goodbyebluesky Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Back in April my boyfriend broke up with me. we were arguing pretty often and he said he wasn't mentally in it anymore and just needed time to figure things out, but still loved me and blah blah blah. During our month long break up he would occasionally message me telling me he misses me and hopes I'm okay and then eventually we ended up hanging out again and getting back together. We've been really trying to make things work between us and things have been going better than before. When the question came up as if we slept with anyone and were seeing anyone during the breakup I was honest and told him no. He told me no as well... Now yesterday I find out he was in fact seeing a girl he works with and did sleep with her... I'm feeling very hurt over this. I know we were broken up and he didn't actually cheat on me, but thinking that he was so quick to jump into bed after we broke up and then we got back together and he lied about having slept with anyone.. It makes me feel sick... I want to be with him and make this work, I'm just worried now I won't be able to ever stop picturing this... I almost feel betrayed. I really need advice.
PegNosePete Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I would bet my bottom dollar that he was seeing this girl before your break up. As you say "time to figure things out" blah blah blah is a phrase very often used by cheaters. So even if you believe that he waited a week before sleeping with her. What does that say about him? It says he really was detached from you and mentally not in it. Then he lied about it..... you have to wonder what else he is lying about? The timescale, for example and whether this sex happened before or after your break up. That is the problem with lying. If they lie about one thing, you can never be certain about anything else. Trust is so easily broken and once gone, very hard to re-gain.
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 HE broke up with you. People who want to stay in relationships or who want to figure things out stay in relationships, as they do not want to lose that relationship. Those who break up are usually done, they do not really care what the other person does, and they usually want to see other people too. Your bf broke up with you and immediately went to another woman. He found the grass wasn't greener, she was no good or she dumped HIM, and he probably couldn't really find anyone else so he comes back to you.. He then lies to you and YOU want to make this work...!!!! Too many people write love stories in their heads and then try and match up reality to that fairy tale. Don't do that to yourself. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 HE broke up with you. People who want to stay in relationships or who want to figure things out stay in relationships, as they do not want to lose that relationship. Those who break up are usually done, they do not really care what the other person does, and they usually want to see other people too. Your bf broke up with you and immediately went to another woman. He found the grass wasn't greener, she was no good or she dumped HIM, and he probably couldn't really find anyone else so he comes back to you.. He then lies to you and YOU want to make this work...!!!! Too many people write love stories in their heads and then try and match up reality to that fairy tale. Don't do that to yourself. Unfortunately, that was my first thought too. OP, you're right that he didn't technically cheat but I can still understand why you're hurt. He did lie and it's not pleasant when we learn our ex-partners quickly had sex with someone else. He broke your trust by lying, and that is going to be extremely difficult to get back. I would also question what else he has lied about. Once that foundation is broken, it is often better to just cut your losses and move on. Out of curiosity, how did you discover this? Did he tell you, or did you find out on your own?
Author goodbyebluesky Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 He told me. The topic came up and he was saying he knew he would eventually have to tell me this. He told me he went to have sex with her trying to get over me, but that didn't work and the only person he wanted was me. He says it was a mistake, breaking up and what he did after that.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 He told me. The topic came up and he was saying he knew he would eventually have to tell me this. He told me he went to have sex with her trying to get over me, but that didn't work and the only person he wanted was me. He says it was a mistake, breaking up and what he did after that. Sorry, but this is a load of malarkey. He had sex with her, well, because he wanted to. He was the one who was apparently already checked out and ended the relationship. He didn't have sex with her to get over you. I think the more likely scenario is that he had a crush, broke it off with you to try it out, it didn't pan out, now he's back. Be very, very cautious here. 1
central Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The best way to get over someone is get under someone new - or on top! I think it would be informative here to know who (honestly!) started the arguments you had before breaking up. If it was him, then he may have had eyes for this other woman already. If you, then I believe his version.
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 He didn't have sex with her to get over you. Agreed. HE dumped YOU, not the other way round. It was only a week. All he needed to do was pick up the phone and say "Sorry, let's get back together." and no doubt you would have fallen into his arms. He could have easily salvaged things but no, he had to have sex with some "random" or maybe not so "random" instead. He is spinning you a line there. It can be a pattern with some people, they get bored, they cause fights, they break things up, they sleep with others, they get back together, they get bored, they cause fights, they break things up, they sleep with others, they get back together... Where did these fights you had prior to the break up come from? 1
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 and he lied about having slept with anyone.. So now you know he is capable of lying. This is the reason when a break-up occurs, we heartily recommend going 100% No Contact. If you weren't still in touch with him or talking to him after the break-up, you would have never known what he did or with whom. As an ExBF, he - and you! - were then free to do whatever you guys wanted. Time to cut the cord. What he does is no longer your business. Stay No Contact.
stillafool Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 OP, you're right that your bf was perfectly within his rights to have sex with this other woman. You can bet he had his eye on her wanting sex and more before he broke up with you. Either she didn't want him or something else happened and that's why he ran back to you. He is lying about going to her for sex to get over you. What is the other woman a prostitute? I didn't think so.
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