fastandfurious Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 I think a LS member named chickenlegs said it best when he wrote "NC is no hobby". I need closure d*mniT. I am mad. I'll spare you the history and give you the condensed version. Me... widow, two kids, him never married, no kids. Long distance relationship for ten months. Fell in love. He needed a "break". Fine I said, "I hear you loud and clear" and I meant it. I have not called, emailed, written, etc. I am strong and I will not let him break me. He can go, as far as he can get , the ruthless b*stard. I am so mad at him. It has been 14 days of NC and he won't set me free. I respected what he said and held strong with NC and now I feel like I can't get closure because he started the "break". I want him to set me free. I don't want him back. Really! I think I want the closure MORE than I ever wanted him. Oh man, why won't he call and give me the closure? I just think he is a coward, half a man, a real creep. Cruel through and through. I swear I never want to take him back. But the WAITING!!!! I can't forgive him and move on if he doesn't call, can I? Even if I could just see his stupid name on the caller ID, I would just jump for joy and never return the call. Here's the dillemma. I can handle NC, no problem. I have to attend an engagement party on 7/22 for our mutual best friend. If he's there and I have still not heard from him, I will lose my cool in front of him. I also plan on looking and feeling extremely hot and pulled together-I owe it to myself. I have to get this closed before that d*mn party. I only have 24 days. I just so want him to set me free. That is all I desire. That and the man I have lined up for a date this Saturday night How can I get this closed up in NC mode? Help! Thanks all, Fast and Furious (and strong....I will not break-NC is a way of life for me now.)
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 You need HIM to set you free? Not really, Your already free. You Don't need him anymore, your planing to hurt him by looking as attractive as possible at a party you know he will attend, Therefore your already Free. Your strong enough to move on, Its over, And if he ever does call well them thats just extra, but its certainly not needed.
Author fastandfurious Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Hey cwazydude, Oh, you are the best. Thanks for the reply-it helps to read your words. Fast and Furious
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Well, I do have my moments, Best of luck with the jerk.
Author fastandfurious Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Oh my, guess who called tonight? He can't commit to staying AND he can't commit to leaving either. But isn't he sweet, he just called to say hi! I did not pick up and I will not return the call. Ah but I can breathe now. Closure has arrived like a shiny new bike on Christmas day. I can't begin to express how much better I feel. Man I love this board. I don't think I could have made it through the last 16 days without the Internet. Peace all.
miss-gonewest Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 F&F good for you....! I so love it when LS'ers get what they want... it makes me happy and it makes being dumped & finding this board, almost worth it. Its a little glimmer of love in a sometimes gloomy world. Seriously though, you should be proud of yourself - you've done what some of us can't do, and you have a strength some of us would kill for. Go great on your date on Saturday and at the engagement party - if he's there, we want to hear all about it ok? Good luck & good for you.
Author fastandfurious Posted June 30, 2005 Author Posted June 30, 2005 Zaira and miss-gonewest- Thanks for the nice words. Here's a copy of the kiss-off letter I just forced myself to drop in the mail box a few minutes ago: ---- Dear XXXXX, Thanks for your call the other night. I just wanted to let you know that I am not quite ready to talk yet. I have had some promising personal and professional developments arise the last few weeks and need to focus on these for the time being. If you will be attending XXXXX's party on the 22nd of July, I hope that you will find it in your heart to put aside your differences with me for the evening. You were a true friend to me the past few years and I hope we can move on and continue to be kind to one another. I will always wish for you all the best that life has to offer. Thank you for understanding, XXXXX ---- So he will stew for two or three days while I don't return his call and then receive this. I really do want to keep up no contact but thought that I'd better appear like he is not hurting me in any way, shape or form. This way I don't have to break and call. He'll either rip it up in anger and wish he didn't later or keep it and read it a hundred times. If I know him, he'll keep it. I also do so want to wish him good grace and peace-it just makes me feel resolved and calmer. Onto bigger and better things, I can feel it. Fastandfurious
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Great letter F&F - couldn't have said it better myself. You have firmly planted the ball back in his court, and have indicated that you have moved on - for the better. Well done, you should be proud.
Zaira Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by fastandfurious Zaira and miss-gonewest- Thanks for the nice words. Here's a copy of the kiss-off letter I just forced myself to drop in the mail box a few minutes ago: ---- Dear XXXXX, Thanks for your call the other night. I just wanted to let you know that I am not quite ready to talk yet. I have had some promising personal and professional developments arise the last few weeks and need to focus on these for the time being. If you will be attending XXXXX's party on the 22nd of July, I hope that you will find it in your heart to put aside your differences with me for the evening. You were a true friend to me the past few years and I hope we can move on and continue to be kind to one another. I will always wish for you all the best that life has to offer. Thank you for understanding, XXXXX ---- So he will stew for two or three days while I don't return his call and then receive this. I really do want to keep up no contact but thought that I'd better appear like he is not hurting me in any way, shape or form. This way I don't have to break and call. He'll either rip it up in anger and wish he didn't later or keep it and read it a hundred times. If I know him, he'll keep it. I also do so want to wish him good grace and peace-it just makes me feel resolved and calmer. Onto bigger and better things, I can feel it. Fastandfurious Fantastic!!! That's really well worded. I don't know you, but I AM proud
Melanie67 Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 You shouldn't even have written and dropped off that letter. Every response is letting him know he's getting to you. You shouldn't have responded to him at all - let him stew like he did you.
Author fastandfurious Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Hey all, I had to write the letter so I could finalize it in time for the party. He must be stewing, checking all his phones for my number, and generally be puzzled because he sent this email at 3 am last night: ----- XXXX, I understand that you may not want anything to do with me and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you in any way. I am still your biggest fan and I would do anything for you. I miss you and I hope you have a nice holiday. XXXX ------ What is that all about? I have been weeping for 16 days but he's so kind, he didn't want to hurt me!!!! It is just like him to be vague like that. He won't get the US mail letter until tomorrow unless it gets hung up in July 4th delay, then Tuesday. Anyone care to analyze his e-mail message for me?
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 He wants you to keep the door open... Silly you, when he said he wanted space, he didn't really mean it -goodness woman! Can't you read minds? My guess is that he's regretting what he said, that he misses you and like his vague break up line, he's giving you a vague "I want you back line". Like I said, you really need to learn to read his mind! How long were in together in real life? You were LD for 10 months - and then what happened???
Author fastandfurious Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Hi Miss-gonewest, We went to high school together so we were friends for twenty years. My husband died three 1/2 years ago and he was my first relationship since the loss. It was a barn burner with him too. Totally hot and passionate. Never fought, saw each other in his town or mine every three weeks, he called me two-three times a day. We were just in the midst of planning my move to his/my hometown when he panicked. It took him about 6 weeks from talking and planning to "I need a break". I wasn't going to live with him, only in my own place. The only way to build the relationship and continue to grow was to have a truer every day physical relationship. I also have friends and family there so it felt safe. So I gave him my heart and soul and offered to risk everything I have for him. He would still have his own life and I always told him not to try and parent my kids, it wasn't his place and I meant it. I wanted it to work out with him so much. I thought we had a future together. He talked frequently about marrying me one day and having a child. What a heartbreaker he is. Fast and Furious
miss-gonewest Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Well I think you said it yourself... he just panicked! And I think maybe he's now having second thoughts? Maybe he just needed to go sit in his cave alone for a while? I guess it really comes down to what you want to do - and where you see him in your future. Are you still going to move back home? Regardless of him? It seems that you still love him, and you still see a future together... maybe this scared rabbit may be worth chasing down? Albeit gently.... I don't think ALL hope is lost yet F&F.
Author fastandfurious Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Ohh, I am feeling bad. Somebody help me. I miss him now. Damnit, his email has screwed me up in the head all day. The whole part about the "I miss you" has had me weeping all over again. I thought I felt at peace and found closure finally but now I can't believe he is contacting me. I am fantasizing about him wishing he was here! Sexual thoughts, loving sentiments, forgiveness, you name it, my brain is playing tricks on me. Someone talk some sense into me ASAP - why would I want a man who betrayed me and crushed my spirit for days on end? Did I take it too personal or should I protect myself first? Am I missing something here about being forgiving regarding a man's need to take a "break"? HELP... Fast and Furious
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