Kylemopar Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I have been with my girlfriend for a little over a month. Supposedly she hates PDA so I can't kiss her or hold her hand in front of her friends (whom are only girls) and our sexless is pretty much non existent. Sex hurts her and she's scared of it, partially because if getting pregnant and the pain. When she was in highs hook she told me that her first heart break was a female. She has dated guys before and after but the one who truly hurt her heart was this girl. She revealed all this to me last night telling me she just had to get that off her chest and that she doesn't want to be gay. She says that I'm the first person since this girl that she has ever had feelings for and that she wants to try to open up to me more because she doesn't want to be that way (lesbian). I'm falling in love with her but I also don't want her to lie to herself...maybe she is lesbian? I asked her that if she wants to break up for maybe a week or two so she can go exploring as she says she doesn't want to, that if I did break it off temporarily that she wouldn't go out and meet a girl. The reason I want her to find out is because my mother realized she was lesbian when she was small but fully embraced it until she already had me as left my dad for that reason. So what if my girlfriend fully realizes it later on when would be pretty much devoted to her. I want to support her with any choice she makes...she says she doesn't feel like she has been lesbian this whole time cause I'm the first person in a long time that she has ever really wanted to be with. She says she doesn't want to lose me...but what if she needs to lose me to find herself? What do I do?
Ami1uwant Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I don't belive it's either one or the other. I believe in bisexual. I think prop,e lay out on a spectrum of a rainbow where you lie anywhere. One end is pure het to snd the other en is pure homosexual. There there is I between where many people lie. It depends on nature and nurture in how you decide. With her she developed an emotional bond with this women and did fall in love with her.
JewelD Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 The choice to breakup or not over this should be yours. If she is questioning her sexuality and trying to deny it, she might stay with you because she thinks it's what she's supposed to do. But if you guys aren't having any type of sexual connection, that's a problem. I realized I wasn't into men while I was in a relationship with one. The first 2 years, it was fine. There was sexual attraction and all that. The 3rd year, I had dated a woman (w/ bf's consent) and realized I liked women too. He made me breakup with her a short while later and that's when things changed between us. Being touched by him was vile. It was gross, I was not into it at all, but sometimes I still did it because I thought I was supposed to. and, of course, being straight is an easier life than being bi/gay. Long story short, relationship fizzled out for other reasons as well and I started exclusively dating women. Maybe your gf is in that transition stage of figuring out what her sexuality is and accepting it. She doesn't want to be gay, but if you date women and they break your heart, that means something. Personally, I think you should take a break from her. She brought up the other girl for a reason. There's some things she needs to figure out and there isn't much you can do to help her with that.
Jabron1 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 This situation is an embarrassment. Dump her, and work on your own self-esteem.
Author Kylemopar Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 This is what she sent me a couple hours ago when I asked her if deep down she believes she's gay. "Maybe I am maybe I'm not I can't really know bc its only happened once in my life but if I am I'm afraid Anthony.. just bc you fail once doesn't mean you're a failure & that's how I see this maybe what I'm truly scared of is letting you in all the way & maybe that's why I'm scared to kiss you in front of my friends or hold your hand & sex it's not that I don't like being touched it's bc I know what touching leads to & I am scared of the pain but I also never told you 2 other reasons one I'll tell you in person& the other I am insecure about my body that's just how I am why do you think I preferred the dark that one day or in your car the first time when I kept telling you to turn off the lights. Sure I can probably see myself hooking up with a girl if I was drunk af if I was sober there'd be no way but I can't see myself in a relationship with one again.. I was young & it was by mistake so no deep down I don't think I'm a lesbian I feel like back then I was just in love with love kind of like a hopeless romantic & that's what ****ed me up but the reason why I still want to try with you why I don't want to lose you is bc you're not a douche like the guys I've met I've never been treated the way you treat me I've only had feelings for you even tho I can't show it.. "
Ami1uwant Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Be supportive of her and tell her it's ok if you are straight gay or bosexual Just ask her what drives love inside of her and follow it.
JewelD Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 This is what she sent me a couple hours ago when I asked her if deep down she believes she's gay. "Maybe I am maybe I'm not I can't really know bc its only happened once in my life but if I am I'm afraid Anthony.. just bc you fail once doesn't mean you're a failure & that's how I see this maybe what I'm truly scared of is letting you in all the way & maybe that's why I'm scared to kiss you in front of my friends or hold your hand & sex it's not that I don't like being touched it's bc I know what touching leads to & I am scared of the pain but I also never told you 2 other reasons one I'll tell you in person& the other I am insecure about my body that's just how I am why do you think I preferred the dark that one day or in your car the first time when I kept telling you to turn off the lights. Sure I can probably see myself hooking up with a girl if I was drunk af if I was sober there'd be no way but I can't see myself in a relationship with one again.. I was young & it was by mistake so no deep down I don't think I'm a lesbian I feel like back then I was just in love with love kind of like a hopeless romantic & that's what ****ed me up but the reason why I still want to try with you why I don't want to lose you is bc you're not a douche like the guys I've met I've never been treated the way you treat me I've only had feelings for you even tho I can't show it.. " How old is she? I think you need to give her space and not have high expectations. She sounds confused. She starts off saying "Maybe I am, Maybe I'm not" and then towards the end says "It was a mistake, I don't see myself being with a woman." This may be because there are no women around she likes. If one were to come along, her feelings might change. and she likes you because you're not a jerk and you're kind to her. Seems to me like feelings should be a little bit deeper for a relationship. I think you make it easier for her to feel straight. But the fact that she brought up the whole gf thing shows that it's on her mind. If it didn't matter and had no bearing on your relationship, you wouldn't be discussing it.
Author Kylemopar Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 She's 21. I have no idea what to do...she has told me that if I leave her or give her some type of space for maybe a week a two that she would probably get drunk and end up calling me. She says that the last thing she want to do is try with a woman cause that's not what she wants to be. So I'm confused, I would let her try to explore herself but she just doesn't want to so have no idea what to do.
longjohn Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Sounds exactly like my ex wife, I was sure she was lesbian too. Turned out she was cheating on me with some fat older guy. Seriously who downgrades like that? I think you need to leave this lady so she can do her thing because you are not her thing it seems!
bubbaganoosh Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I can't see how this relationship could progress with all the hassles you just laid out. Look if she's gay or bi then that's the way it is. You seem to understand that but she doesn't. What troubles me is that she wont let you hold her hand or put your arm around her when your out with her and to me it seems like she's hiding you from her friends and that stinks. If she really cares for you then she would introduce to to her friends as her boyfriend and I would be real hurt if it was me. In my opinion I wouldn't stick around. There's too many hurdles in place and until she squares herself away and figures it out then your going to have a rough ride.
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