Boundaries with GF kids - discipline issues

July 19, 2016

Thanks everyone. Great advice and I will say I am learning a great deal through this process.

To add some additional points, immediately in this relationship I had flags come up...it was in regardless to her interest level. It was over the top but yet at the same time seemed off. Mysterious... Determined she smoked some (claimed it was an old habit that came back during stress of the end of her divorce) which I dislike..and honestly my kids would absolutely flip if they knew a GF of mine smoked...because we all hate it and I have raised them to hate it. (they are teenagers)

A month in the drama started...she got a DUI (and thought I was going to dump her because of it, when I actually stated why would I pull away from someone I care about when they need me most...she loved that and said her sister cried when told that..said Im a keeper..ok).

But then she got more drama with her ex, some finance crap, medical crap...then she started her pattern of being overwhelmed and needing some space to spend time on her own or with kids..claimed it was her and not me (I know now to not believe a word she says) and she even said once that she was in a great place when we met for a relationship and maybe she isnt now. I refused to acknowledge that, while in hindsight this could have been my out. She could have been having some doubts and noticing all our differences of which I turned a blind eye..and hinted that but wasnt going to end it herself.

We had good times and some bland...never fought but just inconsistent. She would apologize for being 'off' because of all her stress. The week before this incident was a great week, but if I look at a longer time sample size, there were signs she was losing interest and saw issues that would be big issues long term. My very good GF (platonic, sounding board) said she may also have decided I was too good...meaning we are so different in lifestyle, age etc..etc..that it would not last. Or I would find out her past and realize her behavior and leave (seemed far fetched to me and probably giving her too much credit)

This discipline could have been the final straw and an excuse to use to move on. Which is shocking but a learning experience for me. I honestly feel the very first time she mentioned having so much stress that she needed 'space' etc. that I should have completely backed off and said call me when you are ready for a relationship. When I did the opposite, I tried to help her...white knight. When in reality she wasnt asking for help.

Remember, after the discipline issue, she asked for space again...then we went out a final time and she pushed harder for more space...acted 'sad'. Thus her description of space is either inconsistent or it always means she doesnt want to see me and lost interest. Shame on me. She still has never said we should stop seeing each other. Zero respect for me and no decency or maturity or confidence to just say it.

and yes I need to learn to be a better picker. Listen to my internal alarm bells. All my friends say I settle and should not do that...which Im not doing on purpose honestly.

thanks everyone. I see her tomorrow at the Dr office, but I expect to get treated by another nurse and just leave. In just the past 24hrs I've moved on more than I did in the previous 2 weeks. Especially when I realized this really wasnt a one event over night issue.

Edited July 19, 2016 by biker23

July 19, 2016

and yes I need to learn to be a better picker. Listen to my internal alarm bells. All my friends say I settle and should not do that...which Im not doing on purpose honestly.

Biker - don't worry.

We live and learn. I am currently trying to work out if my picker is off with the latest one or if its just a crappy time for him.

Sometimes we need to take a bit of time to learn and open our eyes. That is the way I am looking at it anyway. For now I am sitting still if that makes sense just in case. But at some point if it carries on I will have to face facts that it may not just be "life" throwing a curve ball and that it may actually be all drama, drama, drama... in which case I am out.

Its not so easy when you are there in the thick of it.

July 19, 2016

Almost every mother are protective of their kids.

I think best is to let her know once how you feel about it( not with intention to get back with her) wish her well and move on.

It do look a bit like she may have felt like you are doing a better job then her so

she is not doing well as the real parent. Or by doing it completely a different way then her it can feel like you are correcting her. Even-thou you may have done nothing wrong!

At-least if things really went as you telling us.

Either way those are not your kids. So move on and date people with no kids.

So you wont have this type of drama.

Im sure if you continue this, as soon as possible she will be breaking up with you for saying what ever to the kids that she dont like.

July 19, 2016

Thanks everyone. Great advice and I will say I am learning a great deal through this process.

To add some additional points, immediately in this relationship I had flags come up...it was in regardless to her interest level. It was over the top but yet at the same time seemed off. Mysterious... Determined she smoked some (claimed it was an old habit that came back during stress of the end of her divorce) which I dislike..and honestly my kids would absolutely flip if they knew a GF of mine smoked...because we all hate it and I have raised them to hate it. (they are teenagers)

A month in the drama started...she got a DUI (and thought I was going to dump her because of it, when I actually stated why would I pull away from someone I care about when they need me most...she loved that and said her sister cried when told that..said Im a keeper..ok).
But then she got more drama with her ex, some finance crap, medical crap...then she started her pattern of being overwhelmed and needing some space to spend time on her own or with kids..claimed it was her and not me (I know now to not believe a word she says) and she even said once that she was in a great place when we met for a relationship and maybe she isnt now. I refused to acknowledge that, while in hindsight this could have been my out. She could have been having some doubts and noticing all our differences of which I turned a blind eye..and hinted that but wasnt going to end it herself.

We had good times and some bland...never fought but just inconsistent. She would apologize for being 'off' because of all her stress. The week before this incident was a great week, but if I look at a longer time sample size, there were signs she was losing interest and saw issues that would be big issues long term. My very good GF (platonic, sounding board) said she may also have decided I was too good...meaning we are so different in lifestyle, age etc..etc..that it would not last. Or I would find out her past and realize her behavior and leave (seemed far fetched to me and probably giving her too much credit)

This discipline could have been the final straw and an excuse to use to move on. Which is shocking but a learning experience for me. I honestly feel the very first time she mentioned having so much stress that she needed 'space' etc. that I should have completely backed off and said call me when you are ready for a relationship. When I did the opposite, I tried to help her...white knight. When in reality she wasnt asking for help.

Remember, after the discipline issue, she asked for space again...then we went out a final time and she pushed harder for more space...acted 'sad'. Thus her description of space is either inconsistent or it always means she doesnt want to see me and lost interest. Shame on me. She still has never said we should stop seeing each other. Zero respect for me and no decency or maturity or confidence to just say it.

and yes I need to learn to be a better picker. Listen to my internal alarm bells. All my friends say I settle and should not do that...which Im not doing on purpose honestly.

thanks everyone. I see her tomorrow at the Dr office, but I expect to get treated by another nurse and just leave. In just the past 24hrs I've moved on more than I did in the previous 2 weeks. Especially when I realized this really wasnt a one event over night issue.

Sorry it didn't work out for you. Sounds like she has trouble managing herself, much less her kids. Better luck next time. Keep an open heart.

July 19, 2016

Biker - don't worry.

We live and learn. I am currently trying to work out if my picker is off with the latest one or if its just a crappy time for him.

Sometimes we need to take a bit of time to learn and open our eyes. That is the way I am looking at it anyway. For now I am sitting still if that makes sense just in case. But at some point if it carries on I will have to face facts that it may not just be "life" throwing a curve ball and that it may actually be all drama, drama, drama... in which case I am out.

Its not so easy when you are there in the thick of it.

good luck as this was my exact scenario. Ended up being both, but more on the picker side. I hear she always has a black cloud over her.

July 19, 2016

I was thinking the same as Maggie while reading the first post. There are signs of cluster B all over this woman. We won't diagnose, but the behaviors are consistent with borderline. I am quite familiar with it.

I won't go into any long explanations (search these forums and google), but I will tell you that I think you've dodged a bullet here. Assuming you don't get back with her, of course. The drama that you've experienced thus far is the tip of the iceberg.

I do want to mention the comment about her being proud to a fault. I know that one. Breaking it down... cannot tolerate any criticism, won't accept help, won't consider other perspectives, views innocent comments or attempts to help as criticism, stubborn as hell, needs to be right... any of that sound familiar?

Cut to the chase... some people are inexplicably drawn to these personality types. A lot of it is the idealization and effusive mirroring that they do early on, before they show you the other side of it. Like you said, you're sad and miss the intensity of the interaction. You're probably one of those people. Most guys with healthy boundaries and expectations would be gone at the first sign of this, but here you are with a long list and are still thinking about getting back with her.

You really should be looking for the opposite personality features... secure, calm, soft-spoken, rational, consistent and reliable, etc. You need to educate yourself and retrain your people picker my friend.

I know it's hard right now, but believe me you're so much better off for having figured this stuff out sooner rather than later.

Great post, thanks. I will google that issue.

I guess Im unusual and maybe naive with what you bolded. I trust people and what they say. But also can twist it to mean what I want. Bad combo. I also dont feel it is right to leave someone if they are having crap in their lives that dont involve me. Why pull away when they need me the most, seems like a crappy move.

I made a pro/con list with this GF and making a checklist for future dates. Compatibility and warnings. I want to be firm in the future and cut ties more quickly if I get warnings. I just find that hard as its really a game of odds and the reality isnt known unless you try. If you get me.

July 19, 2016

I was thinking the same as Maggie while reading the first post. There are signs of cluster B all over this woman. We won't diagnose, but the behaviors are consistent with borderline. I am quite familiar with it.

I googled and wow...she has so many traits of the below:

Histrionic personality disorder

Constantly seeking attention

Excessively emotional, dramatic or sexually provocative to gain attention

Speaks dramatically with strong opinions, but few facts or details to back them up

Easily influenced by others

Shallow, rapidly changing emotions

Excessive concern with physical appearance

Thinks relationships with others are closer than they really are

Narcissistic personality disorder

Belief that you're special and more important than others

Fantasies about power, success and attractiveness

Failure to recognize others' needs and feelings

Exaggeration of achievements or talents

Expectation of constant praise and admiration

Arrogance

Unreasonable expectations of favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others

Envy of others or belief that others envy you

This nails it.....

July 19, 2016

Do you throw up a little bit in your mouth every time she utters that overused platitude about her kids 'being her world?' Good lord, every single person with kids puts that ridiculous statement on their dating profiles.

This is so true. I find it funny when the ones that say this 'use' it to handle situations. They cancel a date or say they can't do this or that because of their kids and everything is all for the kids. Yet you will see them post a drunk pic on FB where the kids will see, or get last minute concert tickets and send the kids to their friends house without any hesitation.

My favorite is one girl I know is interested, in fact she keeps hitting me up wanting to get together long after I gave up because I would suggest going out one night or making plans and she NEVER can because of her kid. The last time we planned on getting together she cancelled 5 minutes after she was supposed to be at my house and cancelled because said kid had something suddenly come up and then the next day on FB a friend asked her to get drinks that night and she responded that her sister could probably pick up her kid from school and she would probably go.

I think people like this will never fully accept anyone as a part of their life truly because there is no room when they pretend their kid is all their life is about.

July 19, 2016

I guess Im unusual and maybe naive with what you bolded. I trust people and what they say. But also can twist it to mean what I want. Bad combo. I also dont feel it is right to leave someone if they are having crap in their lives that dont involve me. Why pull away when they need me the most, seems like a crappy move.

No, it's more complex. You also aren't obligated to stay with someone because they're dealing with crap of their own making. You mentioned the DUI after I posted earlier. In this case it's part of a pattern. This wasn't just a little case of bad luck––she was driving drunk.

Were her kids in the car? What was the BAC? That's almost like saying oh, I'm not going to leave because she had a bit of bad luck... got arrested for armed robbery, but she really didn't mean to, has nothing to do with me.

You have to overlook a ton of crap to stay in a relationship like this, not just one or two little things.

The hot/cold, push/pull is due to inability to regulate emotions and inherent fear of both abandonment and intimacy. You're seeing mostly push because you're predisposed to doing the pulling without her having to do much of anything. When they're afraid you're about to abandon them, they will often do it to you preemptively. Their feelings swing from one extreme to the other, often without any external stimuli... but they will project something onto you as the excuse. Their internal emotional life is chaotic.

You mentioned the word 'white knight' too. This is a rationale that codependents often use... they don't genuinely believe they deserve a fully functional person, so they try and rescue a dysfunctional one with the expectation that that person will be eternally grateful and accepting of them. In reality, they're just signing up for being on the roller coaster of emotional chaos. Keep reading, there is a lot to understand.

I made a pro/con list with this GF and making a checklist for future dates. Compatibility and warnings. I want to be firm in the future and cut ties more quickly if I get warnings. I just find that hard as its really a game of odds and the reality isnt known unless you try. If you get me.

Yes, it is a game of odds and you do have to try. You also have to be willing to stay single until the right match comes along. Patience and persistence. You must believe that you deserve a fully functional woman, that you are lovable and don't need to compromise on character and sanity to avoid being alone.

July 19, 2016

No, it's more complex. You also aren't obligated to stay with someone because they're dealing with crap of their own making. You mentioned the DUI after I posted earlier. In this case it's part of a pattern. This wasn't just a little case of bad luck––she was driving drunk.

Were her kids in the car? What was the BAC? That's almost like saying oh, I'm not going to leave because she had a bit of bad luck... got arrested for armed robbery, but she really didn't mean to, has nothing to do with me.

You have to overlook a ton of crap to stay in a relationship like this, not just one or two little things.

The hot/cold, push/pull is due to inability to regulate emotions and inherent fear of both abandonment and intimacy. You're seeing mostly push because you're predisposed to doing the pulling without her having to do much of anything. When they're afraid you're about to abandon them, they will often do it to you preemptively. Their feelings swing from one extreme to the other, often without any external stimuli... but they will project something onto you as the excuse. Their internal emotional life is chaotic.

You mentioned the word 'white knight' too. This is a rationale that codependents often use... they don't genuinely believe they deserve a fully functional person, so they try and rescue a dysfunctional one with the expectation that that person will be eternally grateful and accepting of them. In reality, they're just signing up for being on the roller coaster of emotional chaos. Keep reading, there is a lot to understand.

Yes, it is a game of odds and you do have to try. You also have to be willing to stay single until the right match comes along. Patience and persistence. You must believe that you deserve a fully functional woman, that you are lovable and don't need to compromise on character and sanity to avoid being alone.

Wow, yes this makes sense and thank you.

Her DUI in a quick story. We were out on her boat..our relationship was only a month old or so. I was driving the boat and unfamiliar with the area. I got a no wake zone ticket in an area I didnt know was no wake. She was really upset and felt she caused the ticket...in result, we docked the boat and she immediately wanted to leave and go home. Leaving me to drive home and find somewhere to eat on my own. It was weird. and she wasnt sober driving at that time.

We talked much later and said she she just woke up from sleeping all evening. then I get a call at 5am from jail. She had gone back out to drive to a 24hr store to get tampons (kids at ex house)...and got pulled over for changing lanes without a signal. She thought she was probably not drunk, but since she has experience with DUI through her ex husband and others, she refused to blow (per lawyer recommendation)...there is more, but basically the world was against her and tried to trick her. (you cant make this up)

In the days following she talked to me and was very concerned I was going to dump her over this DUI and concerned about her reputation and if her Ex husband would use this to take her kids (he already had 2 DUIs). I mentioned before I said no I am here to support her. yay, what a guy. This could be an example of your abandonment risk. But I agree I didnt give her a reason to feel that way anymore. which is an error. I felt I was the good supportive guy.

White knight was a concept brought up in a group of friends discussing this issue. Best GF I have (platonic) states I dont realize how good I am and need to stop settling. all very flattering.

Whats funny is initially this woman would do things that no one had done for me...like I would invite her to dinner and she would insist to help cook..which is great. But then tell me to go sitdown while she clean up...and ended up cleaning the entire kitchen. Im just not used to that or never expect it as im used to doing it.

BTW, her behavior really seems to match up with Histrionic. I will also say she used adderall 2x/day. and started drinking heavily once all the 'stress' piled on.

thanks for the responses, very helpful.

Edited July 19, 2016 by biker23

July 19, 2016

Their internal emotional life is chaotic

I wanted to ask you of some other symptoms to help me in the future.

She wanted me to meet her parents and kids and friends so quickly.

Wanted us to say I love you sooner than I would expect.

First few weeks we'd see each other almost everyday

And one odd behavior. When I walk her to my door to leave I'd give her a kiss and she would walk out to leave. I would get the strangest impression that once she walked out and turned , her face would sorta go blank. Like the goodbye smile was gone and she went into another mode.

This and her speed of attractiveness/pursuit just seemed suspicious.

Are these also symptoms of a personality disorder or is it just her personality. ?

July 20, 2016

but basically the world was against her and tried to trick her.

See with my guy there is none of this. He doesn't blame the world or anyone else. With him it is just as it is. But there is A LOT of drama in his life that is caused by others. He is no saint I know but he isn't actually going out and causing this. He isn't making the sorts of mistakes that your ex was. He isn't doing things to cause what is happening. If anything he is being way too laid back about things. I do know he has a problem with saying no and with setting his own and respecting others boundaries in some cases... But he is not doing it to cause upset or harm to anyone including himself.

His ex really is as vile as he says and she really does cause the drama he says. Yes, he reacts and gets upset sometimes which doesn't help the situation but under the same circumstances I think I would have blown much sooner than he does.

Hence why I am still on the fence...

July 20, 2016

This is so true. I find it funny when the ones that say this 'use' it to handle situations. They cancel a date or say they can't do this or that because of their kids and everything is all for the kids. Yet you will see them post a drunk pic on FB where the kids will see, or get last minute concert tickets and send the kids to their friends house without any hesitation.

My favorite is one girl I know is interested, in fact she keeps hitting me up wanting to get together long after I gave up because I would suggest going out one night or making plans and she NEVER can because of her kid. The last time we planned on getting together she cancelled 5 minutes after she was supposed to be at my house and cancelled because said kid had something suddenly come up and then the next day on FB a friend asked her to get drinks that night and she responded that her sister could probably pick up her kid from school and she would probably go.

I think people like this will never fully accept anyone as a part of their life truly because there is no room when they pretend their kid is all their life is about.

I know this chick and her 5 twins.

I gave them all the "your lack of effort to go out with me is a major turn off, you keep asking me out then cancel, why are you even contacting me?"

Then I ignore them.

Predictably they contact me a week to a month later with "hi" or pretending they accidentally texted me.

Ignore.

eventually they do make an honest attempt at communicating and i'll basically let them know the only thing they have to offer me is whats under their clothes and that they are coming to my place for dinner or drinks or i'm going to stop talking to them again.

Then they show up and sleep with me and turn stage 5 clinger.

July 20, 2016

Then they show up and sleep with me and turn stage 5 clinger.

I have actually pretty much ignored her now for a while because I was getting a strong impression at some point she would be a major clinger at some point. lol

July 20, 2016

And one odd behavior. When I walk her to my door to leave I'd give her a kiss and she would walk out to leave. I would get the strangest impression that once she walked out and turned , her face would sorta go blank. Like the goodbye smile was gone and she went into another mode.

I think this says a lot. Even though there were a bunch of signs you made her happy, if you sense something like this it is because you are picking up other signals without realizing it. I'd even guess that how you pictured her face after she turned around was probably very accurate.

You probably noticed she didn't turn and look back with a smile. She probably didn't communicate with you much for a little while after she left. She might not have initiated much or made much of an effort to actually see you unless you made it happen. When she did get together with you she probably left early with some excuse more often than normal and ended up going out with other friends or later mentioning about going somewhere else instead of spending more time than you, she might have been "so tired from...' to end the date quicker...little things that made you end up realizing after she left you were the last thing on her mind for a while.

You asked what to look for in the future, from my experience it would be not what to look for but to trust your instinct sooner. With my ex I remember getting that same feeling but I didn't really realize it until your post. I pictured an eye roll and her thinking "I'm glad that's over", almost like her spending time with me was like her having to go to the DMV. lol

July 20, 2016

I wanted to ask you of some other symptoms to help me in the future.

She wanted me to meet her parents and kids and friends so quickly.
Wanted us to say I love you sooner than I would expect.
First few weeks we'd see each other almost everyday

And one odd behavior. When I walk her to my door to leave I'd give her a kiss and she would walk out to leave. I would get the strangest impression that once she walked out and turned , her face would sorta go blank. Like the goodbye smile was gone and she went into another mode.

This and her speed of attractiveness/pursuit just seemed suspicious.

Are these also symptoms of a personality disorder or is it just her personality. ?

First I will emphasize that it's the pattern of behaviors that you should focus on, not so much individual instances, unless they're extreme or quite unusual. A lot of thing will merely be consistent with, as opposed to being definitive.

The goodbye smile being gone and switching modes is something I'd say is consistent with but not indicative in and of itself.

Being overly accommodative (cleaning entire kitchen), attaching too quickly and trying to advance the relationship fast early on are more indicative. They use what is called "mirroring" to secure attachment. They sense what your needs are and make overt attempts to meet your needs directly, like a chameleon changing colors to perfectly match the environment rather than just being who they are.

This mirroring behavior can be intoxicating to a guy who is not used to getting his needs met. Us guys are usually the ones having to pursue and try to please females, and often without the reward we're seeking. So when a woman starts expressing respect and admiration, and doing things we've come to never expect, it resonates in a way that's hard to resist if you aren't aware of what's going on.

The cluster B personalities are grouped together because there are similarities and overlap. There are often comorbid (more than one) or blends, so it's hard to say which ones are predominant without a lot of information (or testing). Kernberg theorizes that borderline underlies all of the cluster B group, with others expressed depending on degrees of neuroticism/psychopathy and introversion/extroversion. But whatever model you use in thinking of it, it's based on an incomplete sense of self and the need to seek external validation to complete the circle (think of a circle with an arc missing, needing to be complete, as in gestalt theory).

Theodore Millon is the consummate authority on abnormal personalities. If you're really interested, order one or more of his books or see if you can find them at the library. They're going to be advanced and clinical, so be prepared. Otherwise you'll find a lot by googling (borderline, histrionic, narcissism, antisocial).

July 20, 2016

I think this says a lot. Even though there were a bunch of signs you made her happy, if you sense something like this it is because you are picking up other signals without realizing it. I'd even guess that how you pictured her face after she turned around was probably very accurate.

But this was from the very beginning and consistent. And it includes the days when she wanted to see me at lunch 4 hours later. Text me an hour later. etc.

But I was suspicious at the beginning at her motives for the relationship and just something I noticed as I made my assessment.

July 20, 2016

But this was from the very beginning and consistent. And it includes the days when she wanted to see me at lunch 4 hours later. Text me an hour later. etc.

But I was suspicious at the beginning at her motives for the relationship and just something I noticed as I made my assessment.

Biker.

You know those little hairs on the back of your neck that rise when you are in danger? Listen to them. They are there and that evolved over thousands of years to keep you safe.

If something doesn't feel right its normally because it isn't... Chin up chook. take some time out and pick yourself up and start again. the right one is out there.

July 20, 2016

The goodbye smile being gone and switching modes is something I'd say is consistent with but not indicative in and of itself.

If you're really interested, order one or more of his books or see if you can find them at the library. They're going to be advanced and clinical, so be prepared. Otherwise you'll find a lot by googling (borderline, histrionic, narcissism, antisocial).

I find this interesting...so the smile description is consistent with a cluster B in general, but more of a supporting behavior vs. a indicative diagnostic behavior.

She also mentioned a few times that with our relationship she is going to try to be herself.. and her example was she would voice her desire to do or not do something vs just go along with her boyfriend knowing thats what she thinks he would want. Be her own person. She made this point a couple weeks in when she had been sleeping over whenever she didnt have kids...she decided she needed a night in her own bed by herself. Which is fine, but she says she wouldnt have had the courage to say that in the past.

On the flip side, she wanted me to meet her parents because she knows what she wants and is going to move quickly on it...another example to her of taking charge of a relationship for herself.

Thanks for the book ideas...I think Ill just do more googling. There is plenty of content. If she wasnt an Ex I would dig in deeper, now Im just curious.

I will say, as I expected, now that I am talking to a few new nice women and setting up new dates, Im excited for those experiences and less enthralled with what this woman was dealing me. But also being very careful how I start these interactions...that codependency discussion.

Edited July 20, 2016 by biker23

July 20, 2016

now that I am talking to a few new nice women and setting up new dates,

Can you at least wait that your bed cools down from your relationship with her? There you are barely out of a relationship involving a woman and her 2 children and already out on the prowl. Can you regroup on your own for a little while! No wonder the net is full of men on the rebound. They can't stay alone 5 mins.

July 20, 2016

Can you at least wait that your bed cools down from your relationship with her? There you are barely out of a relationship involving a woman and her 2 children and already out on the prowl. Can you regroup on your own for a little while! No wonder the net is full of men on the rebound. They can't stay alone 5 mins.

fair point. thx.

July 20, 2016

I have to go with Gaeta with this.

OK don't wait ages as it was only a couple of month but give yourself a bit of time.

When you rush yourself you end up making bad choices.

Go on the dates you have set up after all you have set them up but just take it easy tiger! You don't need to rush. You don't need to be married next week.

You do need to spend time getting to know these women, maintaining your social network of friends and family etc so you can work out what is right for you.

July 20, 2016

I have to go with Gaeta with this.

OK don't wait ages as it was only a couple of month but give yourself a bit of time.

When you rush yourself you end up making bad choices.

Go on the dates you have set up after all you have set them up but just take it easy tiger! You don't need to rush. You don't need to be married next week.

You do need to spend time getting to know these women, maintaining your social network of friends and family etc so you can work out what is right for you.

I hear you and I certainly plan on taking it very slow. Im in no hurry for marriage haha..but do enjoy meeting new people and enjoying others company.

July 20, 2016

I hear you and I certainly plan on taking it very slow. Im in no hurry for marriage haha..but do enjoy meeting new people and enjoying others company.

Well the go on the dates you have set up as it would be rude not to but then just take a couple of weeks to regroup (and change the bed sheets)

Your ex needs to be an ex when you date again. Not someone you only just dumped...

Listening to a guy bang on about his ex is really tedious and boring.

Equally finding out that a guy has only been single for a week? Alarm bells!

July 20, 2016

Ok. Small update. I'd had mentioned I have to go to the Dr office where she works. It's a small quiet office. I get a shot in my behind every 2 weeks.

Well I went today. Hadn't seen her since breakup. Where she was cold and distant.

Well. Today she is nice. Hugs me. Tells me I look great and looks me up and down. Asks how is work and about my daughter.

She actually gave me the shot vs the other nurse that could have done it.

It felt nice but weird. She surprised me. If I had not moved on as much as I have I would feel this was an opening for me and probably try to text her. I'm not. But I still wonder what's going on with her. I didn't expect her to be anything but cold. It's easier for her.

Thoughts?

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Boundaries with GF kids - discipline issues

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