leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Curious as to what your red flags are in early dating. I recently went out with this guy on a few dates and saw some big time. The old me would've continued seeing him, but I've seen this pattern before. I'll list red flags I've seen and curious as to what yours are. 1. Egomaniac-talks about himself constantly, never asks me anything. 2. Name drops. 3. Tells me how much money he has or how much something he owns costs, 4. Takes 3 or more days to return a text or call. 5. In the middle of texting back & forth and when you ask a question, they don't respond. 6. Jekyll & Hyde personality. 7. Overly tried to sell himself by telling me how awesome he is. 8. Always has to one-up me on everything, or why he knows more about something than me. 9. The biggest red flag, your gut is telling you to get away from this person!!!
losangelena Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Yep, that's a good list. I also think it's quite gauche for a man to talk about other women. I went on a first (and only) date once with a guy who A) tried talking about sex almost immediately, and B) showed me photos he took of Miss New Zealand, who he also went out with. That guy was a mega douche lord. He ended up being rude and petulant, too, but those were the first tip-offs. 2
dpass Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I'm a guy, but I asked a friend of mine not long ago. She said if he talks about sex on the first date or before the date it's done. If he waits x amount of days she's done. And if he says how good of a guy he is, a good guy doesn't need to say it he shows it. Oh, and if he eyes other women while they are out.
Author leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 Oh I forgot to add, oversharing!!! I don't need to know your life story in 2 weeks, that's what a therapist is for! SMH!!! 1
SevenCity Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I can't see doing any of these things. I'm more interested to learn about her. But keep the list going so I can avoid red flags! 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Curious as to what your red flags are in early dating. I recently went out with this guy on a few dates and saw some big time. The old me would've continued seeing him, but I've seen this pattern before. I'll list red flags I've seen and curious as to what yours are. 1. Egomaniac-talks about himself constantly, never asks me anything. 2. Name drops. 3. Tells me how much money he has or how much something he owns costs, 4. Takes 3 or more days to return a text or call. 5. In the middle of texting back & forth and when you ask a question, they don't respond. 6. Jekyll & Hyde personality. 7. Overly tried to sell himself by telling me how awesome he is. 8. Always has to one-up me on everything, or why he knows more about something than me. 9. The biggest red flag, your gut is telling you to get away from this person!!! Many of these things can be applied yo women...... 1
preraph Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Some of mine are: Spitting blood about his ex or women in general right out of the gate. Double standard as far as sexuality or just about anything else. Doesn't pick up after himself. Thinks I'm his waitress. Conning me about anything. Thinks I'm stupid. Acts tough like he's Billy Badass. Social anxiety -- I wouldn't even go on a date if I knew. Can't ever take the lead Has to always take the lead Overvalues himself Acts condescending
MzLady Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Um.. Be honest... you looked up the definition of a narcissist and copied and pasted it here, right? Because that's what this guy is. You can never win with a narcissist, never make them happy, never do anything right, never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough... whatever enough.. they're always going to be bigger and better and will take no interest in you, your life, your happiness, or your well-being. I hope you steer clear of this guy and never look back. 1
basil67 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 In addition to many of the good ideas posted, I will add temper and arrogance. A guy who is rude to fellow road users if they make a mistake, doesn't let people merge, rude to waitstaff. Ugh. No thanks. 1
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 There are so many, lol... Guys who don't ask me any questions about myself and talk only of themselves Guys who talk about other women or speak badly of their ex's Guys who are rude to people And the biggest one with online dating, guys who talk about sex too soon And of course, guys who drink too much on dates They also must have a job, be financially secure, no addictions, no criminal history, and not live with their mother/friends/former spouses. 1
thguy Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Curious as to what your red flags are in early dating. I recently went out with this guy on a few dates and saw some big time. The old me would've continued seeing him, but I've seen this pattern before. I'll list red flags I've seen and curious as to what yours are. 1. Egomaniac-talks about himself constantly, never asks me anything. 2. Name drops. 3. Tells me how much money he has or how much something he owns costs, 4. Takes 3 or more days to return a text or call. 5. In the middle of texting back & forth and when you ask a question, they don't respond. 6. Jekyll & Hyde personality. 7. Overly tried to sell himself by telling me how awesome he is. 8. Always has to one-up me on everything, or why he knows more about something than me. 9. The biggest red flag, your gut is telling you to get away from this person!!! Sorry but as a guy I don't believe most of these. Based on my experiences and that of friends this is more like it. 1. Is too predictable 2. Is too shy 3. Has anxiety 4. Doesn't like his natural smell 5. Doesn't make moves fast enough 6. Doesn't take the lead 7. Asks her what she wants too often 8. Shows too much emotion or cries 9. Lack of relationship experience 10. Has too few friends 11. Bad kisser, he has one chance 12. Bad in bed, he better learn quickly Oh I forgot to add, oversharing!!! I don't need to know your life story in 2 weeks, that's what a therapist is for! SMH!!! Agree here and sometimes this is taken to the extreme. A guy has to be very careful here. I've been rejected over this several times and my friends have been too. Guys should not talk too much.
gorf Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 9. The biggest red flag, your gut is telling you to get away from this person!!! There you go. Its not based on nothing either, you just listed 8 things... and that's just what you took the time to type out. Your gut, if you want to call it that, tells you what kind of person you are with. Go with your gut
Author leogirl876 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Sorry but as a guy I don't believe most of these. Based on my experiences and that of friends this is more like it. 1. Is too predictable 2. Is too shy 3. Has anxiety 4. Doesn't like his natural smell 5. Doesn't make moves fast enough 6. Doesn't take the lead 7. Asks her what she wants too often 8. Shows too much emotion or cries 9. Lack of relationship experience 10. Has too few friends 11. Bad kisser, he has one chance 12. Bad in bed, he better learn quickly Agree here and sometimes this is taken to the extreme. A guy has to be very careful here. I've been rejected over this several times and my friends have been too. Guys should not talk too much. Agreed on these too!
Author leogirl876 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Um.. Be honest... you looked up the definition of a narcissist and copied and pasted it here, right? Because that's what this guy is. You can never win with a narcissist, never make them happy, never do anything right, never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough... whatever enough.. they're always going to be bigger and better and will take no interest in you, your life, your happiness, or your well-being. I hope you steer clear of this guy and never look back. Haha, yes. I put it all together over this weekend. Amazing how we can become psychiatrists from Google!
Els Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Off the top of my head... Controlling nature Sense of entitlement Bad smell (yep, sorry guys, please shower before you date!) Hypocrisy Long-term unemployment (unless studying full-time) Living with parents permanently (this isn't so much of a red flag as just a strong preference - nothing wrong with guys who live with their parents, I'm friends with several, I'm just not interested in them romantically) Not interested in being adventurous in bed Not interested in learning new things Smoker Excessive drug use Recklessness/over-aggression Excessively preoccupied with what people think about him Complains too much ...You know, would probably be easier to say what we value instead...
phineas Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Sorry but as a guy I don't believe most of these. Based on my experiences and that of friends this is more like it. 1. Is too predictable 2. Is too shy 3. Has anxiety 4. Doesn't like his natural smell 5. Doesn't make moves fast enough 6. Doesn't take the lead 7. Asks her what she wants too often 8. Shows too much emotion or cries 9. Lack of relationship experience 10. Has too few friends 11. Bad kisser, he has one chance 12. Bad in bed, he better learn quickly Agree here and sometimes this is taken to the extreme. A guy has to be very careful here. I've been rejected over this several times and my friends have been too. Guys should not talk too much. Brother, you and your boys need conversational skills. I can go on a date and spend equal time talking with a woman and she still won't know jack-chit about me unless she pointedly asks. I spend hrs at a time socializing with people and we talk about nothing. it's not that hard. oh and about the natural smell thing? I'm guessing you aren't in the U.S. Here you cant basically watch anything on TV without seeing a commercial for a product designed to mask both male and female smells.
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The biggest red flag, your gut is telling you to get away from this person!!! That covers it all and pretty much the only thing I would go with nowadays. Even if your instincts are wrong (it can happen), the fact they're telling you to step away means you're not in a good frame of mind to be dating. It can take a long while to be able to take the true measure of a person, and some stuff get better/worse with time but if the instincts say no, then it's a no.
Emilia Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 What is Love bombing? Hitting on someone too much too fast. ---------- What I look out for is how thin-skinned he is. Insecurity destroys relationships, no matter how much compatibility you feel you may have otherwise. It's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone where you have to walk on eggshells all the time. I also think it's one reason why some people are perpetually single. 1. Thin-skinned 2. No prospects/drive/motivation 3. Poor social skills
fight or flight Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Hitting on someone too much too fast. ---------- What I look out for is how thin-skinned he is. Insecurity destroys relationships, no matter how much compatibility you feel you may have otherwise. It's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone where you have to walk on eggshells all the time. I also think it's one reason why some people are perpetually single. 1. Thin-skinned 2. No prospects/drive/motivation 3. Poor social skills I never knew there was a correct speed to hit on someone. I am still not sure what that even means. Usually hitting on someone involves a fairly quick action. You spot someone...You make the move... Either there is a connection or not. The results are usually fairly quick. Unless you have a different definition of "hitting on" than I do.
Cablebandit Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 witty sense of humor scientifically literate compassionate and empathetic healthy attitude about sex
SevenCity Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 witty sense of humor scientifically literate compassionate and empathetic healthy attitude about sex If those are your red flags Im not sure the type of person you are looking for! 1
Emilia Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) I never knew there was a correct speed to hit on someone. I am still not sure what that even means. Usually hitting on someone involves a fairly quick action. You spot someone...You make the move... Either there is a connection or not. The results are usually fairly quick. Unless you have a different definition of "hitting on" than I do. Of course there is a correct speed. Everyone is different and what they perceive as 'correct speed' will differ. If you start a flood of compliments on a woman you don't even know, if she has some dating experience she likely will stop taking you seriously. That's because usually going full on is the result of only wanting sex. If you actually wanted a relationship, you would take your time to get to know the person rather than move in on them really fast. Edited July 18, 2016 by Emilia
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