mldolan Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together one year. We had an argument on Sat on how he thought I was delayed all week in responding to his texts. Which I wasn't. But know his mind he thought I was. We texted thought out the day sat and not once did he mention this to me until sat night, which I thought was strange, why not mention it when you first were bothered my it why wait a week later to say I've been delayed in responding to your texts. So now I haven't herd from his since sat. Is he doing this on purpose. I sent him texts yesterday and still no response. My last text was I was going to give him space. Do I assume were broken up. What kind of man treats someone this way over delayed response to texts. We're both 40.
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together one year. We had an argument on Sat on how he thought I was delayed all week in responding to his texts. Which I wasn't. But know his mind he thought I was. We texted thought out the day sat and not once did he mention this to me until sat night, which I thought was strange, why not mention it when you first were bothered my it why wait a week later to say I've been delayed in responding to your texts. So now I haven't herd from his since sat. Is he doing this on purpose. I sent him texts yesterday and still no response. My last text was I was going to give him space. Do I assume were broken up. What kind of man treats someone this way over delayed response to texts. We're both 40. To me it sounds as if he's being passive-aggressive -- "Let's see how she likes it". Don't reach out anymore. Let him come to you if he is going to and no matter how long it takes. If he takes too long, you may be done with him yourself. When someone tells me or shows me that they want space, I become NASA and they can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. And, if they take too long, they may find that they have another problem -- I don't want them anymore. If this is the way he deals with things, it's going to be a difficult relationship. 6
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 What kind of man treats someone this way over delayed response to texts. We're both 40. 1. Insecure 2. Immature 3. Passive-aggressive 4. Controlling 5. Impatient Over the year, what else have you noticed that turns you off? There must be something else? 3
Zahara Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 What kind of man treats someone this way over delayed response to texts. We're both 40. A passive aggressive man. This is how he punishes and teaches you how to behave. This is how he deal with conflicts, or whatever he believes is a slight against him. Read up on passive aggressiveness/silent treatment. Chances are this won't be the first and last and it's likely this is how he deals with relationships. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 OP, one of my exes used to do this. Stone-walling and giving someone the silent treatment are forms of emotional manipulation. It is also extremely immature. I was shocked when you said he is 40 years old. I can tell you in the case of my ex, this behaviour was a sign of worse to come. Has he shown other red-flag behaviour before? Personally, I could never again date a man who does this. 4
BikerAccnt Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 This sounds a lot like an ex-girlfriend of mine. Very passive-aggressive. It happens at all ages with people who don't have good communication skills. Mine was 50 years old. 1
kendahke Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together one year. We had an argument on Sat on how he thought I was delayed all week in responding to his texts. Which I wasn't. But know his mind he thought I was. What is his definition of lagging/being delayed? What is your definition of lagging/being delayed? Neither of you is wrong in what you think it is, but what is certain is that you two don't agree on a definition of what it means to your relationship--and you need to get that understood if this is a problem for you two. We texted thought out the day sat and not once did he mention this to me until sat night, which I thought was strange, why not mention it when you first were bothered my it why wait a week later to say I've been delayed in responding to your texts. So now I haven't herd from his since sat. Is he doing this on purpose. I sent him texts yesterday and still no response. My last text was I was going to give him space. Do I assume were broken up. What kind of man treats someone this way over delayed response to texts. We're both 40. Oh my god. I thought you two were in your mid 20's. No, this is not a cute look for someone at that age who cannot open his mouth and ask for what he needs when he needs it. The silent treatment is a passive/aggressive manipulation tactic. He's punishing you by mind-effing you. No bueno. I'd consider us to be broken up if I haven't heard from him in a week's time. That's more than enough time to either get over himself or get through whatever life issue needs immediate addressing. After that, yeah... boy bye. I'd make that call--I wouldn't allow someone who is already manipulating me to make that call. Edited July 18, 2016 by kendahke 1
mg101 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 OP, my recent ex started doing that to me and it actually lead to our break up after I blocked him for ignoring me. It's a way of asserting power and control. I won't lie, I ignored him too when we argued (and he was in the wrong), but believe me, it never last a day. He, on the other hand, ignored me for 4 days after several calls and texts, and I realized what it was, had enough of it, and blocked him. He didn't contact me until a week later which is when i guess he found out he was blocked. Too late. Don't let this be a pattern. I learned the hard way. OP, one of my exes used to do this. Stone-walling and giving someone the silent treatment are forms of emotional manipulation. It is also extremely immature. I was shocked when you said he is 40 years old. I can tell you in the case of my ex, this behaviour was a sign of worse to come. Has he shown other red-flag behaviour before? Personally, I could never again date a man who does this. I dealt with this with my ex that i broke up with in May. What were the worst things that were to come in your case.?
Poppyolive Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 He's forty? Whoa. This is such a time waster. How frustrating. He doesn't know how to communicate, work through feelings, conflict resolve and most importantly respect you. I wouldn't waste much more time with someone like this. This is highschool. It's a power, control thing for him. Don't give it to him. 2
MidwestUSA Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Sounds like he's giving you the opportunity to break up with him. Do it! 2
preraph Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 He's ignoring you just like a kid will to get back at a parent for disciplining them or not getting their way. If the parent gives in under pressure, then they are back to square one and the kid has learned nothing. He loves it you're crawling to him now, but unless this is how you want to live from now on, stop it. He's not being very adult. He's acting like a petulant child.
joseb Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Wete you delaying in responding to texts? If not, then I can only assume that he wants out and is looking for excuses to start an argument. If you were, then maybe he waited to discuss in person, and didn't like how the conversation went and is now being a bit childish. I'm guessing it's more the first. 1
BikerAccnt Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Sounds like he's giving you the opportunity to break up with him. This could be it too. Some people are too cowardly and conflict averse to break up themselves. Instead, they force us to do it. They make themselves so unavailable and emotionally closed off, that there is no point in continuing. They themselves want it to end, but aren't mature enough to do it. The longer I've been apart from my passive/agressive ex GF, the more certain I am of this being why I broke up with her. It is clear to me now that the relationship was over, but she was too cowardly to end it herself. So, she ignored me till I couldn't take it any more and ended it. As you can see from my post and others, this isn't all that uncommon unfortunately.
KatZee Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 My ex did this constantly. Any time he felt I "did something to him" or didn't like my behavior, he would "punish" me by completely icing me out, and ignoring me for days on end. Someone said it above. It's a control tactic, he will punish you and force you to behave the way he sees fit. I stayed with my ex for 3 years and it never got better, only worse. This behavior eats away at relationships. It's immature, and problems never get solved when people don't know how to communicate and are passive aggressive. In my case, I stupidly stayed with him. After 3 years, I wasn't even a person anymore. Just a shell of who I used to be. I was always walking on egg-shells, wondering when I was going to "do something" to annoy him, to make him ignore me again. I was always double checking with myself that what I was about to do or say, wouldn't cause him to ice me out again. This is stupid. This isn't a relationship. This is being with someone who's got severe problems and has no idea how to be in a loving, respectful relationship. If I could give my past self advice? It would have been: Leave after the first time he did it. 2
hippychick3 Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 My ex did this constantly. Any time he felt I "did something to him" or didn't like my behavior, he would "punish" me by completely icing me out, and ignoring me for days on end. Someone said it above. It's a control tactic, he will punish you and force you to behave the way he sees fit. I stayed with my ex for 3 years and it never got better, only worse. This behavior eats away at relationships. It's immature, and problems never get solved when people don't know how to communicate and are passive aggressive. In my case, I stupidly stayed with him. After 3 years, I wasn't even a person anymore. Just a shell of who I used to be. I was always walking on egg-shells, wondering when I was going to "do something" to annoy him, to make him ignore me again. I was always double checking with myself that what I was about to do or say, wouldn't cause him to ice me out again. This is stupid. This isn't a relationship. This is being with someone who's got severe problems and has no idea how to be in a loving, respectful relationship. If I could give my past self advice? It would have been: Leave after the first time he did it. My ex was the exact same way, but I made the mistake of marrying him when I was young and stupid. He was insecure and very controlling. It is a form of emotional abuse. It only gets worse it time. Never ever again. When current bf is mad, it takes him less than an hour to get over it. There is no ignoring ever. Repeatedly ignoring your partner for days is not much better than a slap across the face.
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