Broke Up With Me to Work on Herself

[WonderKid]

Yep! It happened. This is actually the 2nd time she's broken up with me. The 1st time it was (supposedly) my fault. This time, it is hers. We been together since Dec 2015. And now all of a sudden she has to work on herself so she can stop treating me so bad. But, we claimed love for each other. This was my first time in love.

 

She then asks to be friends. She really loves having me around. And told me whatever decision I make she totally understands. WTF?

If we love each other this is something simple, something that can be fixed! I just think it is BS. I feel so weak and pissed and lost. Because I was very vulnerable here. I don't like opening up that much. But there wasn't nothing wrong I did to this woman. Why do I only deserve friendship?

 

My mom told me if I were to date again I should get an older woman. She told me that before. Because they don't care about the miscellaneous BS the younger ones think about. But I'm giving up dating altogether after this one. It's gonna be a while before I trust my heart to that level again because it can get boxed up and thrown in the closet, again.

 

That's what I feel. I feel like she cares for me a lot but she took my heart, boxed it up and put it in a closet for her convenience. Why should I be her friend? Because for me it doesn't take a psychic to know that I'll be her friend but end up doing BF tasks. Then what if she finds someone else?

I don't feel like it's even a "what if" I think she will...

 

We haven't even spoke since the breakup. When she asked to be friends over texts, I kinda exploded on her. And I decided to use the NC thing: deleted her number and removed her from FB. I haven't heard from her since. My mom and her work at the same job. A job we helped her to get BTW. The only person I hear from is her older sister--her sister liked me for her a lot.

 

I cannot fathom why this happened! Why did I allow this to happen? How? If I would've stayed the same guy as before I wouldn't even feel like this.

And for the record I haven't expressed these feelings to NO ONE else except on this site--not even my sister and we talk about everything. I need to be seen as a strong individual.

But it feels very challenging to do given the fact that my heart feels damaged...

 

Now everytime I pass places or areas or even certain items in my house reminds me of her I just get a quarter of happiness sucked from me.

Like, I did A LOT with her.

I helped her when her car broke down, twice. I almost helped her when her finances were dwindling.

Helped her get a new job. Helped her drag her drunken mom from the bushes on a hill. Been there for her when her own family would isolate her.

 

But when I look back on it. It seems like I was giving more and more. Because when I would do something for her, I'd do it out of general love and the fact that I'm a caring person.

But when it came to doing simple things for me she would have some excuses or reluctant somehow. And many times she would try to play me like a yo-yo.

 

 

And I'd be lying to say I don't miss her. I be thinking, maybe being friends ain't all that bad. But something in my head is telling me it'll hurt me down the road. Like, my heart is telling me one thing but brain bellowing another.

 

She's not a bad person at all. But I cannot believe she did this after all we did and said.

And I just told my aunt: when you are in love it will have you doing some things you'd look back on and say to yourself, that was stupid as ****. But...you love each other and you'd do some crazy **** to prove it.

I think I just got caught up...and Lord knows I don't think I'll ever let this happen again.

 

Sorry for the sentimentalism

[SevenCity]

Firstly, don't beat yourself up. The only mistake you made is being human. We've all done that and some of us have gone back for more and been burned just as much as the last time. It's like we're gluttons for punishment.

 

As far as this girl - Google "Friend Zone". You'll see this is an often used tactic where she will slowly ween herself off of you. You sound young but are very perceptive that she will use and eventually dump you from that status. Don't be that guy. Let her know that you are a man of principle and don't respond to her ever again. Ever. Even if she reached out to you.

 

Share your feelings with friends and family. You are dealing with this now and talking helps. By the time your ex deals with it you will be over the breakup.

 

People here say to not date until you are over her. I disagree. Nothing makes me feel better than a new chick who likes me. It's saved me from going back to an ex when they came back.

 

I get putting on the strong face. But allow yourself to feel. Last thing you want is to bottle it all up as it will explode one day. Don't walk around moping, but allow yourself private time to grieve as you would a death. This is just like one - the death of the RL.

 

After some time (different for everyone) you will get over this. You will realize how selfish she was and be thankful she ended it (my hardest RL to get over was two years of suffering). Looking back, I'm SOOOO glad she ended it as she was the worst person I've ever met (though hot - seems to go hand in hand). She could come back naked and I wouldn't even care. You'll reach this point eventually.

 

There is no magic bullet to healing. Here are some pointers that help me:

- get rid of anything of hers or anything that reminds you of her

- block her from contacting you (a strong possibility- but will not mean she wants you back at all)

- keep busy / get out of the house

- don't stalk her online. Pretend like she's dead

- make a list of all the things you didn't like about her (knock her off the artificial pedestal you put her on)

- bang other chicks and don't get attached. Look out for your own feelings

 

Best of luck bro. We've all been there and all made it out. You will too.

[DKT3]

There is most likely another guy....the let's be friends is code for putting you in the dugout while she explores the new guy, if it doesn't work then she will put you back in the game.

 

At the end of the day she has broke up with you twice in short order, that's is her saying your not the one, but good enough til the one comes along.

 

Save yourself, go NC, heal and move on.

[NIGHT1985]

There is most likely another guy....the let's be friends is code for putting you in the dugout while she explores the new guy, if it doesn't work then she will put you back in the game.

 

At the end of the day she has broke up with you twice in short order, that's is her saying your not the one, but good enough til the one comes along.

 

Save yourself, go NC, heal and move on.

 

 

 

Yup. Same thing happened to me with an ex, she claimed there was not another guy and even said "aren't you at least glad there's no on else?" A couple weeks later and she was in a relationship.

[Giggles666]

//And now all of a sudden she has to work on herself so she can stop treating me so bad. But, we claimed love for each other. This was my first time in love.//

 

She's trying to let you down easier and or not willing to face the fact breaking up with someone is hard. For whatever reason she does not like you.

 

 

//She then asks to be friends. She really loves having me around. And told me whatever decision I make she totally understands. WTF?//

 

Again trying to absolve some of the guilt of hurting someone she probably does care about somewhat, but don;t hold your breath. If I were you I would go no contact begin to move and realize nothing lasts forever. It hurts, it can be confusing, but in the end I wouldn;t waste my time or energy.

[WonderKid]

Firstly, don't beat yourself up. The only mistake you made is being human. We've all done that and some of us have gone back for more and been burned just as much as the last time. It's like we're gluttons for punishment.

 

As far as this girl - Google "Friend Zone". You'll see this is an often used tactic where she will slowly ween herself off of you. You sound young but are very perceptive that she will use and eventually dump you from that status. Don't be that guy. Let her know that you are a man of principle and don't respond to her ever again. Ever. Even if she reached out to you.

 

Share your feelings with friends and family. You are dealing with this now and talking helps. By the time your ex deals with it you will be over the breakup.

People here say to not date until you are over her. I disagree. Nothing makes me feel better than a new chick who likes me. It's saved me from going back to an ex when they came back.

 

I get putting on the strong face. But allow yourself to feel. Last thing you want is to bottle it all up as it will explode one day. Don't walk around moping, but allow yourself private time to grieve as you would a death. This is just like one - the death of the RL.

 

There is no magic bullet to healing. Here are some pointers that help me:

- get rid of anything of hers or anything that reminds you of her

- block her from contacting you (a strong possibility- but will not mean she wants you back at all)

- keep busy / get out of the house

- don't stalk her online. Pretend like she's dead

- make a list of all the things you didn't like about her (knock her off the artificial pedestal you put her on)

- bang other chicks and don't get attached. Look out for your own feelings

 

Best of luck bro. We've all been there and all made it out. You will too.

 

Your words are definitely encouraging. I'm gonna talk to my sister and godbrother about this. I am definitely trying to put on a "strong face" but inside I'm getting ate up. I just cannot believe I feel like this. It's like feeling stupid, weak, melancholy, and pissed all balled into one.

 

I am familiar with the whole Friend Zone thing trust me I've dodged that bullet many times--I guess this time I got way more into the feels. And I like your perspective on seeing other women I'm gonna do that. But also not invest too much of my heart into it. Out of the 6 pointers you gave I've naturally did half of those. The 5th one is interesting and I've never done before.

Which is funny because a lot of the negative things involved her personality. Which is something I was willing to still love her for whereas I'd doubt if anyone else would.

 

 

There is most likely another guy....the let's be friends is code for putting you in the dugout while she explores the new guy, if it doesn't work then she will put you back in the game.

 

At the end of the day she has broke up with you twice in short order, that's is her saying your not the one, but good enough til the one comes along.

 

Save yourself, go NC, heal and move on.

 

As much as I hate to admit it, in my gut, I feel that she's at least talking to another guy. Which isn't impossible. But the page she was feeding me the time we've been together is that there was no one else.

 

Yup. Same thing happened to me with an ex, she claimed there was not another guy and even said "aren't you at least glad there's no on else?" A couple weeks later and she was in a relationship.

 

And I'm not gonna lie I'd kinda be pissed about it because of how I treated her immediately I'd say, how is he "any" better than I am?

 

 

//And now all of a sudden she has to work on herself so she can stop treating me so bad. But, we claimed love for each other. This was my first time in love.//

 

She's trying to let you down easier and or not willing to face the fact breaking up with someone is hard. For whatever reason she does not like you.

 

 

//She then asks to be friends. She really loves having me around. And told me whatever decision I make she totally understands. WTF?//

 

Again trying to absolve some of the guilt of hurting someone she probably does care about somewhat, but don;t hold your breath. If I were you I would go no contact begin to move and realize nothing lasts forever. It hurts, it can be confusing, but in the end I wouldn;t waste my time or energy.

 

 

Now that I look back, a few of the weeks prior to the breakup she seemed really distant from me. It was like she tried to avoid hanging with me. It felt like hanging with me was some kinda chore or something.

I'm definitely gonna write down a cons list and prepare myself for just in case she does come back I'll be ready to deflect her.

Not trying to blow my own head up, but nearly every woman I dated that broke up with me or I broke up with them (for cheating or dissing me) always came back.

 

And I never could figure why. Because I've been nothing but a good man. Yet, they constantly post memes on FB about what a good man is and how they want one. But will still do me wrong somehow. And I'd just keep moving on. Because I always say it could be 30 yrs from now but you'll remember me because I'm not the kind of guy you can get around the corner.

 

But yeah...I'm gonna build myself right back up. This feels hard but I cannot let it keep me down forever. Life is full of disappointments...this is one of them.