mclericp Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 So we were together for four month and since last week, she doesnt initiate much text as usual, and since two days ago she did not initiate at all. Before, she would initiate small talk and random stuff and i would do the same too. Now my gut feeling is something is wrong. However if i message her, she would reply instantly when she is on the phone and everything seems fine as before. I have a feeling she is losing interest or having second thoughts about the relationship. Or perhaps she is feeling a bit suffocated? Her behavior these days dont seem normal. It also seems she may have taken me for granted as i realised i am too available. I have treated her pretty well though, perhaps too well thus I realise i am feeling a lil insecure and needy now and i kbow neediness and insecurities will drive her away more. Any advice guys? We are supposed to have a meal tomorrow. How should i act that wont jeopardize the relationship further? How should i act after tomorrow too? Any tips is Much appreciated. Im not experienced in relationships as its my first
4x4storm Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I can't really help sorry but I was in exactly the same situation 2 months ago. My first relationship with a girl we were together for 3 months then one week she started not texting as much only once or twice a day. I worked up the courage to ask her what was wrong she replied with "Just thinking about stuff" The next night our relationship ended I woke up to a message from her saying she deserves better then me. But my relationship was rocky to start off with so you situation may not apply as much. I would ask her though what is wrong you could ask this over dinner but she may not have the guts to tell you straight to your face what is wrong if there is anything wrong.
Author mclericp Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 I can't really help sorry but I was in exactly the same situation 2 months ago. My first relationship with a girl we were together for 3 months then one week she started not texting as much only once or twice a day. I worked up the courage to ask her what was wrong she replied with "Just thinking about stuff" The next night our relationship ended I woke up to a message from her saying she deserves better then me. But my relationship was rocky to start off with so you situation may not apply as much. I would ask her though what is wrong you could ask this over dinner but she may not have the guts to tell you straight to your face what is wrong if there is anything wrong. I feel that if i ask her that, it may push her away more and end up in ur situation. If u were me what would u do?
basil67 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Texting is a poor communication method. Perhaps she's rather have quality communication or none at all? I'm not sure what you mean by being 'too available'. At four months in, you'd be her default date for the weekend plus catching up mid week if convenient.
Author mclericp Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 Texting is a poor communication method. Perhaps she's rather have quality communication or none at all? I'm not sure what you mean by being 'too available'. At four months in, you'd be her default date for the weekend plus catching up mid week if convenient. Yea probably. But from the prior months she always text those random stuff like small talk. As for being too available, we do meet each other weekly once a week or so, so that shldnt be an issue. But on text it seems im texting too often as i initiate about 90% this week. I should pull back too?
smudge21 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I went through similar not too long ago (are we all doing this now?) and it was clear whatever interest there was, it was fading away, but like you she would always respond if I contacted her (probably would do it even now if I was bothered anymore). I decided to not be the one doing all the work so started backing off too, which would lead to her making the effort again.. but she'd slowly fade after a while. It went on like that for far too long simply because I let it, thinking that eventually she would come around and everything would be fine again. Basically, like you, I was a coward too afraid to rock the boat for fear of losing her. However, remaining in limbo just ate me up inside and looking back I wish I'd have stepped up and had it out with her personally (I did mention her lack of contact over text which always got a short apology, but nothing changed). Sadly, it faded to nothing eventually and then only the odd contact every few months until nothing now. Yes, I'm afraid sometimes that's how these things go and maybe it's the same here. I don't know though, only she does, so have it out with her. Be more assertive and in control and show that you have some self respect. Do what I failed to do, and good luck.
basil67 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Yea probably. But from the prior months she always text those random stuff like small talk. As for being too available, we do meet each other weekly once a week or so, so that shldnt be an issue. But on text it seems im texting too often as i initiate about 90% this week. I should pull back too? Ah, ok. Once a week isn't much 1:1 time. Is she happy with this level of contact? Is there a reason you're not seeing more of each other? And yes, if you're initiating a high amount of texts, then she's probably bored with texting. Yes, you can pull back from the texting but make sure to increase other quality time. Forgive me if you've already answered this, but has she ever mentioned wanting more from the relationship?
4x4storm Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I feel that if i ask her that, it may push her away more and end up in ur situation. If u were me what would u do? The one thing I have learned about women is once they have made up their mind that is it they are sticking to it. If she is really having second thoughts about you, bringing up her lack of contact won't change a thing. I guess the one good thing about this is at least she replies pretty quickly. With my ex girlfriend I would send her a text a 9AM asking what our plans are for tonight and I wouldn't receive a message back until 10PM with her going "blah blah i'm tired sorry not gonna see you tonight i'm going to bed". If I was you I would ask her if anything is wrong.
lolablue17 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Knowing what's going on according to text messages can lead to lots of misunderstandings. It has happened to me many times, that i created tons of speculations, and they turned out as big mistakes. Talk to her, not with a needy point of view, but with a good loving caring approach. Tell her how much you love her and miss her all the time, and lead the conversation to that direction. If she has second thoughts you will know it by her reactions.
biker23 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I had a recent experience where the contact diminished and the typical bad signs. She'd also respond but it was different. I looked back at text and phone history to determine when it changed. I found it but wasn't sure why. Didn't realize I had upset her. She never talked to me on it or thought she brought it up but I didn't get the signal or realize it. And it was nothing I did on purpose I know this now because she told a friend of mine. Sometimes they won't bring it up again to discuss. Which couldve been a bad sign anyway but at least I knew. So my advice is to look for the timing and event and see if you can talk about it. Not just What's Wrong? Cuz I asked that and was told it's not me.
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 You met once a week? That isn't really what I would call a committed relationship.....more like just dating. She didn't lose interest, she met someone else and is doing the slow fade. I think you were more into this than she was.
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