Jump to content

How to win back an alpha male/ how to fix something that never had a fighting chance

carlyp

By carlyp
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
Posted

two weeks ago, I met an alpha male on a dating app. Tall, handsome, intelligent and a real catch. I played hard to get which hooked him and we created a special chemistry (as much as you can through text) Like the dominating male he is, he told me he wouldn't ask me out until I was finished dating other men as he wanted to be THE option not AN option. I was frustrated and emotional over a work issue and regretfully sent a passive aggressive text. I am not needy or desperate but since we never met in person, he doesn't know this. I immediately apologized but he hasn't responded since.

 

Is it too late to win him over or did that one text ruin 2 weeks worth of banter and digital connection? I haven't texted him after the apology for fear of looking needy, but since he has an endless supply of women lined up for him, I'm afraid the longer I stay out of contact the more he will move on.

 

I've read alot of advice on how to win an ex back, but since this never really got of the ground, is there anything I can do to make him realize how difficult it is to truly get to know somebody via texting only and that we could really have hit it off if he had just given it a chance?

JewelD Established Member

JewelD

Posted
Posted

Why do you even want him back? He sounds like a control freak. If he's demanding you stop dating other men before you two even meet, what do you think he will demand of you in an actual relationship?

 

If you had to play games to reel him in, you'd probably have to continue playing games to get him 'back' so to speak.

  • Like 3
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

What did your *passive-aggressive* text say?

 

It's hard to advise without knowing context, but at this point I am inclined to agree with Jewel.

leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted

This sounds almost like the guy I just went out this. Are you sure it's not the same person? ;) I would say move on. Men like that are players and narcissists and end up breaking your heart. Meeting and dating should be somewhat organic, and if you as a woman have to play that hard to get or work that hard, he'll never be yours. I've been attracted to those types of men for years (no idea why) and not one of them ended on a good note. It would end up being where you have to constantly prove yourself to him and nothing you said or did would ever be enough. Take this all as a red flag and be glad you didn't go out with him. I know it's really hard, because that's what I've been attracted to for years, but trust me, they are not emotionally available.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

you never really had him in the first place......you werent actually going out...you just met on a dating app.....let him go .....dont play games..find someone who appreciates you....you shouldnt have to play games......for all you really know...he could be totally different from the persona he has online.....he could wear fluffy slippers at night,sport a man bun and have three cats and a chihahau called fluffy........not worth the hassle honestly...if they dont reply....move on....deb

  • Like 1
  • Author
carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I have thought of that as well. Specifically that if he is the type to quit contact over one text, than surely he isn't understanding enough to see something through. I guess where Im hung up is that I never really got a chance to see for myself if he is controlling or not because we never met. Just as how he never got a chance to see that I am NOT needy or desperate. it's difficult to get to know somebody over texting only since you don't know the personality behind it.

 

my text said "If there is one thing i know about men, its that they do what they want, when they want to do it. if they want to call, they will call, if they want to see me, they'll make plans. If they don't it's because they don't want to. So i've read you loud and clear"

 

His response was "ok"

 

and I responded with " wow i came off like a spoiled brat in that last message and that wasn't my intention. what i was trying to communicate (which i didn't so eloquently) is that i've been frustrated with guys that like to talk forever on here and never ask me out. I took my frustration of them out on you and that wasn't fair or mature of me and I'm sorry. I know you will ask me out when you are ready and I shouldn't have been so passive aggressive about it. That isn't my character at all. I'm sorry."

 

no response.

JewelD Established Member

JewelD

Posted
Posted
I have thought of that as well. Specifically that if he is the type to quit contact over one text, than surely he isn't understanding enough to see something through. I guess where Im hung up is that I never really got a chance to see for myself if he is controlling or not because we never met. Just as how he never got a chance to see that I am NOT needy or desperate. it's difficult to get to know somebody over texting only since you don't know the personality behind it.

 

my text said "If there is one thing i know about men, its that they do what they want, when they want to do it. if they want to call, they will call, if they want to see me, they'll make plans. If they don't it's because they don't want to. So i've read you loud and clear"

 

His response was "ok"

 

and I responded with " wow i came off like a spoiled brat in that last message and that wasn't my intention. what i was trying to communicate (which i didn't so eloquently) is that i've been frustrated with guys that like to talk forever on here and never ask me out. I took my frustration of them out on you and that wasn't fair or mature of me and I'm sorry. I know you will ask me out when you are ready and I shouldn't have been so passive aggressive about it. That isn't my character at all. I'm sorry."

 

no response.

 

If he's an ******* online, he's an ******* in person.

 

and you really didn't have to apologize for anything. You're not obligated to talk to someone online for weeks with no plans of meeting each other. This guy sounds a like tool and if he really was an alpha male, he wouldn't give a crap who you were dating because he'd be confident in himself.

 

Whoever you were talking to possibly had no intentions of meeting you. Possibly not the man in the pictures you saw either.

  • Like 3
leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
I have thought of that as well. Specifically that if he is the type to quit contact over one text, than surely he isn't understanding enough to see something through. I guess where Im hung up is that I never really got a chance to see for myself if he is controlling or not because we never met. Just as how he never got a chance to see that I am NOT needy or desperate. it's difficult to get to know somebody over texting only since you don't know the personality behind it.

 

my text said "If there is one thing i know about men, its that they do what they want, when they want to do it. if they want to call, they will call, if they want to see me, they'll make plans. If they don't it's because they don't want to. So i've read you loud and clear"

 

His response was "ok"

 

and I responded with " wow i came off like a spoiled brat in that last message and that wasn't my intention. what i was trying to communicate (which i didn't so eloquently) is that i've been frustrated with guys that like to talk forever on here and never ask me out. I took my frustration of them out on you and that wasn't fair or mature of me and I'm sorry. I know you will ask me out when you are ready and I shouldn't have been so passive aggressive about it. That isn't my character at all. I'm sorry."

 

no response.

 

Let him go!!!! He is showing you he's controlling before even meeting him. If he's that controlling before meeting him, how do you think it'll be after meeting him. And the long, explanatory text does make you look needy, sorry but being honest here. Men that are interested in you, ask you out and don't get you guessing. In my experience, the guys that I had those crazy feelings for, were ones that weren't good for me. Let him go and move on. If you contact him again, you'll get labeled as crazy.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

I agree with Jewel. He sounds like a tool.

 

What parts of his personality did you find attractive?

Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

Posted
Posted

Yeah and then you'd meet him, start dating him and soon enough he'd want to be THE only person in your life

  • Author
carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys! you all are being so sweet and helpful! Just what I need to hear! :)

 

I'm sure glad i haven't contacted him after that. I thought we both had a good conversation and kept eachother interested. He seemed very charming and we spoke alot about our families, future goals and plans, and what we wanted in a relationship. everything lined up well but you are absolutely right.. he could have been very different from what he said he was. I think i'll chalk this one up to a lesson learned and a dodged bullet.

 

Sucks that it's difficult to find men like that in real life so i guess when one comes along that is more interesting than the average joe, it's always harder to let it go!

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted

You're getting bent out of a shape from a guy you've never even met in person. If you can attract men like him, just find someone else who will actually take you out on a date instead of texting for weeks.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

OP, are you guys long distance or something?

 

If not, his excuse for not wanting to meet was BS!

 

He wants to be your only option, my arse.

 

*That* is needy! Which is usually where the control comes from. Insecurity and neediness.

 

My guess is he is married or in another relationship, and wants a pen pal.

leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
Thanks guys! you all are being so sweet and helpful! Just what I need to hear! :)

 

I'm sure glad i haven't contacted him after that. I thought we both had a good conversation and kept eachother interested. He seemed very charming and we spoke alot about our families, future goals and plans, and what we wanted in a relationship. everything lined up well but you are absolutely right.. he could have been very different from what he said he was. I think i'll chalk this one up to a lesson learned and a dodged bullet.

 

Sucks that it's difficult to find men like that in real life so i guess when one comes along that is more interesting than the average joe, it's always harder to let it go!

 

I completely understand where you're coming from. It has taken me years to instead of believing what a man says, and actually believing what he does. Just remember that. A man can say anything, but what he does is what counts. We women fall in love with our ears and we hold onto that, whereas, we need to fall in love with his actions. ;)

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
I agree with Jewel. He sounds like a tool.

 

What parts of his personality did you find attractive?

 

She said his *dominance*.

 

More like pseudo dominance.

 

OP, please learn the difference.

 

There was nothing at all dominant about his behavior ..... not from what you posted.

 

He's a phony which is probably why he didn't want to meet in person.

Maggie888 Established Member

Maggie888

Posted
Posted

" wow i came off like a spoiled brat in that last message and that wasn't my intention. what i was trying to communicate (which i didn't so eloquently) is that i've been frustrated with guys that like to talk forever on here and never ask me out. I took my frustration of them out on you and that wasn't fair or mature of me and I'm sorry. I know you will ask me out when you are ready and I shouldn't have been so passive aggressive about it. That isn't my character at all. I'm sorry.

 

Tip: men dont want to read this kind of stuff in the initial stages of dating. Its too long and too much drama. They want things to be fun and exciting and sexy. Not long paragpahs of words that do nothing for them

 

You cant win this guy back nor should you. Moving forward save the serious deep texts for long term relationships or men who text long paragraphs about serious topics themselves

  • Like 8
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
two weeks ago, I met an alpha male on a dating app. Tall, handsome, intelligent and a real catch. I played hard to get which hooked him and we created a special chemistry (as much as you can through text) Like the dominating male he is, he told me he wouldn't ask me out until I was finished dating other men as he wanted to be THE option not AN option. I was frustrated and emotional over a work issue and regretfully sent a passive aggressive text. I am not needy or desperate but since we never met in person, he doesn't know this. I immediately apologized but he hasn't responded since.

 

Is it too late to win him over or did that one text ruin 2 weeks worth of banter and digital connection? I haven't texted him after the apology for fear of looking needy, but since he has an endless supply of women lined up for him, I'm afraid the longer I stay out of contact the more he will move on.

 

I've read alot of advice on how to win an ex back, but since this never really got of the ground, is there anything I can do to make him realize how difficult it is to truly get to know somebody via texting only and that we could really have hit it off if he had just given it a chance?

 

how difficult it is to truly get to know somebody via texting only

 

I doubt that he doesn't understand that you can't get to know someone via texting only, so if he were really interested enough, he would have made a date to meet in person.

 

Like the dominating male he is, he told me he wouldn't ask me out until I was finished dating other men as he wanted to be THE option not AN option. -- Dominating male is one thing, controlling, arrogant, assuming is another. How dare he "require" you to stop dating other people when you two have never even met in person. That by itself, would make ME run for the hills.

 

we could really have hit it off if he had just given it a chance? -- And, you know this how? because of 2 weeks of only texting and digital connection????

 

I am not needy or desperate -- Evidence to the contrary . . .

 

I'm afraid the longer I stay out of contact the more he will move on. -- He should be the one to be afraid of letting too much time go by!

  • Like 2
  • Author
carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
  • Author
Posted
how difficult it is to truly get to know somebody via texting only

 

I doubt that he doesn't understand that you can't get to know someone via texting only, so if he were really interested enough, he would have made a date to meet in person.

 

Like the dominating male he is, he told me he wouldn't ask me out until I was finished dating other men as he wanted to be THE option not AN option. -- Dominating male is one thing, controlling, arrogant, assuming is another. How dare he "require" you to stop dating other people when you two have never even met in person. That by itself, would make ME run for the hills.

 

we could really have hit it off if he had just given it a chance? -- And, you know this how? because of 2 weeks of only texting and digital connection????

 

I am not needy or desperate -- Evidence to the contrary . . .

 

I'm afraid the longer I stay out of contact the more he will move on. -- He should be the one to be afraid of letting too much time go by!

 

You are absolutely correct! I'm so glad I came here. It can be really difficult to navigate these situations by yourself. Thank you for helping me to see that I haven't lost anything at all!

  • Like 1
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted (edited)
You are absolutely correct! I'm so glad I came here. It can be really difficult to navigate these situations by yourself. Thank you for helping me to see that I haven't lost anything at all!

 

Carylp, the day you start being objective and focused on your goals and needs and balance logic and emotion and not second-guess yourself, is the day of liberation!!!! Look back and read your original post some day, you'll see what we are seeing :)

 

Win him back -- Remember, you are the prize that he should be trying to win, not the other way around. And, that is not arrogance on the part of a woman, it's just about keeping the bar high for both yourself and a potential partner. A man who is serious about having a serious relationship doesn't want a low-value woman, they want high value. If you want a man to respect you, you need to give them something to respect . . .

Edited by Redhead14
  • Like 1
JuanDelToro Established Member

JuanDelToro

Posted
Posted

Real men don't give a $hit if a girl they're interested in is seeing other guys or not. They'll go after her no matter what and she'll be theirs.

 

The guy is probably an alpha wannabe. These dudes are confused as and often turn passive aggressive and borderline misogynists.

  • Like 4
  • Author
carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Real men don't give a $hit if a girl they're interested in is seeing other guys or not. They'll go after her no matter what and she'll be theirs.

 

The guy is probably an alpha wannabe. These dudes are confused as and often turn passive aggressive and borderline misogynists.

 

Yea I can definitely see that. It probably didn't help that he called himself an alpha male too! I should have seen the red flags sooner. But part of me enjoyed presenting myself as such high value to get his attention in the first place. It gave me a new confidence that I hadn't experienced before.

 

Definitely his loss.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

What you said at first was yeah a bit passive aggressive. That said, you should have never backtracked with your second text. That told him he had you in the palm of his hand. If you say something stick to it. Had he reached out again, you could have explained that you may have overreacted a bit but that his request was unreasonable.

 

I think you would have heard from him again without the second text. Also, that said, if it's online or dating app, people are flakey. You were right to stick to your guns about not agreeing to ridiculous demands of not seeing others before you had even met. He should step it up and rush to meet you if he wants to make that kind of impression (where you'd be willing to stop dating others).

 

I agree with whoever said he's probably a faux alpha. His between the lines words and actions signal that he's insecure in reality. Good luck with another guy.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

let's be honest here and call it like it really is, he fed her that "not an option" line and she ate it up.

 

OP thinks she played hard to get and hooked an "alpha".

looks the other way around to me.

 

He told her what to do in order to go out with him and she failed to do it.:rolleyes:

 

Personally I think she got trolled by a guy who recognized her games and out gamed her.

 

I can't imagine a guy as top tier in looks and job as OP claims to actually chase a woman and be serious about something as cringe worthy as "hey babe, drop the zero and get with the hero".

 

but then again, she still wanted to get with him so maybe it works for him.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

OP, how do you know he has an endless supply of women lining up for him?

  • Author
carlyp New Member

carlyp

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What you said at first was yeah a bit passive aggressive. That said, you should have never backtracked with your second text. That told him he had you in the palm of his hand. If you say something stick to it. Had he reached out again, you could have explained that you may have overreacted a bit but that his request was unreasonable.

 

I think you would have heard from him again without the second text. Also, that said, if it's online or dating app, people are flakey. You were right to stick to your guns about not agreeing to ridiculous demands of not seeing others before you had even met. He should step it up and rush to meet you if he wants to make that kind of impression (where you'd be willing to stop dating others).

 

I agree with whoever said he's probably a faux alpha. His between the lines words and actions signal that he's insecure in reality. Good luck with another guy.

 

That's an interesting point of view. You may be right. I guess now I'll never know. But that's definitely interesting to keep in mind for the future. I guess I felt deep down that after my horrible text, he washed his hands of me thinking he has plenty of other options and didn't need to be around such behavior. So my thinking was that I owed him an apology because up until that point, I had been very calm, and coy and it could have scared him because my reaction just came out of nowhere.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...