hew Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Hi guys, If any of you have read my previous threads you'll know what I have been dealing with in my relationship. If not, ill sum it up. We had known each other most our lives. Been friends for the past few years and then started dating for a total of 4 months. for 2 of those months we lived together. Our relationship became toxic real quick. He was verbally abusive and one argument lead to it becoming physical where he grabbed me and threatened to punch me in the face. I ended up calling 911 for help. To anyone reading that I know what your thinking. RED FLAG GET OUT. I did get out... he's gone. Thanks to my family who helped me get him out of my apartment and even helped me get a restraining order on him. (I with drawled the order cause once he was out of my apartment i didn't feel he was a threat anymore. Locks changed too). Anyways.... It just sucks because although I wasn't truly happy. I loved him, and I still do. I still care and I still find ways to blame myself. I miss him. Pathetic I know. He didn't even have the decency to apologize at any given point or reach out to me. I do have him blocked on everything and I noticed HE blocked me on instagram. He's playing the victim and its upsetting because he abused me. I wasn't perfect, but I did not hurt him like he hurt me. Enough self pity..... thats what I need to get over. I need to move forward and I'm trying but some days are really really hard. I wish I didn't miss him. 1
Bialy Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 This guy sounds absolutely awful. I think you're just missing having a relationship --- NOT him. There are good men out there --- you will realize this as you start dating and mingling. Don't let his negativity get you down. 1
MetalGearSolid Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 Wow, he sounds like a real bastard. Good thing you got out of that relationship. But more importantly, the fact you still miss him even after all of that tells me that you don't exactly have a lot of self-worth. NOBODY deserves to get abused. Use this period of time to build yourself up and find someone better, which in your case, should be extremely easy. Don't even think about him for a second; get out, meet new people, spend time with loved ones. You will get over him VERY quickly. 1
sooshi Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 hew, I'm sorry for what you're going through. Take the time now to focus on your healing, and to focus on building your self-esteem. Be careful not to confuse love with attachment. Be careful not to confuse love with codependency. I am so thankful that your family helped you to get him out. He can play the victim all he wants. The truth is, he was the abuser. He was abusive. Remember that. Also, remember that his actions are not a reflection of you. You've dodged a major, major bullet. 1
Satu Posted September 11, 2016 Posted September 11, 2016 It's not unusual for someone to have a strong emotional bond with an abuser. In fact, that's part of what makes the abuse possible. No contact. Have you had any counselling, to help you deal with the consequences of the abuse? If not, you should consider it. Take care. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Well I seem to be pretty good at bouncing back from stuff like this so here is what I do. I go out with my friends I read loads of books, but will not read romances so horror, thrillers, comedies, self help books (reading one on charisma at the moment, biographies... Anything as long as it is not romance or romantic. I make sure I diet and eat well I make sure I excersise and get out in the fresh air as much as possible I get my hair cut I get some new make up I paint my nails I try out something new and different like segways or climbing I listen to very up beat and happy music (none of this crooning and no love songs) I clean my house I clean my car I cut all contact to a minimum or cut it out all together depending on the guy I take a look around and imagine other couples around my age just getting together and I look for people who are happy and laughing. Basically I force so much positivity into my life that even when I am feeling glum I can't help but think towards the future. Its a mind set. I know that during break ups I am in danger of being negative or miserable so I take steps to avoid it and prevent it. 1
Recommended Posts