lovebirds Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Just leaving this here because I had to write it down somewhere: I (26) just broke up with the man (31) I was dating. We've been friends since last summer. We started dating in August, but I broke things off in november because I wanted it to become more serious (bf/gf), and he was not ready for that. We didn't really talk or see each other after that. We started dating (again, exclusively) in February, kind of naturally. in the last month or so he started showing real commitment: asking me to come to a wedding with him, travel with him, etc. I got a bit of a panic attack, after spending a lovely weekend with him. I started thinking: this is wrong, this is not the right guy for me, I can't see us living together, etc etc. I told him about my doubts and we talked and agreed to see where we went and how I'd feel. A week later, another lovely evening, very much presenting ourselves as a couple to his friends and the world. The next day: my head goes a completely different way and we talked, and I impulsively told him that with how I am feeling right now, we should call it quits. So I left. Very little drama. Now I am feeling quite devastated, and doubting if I did the right thing. I followed my gut in that moment, but now my gut is telling me that was wrong. And that I did not give this relationship the chance it deserved. Am I just mourning the loss of this lovely relationship or do I really want him? I don't know how to figure this out, and I do not want to hurt him by going back and then leaving him again. I'm sometimes afraid I'm just having committment issues and should push through them. This is my first relationship since a really painful breakup almost three years ago. But I'm not sure. Are we ever sure?
phineas Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 So let me get this straight. You dumped the guy because he wouldn't get serious. Now he's getting serious, and you dumped him again for that? Leave this guy alone. 2
Author lovebirds Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 So let me get this straight. You dumped the guy because he wouldn't get serious. Now he's getting serious, and you dumped him again for that? Leave this guy alone. That's a bit harsh. but I know it's contradictory. Feelings are complicated!
Zahara Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 OP, he was not ready for commitment with you in November (4 months of dating) so I'm not sure what would have changed come February? Maybe you freaked out and self-sabotaged because there was a part of you that was afraid of going down that road again with him and getting hurt? Asking you to a wedding and traveling together doesn't mean commitment, until you both have had an adult conversation about it. There are people out there that can do all of that without needing to be in a committed relationship.
LexiB Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) Feelings are complicated, but you're screwing with him. It's not his job to unravel your emotions for you. Figure out what you really want and leave him out of it until you do. Take some time to be single...date, spend more time with your friends. If you're really missing *him*, you'll realize it. Edited July 18, 2016 by LexiB 1
tndawg Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Committing to anything is hard, especially in relationships. Do you need some resources in the relationship area? I could send you some links.
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