After 4 dates, my lady friend told me she wants to take it slow

[Teknoe]

No, she never answered my text asking her out to the next date for next weekend.

 

And yes, she did show up.

 

So with the stage set, let's continue on.

 

As I slowly learn more about who she is as a person, and everything that goes along with that, from her texting style to her communication style in general, I can slowly put the pieces together.

 

OK, so I here over analyze text messages like crazy. I check my phone often and love to text.

 

She on the other hand is not nearly as big of a texter. Not that she doesn't enjoy it, but she's really not like most 30 year old women. She only checks her phone for the time. She doesn't browse to fill the space or "dead time" whenever she's with me. In fact, after what, 5 dates now, tonight was the first time I've ever seen her phone out on the ground during game night. My sister in law on the other hand was checking her phone during everyone else's turn, but my date did not look at her phone other than to check the time (she had an hour plus drive back and church at 7 AM tomorrow).

 

Not only did she show up at 7 PM on the dot but she also baked a pie for us and bought ice cream at the local Safeway store for us. I told her not to bring anything but an appetite but she went ahead and did something so thoughtful. I was very impressed at how she wanted to contribute her piece to the pie (pardon the pun).

 

My brother and sister in law got along well with her and vice versa. She was pretty much all smiles and talking to us like normal. No awkward vibes or signs from her about the unanswered text, which in MY mind was weighing on me!

 

We had a very fun game night and she clearly enjoyed herself. She wasn't lying when she told me way back on our 2nd meeting that she loves board games but just doesn't get a chance often to indulge. She's a board game talker, so she'll talk things out loud. It was amusing, and cute.

 

Afterwards, I walked her to the car and felt the need to open up the lines of communication. It went something like this...

 

Me mustering up the courage: So, I just want to know where you're at. Do you see this going anywhere?

 

Her: Oh. We're doing this...

 

Me: I just want us to be open and honest with each other. That way we don't waste each other's time. If you see me as just a platonic friend, I rather know now.

 

(Asked her straight up. No BS. No games. No saving face unlike my previous text "Am I moving too fast?" which gives her wiggle room to save face)

 

Her: I would like to take things slowly.

 

(Oh, so she wasn't lying or saving face when she said that in a text)

 

Me: Great. Me too.

 

Her: Yeah there are things about you that I want to know better first

 

Me: Same here. I mean, I enjoy spending time with you. And I like you as a friend, but I do like you as more. I want to see if there's potential here for something long term.

 

She seemed to be on the same page with me. After that "DTR," she asked me how I was celebrating my bday next week (unfortunately she has to work that day) but I thought it was super thoughtful of her to remember, especially since we are NOT FB friends (I don't use FB much these days, if at all). I was impressed that she remembered my birthday without "FB cheating."

 

Then I asked her about the text.

 

And she was like "Oh yeah, that. I actually had to work Friday."

 

(She gets super busy at work and doesn't check her phone at work).

 

She then told me next weekend is not the best time so we agreed to plan something else for next time.

 

Then we hugged (I didn't even attempt to kiss as I'm honoring her request to take things slowly until the moment feels right for the next kiss) and I told her to drive safe.

 

Then she drove the hour back to her place.

 

So overall, wow... what a different feeling end of this night as opposed to heading into it. I thought she wasn't going to show, but she did, with gifts in hand even. She had fun tonight, and told me she wants to take it slowly and see where this goes. If she saw me strictly as a platonic friend then she had every chance to tell me then and there, but she didn't. So on some level she's at least somewhat attracted to me.

 

So it looks like we'll continue getting to know each other slowly over the next month or so, and see if things naturally progress toward pure friendship or a real BF-GF relationship. I also realize that her texting game is not her strongest suit, especially on work days.

 

I feel like this definitely has potential, but only time will tell. We are a little different for sure though in that she's very mature and I'm really a big kid at heart. She's seen the world whereas I have not as much. There are definitely things to work on on my end, but I believe love conquers all. Maybe that's naive of me, but it's how I feel. I will continue to gently pursue her until she calls it off.

 

The DTR was a little awkward, and while some may claim it to be a mistake, I think for someone as mature as she is, I think she appreciated it despite opening with "oh, we are doing this..." because if we can't openly communicate about this, then there is an issue. I believe if we're right for each other, honesty is a good thing. If she gets turned off because I did the DTR then we're not meant to be. But I do think she received it well once the DTR got rolling. I also noticed her smiling when I said "I like you as a friend but I do like you as more." She smiled when I said "more." I think even though she knows that deep down, she still appreciated hearing that from me directly. So I have no regrets about clearing the air. Now I know she truly has SOME interest rather than saying "Take it slow" but just saying that to be nice.

 

Tonight was definitely a good night. There was definitely good chemistry between me, her, my brother and my sister-in-law. I'm sure she felt it too. Who knows, this could be a sign of things to come 2 years from now if she and I really hit it off.

[clia]

You should definitely continue to date others. She's not showing a high level of interest. (Of course that could change...)

 

I have a different take on some of the things you mentioned.

 

She didn't respond to your text when you asked her out on a date. I don't care if she's not a big texter. I'm not either! But I can tell you that there is no way in heck I would not respond in some manner if I was really interested in a guy. You seem to be trying to justify the lack of response really badly, but even you know it's totally off.

 

She brought a pie and ice cream to game night. This is just good manners. You don't show up empty handed for an evening at someone's home. (You seem to put great emphasis on things that are just normal kindness and manners. I noticed it in your post about your own actions on your date with her last week. Why is that?). Anyway, I would bring something no matter how I felt about the guy, so I don't read anything special in her actions here.

 

She had fun. Good! That was the point.

 

She mentioned your birthday. Great. But did she ask you to get together to celebrate at all? (It doesn't have to be on your exact birthday.). IMO, after five dates, she should at least get you a card, or a small gift, or take you out or something. We'll see if she does anything.

 

You asked her out for next weekend. She declined. Did she suggest an alternative day? Will you see her this week?

 

I don't mean to be a downer, because I really am rooting for you! I guess just see how things go. But don't put all your eggs in one basket.

[Leigh 87]

There's nothing romantic or giddy in anything that you seem to have done. Or am I misreading?

 

 

I have to say, if I were this lady, I would be bored, just going by what you have said. Everything is calculated and not typically the beginnings of a new relationship.

Is she interested in you beyond the family relationship? You said yourself that were it not for the family connection, she might have disappeared on you.

 

 

Do you actually like her or is she merely a captive audience? Don't you both deserve someone they look forward to seeing and kissing and talking with and not second guessing every unanswered text?

 

 

It doesn't sound like there's any kind of fun.

 

 

So?

 

My guy was broke when we got together and all we did was hang out at each others places and make cheap hot dogs and watch netflix.

 

Our time together was still magic from the start. True chemistry and compatability does not requre fancy dates or romantic settings, in order for the romance to spark alive. It is just there with some couples. We now enjoy fancy dinners now that he has a decent job.

 

On the other hand, I do know a friend who would not have fallen for her partner had he not taken her out and wined and wined her. She has likely been told how beautiful she is and that she should not settle for less than a man who spoils her with fancy dates from the start, and therefore she would percieve a man to be a tad pathetic and not good enough for her if he did NOT help to foster the romance vis way of date nighhts from day one.

 

Whatsmore - We were not uptight, inexperienced or just clueless as this girl sounds when it comes to men and dating. This girl seems to move very slowly indeed, or she simply is not strict enough in her boundary setting - if she is just not interested she should have made it known!

 

Good luck either way, there really does not see to be any excitment or joy or any real FLOW here, I would not bother.....

[introverted1]

Teknoe, I've been reading for a while now and my take is that this woman is not terribly interested. She may be getting pressure from her family to give it a try, or perhaps she likes you as a friend, but she is not expressing any signs of romantic interest. By the end of 5 dates, 99.99% of women are going to know whether they want to kiss you!

 

Her: Yeah there are things about you that I want to know better first

 

This sounds like there is something she has observed that she doesn't like - she's seeing a red (or amber) flag.

 

As Clia said, bringing a pie and ice cream is good manners. Especially considering that this was an evening between the two families, which is your original connection. I am sure she is aware that if this blows up it could damage the friendship between your parents and she is eager to avoid that.

 

In any case, my take is that you should date others. If by some happy surprise, this situation takes off, great. But I think you're stalled on the runway.

[Philosopher]

I very much get the impression that she does like you as an individual, but she is unsure whether there is any romantic potential, hence her "taking it slow". She may be under pressure from her family to keep her options open with you, therefore she is giving it some time to see if those feelings develop. I might be wrong but she did not sound that enthusiastic when you asked where the relationship was going. If she was 100% sure about where the relationship was going I think she would have either said she sees you as her boyfriend or least strongly hinted at it. Instead she gave a very non committal answer, one that keeps an option of a romantic relationship open, but does not commit to one.

 

I suspect after a few more dates she will decide she is not feeling at and the two of you will end up being platonic friends.

[xxoo]

It has also crossed my mind that she's under some pressure from her family to give this a shot.

 

It's probably safe to say that she's not very interested. After this many dates, a woman who is interested is pretty obvious. Even if she wants to go slowly for rational reasons, she'll still have a giddy eagerness that she's working to contain.

[xxoo]

IMO, while she says she wants to go slowly, things are fizzling at this pace. So, without moving any faster in regards to intimacy or commitment, it's time to step up your game with regard to romance and see if you can reignite that spark you seemed to find on the fireworks date. Invite her on an fun date, like the amusement park. Pay her way. Win her a stuffed animal, or buy her one. Put your arm around her on rides. Offer your hand getting on and off rides. And if things are going well (she's smiling, laughing, leaning in, taking your hand), KISS HER.

[Haydn]

IMO, while she says she wants to go slowly, things are fizzling at this pace. So, without moving any faster in regards to intimacy or commitment, it's time to step up your game with regard to romance and see if you can reignite that spark you seemed to find on the fireworks date. Invite her on an fun date, like the amusement park. Pay her way. Win her a stuffed animal, or buy her one. Put your arm around her on rides. Offer your hand getting on and off rides. And if things are going well (she's smiling, laughing, leaning in, taking your hand), KISS HER.

 

Great advice

 

Go in for great big smacker.

 

Sod game night. (No Risk) But if you do play Risk, start in Oceania....

 

Sweep her off her feet, so to speak.

 

Good luck.

[Teknoe]

You should definitely continue to date others. She's not showing a high level of interest. (Of course that could change...)

 

I have a different take on some of the things you mentioned.

 

She didn't respond to your text when you asked her out on a date. I don't care if she's not a big texter. I'm not either! But I can tell you that there is no way in heck I would not respond in some manner if I was really interested in a guy. You seem to be trying to justify the lack of response really badly, but even you know it's totally off.

 

She brought a pie and ice cream to game night. This is just good manners. You don't show up empty handed for an evening at someone's home. (You seem to put great emphasis on things that are just normal kindness and manners. I noticed it in your post about your own actions on your date with her last week. Why is that?). Anyway, I would bring something no matter how I felt about the guy, so I don't read anything special in her actions here.

 

She had fun. Good! That was the point.

 

She mentioned your birthday. Great. But did she ask you to get together to celebrate at all? (It doesn't have to be on your exact birthday.). IMO, after five dates, she should at least get you a card, or a small gift, or take you out or something. We'll see if she does anything.

 

You asked her out for next weekend. She declined. Did she suggest an alternative day? Will you see her this week?

 

I don't mean to be a downer, because I really am rooting for you! I guess just see how things go. But don't put all your eggs in one basket.

 

I agree that it's obvious her interest isn't high right now as far as romantic partners are concerned. The problem is I think she sees me as a good friend (we get along well) although I'm not sure there is a romantic spark she is feeling on her end. I sometimes have trouble distinguishing between "I like you as a good friend" versus "I like you as a good partner."

 

I also know that it is most definitely the family connection that is prolonging this ordeal, which will either somehow escalate (low odds most likely) or fizzle out into a platonic friendship. She's probably riding this out, hoping for a spark but mostly seeing me as a friend who she wants to let down gently as to not rock the family boat. I get it. It seems she was interested around that 4th of July date going into the home date, but after the home date where we had our first kiss, a lot of momentum and romantic interest was lost.

 

I just called her on the phone for the first time earlier this morning. Asked her her plans tonight and she said she is actually busy with family stuff. I said it was cool and that we'll just take a rain check. She didn't offer a counter date and I wished her a good day.

 

10 minutes later she texts me. "How's dinner Tuesday night? In the mood for sushi ;)"

 

I accepted. Honestly feel though that there's a strong possibility her mom heard the call and urged her daughter to "make it up" to me. So then she did. Of course she could have done this on her own, but I somehow doubt it at this point, haha. I don't know. Maybe I need to give her the benefit of the doubt and be more positive-minded. But I'm trying to think rationally, too. Anyway, we'll see how Tuesday goes. Hopefully we have a good conversation and that things go well.

 

Honestly, if Tuesday night goes only OK at best, I might call it off (not verbally, but just stop trying in terms of making first contact with her). While I had a blast with her last night during game night, maybe we're just better off as friends (and in group settings). As romantic 1 on 1 partners, it just feels forced at this point like two people going along hoping for a mutual connection but one party just ain't feeling the other, and the other party is finally getting a little tired of trying too hard to make something work.

 

Then again, maybe patience is a virtue. I am still trying to date other girls because I'm still very much single at this point. But as long as she is there, I guess it doesn't hurt to keep plugging away. At some point though, I guess you have to call it off for your own personal dignity if the girl is just dragging her feet.

 

We'll see how Tuesday goes.

[ChickiePops]

[]

 

Teknoe, make..a frickin...move. Dude..seriously.

Edited July 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted off topic response to other member ~6

[Dis]

I get that things are pretty stale...I need a guy that knows how to make a move but the thing is...she told him she wants to take things slow...I mean she had a problem with him holding her hand for gods sake. How is he supposed to make a move with her pushing him away???

 

I just dont think hes going to win here. She's either a dudd or she's not feeling him. And tbh I dont think he's feeling her either. She seems cold and standoffish...I wouldnt send one more text to a person like that nevermind continue to set up more dates.

 

I'd cut my losses and move on...while Tek may need to up his game...she seems like a dead fish in the water

[Teknoe]

I think I'll do a slow fade if Tuesday night go unremarkably mediocre.

 

I think I do like her in the sense that I liked the version of her on the 4th of July date and the home date. She was a lot more receptive (even affectionate) and that made for some fun exciting dates. Recently though she's pulled back and barely meeting me halfway. Maybe quarter way.

 

I would like for it to work, but it's also hard to push the issue as she already told me (twice) that she likes to take things slowly. So just gonna see how Tuesday goes.

 

After that may move her to the friend zone. The distance plays a role too. I'm willing to make the hour driving work but if she's lukewarm at best, that distance only gets bigger and bigger (a fine metaphor, really)

 

Really wasn't feeling her on the phone today when I asked her out to dinner and movie for later tonight. At least she texted a counter date, but it is starting to feel a lot more forced than it is organic. Maybe better off just being good family friends. Not ready to write her off completely just yet, but starting to grow impatient. I don't want this to turn out to be an indifferent "arranged marriage" where we just give in and marry each other because of parental pressure or because we play this grey zone game for some time before finally deciding we're too far in to escape. If that makes sense.

 

I need to see some affection from her (doesn't need to be physical) soon. Saw a little during game night, which encourages me, but maybe that's just "good family friend" vibes.

[losangelena]

If she were really into you, "taking it slow" wouldn't be a problem.

 

This happened to me once. I kissed a guy on our first date, and it was an awful kiss. That plus his over-eagerness really killed my attraction toward him. I agreed to a second date, but wouldn't kiss him again, and instead of truthfully saying, "you repulse me," I said that I felt we'd gone too fast in kissing on the first date and that I wanted to pull back. Needless to say, there was no third date.

 

Wake up and smell the roses here, dude. This ship has already sailed.

[winny]

Teknoe my friend - She is not interested.

Please don't waste your time with her and have high hopes....

I read this post and some of your previous posts and you seem like a nice guy and that my friend doesn't seem to work these days..... these same women would be dying for the attention of some pathetic narcissistic loser but would want to take things slow with a genuinely nice guy who wants to date them. I can tell for sure that you would be a loyal boyfriend and husband who would care for your woman and love her and cherish her.

Dont settle for these half hearted dates...

DO NOT invite her to anything else.... DO NOT initiate texts with her. If she texts you and asks you for a 1-to-1 date then make it clear that you will only meet her if there is some potential of a future together... else no need to meet as friends... if she sends you casual texts then completely ignore or give one word responses only.

Take things slow is code word for I am not feeling attracted to you but I am unable to break up due to my family pushing me.

[Els]

I agree that at this rate she doesn't sound very interested. It's possible that she's only in it due to family pressure.

 

But I have to say - I don't personally feel you gave this your best shot with dates. AFAIK she asked YOU out the majority of the time and most of your dates were really not of the, err, romantic variety. Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with doing game night and family meetups and such with your guy, but if most of your dates aren't romantic, you can't really expect anything much to develop barring you getting extremely lucky and her having a 'love at first sight' crush. If you only do things that friends do... it's not terribly surprising that you turn into good friends, and nothing else.

 

Regardless of whether or not things work out with her, I strongly suggest you pay attention to this with the next girl.

[Els]

So?

 

My guy was broke when we got together and all we did was hang out at each others places and make cheap hot dogs and watch netflix.

 

Romantic dates can cost the same amount as hot dogs and Netflix. Their fireworks date was probably the cheapest one and yet that was the best. Because watching fireworks together, just the two of you, is romantic. Spending time with other people can be fun, but it's not romantic. Hanging out at home isn't romantic unless one or both of you make a special effort.

 

That being said, I believe csj was emphasizing the spirit of the thing. Rather than follow a set of rules, have fun and flirt with each other.

Edited July 25, 2016 by Elswyth

[joseb]

Omg yes! I think this is a perfect time for you to have the at home dinner date!!! I dont know if this is just how I feel but...I'm able to feel much more comfortable with a guy once we hang out at home. Theres something very calming about it...very quiet and cozy. It makes me feel more relaxed too. Soooo I think this will be the perfect date to go in for that kiss!!!! She'll already be in a good head space because you'll have made her dinner...you guys can give chill on your couch and watch a movie. Dont hesitate to put your arm around her and cuddle. Cuddling will help you guys feel closer....that way going in for a kiss will feel natural. Start with cuddling...then kiss her. And yes she wants you to kiss her!!!

 

 

Late to the party, but quite interested to see Dis you would be happy going to a guys house like that even if he hasn't kissed you yet?

I would have thought that would be a no no,

it's like you skip the whole kiss bit and go straight for the old nexflix and chill?

 

I've actually considered trying to pull that one on a girl that I've seen twice that seems super shy in public, and I haven't managed to kiss, normally I give up if I havent kissed a girl on date one.

[LostOne08]

Teknoe,

 

I have to agree with what it sounds like everyone else here has been saying. It sounds like she has little to no romantic interest and that she's just going through the motions because of family pressure. For me personally, I'd save what little face I had at this point and just stop reaching out to her all together. If she contacted me, I'd be polite but brief in my responses unless she conveyed romantic interest or wanted to get together in a romantic sense. I wouldn't put too much stock into Tuesday, but if she shows up and her demeanor has changed, that would be great.

 

Initially, in reading through your posts, I was curious to know what this woman's previous relationships were like. I suspected at first she might be withdrawing because she was inexperienced in relationships or still not over a previous one. I am still curious to know that, but I think it matters less now. Nothing she's done your past 3 or 4 dates has shown any romantic interest. Your last two dates were in a group setting and she balked when you went physical and said she wanted to take it slow. As another poster mentioned, the "good signs" you pointed out all just seem to be polite things to do to me. Maybe it was your lack of initiative previously, maybe it was the apologetic texting, maybe she senses your over analytical behavior, maybe it's something with her personally, but this whole thing seems to be on ice.

[Dis]

Late to the party, but quite interested to see Dis you would be happy going to a guys house like that even if he hasn't kissed you yet?

I would have thought that would be a no no,

it's like you skip the whole kiss bit and go straight for the old nexflix and chill?

 

I've actually considered trying to pull that one on a girl that I've seen twice that seems super shy in public, and I haven't managed to kiss, normally I give up if I havent kissed a girl on date one.

 

As long as the guy def made a move at his place...then yes. But I would have made it clear prior to the date...no sex. Netflix and chill doesnt always mean sex to me and I make sure to let the guy know that. Sometimes I think kissing on a at home dinner date can be easier than making that move in public. I actually like these kinds of dates. It usually feels relaxed and cozy to me.

 

But if the guy didnt kiss me soon into the date...and we just sat there....and watched a movie...no kiss or anything...I would be out. It would be like an awkward friend dinner date...no romantic vibes there.

 

And joseb, def dont give up after the first date if theres no kiss. After the third date...ya throw in the towel...but I think it would be too early to jump ship just because there was no kiss on the first date...esp if there was chemistry there...some girls dont like to kiss on the first date...sometimes the timing just isnt right and it happens on the second date....I like the guy to kiss me on the first date if I'm feeling him but not every girl is the same

[Dis]

Ya Tek...I agree with the others....dont waste your time on this one

 

You're doing all the leg work here bcuz shes not feeling you...thats not fair to you

 

Go find a girl that would be happy to go out with you...a girl that wont ignore your text asking her out...a girl that makes you feel excited because she excited!

 

I dont care what your flaws are Tek...you're a good guy and you really tried...shes not worth it anymore

 

Although I agree that the family dates arent romantic...but as long as the girl is feeling you she'll be happy to go out with you...if theres chemistry there....the dates will be romantic regardless...with the exception of family game nights

 

At the very least stop initiating contact and let her come to you if she wants to...stop pushing the boulder up the hill...let it go

[Teknoe]

Seeing her Tuesday night.

 

Yeah, no expectations. This could be our last meeting for a while if she doesn't show me any vital signs. I don't mind taking it slow if I know there's a commitment on her end, but she seems distant. I can't even get a simple "I enjoy spending time with you, too."

 

Maybe she's not good at communication but that's no excuse for not saying something to assure a guy you really like that you're into him. Which tells me she's lukewarm at best.

[Haydn]

Maybe i missed some posts, so if it`s been covered, sorry.

 

You know instantly if a girl is into you. (I do)

 

And the girls i have met, do as well.

 

The excitement, the positive tension....

 

The growing warm feeling from......

 

The spending 5 hours getting ready for a coffee.

 

Appraising yourself in every reflecting surface.

 

Becoming magically better looking every time you pass a mirror.

 

The smile that you walk around with all day....

 

This is how it works for me.

[BaileyB]

 

Still, you have not been taking advantage of the possibilities here to get more comfortable with dating and learning how to get to know a woman. Something may have developed if you had spent a tenth as much energy on the woman herself rather than tediously dissecting every. single. word and gesture that has passed between you. So I hope you did in fact get something out of this that you can carry with you to your next opportunity with a woman.

 

So true. Practice with dating builds confidence, but next time try to have more fun with it and don't overanalyzes things so much. If you have problems with this, find someone who can help you to calm the anxiety. It will make you so much more successful in the future.

[Teknoe]

So, as I pretty much knew, it's officially over.

 

Met her last night for dinner. She paid and said it was her treat.

 

I noticed she seemed a little nervous and disconnected. She was playing with her straw wrapper... tearing it into little pieces and swirling it around in a small circle on her side of the table. She did make eye contact and was in a smiling/laughing mood, but she also switched to disconnected from time to time. I figured it was because she knew we were both delaying the inevitable.

 

After dinner we went to a coffee house where she asked me some pretty deep questions. Everything from 5 year plan to do I want to continue my education beyond a BA degree to my salary to how many kids I want to what kind of father I would be to hardest life lesson I learned as an adult. She also asked me about Brexit and Trump vs. Hillary. It was easy to see why. She has her masters and is very educated. I am educated, but not as well informed as she is in a wide range of matters. My bro mentioned to me post-game night that he thinks we're too different personality wise because I'm more of a big kid at heart while she is very serious and mature. An old soul.

 

So she kinda hit me with all these questions I believe as a "final confirmation" in her mind that we were not suitable romantic partners. I think her mind was already made up 95% but she just wanted to check that last 5% to make sure.

 

After driving her back to her place, I turned off the engine and I could feel it coming. She sat there and said, "So... I been thinking and I think we're just friends."

 

She went on to tell me I'm a great guy and that it's not any one particular action I did do or didn't do that made her come to her conclusion (OK...)

 

Wanting closure, I had a discussion with her about our dates, and we kind of talked about them a bit. I said we really connected well on the 4th of July date and that I was super nervous on the home dinner date. She said I didn't seem nervous and seemed pretty cool. We talked about the first kiss and how how it was a bit awkward. She admitted she did kiss me on the cheek first when I went for the hug (she thought I was going in for the kiss). Maybe had the first kiss gone better, I might have had a (better) chance. Probably blew it when I didn't kiss her on the couch right before the movie ended, as she was ready to be romanced a bit. But at any rate, things also happen as they're supposed to. We learn lessons and if we don't, we're put in similar positions in the future until we pass said test. It would be naive for me to believe that she and I would be a couple now had the first kiss been more magical and meaningful. If it comes down to something as "minute" as that, then the relationship probably wouldn't have lasted long anyways.

 

I was hurt a bit to hear her friend zone me, obviously, but had prepared my heart for this moment so it wasn't TOO bad. I had to pee before making the hour drive home so that was a little awkward, haha. I came in and saw her dad in the background. He looked sad. It tells me that she probably told him beforehand that she was going to give me the friend zone speech later that night.

 

I drove home with mixed emotions. In a weird way though, I think amidst the pain, I was mostly grateful. Even though it didn't work out with her, the situation taught me a lot about myself and the areas I can improve in.

 

I also found a studio I'm hoping to move into in the next couple months here. I think living on my own will help me a ton. I spoke with the landlord yesterday and we hit it off.

 

Overall: no regrets. Deep down I knew we were too different to work out, but I figured if she wanted to give it a shot that we might have worked out the differences. But you can't force someone to be attracted to you. It's a fond summer memory for me... the 4th of July and home dinner dates... they will always be a piece of me and I'm sure next summer I'll think fondly of them. Hopefully though, I will be in a better place and who knows, maybe even in a flourishing relationship.

 

Oh, we said we'd be friends, and I think we both mean it. However, due to distance and a lack of mutual friend circle, I'm sure we'll keep in touch but not frequently. She did give me her email and we talked about maybe doing this book club where we'd email each other thoughts on each chapter. I'm down for that. Maybe now that the romantic pressure is off, we might click better as platonic friends.

 

We ended the evening with a hug.

Might have been the last time we see each other. I'm sure it won't be and that somehow our paths will cross in person again, but it is what it is.

 

I wish her well.

 

My friend made me feel so much better when she told me on the phone, "Hey it's her loss. She doesn't know what a great guy she's letting go of."

 

It touched me but I can't blame her for her personal taste in men. We just weren't the right match for each other, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad guy or she is a bad girl. We're both good people, just better off as friends.

 

Thanks for following this journey.

 

In the future, as easier said than done as this is, I think I will do my best to refrain from play by plays. Maybe things could have gone differently if I weren't so in my own head, but at the same time it goes back to what I said: we're given similar tests until we're ready to ace them and move onto the next test.

 

My next test? Trusting my instincts and not run to my friends and the internet to hold my hand at every step of the way. When it clicks it just clicks and flows. I look at my timeline with her from 4th of July to home dinner date compared to post home dinner date and it's easy to see when things were going super well, and when things started to go downhill.

 

Interesting final note I'll say. She mentioned that she had fun on the meet up activity and the game night activity but they're just that: ACTIVITIES. Following our first kiss/home date, she wanted to be in a sit down environment where we could ask questions and get to know each other better. I had no idea she felt that way, and wish she communicated that earlier or at least set up a lunch/dinner date where we could do that instead of inviting me to that meet up group. In hindsight I should have called her the next day following the first kiss to set up lunch or dinner... to build on the momentum. Instead I let a week pass by when I tried to play it cool by not texting much, and by the time we met for the meet up, a lot of the momentum was lost. Not saying it would have changed things but it couldn't have hurt.

 

Lessons for the future. Capitalize while the iron is hot. That timing is so critical and important when a girl is digging you but not yet ready to fully commit to you as a girlfriend. But when a girl is digging you, you surely know it. Should have reached out and been more assertive instead of thinking I had it in the bag and just waiting the week out to see her again for the meet up.

 

Like I said, this has been a great learning experience for me.

[Els]

Very happy to hear that you plan on moving out on your own, and that you'll ask the girl out to dinner next time! Both of those actions will definitely give you a better chance with the next girl.