Judith1284 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Short and Sweet! I am a 30 Year old female and I am dating a 40 man for the past 15 months. We have talked about marriage and were looking at purchasing a house together (this was his idea.) Recently, after we got done looking at potential houses for us to purchase, we got into a fight and I told him to F*** you. Then he said that he was ending things with me because I told him to F*** off. Then he left. Do I just leave him alone and let him cool off? Do I call him? I do not want the relationship to end, but I cannot figure out why in the world would he end things with me over something so small. 2
mg101 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Short and Sweet! I am a 30 Year old female and I am dating a 40 man for the past 15 months. We have talked about marriage and were looking at purchasing a house together (this was his idea.) Recently, after we got done looking at potential houses for us to purchase, we got into a fight and I told him to F*** you. Then he said that he was ending things with me because I told him to F*** off. Then he left. Do I just leave him alone and let him cool off? Do I call him? I do not want the relationship to end, but I cannot figure out why in the world would he end things with me over something so small. Was this your first time cursing at him during an argument? Maybe that is his personal deal-breaker, if so. And if it has happened often, maybe he's had enough of it. Either way, I say apologize, explain it was inappropriate to express emotions that way, and you will not do it going forward. Then, give him space. Men don't react well to be being pressed to discuss an issue right away if they don't want to. 3
lolablue17 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 you might want to let him cool off. But if after that he still wants to end things, than I can assure you that the "F*** you" is not the real reason, only an excuse. 2
Nowty V Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Just sit off .. the ball's in his court. If he doesn't approach and make a suitable amends, you had a lucky escape. 1
Bialy Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I'm kind of like him. I don't take lightly someone telling me to "**** off" - no one has ever told me that. It might give him the impression that you're a loose cannon - TBH, I don't blame him for stepping away from the situation. Imagine how you would have felt if he said, "**** You, B-tch." It's that old saying - sometimes it takes a while to see someone's true nature. IMO, don't contact him unless you apologize for cursing him out. What was the argument about anyway? 2
Author Judith1284 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Argument happen this weekend. This is the first time I have cursed him out. Which is ironic because he curses all the time. 1
mg101 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Argument happen this weekend. This is the first time I have cursed him out. Which is ironic because he curses all the time. But has he cursed AT you? Like told you to, f off or f you, etc? 2
Author Judith1284 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 No, Never cursed at me. We were in the car arguing about something stupid and then this car cut me off and then he screamed at the car that almost hit me and then I just lost it. We rarely argue. 1
mg101 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 No, Never cursed at me. We were in the car arguing about something stupid and then this car cut me off and then he screamed at the car that almost hit me and then I just lost it. We rarely argue. Yeah, I'm guessing he's quite put off by seeing another side of you in that regard. I think you should clearly apologize and leave the ball in his court. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Short and Sweet! I am a 30 Year old female and I am dating a 40 man for the past 15 months. We have talked about marriage and were looking at purchasing a house together (this was his idea.) Recently, after we got done looking at potential houses for us to purchase, we got into a fight and I told him to F*** you. Then he said that he was ending things with me because I told him to F*** off. Then he left. Do I just leave him alone and let him cool off? Do I call him? I do not want the relationship to end, but I cannot figure out why in the world would he end things with me over something so small. Like it or not, that is verbal abuse. It's unacceptable. If you are unable to have a disagreement without resorting to abuse and control your temper, then there's gonna be a problem. It is not something I would tolerate often at least. People do slip up here and there, so you gotta just know what your limit is for that. I might forgive an occasional slip, so I'd let him cool off. Unless he was slinging obscenities at you, there's no reason for it. Frankly, even if he did, I wouldn't sling it back. Someone has to take the high road a not let things escalate. All that being said, however, sometimes a person will be starting to rethink things and feeling the pressure and actually want to move on so they will pick at "little" things to use as the "leap point" for the break up. I'd let this sit for a while and let him reach out to you. In the meantime, you go on with your usual life and schedule. Yeah, sometimes a person needs to just cool off and then come back for a reasonable discussion, etc., but if it's days, there's a problem. If it's a week or more, it's over for sure. And, if it takes that long for him to reach out, then I'd tell him you believed him that it was over and that you've been moving on since and that it looks like it's a good idea anyway if this is the way the two of you are going to handle disagreements in the future. YOu may be seeing writing on the wall. 3
Zahara Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 If you two get back, don't buy a house together. Too big a commitment when you don't have a solid foundation. I don't tolerate being spoken to that way. Did you apologize? Nothing you can do if that's how he feels. Some find certain things to be deal breakers. Just because you can't fathom it, doesn't mean someone has to feel the same way. In any case, sit back and wait. 3
Author Judith1284 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Agreed on the house. Need to slow things down. I caught him in a stupid lie and I lost it. 1
Satu Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Never use harsh or insulting speech. It never helps and can be very damaging. Be respectful even when you're angry Take care. 2
mrs rubble Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Agreed on the house. Need to slow things down. I caught him in a stupid lie and I lost it. Be very wary of someone who lies, did he get angry at being found out? That would be a deal breaker for me- the lying and failing to take responsibility for it.
Author Judith1284 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 So I followed your advice and apologized for my harsh behavior. He replied back immediately and said that what I did ruined a nice day together. After that I left him alone. I have been stressing over the past weeks because of money issues and I am being tested for cancer and have not received the results yet and I am really scared and I took it out on him. I want to explain that to him but I also want to give him space. I assume I will just wait and see if he comes back around.
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Agreed on the house. Need to slow things down. I caught him in a stupid lie and I lost it. What do you consider a "stupid lie"?
Author Judith1284 Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 Well, I text him and wished him a happy Friday after 5 days of no contact and he said "have a nice day." I ask if he was still mad at me and he said "I was never mad at you, babe" I thought this was good. He is calling me "babe" again. I then ask he still wanted wanted to be with me and he said no. I asked if we could get together at Starbucks and discuss this since he broke up with suddenly and he said no. I did not respond after that. I guess that is the end of the relationship. I apologized for yelling at him and left him alone. This is the first time I have yelled at him. Things were going so well and now I am heartbroken. I am almost always a calm person. I am not a stalker so I will leave him alone and mourn the end of our relationship.
mg101 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Oh my. I'm so sorry. I really believe he wanted out anyway. Prese forgive yourself and move on. What you said didn't deserve this level of callousness.
runup Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Well, I text him and wished him a happy Friday after 5 days of no contact and he said "have a nice day." I ask if he was still mad at me and he said "I was never mad at you, babe" I thought this was good. He is calling me "babe" again. I then ask he still wanted wanted to be with me and he said no. I asked if we could get together at Starbucks and discuss this since he broke up with suddenly and he said no. I did not respond after that. I guess that is the end of the relationship. I apologized for yelling at him and left him alone. This is the first time I have yelled at him. Things were going so well and now I am heartbroken. I am almost always a calm person. I am not a stalker so I will leave him alone and mourn the end of our relationship. It's good you understand what you need to do. Now the difficult part is not doing anything that pertains to him! No checking his Facebook, snapchat, instagram whatever. Don't text him even if its his birthday. It will only set you back.
SevenCity Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 F-you might be a deal breaker for me as well. I've never cursed at a girl I was dating and I will not tolerate it. Sorry it didn't work out. 1
Author Judith1284 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Posted July 25, 2016 I cursed him out because I found out that he has been married before and never told me. Its not a big deal that he has been married but to lie over something so small made me angry. His response as to why he never told me was because it was "None of my business" That's when I lost it. How is it none of my business when you want to buy a house together (his idea) and the week before he asked if he could move in with me when he sold his house. I just do not understand how someone can go from telling me he loves me everyday and asking me if he could move in to dumping me because I told him off.
Recommended Posts