IrrationalEmotions Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Its been over a month without any contact with her, and she called me today. Somehow I knew she was going to call right about now, partially because her birthday was a couple of days ago and I assume she suspected I would call her. So everything played out exactly like I had hoped, and although she never actually said anything about our future, I think there was something in her voice that made me think she is still interested. Now I had basically gotten through most of this and was really starting to move on, but now I'm just pretty much all screwed up again. I mean, she even said that she is unhappy right now, most of her new friends (she has new friends that I think kind of encouraged our breakup) haven't been there for her. So I don't know what to do here. I mean, the only way I would ever want to get back with her would be if she has changed her mind about how committed she wants to be to me (marriage etc.), and I kind of wonder if her attitude has kind of changed recently. How in the world can I figure that out?
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Well, Next time you talk to her mention how good your life has been going, how successful your life has been without her. If it hasn't your can always make stuff up. Hopefully this will trigger the "Dependency mode" and she'll be a little more open to compromise.
Author IrrationalEmotions Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Yeah, thats exactly what I did, although my life hasn't been quite as great as I made it sound, it has been going ok. The thing I'm really not sure about here is whether I should call her or wait for her to call me again, how long to wait before doing so, etc.
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 DON'T CALL HER! That will give her more power, wait to see if she calls you, if she doesn't find a way to "Bump into her".
Author IrrationalEmotions Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Yeah that wouldn't be an easy thing to do. Shes currently out of the country for the summer. I told her that we shouldn't talk for a while so it wasn't like it took her a month to finally decide that she felt like calling me, I think it was more like a month is the shortest amount of time she felt it would be appropriate to call me after I told her I needed some time without talking to her. I honestly don't know if she will ever put herself out there again after making the first move like she did. In fact, its really not like her to make the first move at all. Thats why I think I might need to call her up and just ask her if shes enjoying her trip a little more in a few days. I don't know though. I mean I had even convinced myself that I didn't want her back until we talked today, and now I have no idea.
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Well, i can understand how you couldn't "Bump into her" now. "Oh hey, wow, fancy seeing you here. Me? I fly all the way out here and shop at this place all the time.... It has my favorite brand of milk..." Yeah.... Well, the bad thing is do you understand why she made the first move? I mean, if she's all the way out there perhaps something bad happened to her and she called you up for comfort. I suppose it wouldn't be TOO bad to call, just remember to say "Hey, Just wanted to see how your doing". Its the "I care but I don't care" approach. But the thing is she'll still be there for a while I'm assuming, and its not like you can make a ton of progress over the phone, so just keep your options open.
Author IrrationalEmotions Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 So would it be bad for me to just confront her about how she feels about me now? I mean, I know she was really intent on having a friendship, and that might just be whats going on here, but there was something about it that made me think differently... Maybe I'm just crazy. The problem is that I can't think of a way to find out how she really feels without really putting myself way out there and totally losing the upper hand. I guess what makes me think she might want more than a friendship is that I mentioned I might be taking some dance classes, and she asked if I was going to be doing it with anyone else. I said no, not unless I could find someone who was interested, and then she asked if I was seeing anyone. My answer to this was that I'm too busy to actively seek out a relationship, and if something happened that would be fine but I'm not gonna try that hard. Am I reading way too much into this?
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Well, Yeah, I know you want to sort all of this out right here and now, but you can't she's out of reach. I think your going to have to wait until she comes back to clear things up with her. Until then, Don't "Save yourself" for her. There is no way you can exactly re-kindle that spark with her when she is so far away. You can talk with her and try to maintain a good friendship, but there is no way you can talk about second chances over the phone. I'm saying she might be interested, but your still going to have to wait a while anyway. So maybe you should just keep her off to the side for now and see what else life throws at you.
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