Henvin Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player?
forumman83 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 A "player" is someone who plays games; someone who lacks authenticity in relationships. I'm guessing you play a lot of games (whether subconscious or not).
leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Maybe you act like it. The only guys I've ever said that to were the ones who acted like players. Those are the ones that are higher than average good looking, the ones who say they'll call and only do sporadically, the ones who give me mixed signals, etc. When I was younger that used to be attractive, it's not anymore. If you like this girl, show her real interest, do what you say you're gonna do. If you say you'll call her tomorrow night, then do it! If you ask her out, ask her out a few days in advance, and then call and confirm it. Call her also instead of just texting. Show her in your actions you're not a player instead of what you say. Also, ask her about her instead of talking about yourself. Now you might not do any of these things, but these are just things that I notice men do that I end up labeling a player.
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It may of course be a form of teasing in that you are nothing like a player in reality. or she wants to big you up a bit, or she is just a bit insecure and worried that you may be seeing other girls and just wants reassured. or she has heard rumours about you or you act like a player 6
TXGuy Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It could be she is the player and spinning things to keep you off guard.
leogirl876 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It could be she is the player and spinning things to keep you off guard. Doubtful. Guys that I've called that to are guys that I was very attracted to and had great chemistry with, but knew deep down they were bad boys and would break my heart.
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player? She is looking for reassurance that you do NOT have "lots of girls" out there. As you said she "teases" you about it. She is very attracted to you and assumes other women are too and is insecure about it. Wants you to say "No darlin..you are the only woman I am dating, the only woman I want to date." Have you told her this? Reassured her?
phineas Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player? If a woman calls me a player I pointedly tell them I don't have to lie to women in order for them to sleep with me. Truth. There are PLENTY of women out there that are perfectly fine with casual sex. PLENTY. Now, if they call me a man-whore I will readily admit it. 2
Omei Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 (edited) I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player? Maybe it's how you talk and flirt with her? I find men who like are fast to say sweety and hun and compliment often but then they sneak in sexual jokes or they turn things into sexual jokes whenever they can while trying to be charming I tend to look at those guys very player like. Edited July 17, 2016 by Omei
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Passive/aggressive. Her tone is teasing, but her meaning is that she is fishing for the truth about you. It's an insecure underhanded way to see if your intentions are true or not. I would worry about this...before you know it she could be grabbing your phone and going through it if she hasn't already. 2
preraph Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Sometimes men and women alike confuse good looking and popular with having a player mentality. I knew one really exceptionally good looking guy who had women all over him to the point where he was uncomfortable with it. They became problems. His nature was a really kind of chivalrous but unconventional guy. He had to "save" women. He wanted to be that guy and I didn't need saving, but I loved knowing him. He was always looked upon by other men as some lucky player. Decades later I spent some time with him and he was very defensive about the subject. I never thought of him as a player (it was the 70s and there was a lot of playing going on, however, but it was mutual, not like today.) But he asked me if I thought of him as a womanizer. I didn't. I knew it was both a blessing and a curse to him. I remember him asking me to pull a drunk divorcee off him at a bar because he didn't want to have to shove her off roughly and not be a gentleman about it, so I helped dislodge her, as it were. Tell her there's a difference between being popular and having a player mentality. If you're "dating around," tell her you're still "dating around" because she may be on a fishing expedition to see if you'd commit to her or some other woman. If you're a one-at-a-time dater, tell her that.
longjohn Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player? I've heard this a few times in the past. You just need to sit her down and tell her.. she really did get this lucky ha. All joking aside I think she's fishing to see if you've anyone else out there and checking your intentions. All too often today people act interested, be interested then vanish or cut things off. We as a society have turned into a bunch of people with the attention span of a goldfish at times.
NIGHT1985 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Most likely her insecurities, and feels like she's not on the same attraction level as you. One of my ex's was super gorgeous but felt like she didn't deserve me, and felt like anytime I went out with friends that I must be getting hit on constantly. I hated that she felt so down on herself, when she had no reason to. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 One thing that I think is common to people that get called players (whether or not they are multi-dating around) is that they put themselves first and foremost, sometimes in bad way. But you can kinda tell that they are the type that would be bound to do that, whatever the situation. They will think of themselves, act in accordance without considering their actions or implications. If there is an aftermath, they will try to fix it then rather than deal with it beforehand in consideration of the others feelings. It's also often a cocky attitude (even if you don't actually use it to hit on other girls). Generally flirty-ness, coupled with above average looks. Also sometimes, with the guy "players" mostly, they are so afraid of being vulnerable that they act like they don't care at all. So the other person can't tell what your true intentions are. Players are reluctant to let on how they are truly feeling or commit to something, and "play" as if they do not want to get locked down. In reference to your situation, per your other thread, I'm just as inclined to believe it's a deflection technique by this girl (who is doing the playing herself). You may be one or perceived as one as well but she is deflecting and/or looking for reassurance or for you to sooth her insecurities. She sounds like a world of trouble. But you are buying it.
Jabron1 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 It's a test. Ignore it. When you have plenty of stuff going on in your life, you won't even care for being messed with in this way. It won't even register. Don't let this manipulation get into your head. Do whatever you want. 1
joseb Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 She is looking for reassurance that you do NOT have "lots of girls" out there. As you said she "teases" you about it. She is very attracted to you and assumes other women are too and is insecure about it. Wants you to say "No darlin..you are the only woman I am dating, the only woman I want to date." Have you told her this? Reassured her? The old me would definitely have done that. Reassured her. Now, I'm not sure I would. When I've stared doing this kind of thing too much, it's usually just escalated the amount of the testing and the reassuring needed. But it depends to some extent on the situation, how long you two are together, are you exclusive, etc. 2
phineas Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The old me would definitely have done that. Reassured her. Now, I'm not sure I would. When I've stared doing this kind of thing too much, it's usually just escalated the amount of the testing and the reassuring needed. But it depends to some extent on the situation, how long you two are together, are you exclusive, etc. I can say when I did tell women they were the only one I was talking to they lost interest. These women did ask me this on the first date or before the first date so that could be a factor. When I started telling them what I mentioned earlier in this thread they seemed to actually put in effort to meet me.
KamaKyzie Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I've been dating this girl and something that constantly pops up is that she teases me about me being a player in that I must have had a lot of girls or there must be other girls in my life besides her. I'm not a player but I just wanna know what would make a girl think I'm a player? How do know they think this? Maybe they just think your a douche?
Author Henvin Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Hmm I've read your points. Don't wanna sound like a dick, but I am pretty good looking according to most girls so that could be why. I also think it could be because when I talk to girls it comes naturally because I have many sisters in my family with no brothers so I really just had to hang out with my sisters.
basil67 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Do you have a lot of women hanging around? Hmm I've read your points. Don't wanna sound like a dick, but I am pretty good looking according to most girls so that could be why. I also think it could be because when I talk to girls it comes naturally because I have many sisters in my family with no brothers so I really just had to hang out with my sisters. And there's the reason she's making this assumption. Question is, do you want to be with a girl who will judge you so shallowly. What if you told her that you dont like these judgements of hers?
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The old me would definitely have done that. Reassured her. Now, I'm not sure I would. When I've stared doing this kind of thing too much, it's usually just escalated the amount of the testing and the reassuring needed. But it depends to some extent on the situation, how long you two are together, are you exclusive, etc. Reassuring enables the behavior. Like OCD they keep looking for that fix, crash and go for that fix but it's never enough to eradicate it. So it keeps happening again and again. Time to run if that happens.
Jabron1 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Reassuring enables the behavior. Like OCD they keep looking for that fix, crash and go for that fix but it's never enough to eradicate it. So it keeps happening again and again. Time to run if that happens. My own opinion, based on my life experience, is this: Men try to dominate physically; women try to dominate emotionally. So, the girl is giving some emotional dominance to the man. It's normal. The worst thing that he can do is let it phase him. You know what? They teach this stuff all the time, as the infamous 'sh*t-test', that women can give men. Then they teach guys intricate ways to deal with the 'test'. The real way you deal with the test, in my own opinion, is to not even recognise the test. Just don't let it phase you, and carry on doing your thing. Just do whatever you want, and don't let your ego be so easily hurt. I've got to the point where I break all the rules . I double-text, I text straight after sex, straight after a date - everything. I really don't care anymore. I am above the whole thing. Not kidding, I know just about every trick in the book. And I just feel that I am above it. As I've said before: Learn the rules, master the rules, break the rules. 1
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 Reassuring enables the behavior. Like OCD they keep looking for that fix, crash and go for that fix but it's never enough to eradicate it. So it keeps happening again and again. Time to run if that happens. You know what? I take back what I said earlier, smackie you're right. I have another idea though.. Why not just toss it back at her? Next time she *teases* you about it, sarcastically say .. "You're right!! Guilty as charged! I *am* a player.....huge!! I have so many women, don't know what to do with them all!!" "Can we move on now please??" With an eye roll. That is what I do when accused of something I didn't do. Just toss it back at them..... The more you keep denying.... the guiltier you appear. So either ignore as Jabron said, or toss it back at her .... sarcastically. Flip the script. 1
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 >>I don't text straight after sex.<< Is that a rule? If so, I am glad you nip that one.... not a good rule imo.
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