocked and I am waiting for the call. So far what do you think? I will continue. If you will continue then why are you here? What do you want from us? An Oscar? Go and continue Pfffffff!!! 1
NTV Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I think she meant "continue" as in continue with more of her story, and not necessarily continue with the relationship.... Obviously you're here for a reason, and I think it's to tell someone when you feel like you have no one else that could listen. Please continue telling us!
loveisanaction Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I think she meant "continue" as in continue with more of her story, and not necessarily continue with the relationship.... Obviously you're here for a reason, and I think it's to tell someone when you feel like you have no one else that could listen. Please continue telling us! The OP, has been having an affair with her business partner. Everything was going fine until she suggested to him to speak with his wife and ask her why him and her grew apart; her affair partner has not called her. That is the reason why she is here. From the tone of her post she is not asking for help on how to get out of her affair, she asking if maybe we can pinpoint why her affair partner has not called her. She is worried that after she suggested to him to speak with his wife- he did....and now he may be working on his marriage. 4
Shadowburn Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 He is not calling because all the lighthearted hysterical laughs are part of an affair, and his wife is a part of his real life where there is no place for you, and he lets you know through his silence that you overstepped the boundaries by speaking of her. He may have a happy marriage and him and his wife may be very close, you'll never know it. He is not going to tell you the truth. You're just on the job entertainment, so stop wasting your time on him and reinvest in your own marriage. Best wishes xo
burnt Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 So far what do you think? You are in a play-ground filled with soft fun play-sand. You have dipped your toes in. Keep on going and you will find out that the playground is actually a quick-sand. You have NO idea what PAIN is yet. But you will find out soon enough. Right now you can't stop laughing; for hours. Later on you won't stop crying; for years. Read up about affairs and what happens to 99.9% of affairs to get a glimpse of what unimaginable suffering you are setting YOURSELF up for. 2
Author SoulSearcherAt50 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 What do I think? I think it looks like (from the words you've chosen to type) that you are keen to avoid stating exactly what this is = you are having an affair. And you said you two don't intend to hurt others...too late! You've already caused harm. You COULD minimize future pain for others you claim to love by ending it with him. Will you do that? It didn't come out how I had intended. Will post again. From scratch.
Shadowburn Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 So what exactly is your question? What do you need from us?
Lobe Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 Doesn't matter if it's posted in the third person, the question is still, what to make of two married people carrying on an ea/pa/ea. Fact: he's ignoring you because you're not his wife. Solution: stop having an affair with someone else's husband and a) put your energy back into your own marriage or b) get a divorce and wait for your AP to get one too, then pick up where you left off - if it's truly meant to be because you share an undying love, it'll be alive and well when you're both free from your marital vows. If you're not willing to leave your marriage and he's not willing to leave his, then you're both cake eaters and I hope your spouses catch you sooner than later because you're forcing them to live a lie 2
Shadowburn Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 I suggest because OP thinks she is living out some grand romantic novel, instead of seeing it for what it is - some seedy affair, low and dirty mess based on lies and betrayal. Her AP is definitely doesn't see it the same way she does, as soon as she tried to meddle in his marriage and give him an advice, he pulled away. My guess he is happily married like most mm's, and just want some piece on a side. Why is this being written in the third person?!? 1
stillafool Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 He is not calling because all the lighthearted hysterical laughs are part of an affair, and his wife is a part of his real life where there is no place for you, and he lets you know through his silence that you overstepped the boundaries by speaking of her. He may have a happy marriage and him and his wife may be very close, you'll never know it. He is not going to tell you the truth. You're just on the job entertainment, so stop wasting your time on him and reinvest in your own marriage. Best wishes xo It's amazing how many of these MM don't even want you to mention their wives. It's totally off limits. 1
Shadowburn Posted July 21, 2016 Posted July 21, 2016 When I mentioned his wife once, my idiotic x-jerk said "Leave her alone". So I said - Why don't you leave ME alone? Pitiful.
Author SoulSearcherAt50 Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 When I first read this forum month ago I had seen how fairly people were treated here. When it came to me to post I see total misunderstanding form almost every one. I said we do not having a physical affair. We are simply talking. I never call. He does and it is due to the lack of communication at home. So my heart is bleeding listening to him joking when I know he is dying inside from inability for us to be together. So am I. We are trying to make it less painful by laughing together. Where is the crime here? Please explain if you see it. Anyone? After years of sole searching I came to conclusion the maybe I can repair his marriage. I love him to the point that I want to see him happy even if not with me. And please take into consideration it is 8 years story, not like most people - 2 month and dying because he won't divorce. So I kind of knew he wouldn't jump and talk to her because they have a very difficult communications. Everything I am reading here is different with us. He won't talk crap about her. And if I need to ask a question I amalways will get an answer. There would never be 'leave her alone'. Because I am never talking disrespectfully about his family. I am trying to understand how such a man gorgeous, kind, funny, who does everything around the house and best at work can live not being adored. And if I am going to be able to save him for his family - be it. But if he is going to continue to call me - I will pick up. How horrible is that?
BlueIris Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 When I first read this forum month ago I had seen how fairly people were treated here. When it came to me to post I see total misunderstanding form almost every one. I said we do not having a physical affair. We are simply talking. I never call. He does and it is due to the lack of communication at home. So my heart is bleeding listening to him joking when I know he is dying inside from inability for us to be together. So am I. We are trying to make it less painful by laughing together. Where is the crime here? Please explain if you see it. Anyone? After years of sole searching I came to conclusion the maybe I can repair his marriage. I love him to the point that I want to see him happy even if not with me. And please take into consideration it is 8 years story, not like most people - 2 month and dying because he won't divorce. So I kind of knew he wouldn't jump and talk to her because they have a very difficult communications. Everything I am reading here is different with us. He won't talk crap about her. And if I need to ask a question I amalways will get an answer. There would never be 'leave her alone'. Because I am never talking disrespectfully about his family. I am trying to understand how such a man gorgeous, kind, funny, who does everything around the house and best at work can live not being adored. And if I am going to be able to save him for his family - be it. But if he is going to continue to call me - I will pick up. How horrible is that? You're able to be together. Be honest with your spouses, get divorced and marry each other. All the rest of this is based on this one fundamental lie. Be honest people. Get divorced. Marry each other. 3
Author SoulSearcherAt50 Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 Here comes the part where it is all impossible. He has a lot of people depending on him and due to his work he is very well known person in a city. For him to drop all of it would be a disaster. I have my own responsibilities I can't leave. We had exercised the though of telling spouses 'I want divorce' but each time I had looked at my husband eyes I would chock. He had never hurt me. I can't do it to him. He loves me so much. Our kids thinking we are best family among all other kids because we are still together and playing happy. He told me a few days ago 'I am sick of living a lie. We speak 10 times per year.' And I know trough my own sources it is true. It is easy to demolish than to build. Maybe, just maybe somehow it will happen so no one gets hurt.
Shadowburn Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 You may not have physical affair, but emotional affair is still an affair, there is no"simply talking" between you. You can't repair his marriage, you're interloper and can only damage it further Im sorry you feel you are not supported here, what is not supported is actually delusional affair thinking, minimizing what you two are doing and believing you're somehow different then most. You're not, so please don't make it into something mire than it is. I suggest you hang around these boards and read others posts to see what a dangerous path you are on. Best wishes xo 1
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